How to date a dominatrix

[OrelP]

The last couple of girls I've dated have been quite exceptional... The exact type I go for; beautiful, dominant, bratty, spoiled, bitchy, and even mean.

This is something I've wanted my entire life and have just recently learned how to wire my brain for this kind of success.

My process is simple. I post targeted ads that are descriptive enough to attract the right type, but vague enough to leave some things to the imagination.

However, I've been having trouble keeping girsl like this happy enough to stay. It seems like I could lose interest or I do something that makes me seem like every other guy and not completely submissive to her every whim.

Does anyone have advice on how to keep a girl like this happy enough to stick around long term?

 

[PhilGarlic]

for what its worth

In my opinion not many girls want to a sub wimp 24/7 there are times when she will want a guy to take charge, lead the way. Maybe not for 95% of the time but she has to know that if the shit hits the fan the guy will step up and man up. But what do I know.

 

[StrayKat]

In my opinion not many girls want to a sub wimp 24/7 there are times when she will want a guy to take charge, lead the way. Maybe not for 95% of the time but she has to know that if the shit hits the fan the guy will step up and man up. But what do I know.

Apparently you dont know much

 

[PhilGarlic]

yeah

Apparently you dont know much

I said that in the post, you have trouble reading?

 

[StrayKat]

I said that in the post, you have trouble reading?

I have trouble seeing lack of respect and disdain towards certain lifestyle on this board, yes.

 

[doncarlos]

In my opinion not many girls want to a sub wimp 24/7 there are times when she will want a guy to take charge, lead the way. Maybe not for 95% of the time but she has to know that if the shit hits the fan the guy will step up and man up. But what do I know.

This is a point well taken. Also strong successfull women are not interested in men who always follow the female lead if the reason is the men dont have the strength to do otherwise. A harmonious relationship is established when both parties understands that the man OUT OF LOVE ALLOWS her to take the lead. It should be implicit in the situation that the man at any time can grap the reins. And for sure that should happen when everything goes South.

 

[doncarlos]

In my opinion not many girls want to a sub wimp 24/7 there are times when she will want a guy to take charge, lead the way. Maybe not for 95% of the time but she has to know that if the shit hits the fan the guy will step up and man up. But what do I know.

This is a point well taken. Also strong successfull women are not interested in men who always follow the female lead if the reason is the men dont have the strength to do otherwise. A harmonious relationship is established when both parties understands that the man OUT OF LOVE ALLOWS her to take the lead. It should be implicit in the situation that the man at any time can grap the reins. And for sure that should happen when everything goes South.

 

[PhilGarlic]

Wtf

I have trouble seeing lack of respect and disdain towards certain lifestyle on this board, yes.

WTF are you talking about?

 

[OrelP]

Wow Phil... First you post some bad advise exposing your lack of real world experience and then you get all defensive when StrayKat brings up a helpful point. You are a class act all the way, my friend...

Don, this girl is totally down for taking advantage of my situtation. For the record, I do have a girlfriend of several years I play the dominant role with, but I regress as this post is about keeping my mistress happy.

I've already given this girl a lot of control over me to the point where she can have sex with whoever she wants, even though it's farther than I wanted to go. It's really okay if that's what she likes... the attraction is strong enough that I can't tell her no.

Is there anything I can do in addition to show her how devoted I am to keeping her happy? She's still kind of new and I'm hoping we last at least a couple months before she gets bored and we both move on.

 

[subwannabe]

It sounds to me like you are mixing too many emotions. First, you've got to decide what it is you really want out of life and then figure out a way to get it. I get the impression you are wanting a lifelong, significant other, marriage in the future, type of relationship with somone who will dominate you. If that is what you want then you have to set your sights on that. You can't expect a girlfriend to dominate you and then expect that to turn into a lifelong marriage situation any more than can happen in the regular dating world. In fact, chances are you are more likely to find someone to dominate you for a while and eventually lose interest than you are likely to find a lifelong partner who will dominate you. What I'm trying to say is that in dating, 90% of relationships eventually aren't going to work out so you can't really expect what you are doing to work out anymore than that 10%. I think you are putting the cart before the horse. You need to try finding what could be a lifelong partner first, test the waters to see how dominant they are, and move on if she's not interested. Find the right woman first, don't find the sex first.

 

[OrelP]

It sounds to me like you are mixing too many emotions. First, you've got to decide what it is you really want out of life and then figure out a way to get it. I get the impression you are wanting a lifelong, significant other, marriage in the future, type of relationship with somone who will dominate you. If that is what you want then you have to set your sights on that. You can't expect a girlfriend to dominate you and then expect that to turn into a lifelong marriage situation any more than can happen in the regular dating world. In fact, chances are you are more likely to find someone to dominate you for a while and eventually lose interest than you are likely to find a lifelong partner who will dominate you. What I'm trying to say is that in dating, 90% of relationships eventually aren't going to work out so you can't really expect what you are doing to work out anymore than that 10%. I think you are putting the cart before the horse. You need to try finding what could be a lifelong partner first, test the waters to see how dominant they are, and move on if she's not interested. Find the right woman first, don't find the sex first.

Thank you for the well though out and helpful post.

I should clarify as to what I want. I already have a successful relationship with a girl I do want to marry, but what I'm looking for is advise on how to make my affairs more exciting for myself and enjoyable for the girls I date on the side. I'm not trying to date a lot of girls, just a few meaningful relationships on the side before I do finally settle down with the girl I'm in love with.

To be more specific, I am looking for ideas on how to keep a specific girl overwhelmingly happy so she'll spend more time dominating me.

This could be anything from sweet things to say in text messages to things I can do to show her how important she is in my life.

 

[bailadora]

To be more specific, I am looking for ideas on how to keep a specific girl overwhelmingly happy so she'll spend more time dominating me.

This could be anything from sweet things to say in text messages to things I can do to show her how important she is in my life.

Two specific but non-related thoughts:

1) Most people value honesty in their relationships and it's not clear to me if the Mistress knows about the keeper girlfriend and vice verse. If they don't - that would be a good place to start. I can't speak for everyone, but I sure as hell refuse to have a relationship with someone I can't trust.

2)Why aren't you asking your specific dominant what makes her happy (or what she thinks will make her happy) with a submissive?

Dominance aside, she's a woman like any other. Chances are her tastes/desires are linked to her own specific kinks, instead of stereotypical, preconceived notions of "what dominant women want".

 

[Noira]

A harmonious relationship is established when both parties understands that the man OUT OF LOVE ALLOWS her to take the lead.

(facepalm) It's hardly a "Dominatrix" relationship if it's Mr ManlyMcMan "I am allowing you to penetrate me anally with a strap-on but as soon as I get pissed you're my bitch, babe." pulling the pursestrings.

In fact, it rather sounds like your "harmonious relationship" is a description of a service top. Which is certainly not an unacceptable position for some people. I enjoy taking control of someone because it's what they want, and we both enjoy it.

But it's not a one-size-fits-all kink. Rather the contrary, some relationships are harmonious because one partner takes what they want and the other loves to give whatever their top will take. Some are male-led, some are female-led, some are--oh, heaven forbid, not even heterosexual. What happens when there's no man in the equation to allow Miss Weakling Woman to take the lead for his pleasure? Egads, IMAGINE THAT.

My point is, kink is a broad spectrum based on individual needs and wants and there is no mathematical solve for XXX = spankings, huzzah. I do agree relationships need balance. I disagree with your presentation of it.

Stop worrying about preconceived notions based on sexist ideals. How do you keep a girl like this happy? Well, if she's your dominant, I suggest asking her what you can do for her! Ask her what she wants. And then do these things.

To the original poster, I'd highly suggest you drop by the BDSM board. There are a small but wonderful group of female dominants there who might offer advice, as well as people experienced in these relationships. I'd like to add, though.

I've already given this girl a lot of control over me to the point where she can have sex with whoever she wants, even though it's farther than I wanted to go. It's really okay if that's what she likes... the attraction is strong enough that I can't tell her no.

Even if you're the submissive in a relationship you still have rights, and can set limits on what you're willing to allow. Submissive doesn't equal doormat and it doesn't equal slave. The fact that you're not holding her interest but simply allowing her to do whatever she wants might be the reason why you're losing this 'type of woman'.

You're allowed to set limits, and play within them!

 

[bailadora]

It should be implicit in the situation that the man at any time can grap the reins. And for sure that should happen when everything goes South.

Uh-huh. Unless she happens to be the one with the final say because that's what they both want. One couple I know has this dynamic. She asks for his input, but ultimately SHE makes the decisions - even when the shit hits the fan.

WTF are you talking about?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was the term wimp used in conjunction with submissive? Or the implication that males who submit are somehow less masculine or "manly" than males who don't (as evidenced by the term "man up")?

Gotta tell you - that whole post reeked of disdain towards submissive males. It may not have been your intention, but that's sure how it came across.

 

[PhilGarlic]

what do I know

Uh-huh. Unless she happens to be the one with the final say because that's what they both want. One couple I know has this dymanic. She asks for his input, but ultimately SHE makes the decisions - even when the shit hits the fan.



Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was the term wimp used in conjunction with submissive? Or the implication that males who submit are somehow less masculine or "manly" than males who don't (as evidenced by the term "man up")?

Gotta tell you - that whole post reeked of disdain towards submissive males. It may not have been your intention, but that's sure how it came across.

Thanks for your thoughts, I did use the term 'wimp', and 'man up' saying that I don't think dommes (hope that is the right term) are not attracted to this type of guy.

Any spoiled brat can boss a wimpy non confident guy around, use it as an excuse not to give to the relationship what they take out, as can be the case with men domming women.

The real power comes from having the strength and character to take charge of someone who is also strong in mind and body. (and I do not equate size with strength)

Maybe what I didn't get across in the post was that being a sub ISN"T about being a wimp and if required to stand up and be counted would do so.

 

[PhilGarlic]

I have trouble seeing lack of respect and disdain towards certain lifestyle on this board, yes.

The OP used the terms spoiled, bitchy and bratty to describe what he wants in a domme, this is OK?

 

[OrelP]

Two specific but non-related thoughts:

1) Most people value honesty in their relationships and it's not clear to me if the Mistress knows about the keeper girlfriend and vice verse. If they don't - that would be a good place to start. I can't speak for everyone, but I sure as hell refuse to have a relationship with someone I can't trust.

2)Why aren't you asking your specific dominant what makes her happy (or what she thinks will make her happy) with a submissive?

Dominance aside, she's a woman like any other. Chances are her tastes/desires are linked to her own specific kinks, instead of stereotypical, preconceived notions of "what dominant women want".

Bailadora, thank you for the reply...

1) No one is being led on here... There is going to be a day when I do commit to one girl and I'll be completely committed.

2) This girl I'm dating is kind of crazy! She does tell me some stuff but likes to change her mind, be impulsive, and she expects me to keep up on a moment's notice. I also want to show some initiative and surprise her in sweet ways.

Even if you're the submissive in a relationship you still have rights, and can set limits on what you're willing to allow. Submissive doesn't equal doormat and it doesn't equal slave. The fact that you're not holding her interest but simply allowing her to do whatever she wants might be the reason why you're losing this 'type of woman'.

You're allowed to set limits, and play within them!

I know... This is one of those fantasies that I don't really want to see manifest, but I think about it far more than I should and am turned on by the idea so I was quick to agree to that one.

The OP used the terms spoiled, bitchy and bratty to describe what he wants in a domme, this is OK?

Yeah, it's cool...

 

[bailadora]

Thanks for your thoughts, I did use the term 'wimp', and 'man up' saying that I don't think dommes (hope that is the right term) are not attracted to this type of guy.

*shrug*

I personally don't understand the appeal, but it takes all kinds, ya know?

I also want to show some initiative and surprise her in sweet ways.

Well, it never hurts to act like a gentleman. I don't know of many women who don't like to be courted. But how to go about that is, of course, specific to her.

Do you guys ever have conversations that don't revolve around sex? What do you know of her as a person? Her likes? Dislikes? What she does to relax? What stresses her out? I'd say paying attention to these kinds of things would go a long way in helping you become attentive to her.

 

[angela55]

I'm not an expert in dating - of any variety - but...it seems to me that, regardless of the details, being respectful and attentive would be very important.

 

[StrayKat]

The OP used the terms spoiled, bitchy and bratty to describe what he wants in a domme, this is OK?

It is not the same.
While those above are certainly not positive traits, being spoiled may be considered a neutral one. I admit to being spoiled and see nothing bad in it. Bitchy I am even proud to be sometimes, and you can find a lot of women admitting to being brats. Its even seen as cute in certain ways.

How many men do you find here who will admit to being a wimp and having to man up? You comment was directly offensive to OP and I would suggest instead of bitching about being called out for it you might rather like to explain and maybe apologize.

 

[mynameisben]

First you take her determinant. Once you have that, you can easily invert her. And once inverted, her dominating powers are neutralized. Plus you can see her panties.

Good Luck, and don't hesitate to contact me for other dating tips.

 

[OrelP]

Well, it never hurts to act like a gentleman. I don't know of many women who don't like to be courted. But how to go about that is, of course, specific to her.

Do you guys ever have conversations that don't revolve around sex? What do you know of her as a person? Her likes? Dislikes? What she does to relax? What stresses her out? I'd say paying attention to these kinds of things would go a long way in helping you become attentive to her.

She's pretty new so I don't know a lot about her yet. I did recently learn that I'm one of her stressors (I should probably work on that).

First you take her determinant. Once you have that, you can easily invert her. And once inverted, her dominating powers are neutralized. Plus you can see her panties.

Good Luck, and don't hesitate to contact me for other dating tips.

Seeing those panties was awesome!

 

[PhilGarlic]

last reply

It is not the same.
While those above are certainly not positive traits, being spoiled may be considered a neutral one. I admit to being spoiled and see nothing bad in it. Bitchy I am even proud to be sometimes, and you can find a lot of women admitting to being brats. Its even seen as cute in certain ways.

How many men do you find here who will admit to being a wimp and having to man up? You comment was directly offensive to OP and I would suggest instead of bitching about being called out for it you might rather like to explain and maybe apologize.

How is 'spoiled' a neutral trait? not sure what you mean. If you are happy admitting the the traits above good luck.

As for apologizing to the OP, i am sure he is a big boy and can look out for himself, he posted on the how to board asking for advice so I guess he will sort out the good and bad for himself. Reading some of his other posts he doesn't mind giving out bad advice himself. If you don't have the ability to read a post and understand it correctly, and then ignore the explanation, then I agree with you, you are a spoiled, bitchy brat

 

[OrelP]

As for apologizing to the OP, i am sure he is a big boy and can look out for himself, he posted on the how to board asking for advice so I guess he will sort out the good and bad for himself. Reading some of his other posts he doesn't mind giving out bad advice himself. If you don't have the ability to read a post and understand it correctly, and then ignore the explanation, then I agree with you, you are a spoiled, bitchy brat

Wow... what an ass.

 

[PhilGarlic]

Lol

Wow... what an ass.

LOL yeah I know sucker for punishment!! you had any joy with the relationship yet?