How to cry?

[biggieds]

Lately I've been really down. When I get depressed I feel really sad, like most, and I want to cry. It's alleviating for me, and I belive it is an emmotional form of healing -- the only problem is, I cannot cry. Does anyone have any advice or ideas as to why I just cannot cry. I'm not yet in my 30's, but, it seems odd to me. I don't want to force myself to cry, but I want to cry in order to let off all of this steam and bad feelings.

Thanks,
Dave

 

[Lust Engine]

Go seek some professional advice. Nothing wrong with seeing a medical professional or a therapist about depression. It could just be something as simple as getting the proper balance in brain chemicals... hopefully.

 

[sheath]

Lately I've been really down. When I get depressed I feel really sad, like most, and I want to cry. It's alleviating for me, and I belive it is an emmotional form of healing -- the only problem is, I cannot cry. Does anyone have any advice or ideas as to why I just cannot cry. I'm not yet in my 30's, but, it seems odd to me. I don't want to force myself to cry, but I want to cry in order to let off all of this steam and bad feelings.

Thanks,
Dave

When I met my boyfriend, he told me that he had not cried in eighteen years. I didn't believe him, until I got to know him so well. For many reasons, he felt he had to be strong, and that crying was a sign of being weak. After a pretty hellish year of dealing with the separate issues we had come into the relationship with, one night it became too much. And he cried.

Crying frightened the hell out of him. One tear made him feel like he wasn't a 'man'. Although he had felt like he wanted to cry for a long time, he could not. So long without crying had made him almost forget how to let go.

What did it take? He had to have absolute trust and faith in me to not ridicule him, to not let him down. He had to know that I would be there to reassure him. He had to be able to lean on me. And then he did, and the result was such healing, that by the time he was done, he was too weak to move.

Do you have someone to lean on? Perhaps that is what you need. Someone to have faith in, that they will be there to hold you and listen to all that comes out when you do cry. I know that was what held my boyfriend back...and when he finally did come to that level of trust, the relief in tears was overwhelming.

I hope this helps you...

S.

 

[English Lady]

Well I get the same sometimes. I want to cry but the tears don't come. Watch a weepie movie,read a book you know will tugh on your heartstrings...thats what I do, and its a catalyst...helps you to just let go.

If you need someone to type at feel free to type at me*L* I am good at listening..or in this case reading!

Hope you feel more positive soon!

 

[lovechild27]

please go talk to someone....you have nothing to loose!

 

[dollface007]

I've always wanted to know how *not* to cry. Especially when it comes to confrontation (at work, in relationships, etc), i get emotional which leads to tears. I know that alot of women find that this problem holds them back. I'd appreciate advice in this area (although, i don't intend to co-opt your thread, dave). Maybe all the stoic types out there have some pointers.

As far as crying goes (since i'm the expert), sad movies are always cathartic for me. "What Dreams May Come," comes to mind as THE most heart-wrenching movie ever...it's worth a try if you haven't seen it (and didn't cry the first time).
I also find that actually talking out loud about my problems causes me to cry...partly because i'm a very private person and don't like talking about my problems. However, you don't necessarily need to talk to another person (as i know that this can be very traumatic) unless you are experiencing symptoms of clinical depression. If you are spiritual, you can go to a place of worship during a quiet afternoon, or just go out into the wilderness where you are completely alone and just start talking. I'm not sure if any of this will work. Let me know.

 

[Monazwx]

Whichever method you choose, please cry a little.
It's therapuetic and really does help.

 

[virginleo20]

oh well

i feel your pain


even though im in my early 20's i do have to admit that i have not been able to cry for several years.

No macho bs behind it or anything else... i just cant
I can force my sewlf to shed 1 or maybe 2 at the very most of fake teardrops but that is something i dont consider crying.

 

[zulueffect]

I haven't cried in years either. But i don't see that as a macho issue either. I have other ways of relieving emotions and crying just isn't one of them. I think if you feel that you need to cry you should, but don't rely on tears as the only outlet. It could be that you can feel better using a different method.

All said, good luck and i hope you can get something that works.

 

[BrokenWings]

a lot of guys have the same porblem..myself included.. I thought about it.. it probably has to do with society telling us males from birth that we have to 'be a man'.. be strong, dont show weakness... to the stage where weve trained ourselves to do this until the point where we just cant any more....

 

[Caliber]

I know I haven't cried in years, even when I sometimes feel like I should. Consciously, its not any type of macho male thing. But subconsciously .... well who knows really?

I've tried to make myself cry before ... it just wouldn't come though. What I DO know is that a survey I once read said that most males in today's society find it impossible, or nearly so, to cry.

Most simply undergo a significant water-y-ness (stupid lack of English ...) in the eye. Is that a physiological thing or a societal thing I dunno.

 

[voetstep]

Hi, Dave -

I usually read all replies before submitting a reply myself, but don't put aside "forcing yourself to cry". Sometimes that initial tear can open the floodgates.

I can "fake" cry on a moment's notice, and to do this, I think of the saddest thing in the world that has ever happened to me - my mother died. There have been days, when I know I will have unlimited alone time, when i've gathered all my mom's letters, cards, etc, and put on music that she loved and I will just cry and cry and cry. It's EXHAUSTING, but the reward of going through that emotion is incredible. Reminiscing about sad things can be a good way to start?

Perhaps make some alone time for yourself - be it in your car, in your bedroom, in the shower, wherever you feel you will be most private and uninterrupted (if privacy is what you want).

When you do cry, don't put a time limit on yourself. Stop crying when you just don't have any more cry left in you or until you fall asleep. Most of all, don't be ashamed when you cry. It is about the most HUMAN thing you will ever do for yourself. Crying is a HUMAN emotion, not a feminine emotion.

Good luck - and take care.

Steph.

 

[schatz]

I would say that if you feel it would help you alleviate your pent up emotions then maybe some of the suggestions here will help. Personally, I am depressive and suffer from chronic pain day in and day out year after year and one day I'd had a bit too uch to drink at a party and later cried my heart out. To this day, I disdain myself for losing control like that and haven't shed a tear since(4 or 5 years now). I also don't really drink that much any more because everything is still the same and I don't want to lose control again but in the process I've become very shut down and generally don't care about anything and just wait for each day to end so that the next one can get over with, I don't look forward to much in life and don't get much enjoyment out of it. Basically I'm just saying try whatever you think will help because the other path can be a mighty dark one.

 

[UC_Gav]

I know exactly how you feel. I have alot of things weighing on me too and more than once ive caught myself tring to force myself to cry but i get nothing.
Releasing Tension is hard, hell i dont even get angry that easily infact i dont think ive ever been truly angry with someone so all of that bottles up too.

I dont want to sound sexist but maybe its a Guy thing. Not nessecarily macho etc but simply that guys dont cry as easily as women. Only extreme situations can push them over the top.

I was 9 the last time i cried, when my Grandfather passed away. I cant remember another time since.

 

[sheath]

Hi, Dave -

When you do cry, don't put a time limit on yourself. Stop crying when you just don't have any more cry left in you or until you fall asleep. Most of all, don't be ashamed when you cry. It is about the most HUMAN thing you will ever do for yourself. Crying is a HUMAN emotion, not a feminine emotion.

Good luck - and take care.

Steph.

VERY awesome response, Steph.

S.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I don't think that it's all society's fault that guys can't cry. I don't even think that it's mostly socioeties fault that guys can't cry. I think something happens to you. I can remember when I stopped being able to cry. I was twelve years old and something happened and I reached for the tears and they just wouldn't come, no matter how I tried.

I could remember what crying felt like--I still can--but it just wouldn't happen.

Since then I have had ample opportunity and sometimes a really deep need to cry, to just let the pain and anguish out. At best I can manage a sob or two, then nothing. Even when I'm alone and at the end of my fucking rope--my mother's death, the death of my best and oldest friend--it just doesn't work.

I can fake it for awhile, but that doesn't help at all. The tears just aren't there.

---dr.M.

 

[voetstep]

VERY awesome response, Steph.

S.

VERY awesome response, Steph.

S.

Thank you, Sheath. It means a lot to me to get that kind of reaction.

And Dave, if you're still reading this thread, I hope you will keep us posted. We (if I may boldly speak for others) care. We really do. Feel free to PM if you have any questions, or just want to shed some thought.

An odd thought: Over 4 years ago, one morning i woke up from a dream about my mom. It wasn't really ABOUT her, but she was 'there'. I was back in the neighborhood i grew up in and
to cut to the chase, without having seen her once in the dream, what i remember of the dream now was there was a rose in an amethyst (glass) vase that was set outside a door. I woke up from the dream knowing she'd been there, and that the rose was HER. I knew she was "in town" and this was her way of letting me know she was there.
I was completely heartbroken that I didn't get to see her. (reminder: she's no longer w/ us, IRL)

after the dream:

Well, I was living w/ my boyfriend *husband now* and I was
-FINE- as I was showering and getting ready to go to work, but the moment I sat down at the edge of the bed to say "good morning" to him and to share this dream w/ him, that was IT. I finished telling him the dream and his reaction was, ".....AND?..."
...as if there was to be more to the story...as if it mattered whether there was a story or not.

If someone hasn't lost a person so very close to him/her, he/she will have no idea what "mourning" really means. Perhaps it's to some like losing a pet. A pet you're not too attached to. You "get over it". Well, when the person who brought you INTO this world is no longer OF this world, YOUR world changes drastically, and there is no "set" amount of time in "getting over it", because "getting over it" is just not an option. The pain EASES with time.

If there is anyone out there who suffers from pain of having lost someone close and dear to them, accept the fact that mourning will be a part of your life forever. I don't mean this in a dark way; I just mean that there will be days when you will miss, and you will need, and you will want, and you will laugh, and you may cry...etc etc etc.
Just as there should be no time limit as to how long a person 'should' (what a shitty word that is) cry, there is no time limit as to how long a person will be in mourning. It is what it is. And if it's yours, do with it what you want. Do with it what feels best to you.

And just remember - TIME is what it takes. And as long as you're here, you've got all the time in the world.

OK> sorry, everyone. had to shed MY thoughts....


nighty nite.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

...[text cut]... I've become very shut down and generally don't care about anything and just wait for each day to end so that the next one can get over with, I don't look forward to much in life and don't get much enjoyment out of it.

I feel pretty dense for not responding to this sooner.Somehow I must have missed this the first time I read this thread.

I know whereof you speak, Schatz. I too suffer from more or less chronic depression. It especially comes out when I'm stressed or lonely, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy: you're lonely and get depressed which then keeps you from even trying to meet people which then increases your depression and on it goes.

I'm on anti-depressents now, and they work so-so. The don't really turn me into Smilin' Jack, but they keep me from spiralling down out of control. They also restored my ability to do certain things which I'd been unable to do for years, like write. Before, everything I wrote just seemed like crap. Now I realize that it's pretty much okay, even good at times. Depression had taken that away from me, like it takes everything away from you.

It's amazing too how little things can make a difference: hearing that someone cares for you, that someone enjoys your company, appreciates what you do. Sometimes a little thing like that can make all the difference.

But I know what it's like to be so dead inside that you really don't care whether you wake up tomorrow or not, when even suicide seems like too much trouble to bother with. I'm no one to give advice, but if possible, try and get a real Doctor's help. Sometimes just taking medication can give you enough hope that things get better.

It seems to me that our moods are kind of random things. One person is happy and positive and feels life is full of promise where another one sees only misery, loss, and suffering. We don't choose to feel the way we do and are usually helpless to change it. But one point of view is no more valid or true than the other.

If you ever want to talk, just PM me. We can compare depression stories if nothing else.

All the best,

---dr.M.