How Prepared Were You for Parenthood?

[juicylips]

Were you one of those that read all the books? Took excellent care of yourself while pregnant and had the nursery decorated when you were three months along?

or

You were in denial until your jeans wouldn't fit.


A planned pregnancy or a surprise? Is parenting what you thought it was going to be? Easier or Harder?

JL

 

[sch00lteacher]

As a father, how prepared was I?


http://berlinbear.com/gund.gifs/clueless.jpg


The sad thing is I still feel this way quite often. Like the issue of my daughter dating...

 

[Debbie]

Were you one of those that read all the books? Took excellent care of yourself while pregnant and had the nursery decorated when you were three months along?

or

You were in denial until your jeans wouldn't fit.


A planned pregnancy or a surprise? Is parenting what you thought it was going to be? Easier or Harder?

JL

I was terrified when I found myself pregnant at 18. I didn't know what I was going to do till the nurse said to me."Good news or bad news." As she showed me the test result.
I told her I didn't know. Immediately she launched into my options. Adoption, abortion, keep 'it'.
I was overwhelmed. I said keep.
I did the best I could do. Read as much as I could, attend ante natal classes and slowly got stuff organised.
Having no family close by made things harder. My b/f and I got married to do the right thing. (We had only been together once and I got pregnant, our fault. we didn't use protection)

We didn't have much money but the baby never went without anything.
I loved him from the second he was born. I was still scared but I did my best. Now he is 13 and well worth it.
It is harder and in some ways easier than I thought.
Watching them hurt, sick or going through rough times is hard.
LOL I was more scared second time around! I knew what was coming.

I am lucky to have two healthy, happy kids. I love them heaps.

 

[freescorfr]

Not at all prepared.

Not for any of them. Each in their own way was a terrible shock.

Babies are such hard work!! I wasn't prepared for that.

They are life invasive. I want more.

 

[MissTaken]

Are we ever really prepared?

There are so many nuances of parenthood that simply aren't covered by the books or the wise old ladies sage advice.

I was thirty years old when I became pregnant. I had read lots of books, worked with kids for ten years and had helped raise my brothers. We were financially sound and had a seemingly stable life.

The little one certainly rocked the boat a bit!

Yes. The pregnancy was a surprise.

Yes. There were definitely times I felt completely unprepared for parenthood.

 

[unclej]

what a great question...i was well prepared for the mechanics of parenthood, i.e. changing diapers, feeding, huggin', etc. i'm the oldest of 8 kids and helped at some level with all of them...but the responsibility of parenthood....i was 32 when my daughter was born and i'm not even sure i was prepared for the responsibilities of marriage...she's 23 now and the joy of my life so it was worth anything i thought i was going through as she grew up..

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

well, we got pregnant earlier than I wanted to, but we handled it. Rightnow my son is sitting her next to me giving me those little toothless grins that make life worth living. I'll have to say there is no way you can prepare for the reality of bringing a life into the world, & what that entails, nor can you prepare for the love you feel for that child you just had. It almost makes me cry sometimes, & I'm a big tough man!

 

[MechaBlade]

Oh my god, I'm a father?!

Poor bastard. Literally.

 

[unclej]

that's a good lookin' boy abraxas and yes, they'll make you want to cry and laugh and brag and show pictures and all the things you've seen other people do that you swore you'd never do...congrats...

 

[alltherage]

I was prepared logistically, and I knew the facts of the process. I took care, quit smoking, and anything else that could cause the baby harm. I was all set I thought. Then she was here and oh lordy was I a fool. I could never have thought I could love anyone the way I loved her. My protectiveness, and my concern for her safety and welfare escalated in direct proportion to the growth in my new definition of myself. Mommy is a very big word in reality.

 

[juicylips]

AW...

Your little boy is darling!!

I can see how you must be so proud.


JL

 

[Cheyenne]

Were you one of those that read all the books? Took excellent care of yourself while pregnant and had the nursery decorated when you were three months along?

I'm not a parent, but if I ever had been pregnant, the above would have been my approach. It is my approach to everything in life- plan ahead! Sometimes planning ahead can take forever so the event never gets there though.

 

[daughter]

Prepared?

Couldn't wait to have a baby. I was young and married and sure having a child would make everything right between my husband and me. What was I taking? I didn't even drink then. Must have been something in the water.

I had my first child at 20. Yes, read everything, did the classes, exercised. Determined to breastfeed.

Labor was 28 hours, doctors talked over me as if I weren't there. Almost died on the table. Emergency c-section. Hubby left me standing at the walkway because I didn't name my child with his exact name. 3 weeks at my mothers, went back to the s.o.b, to leave after being married less than 2 years.

Was I prepared for parenthood? Hell, I wasn't prepared for adulthood. Still, we survived.

Children deserve two sane, mature, loving parents. Single folks make it, but I'd never encourage anyone to purposely do it solo. It's hell and the kid is missing out on something no matter how much love you give them. If you're single, you can't provide them a model of what a loving, committed relationship looks like and that's a model we all can benefit from.

Peace,

daughter

p.s. had my last child at 30. Nobody talked over me. I delivered naturally drug-free, nursed, didn't read crap and I told folks when I wanted advice, I'd ask for it. I have two independent, creative, stubborn, manipulative children that I love.

 

[Georgia Girl]

More than ready

After many years of being told I should not/could not have a child I made the decision to take the risk and try so yes I was more than ready. I read all the books, went to classes and did all that stuff. I remember my dad fussing at me when I was 8.5 months pregnant and he caught me 12 ft up in the air on scaffolding painting my son's ceiling. He had my mom do it instead. If you look at the ceiling in his room, there is a storm front moving across it with the sun rising in the corner.

He is the most magical thing in the world to me and worth every bit of the danger. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The other day while in the mall he announced at center court in his normal loud voice "Mommy, we need to find a new husband so we can have a baby". I can tell you mom wanted to hide.

Dawn

 

[RawHumor]

Re: Prepared?

Children deserve two sane, mature, loving parents. Single folks make it, but I'd never encourage anyone to purposely do it solo. It's hell and the kid is missing out on something no matter how much love you give them. If you're single, you can't provide them a model of what a loving, committed relationship looks like and that's a model we all can benefit from.

<snip>
I have two independent, creative, stubborn, manipulative children that I love.

I couldn't have said it better than your first paragraph. My wife and I have enough trouble keeping up with our toddler as it is - I can't even comprehend what a single parent goes through, especially if he/she doesn't live near his/her parents.

But isn't it amazing how early on your kids start getting their personality? Our 2 year old already has a strange sense of humor that makes me laugh HARD with some of the things she does.

I know - it's probably scary for quite a few of you that my sense of humor was passed on to the body of a toddler...

 

[sigh]

my son was conceived in rape and i gave birth to him when i was sixteen...it's sort of hard to plan something like that into your life (who would want to?) so i was utterly unprepared for parenthood

fortunately, my mother was quite wonderful at the job so i received excellent on the job training

now he's ten and autistic and the road of my life is most surely an interesting one but we're getting along...we love each other, i'm in a solid, well-paid profession and we have lots of support from family and friends...i don't wish my experiences on anyone but i learned a lot from them, and in an odd way i think i'm better for it all


and daughter, i don't know you well, but from what i read of you, your children are in great hands

 

[ksmybuttons]

I had had multiple miscarriages. My body was in its best shape ever. We decided to give it one last try, if it didn't work, I was going to get my tubes tied and buy a sport car.

It worked. We were just frightened during the first 3 months. Would never have decorated. I still had little clothes from the first pregnancy. I read every book. After the amnio, (That is a BIG needle!) it felt safe to dream.

Then I got toxemia. No dreams were safe. I would constantly think "What have we done?!?" Still read every book I could find. My doctor said I was difficult to reassure.

I was in bed for 6 weeks to keep him and he was born 2 months early, but absolutely perfect, just needed to grow. The first years were always watching to see if anything was wrong. Intense love and fear. I still read every book I could find.

I still ask myself "What have we done?" but it is in awe rather than fear. He is one of the best happenings of my life. I will always read about what I can do to help him be.

Mother love.

 

[sigh]

Re: More than ready

He is the most magical thing in the world to me and worth every bit of the danger. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The other day while in the mall he announced at center court in his normal loud voice "Mommy, we need to find a new husband so we can have a baby". I can tell you mom wanted to hide.

i'm laughing

magic is the word for it...they are really something, aren't they? (and ever so good at making mom wish for a deep hole to crawl into)

god, i'm still laughing

 

[lovetoread]

Prepared?

Me?

Goodness,I found out that I was pregnant when after running the mile in PE,I threw up everywhere and couldnt stop.

A trip to the ER and voila! I was pregnant. To say the least my step mother was not amused.

My second pregnancy was a suprise and I miscarried the day before my 3rd month. No matter what others try to do,nothing can take away the pain of the what ifs when that happens.

My third pregnancy...I also found out about in the ER. Heh,it was the middle of the night and I had a bladder infection. And they said this so casually...."Oh and by the way,you are also pregnant." My mouth hit the floor,but I was happy.

My fourth and last pregnancy was the wierdest. I had sex only once with my husband in like 2 months,(Long story),used a condom,he was about to be shipped off for basic training,as he had joined the National Guard,and my period didnt come.

A week before he left,I used a home pregnancy test and it was positive. My then hubby didnt believe me,went out and bought another test,threw it at my head and told me to take it again.

It was positive.

That was the worse pregnancy that I had ever had,and all of mine were bad. I was high risk on all of them,but in this one,I fell when I was 6 months and hurt the muscles holding the uterus up. That was one of the most painful times in my life.


But let me say that at this moment,I have 3 wonderful kids. Despite my parenting,they are all in the gifted and talented programs in school,dont have major fights with each other,and get this....like to play with each other.

I love them more than my own life and dont regret a one of them. I just wish that baby number 2 would have been here with me.

 

[Paendragon]

I'm not a parent, but i still have to ask... are you ever really prepared?

 

[freescorfr]

Another amazing set of stories, which touch me very deeply. This gift of life to our children is such a mystery.

I couldn't face being at the birth of any of mine (5) and I've only recently realised it was because, when I was 8, my mum gave birth to a boy who dies a few days later. Although I went with my dad to the funeral and forgot - I thought - all about it, I now understand that when each of my children were about to be born I was terrified. All I knew each time was I couldn't go near the hospital. My wife was never pleased with that and I heard other men say how wonderful it was.

Now that I've grieved my brother's death, I'd be ok.

Another reason I was not prepared.

 

[sabbathstorm]

My first pregnancy was a surprise to me and my partner. I don't think I was in denial but my jeans fit me right up until I was seven months along. I didn't read a lot of books but I did take care of myself and watched what I ate

 

[Nicodemus]

JL,

Hope I can comment even though I do not qualify.

Not a parent but I will say this.....respect and blessings on all of you that are. My older brother is, and he is damn good at it. Before his son was born I would never have thought he would be so good at it. He was not prepared for how much his son would change him. My nephew is beautiful....and I do not care what any of you say, the absolute cutest and smartest child ever, in history, period. He consumes my brother life and that is good in every way. The love between his mom and dad and him has to be one of the greatest sites ever to exist and I am privaliged to be able to be a part of it.

Nic,

 

[marksgirl]

I was never prepared, at 23 when I had my son I was single, having a great time was not even thinking about kidos yet but something way down told me go for it and wow I am sooo glad I did! I had one of those kids who is awsome! At 18 now he is in Army Boot Camp and will be a father himself in Aug. of this year. He is going to be a great father and no he was not prepared either but he is taking responsibility.

At 28 I too thought I was prepared to have another child, NOT! This time, planned, room ready, the whole nine yards and then wham, I get her home. Such responsibility and now for two beautiful children. Personally I don't think anyone is prepared, you just jump right in and make the very best you can for these wonderful gifts because that is what they are. If I had it to do all over again I would not change a thing!

 

[Horny Hippie Girl]

My husband and I planned to get pregnant, but when it actually happened we were terrified! I think we were as mentally prepared, when our son got here, as anyone could be, I think. We probably aren't the perfect parents, but we love him and do our very best for him and I think that is what counts.