How to Choose the Right Master

[princesssuzanne]

Hello. I am female sub and seem to be having issues finding a master. Any advice for how to see what is a good Master and what is a bad Master?

The issues I am having is that it always seem that a person is pretending and just wish to use a sub as a cheap thrill. They also want an instant trust from the sub and want to see them naked completely immediately. Or you have the ones that manage to keep up the charade long enough to have the sub invested and then flip and become a sadist who enjoys inflecting pain on the sub with knowledge that it is something the sub is not willing to do by any means. These are just a few issues.
Hope this clears up any questions.

 

[ImOnIt]

Confucious say: bad Master like rotten fruit, is slimy and make sad.

 

[princesssuzanne]

Definitely an interesting answer....

 

[CutieMouse]

You posted something similar in BDSM Personals at 12:30am, and had "found a master" by 3:11?

If you're just looking to play games and cyber, at least have the decency to admit it. One doesn't "find a [good] master" in three hours or less; one finds a [hopefully decent] cyber fuck. (Or real fuck when trolling bars.)

 

[catalina_francisco]

You posted something similar in BDSM Personals at 12:30am, and had "found a master" by 3:11?

If you're just looking to play games and cyber, at least have the decency to admit it. One doesn't "find a [good] master" in three hours or less; one finds a [hopefully decent] cyber fuck. (Or real fuck when trolling bars.)

LOL, CM, I suspect we are considered far too serious and demanding of those deeper qualities to appreciate just how it should be done for something long lasting and real!! What can we do to mend our bad habits?!!

Catalina

 

[princesssuzanne]

The person I met has been understanding, laid out all of their rules, and has not given me any reason to think that they are unwilling to help education. This is not about a cyber fuck.

Also who is to say that judgment has been made on whether or not they are a good or bad master. I posted this topic for advice not to be judged.

 

[where]

The person I met has been understanding, laid out all of their rules, and has not given me any reason to think that they are unwilling to help education. This is not about a cyber fuck.

Also who is to say that judgment has been made on whether or not they are a good or bad master. I posted this topic for advice not to be judged.

you met them already? that was fast.

 

[CutieMouse]

The person I met has been understanding, laid out all of their rules, and has not given me any reason to think that they are unwilling to help education. This is not about a cyber fuck.

Also who is to say that judgment has been made on whether or not they are a good or bad master. I posted this topic for advice not to be judged.

One would presume that if you are interested in finding a "good master", you would spend more than three hours getting to know the person you are offering your submission to - so that you would know if he were a good master or not prior to offering your submission.

One does not need to "find a master" to educate oneself about BDSM, D/s, or M/s. There are discussion boards all over the internet full of people who have done D/s real time for months, years, decades *who are willing to answer whatever questions you might have or offer advice*. There are hundreds of books on the subject. There are local organizations that put together monthly meetings so people can sit around a dinner table and talk (and go to the local dungeon afterward to play if they like).

You started a thread in BDSM PErsonals at 12:31AM called "Desperately in Need of a master"

I am a 22 year old female sub in desperate need of a Master. PM if interested. Seriously inquiries only. Men or Women.

This was your post in the BDSM forum at 12:37AM -

Hello. I am female sub and seem to be having issues finding a master. Any advice for how to see what is a good Master and what is a bad Master?

And this was your post in your personals thread at 3:11AM -

Found a Master. Thank you for your PMs.

Your profile states you live in Texas (which has a really active scene in both Austin and Dallas, BTW), you posted your question about how to find a good master after midnight, and instead of waiting for your middle of the night question to be answered, you "found a master" in less than 3 hours.

So. Yeah. Judgment based on your actions.

 

[princesssuzanne]

Well you would also be interested to know that i closed that thread because I have a person who is continuing to harass me because I did not want them. We all have reasons for our actions. If you do not like mine then why comment on my threads?

Further more we all learn differently. Just reading about something does not really teach me about it or how to use the knowledge to be a proper submissive.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Well you would also be interested to know that i closed that thread because I have a person who is continuing to harass me because I did not want them. We all have reasons for our actions. If you do not like mine then why comment on my threads?

Further more we all learn differently. Just reading about something does not really teach me about it or how to use the knowledge to be a proper submissive.

Perhaps the reason for commenting on your threads was to *try* to give you some of the advice you asked for in the original post in this thread. Believe it or not in the infinite wisdom of your 22 years on the planet, but there are those who have had many more experiences than you have had, and learned from them, and are willing to share the benefits of those experiences and that knowledge.

However, if you're not willing to pay attention to any feedback that you feel might put you in "a bad light," then you'll still end up learning... the hard way.

 

[CutieMouse]

Hello. I am female sub and seem to be having issues finding a master. Any advice for how to see what is a good Master and what is a bad Master?

Well you would also be interested to know that i closed that thread because I have a person who is continuing to harass me because I did not want them. We all have reasons for our actions. If you do not like mine then why comment on my threads?

Further more we all learn differently. Just reading about something does not really teach me about it or how to use the knowledge to be a submissive.

"I have a person who is continuing to harass me because I did not want them"... lesson #1 - don't post personals ads until you know what you want, and can clearly articulate it. Otherwise, Horny Net Geeks jump on words like "desperate", and you're stuck dealing with idiots who assume identifying as submissive = will do anything an online stranger tells them to (and don't graciously take "no" for an answer).

We do all learn differently, and while I am a huge bibliophile, I think books are actually less than ideal (in one sense) when it comes to learning about D/s, because it's a pretty fluid sort of thing. But there are a lot of great tools out there; sources of information.

 

[JMohegan]

Just reading about something does not really teach me about it or how to use the knowledge to be a proper submissive.

I agree with this.

To answer your opening query - a good "Master" is a matter of personal fit. (As is a "proper" submissive, by the way.)

To find a good match, I recommend making a few close friends in your local kinky community, and expanding your circle of contacts from there.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Hello. I am female sub and seem to be having issues finding a master. Any advice for how to see what is a good Master and what is a bad Master?

If you want to find a good person to play with (of any particular persuasion) in a BDSM context, go to your local munch, talk to people, and if someone seems interested in you (and you in them), talk to other people about them.

People on the scene have reputations; people locally will know who is safe to play with, who is a good mentor, and who is a weirdo fantasist. And, of course, there will be a certain amount of bitching, as there is in any small social group.

If, for some reason, you can't go out and find a person-of-the-appropriate-persuasion in the flesh but need to find them online, then

(1) Ask them for references - people they've played with before. Ask for actual phone numbers, and really phone the people up to find out whether the person you're interested is safe; and

(2) Have your first meeting in a public place where people will actually intervene if you need help.

Obviously, finding a person to play with is risky - This Thing That We Do is about risk and danger - but there's no need to make it riskier than it needs to be. There are a lot of decent people out there - of any persuasion you choose - but there are also psychologically damaged people, fantasists and users. Take care. But enjoy yourself.

 

[catalina_francisco]

OK, my bit of serious advice is if you feel in such a short time (or any time at all for that matter) you have to close a personals thread because someone won't take no for an answer online, than you best not even contemplate meeting anyone face to face until you can handle it better. This is not meant to be nasty, but IMHO, if someone bothers you online (or by mobile phone), as long as you have not been stupid enough to give them your real name, home address or workplace (which is common sense for any internet connection D/s or vanilla), why let it bother you to this degree....after all what can they really do? BTW, on Lit you can block someone who you do not want to interact with anymore, so problem solved less dramatically or disruptively to your search.

Catalina

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well you would also be interested to know that i closed that thread because I have a person who is continuing to harass me because I did not want them. We all have reasons for our actions. If you do not like mine then why comment on my threads?

Further more we all learn differently. Just reading about something does not really teach me about it or how to use the knowledge to be a proper submissive.

My suggestion is the same as Simon's. Look for a local munch and go to a few meetings, start getting to know your community.
http://fetlife.com is a great resource for you.

 

[satindesire]

Finding a "Master" is like finding anyone else not involved in BDSM. You need to find someone who shares enough similarities in your lives so that you are suitably compatible for a long-term relationship. In that vein, it is NO different than finding a 'vanilla' partner.

Fact of the matter is, the only difference between finding a "Master" and finding a vanilla partner is the dynamics of power exchange between you two. The difficulty isn't in finding a "Master", the difficulty is finding a PARTNER who is compatible with you.

Focus on finding a good partner first, and work on the BDSM stuff after.

 

[NomadLady]

Hello. I am female sub and seem to be having issues finding a master. Any advice for how to see what is a good Master and what is a bad Master?

You didn't elaborate on the "issues" you were having and whether you wanted a cyber master or a real life master for one...then you argue with people trying to give you advice. You post that you are "desperate" in the personals area and then that you found your online master in a short matter of a few hours.

WOW, you really have this BDSM thing down pat now and are sniping at the people trying to help you? There are people here who have more years in the lifestyle that you have even been alive...if you refuse their advice you will really be missing out on a learning experience. Read the threads here where others have asked similar questions, meet locals in your area at a munch and get to know what you like/don't like before you get in over your head.

 

[princesssuzanne]

This is a thread i started to receive advice. Not to judge because of another post I made. Did I ever openly say in this thread that I had chosen a master? No. I merely asked for advice. End of story. If you are not here to offer advice, then do not bother posting.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

This is a thread i started to receive advice. Not to judge because of another post I made. Did I ever openly say in this thread that I had chosen a master? No. I merely asked for advice. End of story. If you are not here to offer advice, then do not bother posting.

*Snort* You really haven't been around here long, have you? How are you going to enforce this "Don't bother posting if you're not going to say what I want to hear!" edict on a FREE SPEECH BOARD?

Are you going to take your posts/threads and go home and cry on your Barbie pillow?

 

[Sir Victor]

How about she just tells you to fuck off! Oh wait you'd have to go take some Viagra first!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

This is a thread i started to receive advice. Not to judge because of another post I made. Did I ever openly say in this thread that I had chosen a master? No. I merely asked for advice. End of story. If you are not here to offer advice, then do not bother posting.

Ta-a-a-ake it easy. Put down the box cutter. Now kick it over here. Slo-o-owly. Good.

Now. Don't you think you've gotten a lot of good advice here already? And from among the best advice-givers on this board, too.

Also, I would add, there's no need to change your oil at the manufacturer's recommended interval of 3,000 miles. That is an outdated standard; today's vehicles require oil changes only every 5,000-7,500 miles.

 

[princesssuzanne]

I do appreciate the all of the advice that has been given. Some of the methods of the delivery are what I do not like, but then again it is my thread so I am allowed to like and dislike what I want. If I make you so angry why bother posting?

 

[NomadLady]

I do appreciate the all of the advice that has been given. Some of the methods of the delivery are what I do not like, but then again it is my thread so I am allowed to like and dislike what I want. If I make you so angry why bother posting?

Princess.....do us ALL a favor...and get over yourself.

 

[princesssuzanne]

Hmmmmm...... it is much better to watch others make fools of themselves instead darlin. So just keep right on posting.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I do appreciate the all of the advice that has been given. Some of the methods of the delivery are what I do not like, but then again it is my thread so I am allowed to like and dislike what I want. If I make you so angry why bother posting?

Some more advice: Once or twice, I made the mistake on Lit of thinking that because I had started a thread, I somehow could dictate the terms. That can work in a lighthearted way ("What cereal is the most erotic? Warning: Oatmeal, grits and gruel are not cereals for the purposes of this thread!") but with matters of real substance, it rarely does, and is really contrary to the spirit of the site.