How soon is too soon?

[tythisredheadup]

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[MT_Pitcher]

I have finally found someone I am completely interested in. We have talking for the past nine days, just on the phone and thru email. All of my particulars are out of the way, and I see this relationship progressing.

Is this too soon? I already have deep feelings for this man. Strong feelings, almost saying I am infatuated. Granted, I haven't met him face to face, but I am very drawn to him. He has that control over me that I have so desperately needed and desired for so long. It actually made me a better person. I get my tasks and errands done on time, only because he is holding me accountable.

The problem I have is the time factor. My brain tells me it is so short, not to fall in too deep. I told him last night, if it got to be too much, cutting into time with our families, that we would have to stop. He agreed to that reluctantly. The distance between us is not a factor, it's far enough to keep me and him discreet. I know if we lived in the same town, it would be harder to keep our hands off each other.

There's no one right answer.
There is always an element of risk.
Every relationship is different and you can only risk as must as you're able at the time.
But you can't win if you don't gamble.......

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I have finally found someone I am completely interested in. We have talking for the past nine days, just on the phone and thru email. All of my particulars are out of the way, and I see this relationship progressing.

Is this too soon? I already have deep feelings for this man. Strong feelings, almost saying I am infatuated. Granted, I haven't met him face to face, but I am very drawn to him. He has that control over me that I have so desperately needed and desired for so long. It actually made me a better person. I get my tasks and errands done on time, only because he is holding me accountable.

The problem I have is the time factor. My brain tells me it is so short, not to fall in too deep. I told him last night, if it got to be too much, cutting into time with our families, that we would have to stop. He agreed to that reluctantly. The distance between us is not a factor, it's far enough to keep me and him discreet. I know if we lived in the same town, it would be harder to keep our hands off each other.

Despite the short time, there is no hard and fast rule, as MT_Pitcher says, concerning the whens and whys and wherefores - particularly the whens.

I would, however strongly consider making arrangements to meet him r/l, in a public place, to talk face to face and "test the chemistry." I would suggest a restaurant or quiet bar-type setting, where you can sit and talk for at least an hour or two. (Aside: If you choose the bar, make sure your alcoholic intake is limited or nil - and watch his choice and number of drinks. That can tell you a lot about his control and management of himself - which will give you some strong hints about his r/l control/management of you.)

If that meeting goes well, then you could consider another r/l meeting, this time for activities. I would not, under most circumstances, consider it safe or sane to go straight from online and phone to a r/l meeting for activity purposes without at least one initial meeting in a "neutral" environment.

This is, of course, merely my opinion (see disclaimer and CYA notice below)... YMMV.

 

[tythisredheadup]

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[Learn Humility]

I believe that once you meet someone on-line and there seems to be a level of compatability, why wait to meet in person?

The sooner the better, I say. You can spend weeks communicating electronically, only to find that when you do meet the chemistry is not what you thought it would be, so why waste time?

But I absolutely agree that the first meeting should be in a public place.

 

[PyroDemon]

I have to agree with MT and Sir Winston, go with caution. I fully understand the desire to know alot more about someone as soon as your can, but time shows us so much about a person we should see before we commit. I realize that you may have needs that are pushing you ahead and possibly clouding your judgement. We all do. But you seem to be heading in the right direction, simply stopping and thinking like you have if it is too soon is a sign you should respond to. So heed it, take some time ( no one knows much about anyone in just 9 or 10 days ), and relax. If this man truely has your best interests at heart, he will understand. And if he for some reason doesn't, you should examine his mis-understanding and see if it is not desperation that is driving it. This goes for both of you.

 

[graceanne]

The main thing that concerned me about what you said is that when you told him that he couldn't cut into your time with your family, he reluctantly agreed. If he's not comfortable with that, then he's most likely gonna try and change it further down the line when you're . . . more strongly attached. Be careful.

 

[WriterDom]

If it is a mutual feeling then I say it is not too soon. However, if he is pressuring you to meet this soon it would raise a red flag in my mind.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[tythisredheadup]

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[tythisredheadup]

If it is a mutual feeling then I say it is not too soon. However, if he is pressuring you to meet this soon it would raise a red flag in my mind.

It is mutual, he's probably been burned before.

I hope things work out for you.

You're so sweet.

 

[kayte]

Hi,

Just leaving my 2 cents worth too. I know it is possible to meet someone here, and move to the phone and a R/L meeting and then even take it all from there.

ToyDoc, and WD and Sir Winston and grace and Learn Humility all have said such good things.

I have two more to add.

1. Listen to your "little voice". If says RUN!! Do so!! Please. By the same token, it may tell you "this is right."

2. Have a "safe call". Even for a public meeting. Beyond that call. Make sure there is someone who knows where you will be, when you will be home.

 

[Raeth]

I can't really be negative about this as I met my wife in a chat room for discussing books. At the time we lived about 600 miles apart.

I agree that it seems silly to put it off too long, it would just be worse if something didn't work out. Expectations only get higher.

I just wanted to wish you luck with it. I remember how nervous I was about the whole thing. I think the flight attendant on my first flight to see her thought I was seriously ill.

 

[FungiUg]

I'm a firm believer in mind and heart being in agreement. If your heart is set, but your mind is saying "wait a bit"... what does it hurt to wait?

Also, safety doesn't hurt if you have it but don't need it, but does if you need it but don't have it. So do an initial meeting in a public place. Have a safe call. Just makes sense.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Here was the average consensus:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=249541

 

[TigerClaw]

LDR's can work, but

they take more time, trust, gaining trust and caution.
As to when too soon is too soon. Even if you want more or are feeling alot going slow is usually better. So long as your not teasing or pushing away.

In LDR's it is too easy to hide deception. How good is your intuition? There will be things that come up that could be taken both ways. Innocent or are they hiding something. Only time will tell. In a closer relationship these things will probably come out right away, in an LDR it takes longer to figure out what the true intentions are. You have trust here that needs to be worked on more then in a regular relationship. I have been in LDR's and have met ppl over distance. The relationships have followed similar courses and events but both had totally different outcomes. The last one I was over confident and thought I knew better. Had I been as cautious and patient as I was in the first one these warnings would have surfaced as real problems.

LDR's can work. They take more time, commitment and being aware. They also have a good risk of getting hurt. As long as you are prepared you should be ok. Take it slow and smart. You can still enjoy the company and relationship as you wish and be carefull.

Too soon. Above also answers that. No matter what your feelings are you have to keep them in check until certain trusts are built up. If a red flag goes up question it. If it is an acceptable answer wait for confirmation in other ways. You'll see them, believe me. Either events, statements or both will no jive.

Now, once trust is there and you know that there is something between you an LDR can be mind blowing. The first time in each others arms after a long wait. The romantic nights, the meetings, the long talks on the phone, the cards, etc can all be very exciting. It is very difficult in the in between times. When you are together it should be comfortable but wonderful too. I wish you luck.

 

[tythisredheadup]

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[Betticus]

Thank you, Tiger. We meet soon. I am taking it as slow and with as much caution as I can.

That sounds like a good plan. I can't add anything to this that the others haven't already said.

I think that the larger Doms here will have to start a safe meeting service. We can arrange escorted meetings for guys trying to meet up with our girls.


Not that you are my girls but dammit, I'm an alpha and I like you all and just live with it.

 

[TaintedB]

Originally posted by Betticus

I think that the larger Doms here will have to start a safe meeting service. We can arrange escorted meetings for guys trying to meet up with our girls.

The guys doing the meeting up will keel you--or want to.

Although you big fellows might be able to earn a few bucks if you start a discrete bdsm chaperone service, kind of like private eyes that follow the sub and her date around to various places, and if she doesn't make her safe call to your cellphone after they get back to a private place by a pre-arranged time, you barge in and rescue her, lol.

Here's my ten cents to tyethisredhead:

Nine days is a very short time--not too short a time to meet somebody, I wouldn't think, but waaay too short a time to commit to being his sub or shacking up. You need time, as in many months time, to learn how he reacts in various situations, like under stress or in response to you when you aren't feeling so great. Most likely right now you and he are both seeing each other on your very best behavior, and it's unrealistic to make permanent commitments based on that.

Taint

 

[MastrJ]

I don't know if I can tell you that nine days is too short of a period. I know I've fallen head over heels for someone in far shorter periods of time. I don't think meeting him after nine days is too soon.

By meeting I mean in a public place and without any expectation of play happening. I'll admit that I'm flexible on the rule of 'no play at the first meeting'. I'm more of the opinion that if the chemistry clicks, why put it off? However I never go into a meeting thinking to myself, 'hey, if we click I'll invite her back.' All that's in my mind are hopes that we'll click as well face to face as we have online. Also, being a male, I'll never be the person to suggest playing on the first meeting. Maybe I'm paranoid, and maybe it's odd since I'm a Dom, but I don't want to even give the slightest impression to the girl that I am pressuring her or pushing her. I'll call things off if I feel that's the case.

So, meet this guy at the restaurant. Hopefully you'll have a nice time and things will continue to click. But like everyone else has said, listen to any voices in the back of your head. Those voices are far wiser than any of our brains. Ignore them at your own peril.

 

[tythisredheadup]

I think that the larger Doms here will have to start a safe meeting service. We can arrange escorted meetings for guys trying to meet up with our girls.

Ok, any Dom want to accompany me to Houston?

 

[MissTaken]

Best of luck to you.

My best advice is this. Don't go into this first meeting with any expectations. You will have had time to develop a relationship of sorts, but in many ways, the physical meeting takes you back a few steps.

If no one has any expectations, no one gets hurt or disappointed.

Many hugs,

 

[WriterDom]

Ok, any Dom want to accompany me to Houston?

No thanks. But a Chattanooga meeting might be fun. In another lifetime.

 

[Richard49]

Remember not everyone online or on phone
are what they claim they are

you maybe falling in love with them
than you maybe falling for who they
present themselves to be

 

[ShyGuy68]

Remember not everyone online or on phone
are what they claim they are

you maybe falling in love with them
than you maybe falling for who they
present themselves to be

But you should also remember, that there are people out there, who are just what they claim they are, and try to be the same on-line/on the phone, as in real life.

 

[Arioso]

Are you more worried about your own ability to keep this attraction from digging into your family/private life, or his? Having experienced online infatuation myself, it's the one humble caution I'll offer: be certain of yourself, first, above all else.