How long before you can tell a non-Lit woman that your write porn?

[human_male]

...sorry, YOU write porn.

I mean I know it depends on the person, but would most women be cool with that, or would that put them off if they found out? Should you wait until they know you really well, or just be honest and feel comfortable about sharing that aspect of your life as you would any other? Women's opinions and guys exerpiences?

Ta.

 

[joeys-game]

Well in my opinion, if said woman means a lot to you, why hide it?

 

[3113]

...sorry, YOU write porn.

I mean I know it depends on the person, but would most women be cool with that, or would that put them off if they found out?

Well...do you write "porn" or "Erotica"? And what kind of "porn" do you write? Do you make a living at writing porn for month magazines or do you do it, as here, now-and-then for free? Is it your job or your hobby? And what is your "real" job if it's not your job?

These things matter, but in general, I think it would put a woman off if, on a first or second or even third date you puffed yourself up, slapped her on the ass and said, "Hey, baby, have I mentioned that I write porno?"

Some guy told me that and I'd dump him pretty quick--because it sounds like he's boasting not about his writing, but about his sexual knowledge (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

If, however, I meet a WRITER who tells me that among other things he writes short erotic stories, then I'm going to be fine with it. The difference being that "erotica" implies a story with sex, and there's the implication of him viewing himself as a "writer" not a pornographer.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a pornographer--but how you present it make a great deal of difference. Are you boasting, or are you stating a fact? How much is it a part of your life, and how important a part? It all matters.

 

[3113]

Well in my opinion, if said woman means a lot to you, why hide it?

Nice tush, joey. That's for not hiding it

 

[joeys-game]

Nice tush, joey. That's for not hiding it

*grin*
Thanks 3113

 

[wildwildbest]

tell her while you're driving her to multiple screaming orgasms...then if she has a problem with that, well then that's her loss.

 

[Matadore]

multiple screaming orgasms...

Wasn't that a '70's rock group?

 

[English Lady]

I guess it depends, but I think you've got to be fairly intimate with a lady before you bring the porn/erotica into play, especially if it's just a hobby.

Also, it will depend on the girl, is she quite esy going and liberal? Is she sexually savvy and matur enough to deal with the writing porn/erotica thing?

I'd tread carefully,introduce that you write and then that you write erotica -I'd say erotica, it sounds less shocking then it goes from there. I'd leave it till you were on very friendly terms first, as 3113 says if you whip this out on a 2nd or 3rd date it might look like boasting and well, i think that'd turn a woman off.

Basically, play it by ear. You'll knowwhen the time is right, or rightish at least.

 

[neonlyte]

I have no trouble with telling anyone I write erotic fiction, I wouldn't use the term 'porn'. Without getting into a distracted arguement, I don't write porn.
Many non-Lit people know what I write, they also know I write non-erotic. My admiting to writing erotica has never fazed anyone, it has even won me some respect. I'm not 'ashamed' of what I write, if I were, I'd stop writing it.

 

[australwind]

I guess it depends on your relationship with the woman.....


I have told a couple of my friends of both sexes.... friends... not lovers... that I write erotica and they are fascinated, titilated, a little surprised but otherwise cool with the whole idea.

My other writing is purely technical and descriptive..... not in the least bit "interesting" but even the fact that I write and self publish is considered being a bit "out there".

If this is a lover or potential lover... then tread carefully as to the time and place... but in all things, be honest!

 

[S-Des]

I actually did this today for a woman who's been a friend for ten years. She sings for a band I work with and I was telling one of the guys in her band about a story when she overheard. She was insulted that I didn't tell her first, although was understanding when I explained my reluctance. Since I'm just starting, I didn't want my friends to see something that wasn't very good and never give me another chance.

I also feel a little uneasy about a woman I know seeing my work because of the sexual nature. It's kind of like giving them a glimpse of your sexual fantasies (or what they'll assume are your fantasies), which can be pretty intimidating, especially if the woman doesn't like it. In the end, my friend sat me down and said she was a big girl and could take it (and not look at me funny if she thought something I wrote was weird). The women on the board will probably have a better perspective on what a girlfriend might think, but my friends have been very supportive. I think if you approach her with sincerity about what you do and what it means to you, she'll probably be supportive also.

Good luck,

 

[rgraham666]

Since very few women get past the point where I say I was once seriously mentally ill, the fact that I write erotica rarely comes up.

 

[scheherazade_79]

If I like them I tell them pretty soon, because I don't like keeping things from them.
If I don't like them, then I also tell them pretty soon, because I enjoy the expression of shock on their faces.

It's the ones I haven't made my mind up about that I have the problem telling.

 

[impressive]

Why would you want a non-Lit woman?

 

[australwind]

Since very few women get past the point where I say I was once seriously mentally ill, the fact that I write erotica rarely comes up.

Doncha just hate that????

All the most creative and talented people are crazy... when will the world realise this???

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Well for somebody you're dating, the never-fail point I would guess would be the point in which you can get them to talk about what porn they've used to get off. At that point there is no way in Hell they'll thrash you for writing erotica.

 

[human_male]

Thanks for your replies. It's actually just a friend but I'm hoping some way down the track there might be an intimate encounter of some sort, failing that a very close friendship would be great. The stuff I write/wrote (just for Lit) I'd call porn but I see how saying erotica or erotic fiction would be better. I don't know her very well yet, we are going out for our first coffee next week. I never planned to just spring it on her out of nowhere, I just wondered if the subject of writing comes up should I hide it or spill it. I think I'll keep quite about if for a while, at least until sex as a wider topic comes up and we get comfortable with that. I hope that's what will happen.

Thanks again.

 

[human_male]

Why would you want a non-Lit woman?

Yeah it would be great if she was. Unless of course she read this and figured out who I am. It wouldn't be difficult as my picture's in my profile.

 

[impressive]

Yeah it would be great if she was. Unless of course she read this and figured out who I am. It wouldn't be difficult as my picture's in my profile.

You don't look ANYTHING like your avatar!

 

[FallingToFly]

I have no trouble with telling anyone I write erotic fiction, I wouldn't use the term 'porn'. Without getting into a distracted arguement, I don't write porn.
Many non-Lit people know what I write, they also know I write non-erotic. My admiting to writing erotica has never fazed anyone, it has even won me some respect. I'm not 'ashamed' of what I write, if I were, I'd stop writing it.

I'm with you neon....

If anyone asks, I say that I write adult fiction. If they ask repeatedly, my response changes to: "I write really, really, really twisted smut." And hand them one of the editing copies I always have around.

(I don't carry a laptop, but I carry a laptop case as a purse. It's full of nothing but smut and notebooks and ink pens. Guess what I do in every spare moment?)

 

[neonlyte]

(I don't carry a laptop, but I carry a laptop case as a purse. It's full of nothing but smut and notebooks and ink pens. Guess what I do in every spare moment?)

Put on lipstick?

 

[FallingToFly]

Put on lipstick?

:S I don't even think I own a tube of lipstick anymore...

 

[zeb1094]

Wasn't that a '70's rock group?

No it was a 70's drink!

 

[English Lady]

Thanks for your replies. It's actually just a friend but I'm hoping some way down the track there might be an intimate encounter of some sort, failing that a very close friendship would be great. The stuff I write/wrote (just for Lit) I'd call porn but I see how saying erotica or erotic fiction would be better. I don't know her very well yet, we are going out for our first coffee next week. I never planned to just spring it on her out of nowhere, I just wondered if the subject of writing comes up should I hide it or spill it. I think I'll keep quite about if for a while, at least until sex as a wider topic comes up and we get comfortable with that. I hope that's what will happen.

Thanks again.

you're welcome -I'm sure it'll go fine when/if the subject is brought up.

And I agre with Imp -you look nothing like your AV (to me, that's a positive *chuckles*)

 

[joeys-game]

No it was a 70's drink!

*snort*
Nice AV Zeb