How to: deal with this?

[ohfaque]

Oh, and might I suggest a paternity test on your son. Just to be sure.

That was a bit harsh.

This fellow loves that child with all his being, even if he is unsure of paternity, would he really want to know?

For the childs sake, a civil divorce is the way to go.

 

[Missingmeds]

Yes it is, under normal circumstances. But believe me these are not normal circumstances. She has already CHEATED ON HIM AND LIED ABOUT THAT. NOT ONCE but SEVERAL TIMES.

If he wants to be a man, then he needs to accept the responsibilities that entails. Otherwise this woman is going to walk all over him. Best get the paternity established and that way she can't use it to hurt him anytime that she takes a notion to.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Jason, you've got to move. Wandering around in a house, thinking about what and whom your missing, is messing you up. Move in with a friend, a relative, out in the yard if you have to, but get yourself out. You're selling it anyway, right?, so start.

And move on the lawyer thing. Now. You say what YOU want. Get yourself a bulldog friend or family member to come along with you and be logical and objective.

Two things worried me. That bit about the gun and the bit about whether you should be angry. Right now you need to go thru the motions and get the work done. Put off feelings as much as you can until later. This Isn't the time to get yourself mad. Cold works better. This is not the time to worry about who is wrong or right or what you or she did. It's the time to get moving. Again -- get yourself out of the house, get a bulldog friend to come along and help you with the logistics of all this and with the lawyer.
You can collapse later. You can figure it all out later. Do the practical things now. Do you both have savings? Anything in the bank account? Anything valuable you want to keep?
Get your butt into a new environment, get what you need to done, and then distract the hell out of yourself with something healthy, such as a night class. Ponder on all this in a few months when the dust has settled and you're feeling calmer.

(If by some ridiculously unlikely miracle this is all a mistake and could still work out, it will only happen if you are strong and she sees what she is seriously losing. You can't make her come back, and begging is counterproductive.
If it helps any, she is likely not trying to hurt you but is just quite immature, and also trying to avoid the consequences of her actions -- which is why she lies. Don't even Think about trying to get her back. Look around to see who is cute at work and flirt a little, if you can stand to, and otherwise, get your ass going. Don't let the depression take over. Again, have a friend help, if necessary, but get going.)

 

[EJFan]

sage advice

in all honesty i have to say that i didn't read EVERY response to this post, but here's the BEST information you're going to get... and this applies to everyone in a relationship.

1. if you've cheated, don't tell. stop, live with the guilt while it lasts and move on... quickly.
2. if you tell your SO about your cheating, it's only serving YOU, not your SO... you're clearing your mind and ridding yourself of guilt.
3. keeping a relationship together for the childeren is NEVER a good idea... they can sense it. if the relationship can be salvaged, that's great, but don't stick around for the kid's sake. they can get love from two homes just as easily as one.

if she told you of her infidelity, it's not because she cared about you and wanted to "come clean" for everyone's benefit... she only cared about herself in that moment. i don't want you two to give up on each other, but she made a bad decision TWICE.

the best course of action when dealing with infidelity is realizing YOU made the mistake and YOU have to suck it up and take the responsibility all on your own... don't drag your partner into it. nothing good happens after that.

 

[sheath]

Maybe in some states, but most states now have a No fault divorce law and will use the term "irreconcilable differences".
Cheating will not usually result in the mother losing custody. A cheating mother isn't necessarily a bad mother.

I agree with this.

Why? The courts look at child welfare as just that...how the CHILD has been treated. They do not take into account that mommy did this and daddy did that and therefore, they are bad parents. The courts recognize that the bad choices a married person sometimes makes do NOT mean they are bad parents to the children brought into the marriage. It is a moral question to be debated, I'm sure...but from a legal standpoint, it's all a moot point.

Been there, done that, had a good attorney.

S.

 

[Invisible One]

I don't think it is right to condemn and say such nasty things about his wife based solely on what he has told us.

There are always two sides to a story.

And the truth lies somewhere in between.

 

[ohfaque]

Yes it is, under normal circumstances. But believe me these are not normal circumstances. She has already CHEATED ON HIM AND LIED ABOUT THAT. NOT ONCE but SEVERAL TIMES.

I only read where she cheated with the one guy. I didn't see where she has been cheating forever.
Want to point that out to me?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I only read where she cheated with the one guy. I didn't see where she has been cheating forever.
Want to point that out to me?

butting in here, but I think that quote was meant to refer to lieing about it several times.

 

[Missingmeds]

That is exactly what that was referring to. Once a liar, always a liar is my personal experience. Since she lied about the supposed ONE TIME that she cheated, what else is she lying about?

Or as the old saying goes, she not only has her cake but is eating it too. In other words, she is stringing him along as it suits her and she will do anything that she can to hurt him if he doesn't do just what she wants.