How soon is too soon?

[swtrthnhoney]

So you go out on a date and you really like someone...
how soon is too soon (to have sex)?
Seems like guys have some sort of code about how soon is too soon. Yes, you want it to happen (guess what, the girl does too but if she really likes you then she wants you to like her for more than that), but if it happens too soon then it seems as if the girl is too easy or something.
So, how soon is too soon?

 

[shewantsmore]

for me it was on my second date but everyone is different

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Definitely agree that everyone is different.
Very curious what men think is too soon.

 

[ace_high]

Well, seeing as how you asked, I will say that I feel sex before marriage is too soon. That's just me. Doesn't mean it's right, doesn't mean it's wrong. You asked for my opinion and I gave it.

 

[cryforme1v]

IMHO, waiting for marriage to have sex is just unrealistic and would explain why so many catholics hate their wives / husbands.
But thats just my opinion.

To me - the right time is when you say / feel it is. there is no "time limit" to have sex.
You either want to have a relationship with the guy and sex with that relationship, then theres no such thing as too soon or too late. Just make sure both of your hearts are with it, not just your sex organs.

 

[sunandshadow]

I think it depends on whether you've known the person you're dating as an acquaintance for a while, or they are a total stranger. I'd want a few more dates first with the total stranger to make sure they're not secretly a psychopath or a compulsive liar or something.

 

[Experiencedguy]

If you meet someone at a pickup bar, you should at least finish your drink.

Seriously, every two people are unique in their relationship. I have had some partners where we made it the first night, but many others where it never happened. I would say my average has been somewhere between one to two weeks, with somewhere up to four dates, and three or four phone calls.

 

[HOG1954]

I think it depends on how old you are when you have sex. If you are a teen, and are a virgin it maybe makes sense to wait a while. If you are older and more experienced, go with the feeling. If on the fst date you re both comfortable and ready for action, go for it. If you are feeling the least bit hesitant, listen to it. Your instincts are there for a reason.

 

[cryforme1v]

what hog said.

 

[kevin_1s]

I agree with sunandshadow. A total stranger, I would wait until you have had a few dates. Some you have known before dating, then sooner.

There is no right or wrong answer, its what you feel comfortable with.

 

[infinity706]

Don't ask me. I've had anonymous sex with people I'll never know if I've met before. Of course, I did use a condom.

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

If we really click and I really like you, then there is no such thing as "too soon" (good lord do i sound that easy! LOL). Hubby and I had been dating a month and I tried to sleep wtih him but he kept holding off ... he was ready about 2 months after we had been dating.

 

[Somehowyou]

First Date Sex

Never have sex, Never, until he (or she) is all the way inside the door!

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

Never have sex, Never, until he (or she) is all the way inside the door!

Spoilsport!

 

[VelvetSin]

So you go out on a date and you really like someone...
how soon is too soon (to have sex)?
Seems like guys have some sort of code about how soon is too soon. Yes, you want it to happen (guess what, the girl does too but if she really likes you then she wants you to like her for more than that), but if it happens too soon then it seems as if the girl is too easy or something.
So, how soon is too soon?

The right time frame is when you feel it's right. Whether that's the first date or months (or years?) later is up to you.

If you're thinking of establishing a relationship with someone, they'll be on the same page with you about when "the time is right" so there won't be any real worries about whether they'll judge you as easy or a prude or something in-between. If they do judge you, think you easy, think you too uptight, then chances are good they're not "the one." So, your instincts are the only ones that really matter when it comes to your end of the decision.

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

No, its good advice. Otherwise all the neighbors want to join in and then you have to share.

But if you combine a bit of an exhibitionist with the love of pushing boundaries and a submissive orientation then others seeing and wanting to join in might be fun! (do you think that would scare the guy away? LOL)

 

[IrisAlthea]

The right time frame is when you feel it's right. Whether that's the first date or months (or years?) later is up to you.

If you're thinking of establishing a relationship with someone, they'll be on the same page with you about when "the time is right" so there won't be any real worries about whether they'll judge you as easy or a prude or something in-between. If they do judge you, think you easy, think you too uptight, then chances are good they're not "the one." So, your instincts are the only ones that really matter when it comes to your end of the decision.

This!

 

[qrayze]

Well, um, in the past year, i didn't have sex with anyone that I didn't talk to for at least 3 hours beforehand. none of the guys were anything serious, and I didn't really care (was going thru divorce, depression...just wanted someone to fuck)

Now that i'm thru all that, I do have a serious boyfriend, however, seeing as he's like 16,000 miles away, we really don't have a choice until he comes here in a few months. I for one am planning on meeting him at the airport braless and pantyless...just in case


But in all seriousness, when you have sex with someone, you give a part of yourself away. A part that you can share as long as you are together with that person until they are no longer a part of your life. Once they go, so does that piece of you. With that in mind, you shouldn't ask yourself when to have sex, but who you want to share yourself with. When you figure out the who, the when will take care of itself.

 

[londoner2]

You know it was too soon if you regret it afterwards...

 

[lovescoldmetal]

You know it was too soon if you regret it afterwards...

By which time it's too late!

 

[liv21]

I only have one experience with this. For me, I chose to do it on the third or fourth date. This seems like standard practice for most people, but I was a virgin when I started dating my fiance (and so was he). My friends thought I was crazy, but I trusted both him and myself.

Being (mature) teenagers, we had discussed sex when we started dating. Neither of us had any hangups about it despite being virgins. I admit it was me that asked him to do it. I think perhaps I pushed him slightly. I didn't have to fight him for it, but I think he very much wanted to do it to please me.

Being young, a virgin, and in a relationship for the first time, I definitely took a chance. But I like to think I could tell even then that it would work out.

I think in general you should be open and comfortable enough to TALK about sex before having sex.

 

[Kat73]

I slept with my husband on our second "date". We had known each other for over a year and had been hanging out as friends for about 6 months prior. I was completely comfortable with him and couldn't wait to sleep with him! He was a player back in those days so I didn't expect much more than sex from him...and here we are 18 years later, still having sex almost every day!

I would say now, it depends on the connection you have with someone. I know if I have a strong connection with someone, it is very hard to keep my hands off of them...

 

[Firebrain]

I met him briefly at a friend's dorm. Met him briefly again on a night out, hung out for half an hour. He turned up at my room the following morning. We had sex. Oopsie.

Of course, he proposed a few months later so I figured that made it ok...

If you like each other and you both want it, I see waiting as a waste of time.

 

[PixelPrincess]

I agree with other posters that it should be when it feels right. There are some people I've been with where we've waited months and others mere hours. It just depends on the dynamic of the relationship and how comfortable you are. It also depends on what you're looking for. If you're just looking for a fuck buddy, as so many people are here, then it's senseless to wait long. If you're looking for a true relationship with a future, then, yes, I agree that you should wait longer in order for it to be more meaningful.

 

[NomadLady]

So you go out on a date and you really like someone...
how soon is too soon (to have sex)?
Seems like guys have some sort of code about how soon is too soon. Yes, you want it to happen (guess what, the girl does too but if she really likes you then she wants you to like her for more than that), but if it happens too soon then it seems as if the girl is too easy or something.
So, how soon is too soon?

I think it depends on the presence or lack of a relationship. With fuck buddies it's a given that it's pretty soon, with dating......that's a personal choice between the "daters". Who cares about the "code", we are all adults here.