How to create a Dom in 3 easy steps!?

[monica_mae]

I have been into the BDSM thing for a very long time.. secretly. I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 years now and have finally started to let him in on this secret... slowly. I am definitely on the submissive side, and he has no idea what to do. I need advice on how to teach him what to do... or give him outside resources. He's open to the idea, just doesn't know where to start. Neither do I. Any suggestions?

 

[LallyH]

Hello and welcome.

I am one of the lesser experienced people on here but I found a lot of good information thanks to Stella when I first arrived here. This is the link in her signature:

Stella's essay

If you try reading this, and also the books she recommends, it will give you both some ideas to think about and discuss. And please do come back, tell us all how you got on and ask some more questions.

Good luck

 

[IrisAlthea]

Is there a part of your relationship, parts of his personality or situations in your life where he is more dominant already?
Are there parts of your relationship or situations where you already defer to him?
If so, that might give you a startingpoint to work from.

Or is it more about sexual situations?
Do you sometimes have sexual experiences with him, that you think are more like what you would like? Then that is where you can start by showing how much you like it and perhaps make suggestions on going further with that.

 

[Primalex]

I have been into the BDSM thing for a very long time.. secretly. I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 years now and have finally started to let him in on this secret... slowly. I am definitely on the submissive side, and he has no idea what to do. I need advice on how to teach him what to do... or give him outside resources. He's open to the idea, just doesn't know where to start. Neither do I. Any suggestions?

1) Pick three BDSM stories where you wish you would be the female participant.
2) Print the stories.
3) Give him the stories.

Assuming he knows your language, can read and is remotely able to be dominant, that's all that is necessary; which is basically about telling him what he can do to you without you calling the cops.

 

[SteamyChik]

I could write a book on my experience with this exact situation. Basically, for me, the story ended with my dh not really being the dominant type. Oh, he LOVED my being submissive to him, serving him, going to BDSM parties and spanking me (and others), but in the end, he just didn't want to put forth the effort to meet my needs. So we agreed to just be plain old married. LOL. Which is fine. I love him madly and always will. Good luck.

 

[sprincess1990]

If you find the answer, feel free to share it

 

[meadow_lark]

Hello and welcome.

I am one of the lesser experienced people on here but I found a lot of good information thanks to Stella when I first arrived here. This is the link in her signature:

Stella's essay

If you try reading this, and also the books she recommends, it will give you both some ideas to think about and discuss. And please do come back, tell us all how you got on and ask some more questions.

Good luck

Thank you for posting that link!
Quite interesting and definitely some food for thought.