How many of us are 'out of the closet'?Results?

[CuriousNiceGuy]

Aaah, the good old closet..
Either gay, lesbian, or bi, we've all been there.
Well, I for one am still in there.But you could say I have opened it juuust a little, to get some more air.

I've only said I'm bisexual to 5 people.4 took it ok, the fifth thought I came on to him when I gave him a massage and kinda tried to cut off..(all the time my friends knew that he thought I liked him, but they said that he was stressed from the exams.One day I learned it from his best friend and then I took the liberty of cutting myself of that person.)

Anyway 4 out of 5 is a good percentage I think
But I still am afraid of telling the parents.All the expectations..all the pride..
I don't give a shit for those things, but I don't want to hurt them.

But I always try to keep in mind people who seem to have become closer to me, and that I think if I tell them they won't mind.(including that guy I like..)

Your tuuuuuuuuuuuurn!

 

[Queersetti]

You can't generalize about it, everyone's situation is different. My family is very liberal, and my transition to being out was relative painless. For others, it can be an extremely traumatic experience.

What I found was that people who loved me continued to love me, and for many people, their respect for me increased. And frankly, the most common reaction I got was, "Well...duh."

 

[kbate]

I did not have a pleasant time when I informed my family that I was gay now and forever. My mother still informs me of "nice boys" she wants me to meet and they always seem to arrange for some "nice young man" to be around when I visit. They also cancelled my trust fund distributions until I marry a man.

We get along just fine, the visits are pleasant after the awkwardness about the "nice young men", but my parents will never accept that I am lesbian.

My friends and the people I live my life with and around all accept both me and my partner for who we are.

I do not worry about being openly gay among my own people, or my clients. In the general public area we have experienced some problems and we do take care to not offend when possible. I would rather be slightly inhibited than I would be beaten.

ta. I'm on vacation. bye for a few weeks.

 

[bisexplicit]

My boyfriend knows I'm bi, and while he enjoys the fact that we can discuss hot girls together, he sometimes is a little more paranoid jealousy wise.

My friends know, but they don't really believe its true (its just a phase, blah blah blah).

My family does not know, and I don't really feel like there is a reason to tell them unless I began a serious relationship with a girl.

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

Yeah about the parents knowing, I pretty much agree that I would let them know if I had a serious relationship with a guy.
My friends have accepted it, and one of my best friends is also trying to discuss with me about guys!???
Lol, he wants to be absolutely comfortable with talking about men with me, like he does about women.And he is completely straight.Got a treasure there, don't I?

Does your being in the closet(entirely or somewhat in the closet..) affect your emotions?for example I sometimes feel pressured and stressed when my friends(who know i'm bi) start making jokes to strangers that I'm bi.Most times I enjoy it as the others get confused at how well we can play it bi and comfortable and we get a good laugh, but other times they cross the border, by being too obvious..
I guess not being completely out has its disadvantages.(and advantages too)

 

[DarkAurora]

I'm 100% out. My family knows I'm gay, my friends know, and even my work knows. I get harassed sometimes by the guys at work but I've never had a really bad experience luckily.

 

[revolution724]

I don't try to hide it any more. My parents and all my friends know, and work people find out when it comes up. Actually, I recently had an internship in a legislative office, and made a conscious decision to be more publically out, too (by this I mean strangers might know, beyond short-hair-funky-glasses-no-makeup stereotypy), mainly for political reasons. I might take the button off my bag if I feared for my personal safety, but then, I live in legal-gay-marriage-Massachusetts, and it's just not as dangerous as some parts of the world. I get nervous sometimes all the same, but it's like one tiny way of educating people, that they should have to see and recognize that there are GLBT people around them all the time being normalish human beings.

I got a lot of "duh" responses, too. And I was 26 and had been married when I told people! Part of me was like, well, if you knew I was a big old dyke before I did, why the heck did you let me go through with the wedding?

Do you ever wonder whether people to whom you aren't explicitly out speculate or guess? I do wonder about that sometimes.

 

[CJontherocks]

I do wonder how many people would tell me they already knew I'm bi. I've only told one person. She's a pretty close friend (as close as they get for me) but to be fair, she's also lesbian so there was a pretty safe bet she wouldn't reject me. In fact, she offered to hook me up. I guess I should've taken her up on it 'cause now I don't know how to get laid.

Tell someone else? Uhhhhh... not quite yet. Tell my mother? Yikes!! Although she once said she doesn't care what I am (I don't remember the context of that, but it was some time during my divorce), she'd still love me. So maybe on some level she knows? You think she'd say "Duh?"

 

[RazorSplitClit]

I think my mother knew I was bisexual before I did. I'm sure she suspected something when I started crossdressing at a pretty young age. So, I've never had to "come out" to her, it's always been understood, the same with my brother and sister.

As for my dad, I don't see him a lot, so he didn't know. But after having to tell him over the phone he was going to be a grandfather when I was 16 years-old, telling him I was bi was pretty easy. It just came up when I was visiting him. He said he was okay with it, but he did try to give me a speech about "life".

My friends all know just because they know me, and it's not like I'm the only non-straight person among our group of friends, so it's not really a big deal.

 

[Sallad]

I get the feeling that most bisexuals never really "come out" the way homosexuals do unless they become involved in a serious relationship with a person of the same sex. I would NEVER tell my parents I'm bi (I truly think my father would dissown me) mostly because I don't think it will come up. I have been with a man for 5 years and I plan on staying with him for the rest of my life and we can explore our sexuality together. Our friends know that I'm bi, but they don't know he is... I didn't until recently.

I think the ONLY reason my friends know is cuz they're ALL guys and I think they have more fun with it than I do. I get a lot of "I know I'd fuck her... I know you guys would fuck her... how bout you honey?" It usually gives me a chance to say something like, "I'd lick that pussy til she went into a coma," and walk off leaving them slack-jawed.

 

[Half-Cat]

Bi and in. Definitely in. In fact, you'd have to go in the closet, chop through the back wall, take a few steps, and start digging until you heard Chinese to find me. Why? A father who is a bit homophobic, a couple of friends in another state who are very homophobic, a brother, in another state thankfully, who is violently homophobic. My roommates and friends in this state aren't, at least I don't think so, but since I can't move out if they wanted me to, I think it's for the best right now if I, in the words of Elmer Fudd, "be vewy, vewy, quiet." Unfortunately.

 

[BitterIchor]

I'm quite out. My father didn't like it, and we don't have much contact anymore. But m ost of my friends and most importantly, my brother, took it wonderfully. I think my brother was glad, actually. Heh. Even the people at my workplace knows.

 

[SilkVelvet]

Out to my husband, family and friends, usually out to colleagues. Not out to my neighbours (none of their business lol) or my husband's family.

Years ago I was fired from one job and suspended from another just because, but these days, I don't get any grief thankfully. To be prejudiced against a bi or gay woman isn't seen as kool where I live.

 

[PaganDyke]

The Closet

I'm really fortunate, in that I have the freedom to be very out. As soon as I figured out, I came out to everyone and ditched the dead weight. There wasn't a lot of it, I had always been outspoken in my politics, queer stuff included. Most of my other friends were queer and/or trans anyways. And I love popping the heads of straight boys or women (bigots especially), every time they (men) try to hit on me, or ask if I've got a boyfriend ("No, but I have a few ex-girlfriends") or if I'm married ("Well, she hasn't asked me yet...").

I walked away from my family a long time ago, and they from me, so they didn't hate me any more than they already did, thinking I was a straight leftist trouble-making freak. Planning on coming out to my mother was probably the hardest, but that's only because I hadn't spoken to her for years and I had this internal debate of "Well, if I don't tell her it feels like lying" versus "Well, f*ck, I haven't spoken to her for years - do I just phone her and say 'by the way, I'm a dyke, now you know so f*ck off.'" *click*?. In the end the decision was made for me - my youngest sister was sitting in therapy with her and having an argument (my mother's a jackass), so she outed me to shut my mother up. Which worked, of course. The only problem I had with it, was that I didn't get to see the look on her face when she did it. My other sister's response was "Cool - can I tell my friends I know a gay person now?". Of course this is the same sister who phoned me in her late teens asking "how to be a headbanger".

My father was a lot easier to come out to, though that was an accident. I had planned on coming out to my youngest sister first to have her test the waters but I ended up having a non-related conversation with my father. When we went to hang up he kept asking me (I still don't know why) "Isn't there anything else you want to tell me? Anything new?". So I said no, and he kept asking so I finally went "Well, yeah - I'm gay". Which was kinda fun for me. He's homophobic and racist except he saw this twisted documentary awhile back saying that queers are created in the womb and can't be 'fixed' so he accepts that I'll always be queer. Of course, he also asked that I not tell my sisters about it. I thought he meant while he brooded, until he clarified and asked that I just *never* tell them. To which I laughed and went "Uh, no".

But he's a hypocrite, and he knows I'm his only chance on keeping the family name (which is important to him), so he's fairly happy about that. Course he'd be happier if I spontaneously gave birth and passed the name on.

I've only been afraid to come out twice in my life, once being when I was in physiotherapy for chronically-pained people and I was afraid I'd lose the rehab - which I desperately needed. The second time was when I was up with my mother's family, who I've never gotten along with. I was ignoring all the adults (happy, happy bigots) and playing with the kids and felt acutely uncomfortable of how it would look to them (adults) if they knew I was a dyke and 'playing' with their kids. It was a disgusting feeling. I came out to one of my mom's sisters (my favourite aunt) on the same visit who turned out to be a raving homophobe (even more than my father), so I dropped her. I was really disappointed. But I hated that feeling of hiding who I was - it's not something I've ever been able to do for any part of my life and generally I refuse to do it.

Now, I love that aspect of myself. It's one of my greatest strengths, and is why I get so much pleasure when I'm pushing the so-called gender norms and making people question their own assumptions and bigotry.

Peace, Pagan Dyke.

 

[gingermango]

Part of me was like, well, if you knew I was a big old dyke before I did, why the heck did you let me go through with the wedding?

That would be funny if it didn't hit so close to home. My sister married when she was about 20 - pretty much everyone in the family wanted to say, "Um, you realize he's a MAN don't you?" But we didn't. As her teenaged kid brother I didn't really feel it was my place to question her decision but I guess I should've. Needless to say she was divorced within two years and then finally came out of the closet a year or so after that and has been living out in the open for over 20 years now.

The only people I've come out to about my bisexuality have been my wife, my mom, a handful of VERY close friends and the very few sexual play-partners we've had. The friends I've told have all taken it very much in stride, very much of a "Well, d'uh!" situation. My wife was the one who suggested that maybe it wasn't just a kinky fantasy of mine, but was actually part of my personality. Well of course she was right. My mom didn't even bat an eyelash - after having dealt with my sister's revelations already, she was prepared for mine.

 

[Wolfman1982]

Well, I am still in the closet (sometimes deep in the closet), but well my father knows it, and he said to me when I told him I was bi, that he did not care, since he would still love me if i was gay. My sister knows it too, but not my mother, and I would get very angry if my sister told her that I was bi. And some very close friends knows it, and some others, but i am in the closet. Untill i feel safe enough to come out. And beat the crap out of the double standards, and get the chance to move away from the chatter of the city I am living in, if I ever get a chance to do so. Since in the city I living in i would be a target of homphobia and worse.

So even in a great free country Like Denmark I am living in, you can´t always get out of the closet.

 

[Guest]

I just recently told 2 people about my possible bi-sexuality. I say possible because I haven't had a physical experience yet, I just have very strong feelings and curiosity.
It was so weird actually admitting it to someone... other than myself. I thought for sure they would look at me as if I was crazy but they just listened and didn't pass any judgement on me, which was nice. Now I can actually talk about the way I'm feeling to someone instead of bottling it up inside! Neither of the two people are gay in any way so they don't completely understand but at least they don't mind me talking about it.

 

[Tymeless]

i'm slowly coming out to everyone that i'm really a woman trapped in a mans body and plan on becoming a woman physically to match that. I was gonna tell my mother this weekend but circumstances didn't allow it for the time being. I'm starting therapy soon and hormones soon after that so its all good.

Tiffany

 

[ravenmx]

I've been out of the closet for about 15 years. I came out to my family about 6 months after I came out to myself.

My family has always been good about it and treats my partner of 12 years like any other family member. In fact when I went back for my grandfathers funeral, my grandmother was really upset that my partner was not there.

In the beginning my grandmother would keep asking when I was going to find a nice boy and settle down but once she figured out I wasn't going to settle down with a nice boy she just accepted it.

I am also out at work and have never had any issues. My partner and I work at the same place and have for the last seven years. Most people that know us are fine with it and people that don't know us don't know we are a couple, or if they do they don't say anything. There are several out homosexuals in our office so they are used to it.

Surprisingly the school is also fine with it all. My partner is on as a emergency contact as a parent and they allow her to make any and all decisions as well.

 

[Raimondin]

Hey C. Good question.

Well, just like Q. said in his post. I was also very lucky to have a very liberal and understanding family.

I guess you could say I've been out since day one. Unfortunately not so for many of my friends. Sometimes I sort of felt guilty for it, that I didn't have the family rejection issues or had to hide it in the closet. It was later on in the "real" world, the outside world, the working world where I had the issues, or the "being gay" problems. Not family or friends.

But I never compromised myself and decided early on to be myself and stick it out which of course, meant paying the price of criticism, social rejection, or even having my life threatened at times. At the same time I never flaunted it, or tried to look like the "obvious" target. To me, I think I look like the guy next door, or "straight" looking as some people would say. But if someone had the guts to actually ask me if I was gay, I would definitely tell them yes. If they suspected or "wondered" if I was, then I considered that to be their problem, not mine. That really didn't bother me because all they had to do was ask. I have always been proud, (not ashamed or guilty) of being gay.

I suppose it was that sort of "rebel" attitude that kept me out of the closet.
Early on I learned that in life you have to stand up for yourself because you have the right to live and be happy just like everyone else.

Of course, in a perfect world...

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

Hey R Thanks for the comment

Anyway, I have reaaaaaally been itching to tell my parents about my bisexuality.
They are both caring and loving, but I'm afraid of their reaction.
I don't think they'd ever treat me like crap and ask me to move out or anything, but I wouldn't want them dissapointed..
Even if bisexuality should also be easier to admit since there is still the hetero-factor in it, I think they'd go all:'You are kidding!There's NO way that you are that..', and 'WHAT??OMG ALL THESE YEARS!!What did we dooooooooooo??'.
My father has been asking me if I have anything to tell them a lot lately, and once I almost told it, but the last second I thought that I shouldn't burden them..
I never felt ashamed of being bi.But I sometimes feel guilty.I always think of other people before myself, and I would feel very sad to dissapoint people so close to me as my parents..
I really hope it will work out, my brother already knows(poor guy, he watched a gay mpeg I had HIDDEN in a folder only I open..) and he even found me an explanation for that(that it had been downloaded with some kind of virus or something), but I laughed and said it was mine.
It really felt weird for a week but eventually he turned back to being the big old brother that always picks on the younger one.And now he picks on my bisexuality too, but at least I can just shut him by saying that his butt looks nice XD

 

[revolution724]

If it's any consolation, C., I was questioning a lot at 19 and didn't tell my parents until I was 28. I think the worst feeling in the world can be to see your mother cry, and that's a risk in this situation. Plus, for me, at least, I'd always been such the "good girl" that it was extremely hard to risk losing my parents' approval. At least you're out to yourself at this age - I wasn't, and it has caused me a lot of grief in life.

 

[symbolicflame]

I came up to my parents when I was 24. My girlfriend and I had been in a stable relationship for 2+ years by then, and so the clue were there and so I made it official. The reason I wanted to was that we had made had a decesion to go to the clinic and start matching donor profiles. We found one and and it took on 2nd try. We were so excited. Her parents were excited! My parents (ok, my father, unfair to my mother) was appalled. For two years, I saw our daughter ignored by her grandfather because of our relationship. I could not take it anymore and I broke it off, married a "man" and here I am six years later, stuck in loveless, sexless, hopless for now, until I finish my college and get out on my own marriage. I told my mom about six months ago that I am still gay that nothing has changed in the past six years, I said that no magic pill could or would ever change me and that if dad wants to accept me that is fine, but if he hurts my daughter then he will he will have to answer to me.
Friends know, always have.
Some family including husband. Gets pissed, thinks I should bring women to him.
Boss knows

 

[Mary Hall]

Only few know i`m bi

 

[iztheo]

My coming out was mostly a non-event. Friends and family seemed to figure it out long before I was ready to and nobody was really surpised or angry/upset/disppointed/etc. I can't imagine what an ordeal it must be to come out to friends and family who will not accept you. I know that I've been very lucky.

I particularly remember going out to dinner with two of my old friends from highschool and trying out my very first "I have something to tell you" conversation. After hemming and hawing, and circling the subject I finally told them that I was gay. Their response was, and I quote "Yeah. And ... what was it that you wanted to tell us?" The only tense moment was when my female friend asked me if I had liked her "like that" in high school and I responded "Uh, no ... you're not really my type." Then I got grilled about what was wrong with her, and why couldn't she be my type, and maybe I shouldn't be so picky if that ten percent ratio was correct.