How should I pay to lose my virginity?

[Ladyrookie123]

You have a very narrow understanding of the sex industry and those who work in it. Research shows that a great deal of sex workers see their job as a social service, and that they have an important role in helping guys who are ... tah dah! ... socially awkward!

And again, you're just setting up barriers as fast as solutions are presented. Seriously, there just is no freaking unicorn. Go for the best available option and get on with it.

Please enlighten me how good intentions or not sex WORKERS are not still working their BODIES for the sake of exchanging money to do these things you described.

Some may have good intentions but the MONEY is still the core motivation of the business for the ones who WASN'T tricked or forced into the life otherwise what's stopping them from just being a normal slut and doing those services for free and with the people of their own personal choosing?

I'm unable be so simple as to shrug off this fact so easily...it'd be alot easier if I could.

 

[Ladyrookie123]

You also seem extremely confused about what you want. This very thread started with you stating that "I'd like to at least prepare myself for the inevitable shame and regret of losing my virginity to a lady of the night of some sort" (which is a sad way to look at it), but now you're completely discounting that as a possibility.
Maybe it would help if you developed a clear and consistent idea of what you want, stick with that, and stop putting up barriers to achieving it.
(I think I'm sounding horribly like Tony Robbins here.)

I know what I want, this topic was originally just to get me prepared for the very strong possibility that I very well may not have any chance of losing my virginity in the way I'd prefer and that giving up may be inevitable, so I was posting to know what I'd have to do or where to go in order to get it.

But in the meantime I would still very much like to not have it come to that.

 

[NightL]

"But... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but...but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but..."

Seriously - just go back to thinking of butts and masturbating - or are you are you pumping away to all these replies? Actually you don't need to reply to that one at all.

 

[MeekMe]

Please enlighten me how good intentions or not sex WORKERS are not still working their BODIES for the sake of exchanging money to do these things you described.

Some may have good intentions but the MONEY is still the core motivation of the business for the ones who WASN'T tricked or forced into the life otherwise what's stopping them from just being a normal slut and doing those services for free and with the people of their own personal choosing?

I'm unable be so simple as to shrug off this fact so easily...it'd be alot easier if I could.

Why don't plumbers fix toilets for people for free? I vote for slutty plumbers that fix my toilets for free.

 

[KimGordon67]

Please enlighten me how good intentions or not sex WORKERS are not still working their BODIES for the sake of exchanging money to do these things you described.

Some may have good intentions but the MONEY is still the core motivation of the business for the ones who WASN'T tricked or forced into the life otherwise what's stopping them from just being a normal slut and doing those services for free and with the people of their own personal choosing?

I'm unable be so simple as to shrug off this fact so easily...it'd be alot easier if I could.

Good grief ... I get paid to teach. I could do that totally effectively without half the effort I put into, and get paid the same amount. But I put that extra effort in because I enjoy my job. Countless other people could say the same thing. Many of them are sex workers. Would you like a Venn diagramme.
Also, maybe don't use words like 'slut' ... that's just making success in your ultimate goal even less likely, especially given what you described is pretty much exactly what you say you're looking for, ie. "just being a normal women [slut]and having sex[ doing those services] for free and with the people of their own personal choosing?" Calling them 'sluts' really isn't furthering your cause.

Do you really want to resolve your issue, or just complain about it. Like, really?

 

[Ladyrookie123]

"But... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but...but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but... but..."

Seriously - just go back to thinking of butts and masturbating - or are you are you pumping away to all these replies? Actually you don't need to reply to that one at all.

You clearly seem to be enjoying this seeing as how you make it a point just to make that clear....

Why don't plumbers fix toilets for people for free? I vote for slutty plumbers that fix my toilets for free.

Same reason why prostitution isn't considered a respectable and legal CAREER in most countries. There's a demand for one job while there's a shady demand for the other therefore one side will naturally be more acceptable to charge money for and no one will complain but the other is considered immoral. Plus societies standards and all that.

 

[Ladyrookie123]

Good grief ... I get paid to teach. I could do that totally effectively without half the effort I put into, and get paid the same amount. But I put that extra effort in because I enjoy my job. Countless other people could say the same thing. Many of them are sex workers. Would you like a Venn diagramme.
Also, maybe don't use words like 'slut' ... that's just making success in your ultimate goal even less likely, especially given what you described is pretty much exactly what you say you're looking for, ie. "just being a normal women [slut]and having sex[ doing those services] for free and with the people of their own personal choosing?" Calling them 'sluts' really isn't furthering your cause.

Do you really want to resolve your issue, or just complain about it. Like, really?

Yes I want to resolve my issue but as I've kept saying I....Don't.....Want......to.....Pay....a.....Prostitute to solve my problem...yet.

I also have no clue how to go about resolving my problem without having to resort to being manipulative or having to go through the process of getting into a relationship for it.

And off topic but sluts are not bad people....Whores are the bad people. Sluts are sexually promiscuous people who choose their partners based on their own personal preferences and they decide if they want to be easy or not to those preferences while whores are also sexually promiscuous people with the added benefit of having no preferences just so long as you pay their price.

There should not be anything wrong with someone being a promiscuous person without that annoying slut shaming people like to do nowadays.

 

[Ladyrookie123]

Also I was severely depressed and close to being suicidal over this stupid problem for nearly half a year last year over this up until my 30th birthday and it took some very pushy friends and family(They didn't know the extent of my depression thank god) to convince me to try hanging on longer and they even hooked me up with a therapist as a result.

So you bet your ass I'd rather not go back to feeling like that again and I'd rather solve this problem ASAP while without doing anything that could potentially make me worse.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Please enlighten me how good intentions or not sex WORKERS are not still working their BODIES for the sake of exchanging money to do these things you described.

Some may have good intentions but the MONEY is still the core motivation of the business for the ones who WASN'T tricked or forced into the life otherwise what's stopping them from just being a normal slut and doing those services for free and with the people of their own personal choosing?

I'm unable be so simple as to shrug off this fact so easily...it'd be alot easier if I could.

My job is pretty good. It's mentally stimulating, I get to help people, and I get to play with some cool toys. And I get to work from home with a cute kitten in my office whenever I feel like it.

But none of that pays my bills. So I charge money for what I do. That doesn't mean I hate the work; it just means I'm a human being who needs to eat, and that other people value my work enough that I can charge for money.

One of my friends is a doctor who helps kids with cancer. He puts his heart and soul into that work. But he still gets paid for it. (And then he gives a lot of that money right back to charity, because he's good enough that he can make more than he needs to live on.)

Some pro athletes and musicians make millions a year doing what they love. And so on. Just because people value your work enough to pay you for it doesn't mean you have to hate what you're doing.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Have you talked to your therapist about this, in detail, telling them how stuck you get on it?

 

[Ladyrookie123]

Have you talked to your therapist about this, in detail, telling them how stuck you get on it?

Yes and all she's said was to distract myself from the thoughts and keep myself busy. Basically to try to numb out my lust and hope that works.

The most I did do as a result was committing to going to the gym and working out but that tends to just make me feel really horny after I finish but thanks to the gym I at least no longer masturbate at the frequency that I used to.

 

[Ladyrookie123]

My job is pretty good. It's mentally stimulating, I get to help people, and I get to play with some cool toys. And I get to work from home with a cute kitten in my office whenever I feel like it.

But none of that pays my bills. So I charge money for what I do. That doesn't mean I hate the work; it just means I'm a human being who needs to eat, and that other people value my work enough that I can charge for money.

One of my friends is a doctor who helps kids with cancer. He puts his heart and soul into that work. But he still gets paid for it. (And then he gives a lot of that money right back to charity, because he's good enough that he can make more than he needs to live on.)

Some pro athletes and musicians make millions a year doing what they love. And so on. Just because people value your work enough to pay you for it doesn't mean you have to hate what you're doing.

But this is a matter of selling your body to total strangers for money something FAR more personal than being a doctor or a teacher. It's not exactly an easy thing for most people to say with pride that they enjoy it for the sake of helping others.

While I know they exist there are just not very high chances of meeting said kind hearted sex workers who care more for the job and clients they "help" and not just the money....

 

[GrrlFriday]

Yes and all she's said was to distract myself from the thoughts and keep myself busy. Basically to try to numb out my lust and hope that works.

The most I did do as a result was committing to going to the gym and working out but that tends to just make me feel really horny after I finish but thanks to the gym I at least no longer masturbate at the frequency that I used to.

Is she aware of how much it's been affecting you, to the point of considering suicide? Has she offered to help you work through other ways to think about sex in a clinical setting, or have you said 'no' to them all?

 

[Ladyrookie123]

Is she aware of how much it's been affecting you, to the point of considering suicide? Has she offered to help you work through other ways to think about sex in a clinical setting, or have you said 'no' to them all?

WAS she aware of my suicidal thoughts? Yes she was aware. And as I mentioned before the only words she offered to me was what I said in addition to the typical "being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of" speech. Trying to get assurance from me that my desires aren't so strong that I would hurt anyone to satisfy them And then trying to preach to me about how porn isn't reality as if I didn't already know that.

Looking back on my sessions what else could she have done to help me other than trying to assure me that I'm not a freak and to try to give me advice on how distance myself from my desires in the form of keeping busy?

 

[KimGordon67]

And off topic but sluts are not bad people....Whores are the bad people. Sluts are sexually promiscuous people who choose their partners based on their own personal preferences and they decide if they want to be easy or not to those preferences while whores are also sexually promiscuous people with the added benefit of having no preferences just so long as you pay their price.

There should not be anything wrong with someone being a promiscuous person without that annoying slut shaming people like to do nowadays.[/QUOTE]

Most women don't like being called sluts. 'Promiscuous person' would be less confrontational (although even that has some negative connotations).

Whores are not bad people, and often also not sexually promiscuous. They're doing a job, like the rest of it. Some of them love it, some of them less so. I sense your lack of desire to engage a professional is less about you wanting your deflowerer to 'want' you, and more about your rampant generalisations of the myriad women who work in the sex industry, based on your slight outdated moral assumptions about the 'personal' nature of the service they offer, because we think sex 'should' be about an emotional connection ... even though you've quite clearly stated you don't WANT an emotional connection. So basically you want a 'slut', but not a professional one. But one who's nice and that you can respect. But not one who'd want a relationship with you. It's like a black hole of impossibility.

I seriously think you should work on learning how to work with your depression first, and also your anger - you do come across as an angry, angry person. I don't think getting laid is the solution to that problem.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Why don't plumbers fix toilets for people for free? I vote for slutty plumbers that fix my toilets for free.

side note: that needs to be an Oglaf strip.

And off topic but sluts are not bad people....Whores are the bad people. Sluts are sexually promiscuous people who choose their partners based on their own personal preferences and they decide if they want to be easy or not to those preferences while whores are also sexually promiscuous people with the added benefit of having no preferences just so long as you pay their price.

And this is bad because...?

(Also, it's incorrect; plenty of sex workers have preferences and enforce those.)

 

[KimGordon67]

side note: that needs to be an Oglaf strip.

Those slutty plumbers ... I've heard some of them even work on bidets!!!

 

[Ladyrookie123]

-_- Girls just don't like the idea of being considered "loose" or "easy" and since the terms slut and whores give off that impression to most people I suppose that's why they don't like it....I dunno.

I never said ANYTHING about sex having to be an emotional connection. Nothing wrong with sex being used as a pleasurable source. But either way its still a personal act to share with someone.

I would prefer a slut but most sluts apparently don't like virgins, so I'd be okay with a normal girl just so long as they're okay with my handicap but they are NOT expecting a long term relationship with me.

My depression started as a result of my masturbating for the first time 4 years ago which gave birth to my sexual frustration and anger at my lack of sexual experience as I pushed 30. What other way could there be to work on this then tackling the problem at it's core source?

 

[Ladyrookie123]

side note: that needs to be an Oglaf strip.



And this is bad because...?

(Also, it's incorrect; plenty of sex workers have preferences and enforce those.)

Are you talking about the ones who are self employed or the ones who are working at an establishment or is being worked by a pimp?

Either way about the only preferences I hear sex workers enforce are either the no kissing rule, always wear a condom, no credit cards and only those rules. I don't think many outside of someone who looks dangerous or is on heavy drugs don't have any preferences to who they'd accept money from to have sex with.

 

[NightL]

Yes I want to resolve my issue but...

and again...

Go through your posts and count up the number of times you have used the word "but".

And off topic but sluts are not bad people....Whores are the bad people. Sluts are sexually promiscuous people who choose their partners based on their own personal preferences and they decide if they want to be easy or not to those preferences while whores are also sexually promiscuous people with the added benefit of having no preferences just so long as you pay their price.

There should not be anything wrong with someone being a promiscuous person without that annoying slut shaming people like to do nowadays.

you really don't like women... "Sluts" "whores" "banging" "promiscuous" "I could respect them, but I don't want to respect them but they should respect me..."

 

[Ladyrookie123]

and again...

Go through your posts and count up the number of times you have used the word "but".



you really don't like women... "Sluts" "whores" "banging" "promiscuous" "I could respect them, but I don't want to respect them but they should respect me..."

Annnnnd now you're twisting my words just for your own amusement. get your facts straight I respect sluts and promiscuous people just fine so long as they're not getting themselves hurt, owning up to the choices they've made and they're being careful.

 

[GrrlFriday]

WAS she aware of my suicidal thoughts? Yes she was aware. And as I mentioned before the only words she offered to me was what I said in addition to the typical "being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of" speech. Trying to get assurance from me that my desires aren't so strong that I would hurt anyone to satisfy them And then trying to preach to me about how porn isn't reality as if I didn't already know that.

Looking back on my sessions what else could she have done to help me other than trying to assure me that I'm not a freak and to try to give me advice on how distance myself from my desires in the form of keeping busy?

Just as I've said before - get you to think about things in a different way.

 

[KimGordon67]

I never said ANYTHING about sex having to be an emotional connection. Nothing wrong with sex being used as a pleasurable source. But either way its still a personal act to share with someone.

When I cook dinner for my family, I do it because I love them, and because I enjoy cooking. But if I earnt money cooking food for people it would be fine.
When I care for my child, I do it because I love him and because I enjoy it. But if I earnt money caring for other people's kids, it would be fine.
When I have sex with my husband, I do it because I love him, and because I enjoy sex. But if I earnt money from having sex with other people, it would be considered by many (including you, apparently) to be immoral.

We do a lot of things that are sometimes personal and sometimes professional. But that's the only one that has moral judgement attached to it.

 

[KimGordon67]

Are you talking about the ones who are self employed or the ones who are working at an establishment or is being worked by a pimp?

Either way about the only preferences I hear sex workers enforce are either the no kissing rule, always wear a condom, no credit cards and only those rules. I don't think many outside of someone who looks dangerous or is on heavy drugs don't have any preferences to who they'd accept money from to have sex with.

So not true ... some are fine with anal, others not, and that goes for almost any sex act you can think of. Where are you 'hearing' this stuff from? Because it's clearly not from sex workers.

 

[Ladyrookie123]

I never said ANYTHING about sex having to be an emotional connection. Nothing wrong with sex being used as a pleasurable source. But either way its still a personal act to share with someone.

When I cook dinner for my family, I do it because I love them, and because I enjoy cooking. But if I earnt money cooking food for people it would be fine.
When I care for my child, I do it because I love him and because I enjoy it. But if I earnt money caring for other people's kids, it would be fine.
When I have sex with my husband, I do it because I love him, and because I enjoy sex. But if I earnt money from having sex with other people, it would be considered by many (including you, apparently) to be immoral.

We do a lot of things that are sometimes personal and sometimes professional. But that's the only one that has moral judgement attached to it.

Um....when you're married absolutely it would be considered immoral to have paid sex with other people as much as it would be wrong to cheat on your husband. UNLESS your husband is consenting to it.