How Not To Write.

[NOIRTRASH]

All know how to write but almost none know how not to write tho awful writing is everywhere.

Like last night. I'm reading FALSE WITNESS by Dorothy Uhnak, a crime writer I admire, and the book sucks. It gave me the idea for a HOW NOT TO WRITE topic. In the book I constantly wonder why she took a terrific plot bunny and fucked it up.

The fault, I think, is not in our stars, its in our impatient selves. One of life's tough lessons is learning to wait.

Lets see what we discover.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Ever notice that the best writing are collected in modest samplers, while the crap could fill an ocean?

 

[oggbashan]

The Authors' Hangout has demonstrated How Not To Write in the past.

There was the AH Chain Story - The Worst Chain Story Ever.

I wrote the first part and it got worse:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-worst-chain-story-ever-ch-01

And who could forget DurtGurl's contributions:

https://www.literotica.com/s/patty-makes-the-team

https://www.literotica.com/s/moms-submarine-anal-birthday-surprise

 

[NOIRTRASH]

The Authors' Hangout has demonstrated How Not To Write in the past.

There was the AH Chain Story - The Worst Chain Story Ever.

I wrote the first part and it got worse:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-worst-chain-story-ever-ch-01

And who could forget DurtGurl's contributions:

https://www.literotica.com/s/patty-makes-the-team

https://www.literotica.com/s/moms-submarine-anal-birthday-surprise

KEWL but I put most here on IGGY, mostly cuz they run with PILETTE and TAX RAT, and they piss on my threads with AH-MOD immunity..

 

[sr71plt]

KEWL but I put most here on IGGY, mostly cuz they run with PILETTE and TAX RAT, and they piss on my threads with AH-MOD immunity..

You pissed on me on this thread. You piss on me on a thread almost daily. Cite the last time I pissed on you on one of your threads out of the blue. And then do the comparisons. You pissed on me today. When was the last time before responding here that I pissed on you on one of your threads. You are like Trump--you go after people to hide that you are a much worse offender of the behavior.

 

[TxRad]

You pissed on me on this thread. You piss on me on a thread almost daily. Cite the last time I pissed on you on one of your threads out of the blue. And then do the comparisons. You pissed on me today. When was the last time before responding here that I pissed on you on one of your threads. You are like Trump--you go after people to hide that you are a much worse offender of the behavior.

He keeps trying to stir the shit but no one cares.Most all of the people around here know who and what he is. The few that do on a regular basis are of a like kind.

This thread like most of the ones he starts are still "Hey look at me" threads. Inflammatory and anti Lit writers in his opinion and yes, it is all opinion on his part.

Enough time wasted on nothing.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

TAX RAT/PILLETTE POSTS MAKE ME LONG FOR THIS PRODUCT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhWLPBK8MbU

 

[sr71plt]

TAX RAT/PILLETTE POSTS MAKE ME LONG FOR THIS PRODUCT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhWLPBK8MbU

No, that isn't a citation to back up your attack. It's just more deflection.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bendof bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back toHowth Castle and Environs. Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passen-core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggyisthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: norhad topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselseto Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumperall the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe totauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had akidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair invanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot apeck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and roryend to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface.

FINEGAN'S WAKE by James Joyce is what you get from old bastards just before they die. It's Joyce's last gasp.

If you spoke such words you'd be schizophrenic.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

YOULL LIKELY LEARN TO BE A BORING HACK. THATS MODERN WRITING EDUCATION.

http://www.salon.com/2013/03/29/most_contemporary_literary_fiction_is_terrible/

 

[NOIRTRASH]

WRITE FROM YOUR SAFE PLACE IN TOFUNIA.
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.c...-your-life-is-boring-can-your-novel-be-great/

 

[NOIRTRASH]

JOHN LECARRE NEVER WRITES SO BAD AS WHEN HE WRESTLES WITH IRRELEVANT DETAILS

‘Axel Springer to the gallows!’ ‘Long Live Axel Springer!’ ‘Protest is Freedom.’ These posters were done in woodcut on a student press. Overhead the young foliage glittered in a fragmented canopy of green glass. The lights were brighter here, the police fewer. The men strode on, neither faster nor slower; the first busily, with a beadle’s flurry. His stride though swift was stagy and awkward, as if he had stepped down from somewhere grander; a walk replete with a German burgher’s dignity. His arms swung shortly at his sides and his back was straight.

le Carré, John (2013-03-05). A Small Town in Germany: A Novel (Kindle Locations 247-250). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

 

[LewBrishess]

All know how to write but almost none know how not to write tho awful writing is everywhere.

Like last night. I'm reading FALSE WITNESS by Dorothy Uhnak, a crime writer I admire, and the book sucks. It gave me the idea for a HOW NOT TO WRITE topic. In the book I constantly wonder why she took a terrific plot bunny and fucked it up.

The fault, I think, is not in our stars, its in our impatient selves. One of life's tough lessons is learning to wait.

Lets see what we discover.

How not to write (13 hints):

—Don't try to think like a reader would.

—Never think like one of your characters would.

—Try not to think at all.

—Avoid dialogue. (It's hard to write anyway!)

—Include at least two dozen characters; give them similar names.

—Use the most obscure word multiple thesauri provide.

—Tell, don't show.

—Include long (the longer the better) passages (as many as you can come up with) that don't do a thing to advance your story.

—Understand that spell checkers can do no wrong.

—Don't learn the rules of grammar or punctuation. (If you already know them, try to forget.)

—Believe that what you meant is much more important than what you wrote.

—Tell your story in multiple parts of about 800 words; let at least six months (longer—much longer—when possible) pass between publishing successive parts.

—Never review anything you've written.

—Lose count when you itemize things.

 

[SamScribble]

—Avoid dialogue. (It's hard to write anyway!)

Twenty-something years ago, I was hired to review the dialogue in a manuscript that a publisher had already committed to.

'Is there anything in particular that worries you?' I asked the editor.

'Just everything,' she said.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

ITS ALL ABOUT ME!

This happens when your story is about another character and you make much of it about you. It seems to happen when writers need filler to reach their word count goal.

I suggest Charles Dickens and Twain if you wanna master first person point of view.

 

[My I]

I miss Reader's Digest.

 

[LewBrishess]

ITS ALL ABOUT ME!

This happens when your story is about another character and you make much of it about you. It seems to happen when writers need filler to reach their word count goal.

I suggest Charles Dickens and Twain if you wanna master first person point of view.

Apologies. I missed that one.

—Don't waste your time reading good authors; you're better.

 

[KindofHere]

...............

 

[My I]

I suggest Charles Dickens and Twain if you wanna master first person point of view.

And Robert Heinlein.

 

[LewBrishess]

http://www.litrejections.com/best-sellers-initially-rejected/If there was a universal code of how not to write then anyone who followed it to the letter, in theory, would be successful…

Not hardly. Avoiding the dumb mistakes in writing doesn't mean you're even close to writing well.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

To really suck fill the space between entertaining scenes with pauses to stop and smell your ass.

 

[TxRad]

To really suck fill the space between entertaining scenes with pauses to stop and smell your ass.

You might stop to smell your ass but most writers pause to smell the roses. Not nearly the same thing.

 

[SamScribble]

Learn to mumble. Well, I say learn to mumble, but there are many would-be (but won’t-be) writers who are born mumblers.

 

[KindofHere]

...........

 

[rjordan]

YOULL LIKELY LEARN TO BE A BORING HACK. THATS MODERN WRITING EDUCATION.

http://www.salon.com/2013/03/29/most_contemporary_literary_fiction_is_terrible/

Nowhere are the deficiencies of modern writing more evident than in internet magazine articles like this one. The whole thing is written on the premise that anyone has any idea what "contemporary literary fiction" is, and one of the commenters said as much. The author could have at least offered some examples of what he considers "not crap". Again, it was left to commenters to provide that.

If an article interests me enough to read it, I never fail to read or at least scan the comments. In most cases, I learn more from the commenters than I did from the author of the article. That was the case with this article too.

rj