How Soon in a Relationship?

[Olivianna]

How soon after becoming involved with someone do you broach the topic of exclusivity/non-exclusivity in the 'relationship'?

Is this one of those things that doesn't need to be spoken about, if it hasn't been 'tackled' from day one?

Seriously, isn't it just tedious to have to get into this at all, unless one has been adamant from the start about a particular preference (e.g. "I refuse to be monogamous/non-monogamous, etc.")?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I can see your almost whole face!

 

[lovetoread]

I would hope that the subject would be talked about rather early in the relationship.

Why invest in a relationship if your partner does not want the same thing as you do?

 

[Olivianna]

I can see your almost whole face!

Fuck, you're right. Changed it.

 

[Guest]

Normally tackled first day.

 

[Shrimps'n'Peas]

 

[Rex1960]

How soon after becoming involved with someone do you broach the topic of exclusivity/non-exclusivity in the 'relationship'?

Is this one of those things that doesn't need to be spoken about, if it hasn't been 'tackled' from day one?

Seriously, isn't it just tedious to have to get into this at all, unless one has been adamant from the start about a particular preference (e.g. "I refuse to be monogamous/non-monogamous, etc.")?

Out of curiosity I'd like to ask what exactly "becoming involved" means for you personally, or those others posters here.

You know, I'm not aware of your dating habits in the US

 

[sexy-girl]

i think it's naturally assumed ... unless you're having a long distance relationship in which case i would just ask

although the way you type "relationship" that maybe means you're maybe in that weird spot where you're not sure if it is a relationship or not yet?


by the way i like your moving avatar

 

[Olivianna]

I would hope that the subject would be talked about rather early in the relationship.

Why invest in a relationship if your partner does not want the same thing as you do?

Well, it just seems kind of tedious and annoying to bring it up with someone--having hung out with someone for a while.

 

[Shrimps'n'Peas]

 

[Olivianna]

I agree with s-g


its assumed, in normal life


course, people on lit are fucking deviants

everyone is a deviant

 

[Shrimps'n'Peas]

 

[sexy-girl]

I agree with s-g

not something i was expecting to hear

 

[Olivianna]

and are you even skinnier than before???

No, man. I've been eating tons of cookies and stuff, though I've been laying off the dairy.

 

[bluntforcemama]

How soon after becoming involved with someone do you broach the topic of exclusivity/non-exclusivity in the 'relationship'?

I think whenever you feel comfortable broaching the subject, you should. Unfortunately, it is often assumed that one will be monogamous. I wonder how many people actually discuss this. I know I never have in my relationships.

 

[Rex1960]

I agree with s-g


its assumed, in normal life


course, people on lit are fucking deviants

shshsh ... c'mon

I'm not a fucking deviant. I like fucking on a regular base

 

[wildtiger60]

I was burnt once before about not being upfront about it. It is definitely something that should be discussed in the beginning.

 

[Shrimps'n'Peas]

 

[Bent]

I have actually said (when I was single), 'If we intend to sleep together, we need to get tested', and it isn't until I see proof from a doctor will I sleep with someone. It's never put a damper on my sex life.

Oh, and it's discussed early on. Just read the signals.

 

[sexy-girl]

seriously though i think as long as it's very clear you're in a relationship with a person then it's deceptive of them if they don't bring up the subject that they're also seeing someone else

it shouldn't be down to you to ask ... however if it's an issue for you and you'd rather just know i'd just bring it up and ask

 

[Rex1960]

Shall I repeat my earlier question re "becoming involved" ?

 

[Shrimps'n'Peas]

 

[sexy-girl]

I rather suspect that O is coming at this issue from the opposite end.

i'd give the same advice either way

 

[Olivianna]

Out of curiosity I'd like to ask what exactly "becoming involved" means for you personally, or those others posters here.

You know, I'm not aware of your dating habits in the US

I imagine it depends on the individual(s) involved in becoming involved, no? For myself, it may entail frequent hanging out on a regular basis; for others it may mean weekly dinners?

 

[overthebow]

How soon after becoming involved with someone do you broach the topic of exclusivity/non-exclusivity in the 'relationship'?

Is this one of those things that doesn't need to be spoken about, if it hasn't been 'tackled' from day one?

Seriously, isn't it just tedious to have to get into this at all, unless one has been adamant from the start about a particular preference (e.g. "I refuse to be monogamous/non-monogamous, etc.")?

It is a topic to be discussed when you think it is something you want to talk about. He may want to talk about it then, sooner or later. For you, it is when you want to talk about it.

Don't talk about it just after mind blowing sex. He will think that is taking advantage of him.

Do talk about it when your lives start to become intertwined, like when people around you start to talk about the two of you as being together.

If what you have isn't evident to those around you, it isn't going to happen.

Good luck.