How start out?

[Evil_Geoff]

How do you go about finding a club like that?

You can try the Munch+Adult Local Links (MALL) Directory. Google is your friend. Use the search terms "Cityname, BDSM" You may have to narrow it down by using a state or region along with the location name. You'd be surprised at what pops up.

http://fetlife.com

If you don't have a profile there, you might consider creating one. There is a MUCH larger kink community there than here on Lit. Their search function with "cityname" will return people, groups, and events associated with that location.

Can anyone recommend an appropriate flogger for first timers? Something that doesn't hurt too much, but has a bit of a bite just to get a feel for it?

It isn't necessarily the toy, but how it is used, that creates the sensations. But, generally speaking, when it comes to sensations, toys tend to be described as "stingy" or "thuddy". Thuddy is more of an impact (can be like a punching type massage), stingy is a sharper sensation. If you have had the experiences to differentiate - it's the difference between someone using the blade of their hands while pounding on your back for a massage, and having someone slap your back.

Generally speaking, for flogger construction:
More falls = more thud, fewer falls = more sting
Wider falls = more thud, narrower falls = more sting
flat tips = more thud, pointed tips = more sting
Hitting with most of the tails = more thud, hitting with just the tips = more sting

Regarding materials:
Suede = more thud, cowhide = more sting, rubber = even more sting
Horsehair, and not knotted jute or sisal rope = scratchy,
Bunny fur and unraveled nylon rope = soft and fluffy, knotted rope = more sting.

Hope that helps!

 

[MissShelly]

Well said, and useful advice indeed.....

Now....lets talk about fire play. I am intrigued.

 

[MissShelly]

Great info. Thank you.

 

[Socratic_Wisdom]

What makes you think anyone here doesn't see the journey?

I've just provide some roadmaps that may, or may not, be used to help them figure out where they want to go along the way.

With SM play, ignorance isn't necessarily bliss, it can be bloody dangerous. And while the level of danger involved with a little spanking isn't the kind of danger one would encounter while engaging in fire play or breath play, or scarification, dismissing information that one may find useful for keeping their mutually enjoyed activities within the boundaries of any of the mantras used in the kink community to separate consensual SM play from abuse (Safe, Sane, Consensual; or Risk Aware Consensual Kink; or Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink) does them a disservice.

Having some info about HOW to "explore a few locked up fantasies" might be useful, n'est pas?

Agreed.

I didn't intend to imply that no one saw it, it was a turn of phrase rather than an accusation. I agree that the resources you've provided are not just useful, but great reads in general. I actually hadn't even heard of half of them. So thank you for those by the way, I hope I find time to buy and read them.

I also did not intend to undermine the importance of safety in any sort of play or the usefulness of guides to help keep it safe. I am a firm believer of SSC. The intent of my post was to keep an open and creative mind. Never for a second did I mean to imply that being smart and informed about how to play safely was by any means unimportant.

As I am unaccustomed to posting in forums in general, I am finding that the communication style is rather unique and that I need to change a few assumptions I make while posting.

 

[Glycanthrope]

Well said, and useful advice indeed.....

Now....lets talk about fire play. I am intrigued.

The temperature sense (thermoception) and touch/pressure (tactile perception) go along two different pathways to the brain. Therefore temperture play can complement impact play (such as whipping and spanking) to add an extra dimension to your kink games.

There is a multitude of ways to include temperature play, including hairdryers, clothes irons (at low setting), flammable alcohols and so on, but the humble wax candle seems to be among the most popular - certainly a favourite of mine, and for good reason.

The top can provide a very wide range of sensations to the sub, by dripping molten candlewax onto various sensitive areas. The intensity is easy to control by adjusting the distance between candle and skin, the time between each drop and of course composition of the candlewax.

Candles are usually made from a combination of paraffin wax and stearin. Paraffin has a lower melting point (46-68 °C) than stearin (54–73 °C), and candles with high paraffin content are therefore considered safer than pure stearin candles. The low temperature makes this kind of temperature play relatively safe, while keeping it easy for the top to provide sensations that stay within the "good pain" zone.

Spoiler alert:
At very high temperatures, the sensory system has difficulties distinguising heat from cold. Therefore a top can play a trick on his sub by "threatening" to apply excessive heat, but insted touch the sub with a simple ice-cube.

I have a soft spot for candle play beause they can be used for lighting a scene, add a great degree of romance, and the playful couple can have a fantastic time just seeking out the areas on the sub that enjoys this treatment.

Plus, you will never think of a candle-lit dinner in the same way as before...

 

[MissShelly]

Ooh. I want to play with fire!