How to dump someone tactfully?

[PinkOrchid]

 

[jenlovesamy]

And this is why I love you.

 

[nightswan]

hello to you all .

I've met quite a few people over the net,treating them as i would have be treated,i.e. with tact and politeness:Unluckily,some of them have misunderstood that for weakness,taking more space than necessary;i did try to solve the problem talking to them;in some cases,tough,it was necessary to be a little more direct.Generally speaking,people take the space we allow them to take,hence sometimes is necessary to put some boundaries.I still can't understand online jealousy,tough.It escapes my comprehension's ability.It's something that's happened to me often,i can understand that from an intellectual point of wiew,but it confuses me,really.Rudeness,instead, is something that i can't deal with.Sometimes you have to draw the line.If i've tried my best and there's no respect or blank stares ,it's time to do something about it.At that point,it's not MY probelm,anymore,but YOUR'S.I have already problems on my own,thank you,save your's for yourself.
Respect must be the base of every form of contact,from both sides of the coin.
It's not: peace and love or you gonna fxckin die!
But more like:
welcome to my house,please be careful with my flowers or you'll be shown the door(or thrown out trhough the door).

Happiness and peace to you all!

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Let's face it - dating sucks whether its internet or rl or whatever. Its adolescent, demeaning, embarrassing and silly. It puts you in some of the most awkward social situations! ew But what's another option? I did the net dating thing for about 8 months. I made 3 very good friends - but nobody 'datable'. My sister, on the other hand, met and married the first internet date she had. He's wonderful and we love him. He was also right in her backyard. so I guess there's hope yet.......

 

[kaoskytton]

The problem with being very polite is that people 1) often don't listen, or 2) believe that someone (i) just needs time, (ii) can change, (iii) will change when they see what a good person they are, etc. etc. etc. You can say, "My favorite color is red," to someone until you're blue in the face and they'll still say, "Well, you might learn to like green! Green is nice! You should try liking green. I bet you'd love it!"

It's an unusual person who can step outside themselves and look through the proverbial window at any situation. People tend to see things in relation to themselves, and, of course, if you have to tell them that they're just not as perfect for you as they think they are, well, that's just not what they want to hear. It just bounces off a lot of people.

Let's not ignore in the lottery of lovers, that there are a lot of really stupid people out there in the world, and many of them come off as really nice people until you get to know how crazy they are. Sometimes you can't beat somebody off with a stick. Or an aluminum bat, for that matter.

I think this question is like asking, "How do you put your dog to sleep?" There's no easy way. It doesn't somehow suck a little less if you talk with the dog beforehand, 'coz chances are, he's still going to cling to life like the little barnacle's gonna cling to you. In the end, you're still swinging the same axe.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Whew! I'm glad I'm not your pet! lol But there's a lot of truth in what you've said.

 

[SexyChele]

The problem with being very polite is that people 1) often don't listen, or 2) believe that someone (i) just needs time, (ii) can change, (iii) will change when they see what a good person they are, etc. etc. etc. You can say, "My favorite color is red," to someone until you're blue in the face and they'll still say, "Well, you might learn to like green! Green is nice! You should try liking green. I bet you'd love it!"

I actually met a man online who was like this. Getting rid of him was not all that difficult. When politeness bounces off some one who is just too dense to get it, the bitch in me comes out full force. By the time I was done with him, he knew exactly what was wrong with him in my eyes and he knew he was safer not contacting me ever again.

I would always say to use tact and politeness first. If that doesn't get through, then use more forceful tactics.

 

[kaoskytton]

Sometimes you have to crack your knuckles and sometimes you have to crack the whip.

I'm not all that bad. This is my 411th sexist statement of the day but I think women tend to be better listeners than men. I've only had one or two "ignorant stalker" problems, as it would be, with women. It's almost always men...men who, maybe, as men, don't understand women. Maybe they think it's just as hard to communicate with us.

Nah...It's bad design! We should return 'em for a refund! They're defective!

 

[watergirl]

Kaos, you said that incredibly well. My favorite color may be red, but if I meet the bluest blue that ever was, and it's intensely integrally blue - why would I want it to try to be red???? That's as bad as trying to persuade me to try green.

When you've said your bit, and they still reiterate themselves, or reinvent themselves... a friend gave me some good advice - instead of pushing them away, just back up yourself.

 

[kaoskytton]

That's fabulous advice, Watergirl. Push 'em over a bench and run like hell.

KK: "I really just want to be free and not be trapped in relationships anymore."

NewGuy: "Yeah, I totally understand how you feel. I hate relationships and their ties too."

KK: "Really? That makes me feel so at ease."

NewGuy: "Yeah, but I really think we could be different!"

~cocks shotgun~

Do I have a sign that says "Space for Rent" on my ass or something?!

 

[BlondeguyNB]

Good thread, I like the points of view. I'm kinda in that dilemma, talking to an internet girl that I've met once, she seems really nice, but she calls waaaaayyyyyy too much, like everyday as much as possible. And it's really invading my space. I didn't think someone far away could do that! So anyways, I kinda have that gut feeling that I'm just not into her, but I still think she's pretty nice and wanna keep talking to her, just not all the time. Like once every week would be cool. The thing is, with this stuff, I am totally non-confrontational, I'd almost rather put up with the calls than deal with it. Almost. Anyways, I think in the next few days I'm going to deal with it, not sure how, but my luck with this is bad. I'll keep updated.

 

[kaoskytton]

Haha - screen your calls. When she calls, pick up the phone and slam it down really hard.

Rinse. Repeat.

 

[sheath]

Haha - screen your calls. When she calls, pick up the phone and slam it down really hard.

Rinse. Repeat.

LOL I like your advice!

S.

 

[kaoskytton]

Sometimes it works. Sometimes they keep calling. Then they're just being obnoxious. Then you just pick up the phone and yell, "Stop Calling Me!" at the top of your lungs. Then you hang up, so they can't work their guilt magic.

 

[KisstheSky]

I actually just got out of a relationship with a guy I met online...here in fact.
It was fun while it lasted but since he only really put effort into the relationship when it was convienient for him we really should have just stayed friends with benefits rather than actually dating.
I would have expected less out of him and we might still be together... *shrugs*
But I'm back in the game and dating around, so I'm happy.
But I agree with many of the statements on this thread.

And sometimes I do think they are defective

 

[Lust Engine]

And sometimes I do think they are defective

Not meant as a defense for my gender but I think bothgenders are defective. It takes two to tango & we've both got a lot to learn about each person and their individual traits.

 

[kaoskytton]

I'm a firm believer that any relationship with a good return policy is a good relationship.

If it doesn't work out (which they never do, but we keep trying anyway), stuff 'em back in and demand a refund!

 

[BlondeguyNB]

*LOL* Great advice.

I'd like to be nice, before I get stressed out and snap at her, thats never a fun way to end things.

Going to try and talk to her tonight and just tell her we're talking too much and it's driving me crazy! I'm actually almost embarrassed to say how much this women calls. It's really not an exaggeration when I say she calls ALL the time! Since my first post in this topic, shes called twice. But I'm not going to bitch and whine and moan. I'm going to fix it and be done with the stress. *LOL* Yeah right, beautiful in it's simplicity.

 

[Void]

Yea I also just got out of a relationship with someone. Sometimes people can't grasp the concept of an open relationship.

 

[kaoskytton]

Hey Void, look, our quotes interlock. Sounds challenging.

The unstoppable force vs. the immovable object.

Yeah, I hate those crazy bitches who don't understand. It's like you have to beat the sense into them. Rules are Rules! People have Personal Space! The best relationships I ever had were the open ones...until suddenly the snap like a virgin's thighs on your head.

Crazy fucking people. We should form a commune of sexual and romantic sanity.

 

[Lust Engine]

romantic sanity.

Hey, isn't that like "jumbo shrimp"???

 

[kaoskytton]

~shakes head~ No way. You just can't be fucking nuts about it.

It's about understanding who you are, what you need, what you want, and where you can make compromises. Lots of people lie to themselves about those four things, in pursuit of something they see...kind of like when you walk into a dealership and the new car you didn't even think of buying is so shiny and pretty and yeah, gee, if I sell Everything I Own I Can...

Take me for example. I don't like relationships. They always end and they always end badly. Rather, I have friends I love. Hell, I adore them from the very core of my being. They are the font of my souls and the muses of my entire life. And part of loving them is letting them be free.

It's the wolf vs. the domestic dog. Freedom of choice is what makes us great.

 

[watergirl]

At some point, you just have to be honest, and not care if you hurt their feelings. Try not to, but if you do, too damn bad. Christ on a carousel. I can't even begin to go into some of the experiences I've had in the past.

 

[kaoskytton]

Smack that bitch up, girlfriend!

"Let me show you the door. THERE'S THE DOOR!" - "Oscar"