How to Dominate a submisive female?

[SnowhillP]

I have met a submissive woman on line who wants me to me to dominate her sexually on line but as I’m a normal person I don’t know how to go about it or what to do. Does anyone have any tips on cyber domination?

 

[CutieMouse]

I have met a submissive woman on line who wants me to me to dominate her sexually on line but as I’m a normal person I don’t know how to go about it or what to do. Does anyone have any tips on cyber domination?

Bag. Worms. Everywhere.

Please consider reasking your question without implying those of us who practice BDSM are "abnormal." (I obviously didn't read your question as being very kink-friendly...)

 

[minx1]

Bag. Worms. Everywhere.

Please consider reasking your question without implying those of us who practice BDSM are "abnormal." (I obviously didn't read your question as being very kink-friendly...)

*smile* I must admit I thought the same thing when I read the op....was just waiting for the abnormal people to reply lol.

Perhaps its just a matter of not knowing the terminology and he meant vanilla *shrugs*.....I hope he meant vanilla!

 

[CutieMouse]

Essentially you have two routes you can take - being semi kinda serious and actually "Dominating her online", or going the Horney Net Geek/fantasy-land cyber sex path. How you do the online thing depends a bit on which you want to do...

 

[SubKekiLee]

I have met a submissive woman on line who wants me to me to dominate her sexually on line but as I’m a normal person I don’t know how to go about it or what to do. Does anyone have any tips on cyber domination?

I have no real words of advice except be careful how you word things I read that OP as well and it took me the same way about how we are "abnormal" we are not "abnormal" we are very real people with good jobs and great hearts...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I have met a submissive woman on line who wants me to me to dominate her sexually on line but as I’m a normal person I don’t know how to go about it or what to do. Does anyone have any tips on cyber domination?

I'm not sure I can help you out here (and I read your "normal" comment as meaning "I'm not kinky, I don't know what to do!" rather than "I'm normal, but you lot are freaks!" *LOL*).

"Online domination" is basically a kind of free-form role playing. You are engaging in what is, hopefully, a mutually satisfying exchange of erotic ideas with your partner. Keep in mind that the person on the other end of the internet may be neither submissive, nor a woman. They may, or may not, carry over your commands into their real life.

I would suggest, as a start, to put yourself in the mind-set of a confident, self-aware, in control kind of guy. While Dominants are not perfect, we do tend to be "take charge" types. Some do the "take charge" right from the start, others do it when things stop working the way they should, we do what needs to be done to straighten out the problem, then get back to the hard work of relaxing again (my style! *LOL*).

Online domination can develop into a relationship. I online role-played my way into the hearts of my first two slaves, met them real-time and carried on a 4 year poly relationship with them. It was great while it lasted and I'm forever grateful to them for helping me learn so much about myself. The emotional safety of exploring my sadistic desires through online roleplay allowed me to realize I wasn't really role-playing. I was giving myself permission to be who and what I really am. I was pretending to be ME and came to find out it wasn't "pretend", it's who I am.

If that makes sense.

Now if you are looking for "how to write hot cybersex or SM scenes" advice, I'd suggest maybe posting the question exactly that way in some of the author forums.

Hope that helps!

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I have met a submissive woman on line who wants me to me to dominate her sexually on line but as I’m a normal person I don’t know how to go about it or what to do. Does anyone have any tips on cyber domination?

You don't say if this is something you actually want to do. If it isn't then you need to be honest with the woman and tell her you are out of your element and have no clue what you are doing. A submissive would rather hear you don't know anything about BDSM than for you to PRETEND you are a Dom.

That's My advice as a submissive. Good luck!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm with Evil_Geoff in how I took your words...it is obvious you are not someone who has even been exposed to this lifestyle before, so to your understanding of your tastes and experience level comes from what is thought to be normal/mainstream, and you are ill-equipped to traverse the language basics to avoid unintentional offence at this stage. We all started out somewhere and are learning along the way. I was not offended.

What I do have to say though is it is not something you can get a list of steps for, so as to please this person you are to dominate onlime. Firstly, you need to have at least some interest and ability to dominate..if you don't, you are basically going to be following what she or others tell you to do which is not dominating. Best advice I can give is for you to read up some, perhaps read some of the BDSM stories here and see if anything tweaks you in any way, then see if your tweaks match hers. From there you can begin exploring what it is you hopefully both want.

Catalina

 

[SnowhillP]

Thank you all for your replies... I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the normal/abnormal bit... when I said I was normal I actually meant that I am neither dominant or submissive.... and not that I think of others reading these boards a abnormal or kinky.... Perhaps it was a poor choice of words.
I thank Evil for his constructive comments. In my case I would be role playing and as we all know the person on the other computer may not be who they say they are...

 

[Retrieval]

Bag. Worms. Everywhere.

Please consider reasking your question without implying those of us who practice BDSM are "abnormal." (I obviously didn't read your question as being very kink-friendly...)

HAHAHA.

I knew somebody in here would jump all over that.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Thank you all for your replies... I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the normal/abnormal bit... when I said I was normal I actually meant that I am neither dominant or submissive.... and not that I think of others reading these boards a abnormal or kinky.... Perhaps it was a poor choice of words.
I thank Evil for his constructive comments. In my case I would be role playing and as we all know the person on the other computer may not be who they say they are...

No offense taken here.

I see you say in your case it would be "role playing" however, you don't say if you've told the submissive this or not. What you need to understand is that there are people out there that do practice BDSM on-line as their only outlet and it is very real to them. (I don't happen to be one of those people, but I do know some who have and do. Many who post here in fact.)

I'm not trying to be ugly here, just saying you really should be upfront with the woman and let her know exactly what your experience level is so she can decide if she wants to continue with you or not. BDSM is about open and honest communication between the participants as well as consent. She needs to know who she's consenting to don't you agree?

As for ideas, at this point I'd say you need to research and figure out who you are before you can know what to do. Again, best of luck to you.

 

[ShyVixen]

I have met a submissive woman on line who wants me to me to dominate her sexually on line but as I’m a normal person I don’t know how to go about it or what to do. Does anyone have any tips on cyber domination?

Did she just come right out and say "I want you to sexually dominate me online?", or you two have a discussion about it? The best way to know what to do is talk things out with your prospective sub. Even if it's roleplay you have to know exactly how far you can go etc etc.

 

[jadefirefly]

I dunno about the rest of you guys, but I'm pretty abnormal.

 

[trisquel_astur]

I'm very normal, and very kinky, and very special...

and sometimes all in a set!

Welcome to our "dark side of The Force" SnowhillP.

Don't be shy to ask.

 

[the captians wench]

I dunno about the rest of you guys, but I'm pretty abnormal.

I admit to being a freak all the time. *giggles*

when my mc d's was being built I slipped and made a comment about how I'm a freak and one of the constructionworkers nearly jumped off his ladder to come talk to me and find out just what kind of freak I am and if I was the same kind as him. . . . . he had 3 kids and was kinda working for us at the time so I didn't elaborate, but when he offered to buy me a drink on one of my 13 hour days the temptation was almost too much to pass up.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think the easiest starting point would be to ask this woman to be a little more specific. Some submissives get a kick from cyber sex with a dominant man but others want it to continue into their daily life with commands and assignments to report back on (e.g. I want you to wear a short skirt and no panties or hose today and then write about how it made you feel.)

If you feel that you would enjoy being dominant then by all means look through the BDSM stories on this site for ideas but let this woman know that you're trying it on for size. You can also google for a BDSM checklist which will give you an idea of what turns her on and what turns her stomach.

Keep an eye on how compatible you are with all this because kink is a broad spectrum and what gets your juices flowing may do nothing for her and vice versa.

It's always best to be open and honest, even if you have no way of knowing if the other person is paying you the same courtesy. The easiest way of finding out would be to order her to buy a webcam but that may be premature just now.

Without any real background info about you or this lady though, all we can do here is to answer your query in the most general of terms. Are you both looking for a partner? Have you been in contact long? How much do you know about her?

Whatever you decide, have fun.

 

[subwannabe]

I think it is somewhat interesting that this "abnormal" woman asked a "normal" guy to dominate her online. Seems like she would have found someone "abnormal" to begin with if that is what she really wanted.

 

[SheDevilShay]

*smile* I must admit I thought the same thing when I read the op....was just waiting for the abnormal people to reply lol.

Perhaps its just a matter of not knowing the terminology and he meant vanilla *shrugs*.....I hope he meant vanilla!

The first thing I thought was... what the fuck is normal? meaning he's a prude cheating on his wife with cyber sex? or... is he just inexperienced and phrased it poorly.... I am hoping for the latter.... but then I am a cynic and being called abnormal makes me want to crack my whip over someone's thighs and ass.

 

[leZilla]

Thank you all for your replies... I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the normal/abnormal bit... when I said I was normal I actually meant that I am neither dominant or submissive.... and not that I think of others reading these boards a abnormal or kinky.... Perhaps it was a poor choice of words.
I thank Evil for his constructive comments. In my case I would be role playing and as we all know the person on the other computer may not be who they say they are...

Well, the worst thing you can do is pretend to be something you're not. You say yourself you're not a Dom, so you have no business pretending to be one with this woman.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Well, the worst thing you can do is pretend to be something you're not. You say yourself you're not a Dom, so you have no business pretending to be one with this woman.

I agree with this.. faking it is not good enough.. either you are.. or you are not.

 

[CutieMouse]

Well, the worst thing you can do is pretend to be something you're not. You say yourself you're not a Dom, so you have no business pretending to be one with this woman.

Mmmm... yes and no. I've not met many people who sprung from the womb knowing they were Dominant/submissive, knew exactly how to approach the opportunity to be such from the word "go", and never had to do even the itsy bitsy-est bit of "fake it 'til ya make it." Lots of people start with role play (dear god save us from the HNGs), but move into actual BDSM after they get a taste for it.

He might not consider himself a Dominant out of respect for those who know what they're doing (while recognizing he doesn't); he might not consider himself a Dominant because he's never considered the idea before (but it turns him on); or he could just really like the girl and want to make her happy... sometimes kinky things just aren't boxed up with a pretty black & white bow on top.

 

[leZilla]

Mmmm... yes and no. I've not met many people who sprung from the womb knowing they were Dominant/submissive, knew exactly how to approach the opportunity to be such from the word "go", and never had to do even the itsy bitsy-est bit of "fake it 'til ya make it." Lots of people start with role play (dear god save us from the HNGs), but move into actual BDSM after they get a taste for it.

He might not consider himself a Dominant out of respect for those who know what they're doing (while recognizing he doesn't); he might not consider himself a Dominant because he's never considered the idea before (but it turns him on); or he could just really like the girl and want to make her happy... sometimes kinky things just aren't boxed up with a pretty black & white bow on top.

I totally understand what you're saying, but I don't see that he is interested in the D/s part of it at all. He just wants to talk sexually with this woman.

 

[alexanna]

Mmmm... yes and no. I've not met many people who sprung from the womb knowing they were Dominant/submissive, knew exactly how to approach the opportunity to be such from the word "go", and never had to do even the itsy bitsy-est bit of "fake it 'til ya make it." Lots of people start with role play (dear god save us from the HNGs), but move into actual BDSM after they get a taste for it.

He might not consider himself a Dominant out of respect for those who know what they're doing (while recognizing he doesn't); he might not consider himself a Dominant because he's never considered the idea before (but it turns him on); or he could just really like the girl and want to make her happy... sometimes kinky things just aren't boxed up with a pretty black & white bow on top.

I would agree with cutie. I'm not very experienced myself but I have lurked around online BDSM for a long time and met a lot of "Doms" that supposedly knew all the rules and definitions and to date the man who has most captured me knows nothing at all about BDSM, he's just dominant. We role play and it gets very intense, sometimes I want him so badly it physically hurts because despite the fact that things can get pretty rough and he makes what an experienced BDSM Dom would probably consider mistakes he just instinctively knows a few things I haven't found in anyone else. What started out as a little geeky fun turned into something bigger and I have contemplated meeting him in RL despite the frustration I often feel in regards to his lack of knowledge and disinterest in looking into the scene in any kind of formal way.

On the other hand I have advertised here looking for a "real Dom" to dominate me online thinking someone more experienced would be better and have had some pretty mixed results. The one Dom I tried things with most seriously had had a slave in RL and I did what was for me a very intense scene with him via webcam however a few days later at the first sign of difficulty he split despite my telling him repeatedly of my intense fear of abandonment and his constant reassurances he wouldn't leave.

For now I am somewhat undecided as to what course to follow. Inexperience and lack of information in a Dom can be insanely frustrating but some of the people I have met from my ad seem to over analyze things to such a degree that there just isn't much spontaneity left in it, very little fun, and no room for either party to make mistakes.

I think maybe it can be a very fulfilling adventure to discover this world with someone rather than being led through it by someone who already knows "everything."

I would say though this woman's expectations are key. I knew going into my little fling that the guy was young and had no clue about BDSM so my expectations were very different from the expectations I have had about meeting someone here which is probably why I am finding it much more difficult this time around. I ended up being pleasantly surprised by what someone who supposedly knew nothing could make me feel while I find it hard to give the folks I have met from my ad the same chance I gave him.

The part about being a natural dominant though I think is a no brainer. If you aren't a dominant person, you're probably not going to be able to pull it off no matter how much information you have.