How long is long enough?

[Dotcommie]

I have been with the same woman for 40 years. We work well together, have similar interests and goals and now have begun living apart. The reason is that I had an affair...actually a few affairs, but the last one was ended in 1976. Yes, that's right, 1976; or 36 years ago. No question I was at fault and I hurt her feelings badly, but we since have had two children and now a grandchild. Whenever we have disagreements; and ALL couples have disagreements, it always gets back to "you cheated on me". I would love to hear feedback from others as to just 'how long' is long enough for me to have remained commited and faithful to my wife. Sex has now disappeared and I find myself fantasizing about men's cocks. Not kissing or cuddling or anything but oral sex. I suspect that this is because I no longer get oral sex (or give) and that I can't 'do' myself, so I imagine doing another man. Tell me what you think.

 

[Aquagal]

Wow, 36 years ago and she's still bringing it up? She hasn't moved past it or enjoys holding it over your head.

 

[albertaboy]

36 years is well past the statute of limitations for anything other than murder.

 

[Miles Long]

Has she known since 1976 or did she just find out recently?

 

[Edensgarden]

I think this post might get more and/or different traffic than wanted due to the title.

I long to know the length of Long.


All kidding aside, I think you deserve to be happy. She is living in the past and apparently always will be.
It's time for you to live in the now so your future isn't as sad as your past has been.

 

[MollyDolly]

*nods* Either you stay with someone and forgive them if they cheat on you, or you leave. It's unfair to hold it against you. If she was that hurt and upset over the cheating, she should have left.

And now, it's up to you to leave- if you want to. Staying with her and cheating on her with other partners is unfair to her, especially since you know her feelings about cheating. If you don't want to be with her, be honest with her and leave.

 

[Miles Long]

I think this post might get more and/or different traffic than wanted due to the title.

I long to know the length of Long.


All kidding aside, I think you deserve to be happy. She is living in the past and apparently always will be.
It's time for you to live in the now so your future isn't as sad as your past has been.

I'm not 36 years long if that's what you were thinking.




Holding on to this for nearly 40 years does neither of you any good. If you truly are sorry and have shown her that you are, she needs to forgive and let it go otherwise neither of you will be happy.

I don't think the cock fantasies are related to the lack of sex from your wife.

 

[Edensgarden]

I'm not 36 years long if that's what you were thinking.

My longing wasn't exactly in years but more in Miles.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

I have been with the same woman for 40 years. We work well together, have similar interests and goals and now have begun living apart. The reason is that I had an affair...actually a few affairs, but the last one was ended in 1976. Yes, that's right, 1976; or 36 years ago. No question I was at fault and I hurt her feelings badly, but we since have had two children and now a grandchild. Whenever we have disagreements; and ALL couples have disagreements, it always gets back to "you cheated on me". I would love to hear feedback from others as to just 'how long' is long enough for me to have remained commited and faithful to my wife. Sex has now disappeared and I find myself fantasizing about men's cocks. Not kissing or cuddling or anything but oral sex. I suspect that this is because I no longer get oral sex (or give) and that I can't 'do' myself, so I imagine doing another man. Tell me what you think.

You are lucky she didn't cut your cockie off 36 years ago......I think she should have either divorced you 36 years ago, or forgiven you one or the other....

 

[ima6uldv8]

*nods* Either you stay with someone and forgive them if they cheat on you, or you leave. It's unfair to hold it against you. If she was that hurt and upset over the cheating, she should have left.

And now, it's up to you to leave- if you want to. Staying with her and cheating on her with other partners is unfair to her, especially since you know her feelings about cheating. If you don't want to be with her, be honest with her and leave.

I agree. And if she couldn't forgive you, she should have gotten a divorce long, long ago.

 

[Scentofawoman]

It's like a sword of Damocles hanging over your head. She must be a bitter woman to hold that for 36 years.

 

[BlueNightingale]

The only way to get over things like this is to process it and move on. It doesn't sound like she wants to move on. It certainly seems like she's climbed up on a cross over this and doesn't have any desire to come down. Some people make this sort of thing the central fact of their life. It's sad because it doesn't have to be that way and really nobody gets to be happy, but it does happen.

The caveat here is that we are only hearing one perspective. It could very well be that there are other things going on. Is it possible, for example that something in your behavior is making it impossible for her to turn loose of her mistrust?

Either way, the only two options are to resolve or dissolve the relationship.

In my situation talking frankly was what it took--we set it up as, "we are going to have this conversation and then we are going to make a decision--no matter what that decision is, after today we draw a line and go on from here."
Some people get a counselor or clergyman (if you are in a church) to mediate.
The one thing that is guaranteed to do nothing is to go on doing nothing.
You, darlin' badly need to do something.

 

[neakman]

It's like a sword of Damocles hanging over your head. She must be a bitter woman to hold that for 36 years.

Well now, nice classical reference (sword of Damocles)
you have gone up in stature in my book....

 

[PlayfulLittle1]

Well now, nice classical reference (sword of Damocles)
you have gone up in stature in my book....

I didn't know Rocky Horror was classical?

 

[neakman]

I didn't know Rocky Horror was classical?

As i have never wasted my time on such a piece of nonsense....
I would not know if they used the reference.......but I can assure you it is NOT original......

 

[JennyNo1]

*snipped*
Either way, the only two options are to resolve or dissolve the relationship.

In my situation talking frankly was what it took--we set it up as, "we are going to have this conversation and then we are going to make a decision--no matter what that decision is, after today we draw a line and go on from here."
Some people get a counselor or clergyman (if you are in a church) to mediate.
The one thing that is guaranteed to do nothing is to go on doing nothing.
You, darlin' badly need to do something.

Totally agree with this approach. If you've been committed and faithful as you say, you have more than earned the right to say "enough is enough", and to insist she go one way or the other.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I'm not sure if the question is about her holding a grudge or if you're attempting to address that you're feeling new needs and they may include men.
There really is no wrong answer. It's great to say that you "have begun living apart," but what was going on 30-40 years ago that made you look to other women?
If she packed up and left tomorrow, would you be devastated or relieved?
It's a toughie.. I don't envy you for this one.

 

[tonguetrap]

Never been there.........

with the wife . Ive cheated(when I was partying and playing music) but havent since. I agree that you have to look at a 36year resentment as a stumbling block. thats a long time to hold a grudge. Fuck it, youre living apart, find someone that IS interested and move on. I applaud youre wanting answers, but that is a call you will have to make.
As for the desire for a penis to play with(other than youre own) play on here in the role where you can try it out-thats what Lit is all about. Best of luck

 

[Miles Long]

Any updates from the OP? Resolution with the wife, suckin' on other dudes, what's going on here?