how to be better??
- Thread starter slutpet
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canadiancutie
Literotica Guru
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slutpet said:
Why not ask him?
Kierae
tragically delicious
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Honestly only you can answer that question since you know His likes/dislikes. All you can really do is either anticipate (can be hit or miss), go by prior experience (still hit or miss if you try something that worked with prior Masters), or close your eyes and take his lead. He will show you what he wants. 
h_i_s
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If you are unsure of what you can and can not speak about with him:slutpet said:
Perhaps the advice anyone can offer the two of you would be to suggest that you each polish your communication skills. The first conversation i would spark up, if i were you, would be on the subject of expressing a need for better communication between the two of you, in the interest of KNOWING how to better serve his expectations. Explain to him that you are not certain of what you may or may not be allowed to approach him with in relation to questions of concern to you regarding your relationship with him.
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redelicious
Bedroom Bottom
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slutpet said:
I jump to conclusions a lot, but I think you should put the D/s part of your relationship aside until you fully understand his expectations. I think you should ask a lot of questions, and make sure you are ok with the answers before proceeding. Communication is essential.
Master Sensei
Experienced
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When I read posts like this I have to ponder what the level of the Dominant mentioned must be.
Sometimes in their search to get their needs met I just can't believe what some girls are willing to accept.
Sometimes in their search to get their needs met I just can't believe what some girls are willing to accept.
Epona's Chylde
Literotica Guru
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Master Sensei said:
Because they are new to the lifestyle, many of the girls don't realize that they are "settling".
People get fed a lot of misinformation in the beginning, especially when most of their knowledge has been garnered from an online community.
He should let you know. It shouldn't really be an issue. The simple answer to your question would be to ask him what he wants and then try your best to accomplish it.
shy slave
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If its difficult talking directly about likes/dislikes you could use a checklist, such as the one on soulhaven.
It allows you to say what you like/ dislike/want to try/would not try and would never try.
Another way would be to ask him to describe his favourite fantasy, that can be easier over the 'phone or on something like Yahoo.
That way you have time to think through what he is saying without feeling he is watching for your reaction.
There is this belief that every PYL (pick your label ~Dom, Master etc) knows exactly what they want, why should they? In the rest of our lives our views and wants change BDSM is not so very different in that respect.
Please also consider not every PYL is able to freely explain what they like, it varies depending on the day, person etc.
If you and he are working out a new relationship he may not want to go over tried & tested things he knows about but explore something new and unique with you.
slutpet, I hope you find many different ways to discover what he likes, enjoy the journey, and I hope he takes as much time and thought discovering what you like, as you have to given him.
It allows you to say what you like/ dislike/want to try/would not try and would never try.
Another way would be to ask him to describe his favourite fantasy, that can be easier over the 'phone or on something like Yahoo.
That way you have time to think through what he is saying without feeling he is watching for your reaction.
There is this belief that every PYL (pick your label ~Dom, Master etc) knows exactly what they want, why should they? In the rest of our lives our views and wants change BDSM is not so very different in that respect.
Please also consider not every PYL is able to freely explain what they like, it varies depending on the day, person etc.
If you and he are working out a new relationship he may not want to go over tried & tested things he knows about but explore something new and unique with you.
slutpet, I hope you find many different ways to discover what he likes, enjoy the journey, and I hope he takes as much time and thought discovering what you like, as you have to given him.
pandoravampire
Really Experienced
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Slutpet, i wish you well on your journey.
Some have intonated, that the level of your Sir is not experienced enough, to take a submissive. This may or may not be true.
My Sir had never taken another in the way he takes me. He was new. Brand shiny and new. As was I.
As a romantic, i know, that when my limits are being pushed, so are His! If ive not gone this far, neither has he. We both fly high, so it need not be a negative, to begin your individual journey's from the same starting block.
Each of your paths will twist and turn. Intertwining and connecting well we hope.
Communication has been mentioned. It is always mentioned. One of my biggest lessons i have learnt at this early stage of my and journey, is that, a far more articulate level must be achieved, to sustain a healthy D/s relationship. I have had to learn to be honest. To a level of great discomfort at times. To talk in depth, night after night, with my significant other.
There are times, when things are uphill for some reason, when you wonder if your really on the right track. When your so bloody tired, the last thing you want to do is massage him to sleep! The row's. How do people in D/s relationships row? Was something i had to learn. That all of my opinions are desired, but they must all be put forward in a respectful manner. Almost like learning a new language. All to enhance our communication levels, both verbal and written. When the shit hits the fan in a D/s relationship, (and it does, just like vanilla!), being able to discuss things honestly and openly with each other, pays dividends.
You both have to learn how your going to play your relationship. You negotiate your way along the path. Every time you talk about your day, your negotiating tomorrow. Your Sir, will take all that you have said, and it will be considered in his response. Not necessarily in your favour, but his. And hopefully, in a mutually beneficial way.
Like you, i was advised to go for 'a experienced Dom', and had one showed up, id of leapt at the chance. But despite meeting a few, none inspired the submissive to come out. The person i chose, was the person that i had chemistry for. I wanted the whole shebang, not just a play partner. It just so happened, that he too, was at the beginning of His journey. We chose to experience this part together. Its so much fun. This is the most rewarding thing of my life, equal to another role of Mother, that i have.
I would say its wise to read boards like this. I have learnt so much from reading thread after thread.
"You dont have to post, to learn here, but it helps"
pandoravampire
Some have intonated, that the level of your Sir is not experienced enough, to take a submissive. This may or may not be true.
My Sir had never taken another in the way he takes me. He was new. Brand shiny and new. As was I.
As a romantic, i know, that when my limits are being pushed, so are His! If ive not gone this far, neither has he. We both fly high, so it need not be a negative, to begin your individual journey's from the same starting block.
Each of your paths will twist and turn. Intertwining and connecting well we hope.
Communication has been mentioned. It is always mentioned. One of my biggest lessons i have learnt at this early stage of my and journey, is that, a far more articulate level must be achieved, to sustain a healthy D/s relationship. I have had to learn to be honest. To a level of great discomfort at times. To talk in depth, night after night, with my significant other.
There are times, when things are uphill for some reason, when you wonder if your really on the right track. When your so bloody tired, the last thing you want to do is massage him to sleep! The row's. How do people in D/s relationships row? Was something i had to learn. That all of my opinions are desired, but they must all be put forward in a respectful manner. Almost like learning a new language. All to enhance our communication levels, both verbal and written. When the shit hits the fan in a D/s relationship, (and it does, just like vanilla!), being able to discuss things honestly and openly with each other, pays dividends.
You both have to learn how your going to play your relationship. You negotiate your way along the path. Every time you talk about your day, your negotiating tomorrow. Your Sir, will take all that you have said, and it will be considered in his response. Not necessarily in your favour, but his. And hopefully, in a mutually beneficial way.
Like you, i was advised to go for 'a experienced Dom', and had one showed up, id of leapt at the chance. But despite meeting a few, none inspired the submissive to come out. The person i chose, was the person that i had chemistry for. I wanted the whole shebang, not just a play partner. It just so happened, that he too, was at the beginning of His journey. We chose to experience this part together. Its so much fun. This is the most rewarding thing of my life, equal to another role of Mother, that i have.
I would say its wise to read boards like this. I have learnt so much from reading thread after thread.
"You dont have to post, to learn here, but it helps"
pandoravampire
His_pita
~Owned~
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pandoravampire said:
Yes that is my relationship too and I love that neither of us have had prior D/s experience. We learn together what we want for our D/s and it's wonderful.
It's been said, but I will say it too, communication is a must. We often go out of our roles of Dom and sub and just talk as a couple when dealing with new ideas. Of course we are still long distance so D/s isn't done all that much. Too busy getting to real life for that right now. Soon though.
cati
Literally Rabid.
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- Feb 2, 2004
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On pleasing your Master
First I would suggest doing a search on D/s BDSM lifestyle on the web. There are many articles written by subs/slaves with suggestions on improving oneself and learning to please one's Master/Mistress.
Anticipate your Master's desires. What foods does he like, what movies, books, music etc. Surprise him occasionally with a small gift. Would you want to improve yourself by looking better, working out or dressing sexier? Cook his favourite meals for him. If your Master likes oral sex (as most do *winkin') practice performing "new" tricks on him. Erotic massages work well too and are certainly Dom pleasers.
Invest in sexy (not neccessarily expensive) lingerie. Why not sign up for a cooking class, belly dancing lessons or purchase an erotic dance video and strip for him. Also, listen to his comments about different things and go from there.
#1 Be the best person you you can be, then be a terrific slave!
slutpet said:
First I would suggest doing a search on D/s BDSM lifestyle on the web. There are many articles written by subs/slaves with suggestions on improving oneself and learning to please one's Master/Mistress.
Anticipate your Master's desires. What foods does he like, what movies, books, music etc. Surprise him occasionally with a small gift. Would you want to improve yourself by looking better, working out or dressing sexier? Cook his favourite meals for him. If your Master likes oral sex (as most do *winkin') practice performing "new" tricks on him. Erotic massages work well too and are certainly Dom pleasers.
Invest in sexy (not neccessarily expensive) lingerie. Why not sign up for a cooking class, belly dancing lessons or purchase an erotic dance video and strip for him. Also, listen to his comments about different things and go from there.
#1 Be the best person you you can be, then be a terrific slave!
Snoozebutton2
Despoiler of Women
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2004
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- 5,901
Hi
Men are very visual, you may want to watch a D/s adult movie that has the kind of play which your interested. Nina Hartley has some good beginner movies. Never hurts to see how it's done right.
Men are very visual, you may want to watch a D/s adult movie that has the kind of play which your interested. Nina Hartley has some good beginner movies. Never hurts to see how it's done right.
