How is it

[lickerish]

guys can be so dettached(sp)? Have sex minus feelings for the other person involved. Fuck for the sake of fucking, everytime.

Harmless, casual sex.

I thought I could do it. I just can't turn off my feelings.

 

[Mischka]

Everyone is wired differently, sweetie. I've known many females that have the same attitude, and I've known plenty of males that couldn't bring themselves to have sex outside of a meaningful relationship.

There's no need for you to turn off your feelings. You just need to find someone that's wired the same way (easier said than done, I know...).

 

[Angel]

I know how you feel.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Many of us guys can't - I can't, hence my requirement that I have a relationship before I have sex lest I get involved with someone who is a fine sex partner, but not someone I like.

Guys in general though, can have casual sex easier than women - it has to do with our animal nature; males have less of an investment in sex (we don't get pregnant, and we don't have to take care of our offspring to have our genes propogate) whereas women have a huge investment in sex.

That is all our evolutionary animal nature and it can't be ignored as much as we would like to.

I personally could probably have sex with someone once or twice without getting too involved, especially if I never saw the person again, but I would have problems if I continually saw the person; I couldn't continue such a relationship for long - it would have to progress, even if at a slow rate.

Besides, I value the relationship more than the sex, but I don't really want one without the other.

 

[OUTSIDER]

I won't lie.....I'm quiet able to have sex without feelings but in the end it's unfullfilling for the soul.

Sex as enjoyment is ok but there must be some feeling there even if it's only friendship.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[lickerish]

Well it sucks.

'Friends' with benefits' wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.. the sex is too awesome.. the 'just being friends' is not.

 

[cymbidia]

Babes, everyone in the world needs different things from thier personal relationships. Some people just want a physical release, a good fuck uncomplicated by what they consider excesses of emotion and/or expectations. There's nothing wrong with that, either - if that's what you want and you're honest with your partner about it.

Some people want to save their virginity for the person they will marry and with whom, so the story goes, they will live happily ever after. I wish them well; real life is not often so tidy with its romances but that's no reason not to strive toward a fairytale life, right?

Most of us fall someplace in the middle. The trick is to find someone who wants sorta kinda more-than-generally what you want - and then hang on. Finding that person is like sifting through the proverbial haystack for that needle. In other words, trying to find someone who wants what you want, has morals and plans that are like yours, and who will return your adoration is often disappointing, leads to dispiriting dips in self-esteem, and has the propensity to make us depressed and/or angry.

However, there's no real alternative to continuing to look for Mr. Right, is there? You could choose eternal celibacy and go read books instead, i suppose, but that would get old rather quickly, i think.

So you just keep looking. Every time you kiss what you think is The Prince and he turns out to be another frog, you gotta learn something from the experience and move on a stronger, more secure, and better focused woman. Eventually you'll find The Prince if you keep looking, keep growing, and keep focused.

Sorry for the latest frog, though. Just tell yourself that you're WAY better off knowing he was frog before you invested any real emotion into him. It'll be the truth. Then learn and lesson and pick up and go on. His loss, babes, not yours.

Now stand up straight, stick your boobs out, and go have some non-frog fun. It's Friday night. At least go down to Baskin-Robbins and flirt with the counter boy. Watch him turn all red. That's cheap harmless fun and good for the ego.

 

[YoungGun69]

Maybey it has to do with the fact that guys cant get pregnant.

We have sex and we can go on with ou lives. Their is no lasting physical effect after sex.(Im not putting a disease in the equation here.

Women stand a chance of getting pregnant and having that life stay with them for nine months inside. The ramifications are lomger and more dire so maybey women want the sex to mean something if its gonna cause them to get pregnant.


thats just my opinion

 

[Guest]

Because women are more in tune with their emotions...... we think more with our hearts....

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Maybe....

Maybe since there won't be any LV Lit meeting in the near future....

Maybe since there are a number of Lit members in the Great Pacific NorthWet...

Maybe we should have our own little mass get together where we meet some of the people here. You never know, maybe someone's brother or sister would be a match if not the Lit member themselves. Meeting in mass would be safer for those that are worried about that, and there would be less pressure as it would be an informal get together where there were not strong expectations.

It probably wouldn't require as much planning or travel as going to LV as most of us could drive to some convenient meeting city.

Maybe this would help...

 

[fgarvb1]

Love and sex together in the right amounts between two people are hard to come by in this old world.

As for me i had to learn to have sex without getting in to deep. divorce is a great teacher if you have to learn the hard way.

heartbreak and misery can teach lessons i wish nobody had to learn. i had to learn to seperate love and sex. i learned at age thirty. what can i say i'm a dumbass in some ways.

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

nope

i wouldn`t know that

 

[Aphrodisiac]

guys can be so dettached(sp)? Have sex minus feelings for the other person involved. Fuck for the sake of fucking, everytime.

Harmless, casual sex.

I thought I could do it. I just can't turn off my feelings.

I agree ... I thought I could do it and just jump into the whole " casual " thing .... but alas I was proven wrong. It did not feel right and I stopped before any thing could happen ... I guess I just could not just do it just for the sake of doing it.

 

[lobito]

it's sad to think that a FEW assholes make ALL of us guys look bad.

I don't know if it's easier for men OR women to be "dis-attached" during sex, since I prefer to make the woman I'm with, in my case now, my wife, know she's the only one that matters at the time. And since I've never been a woman, I can't answer the other way.

R

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Now stand up straight, stick your boobs out, and go have some non-frog fun. It's Friday night. At least go down to Baskin-Robbins and flirt with the counter boy. Watch him turn all red. That's cheap harmless fun and good for the ego.

good for the counter boy as well? You'll make his Friday night.

 

[Calamity Jane]

it's sad to think that a FEW assholes make ALL of us guys look bad.

Why does a capability for casual sex make us label men assholes? I'm perfectly capable of having no strings attached, friends with benefits type casual sex. I've had a lot of friends that were great lovers and it just never progressed beyond the friendship stage in any other area. Does that make me a bitch?

 

[lobito]

Why does a capability for casual sex make us label men assholes? I'm perfectly capable of having no strings attached, friends with benefits type casual sex. I've had a lot of friends that were great lovers and it just never progressed beyond the friendship stage in any other area. Does that make me a bitch?

It only makes you a bitch IF you really are a bitch, the statement made above about men being able to detach themselves from feelings though, doens't make guys as a whole look good though.

If casual sex without feelings is your thing, then that's fine by me. Even when I was single, I only had "casual" sex once, and it was with someone I'd known for awhile, but never had a sexual relationship with until that night, when we were both drunk. She hated the fact that we crossed that line just as much as I did, and because of that mistake on our parts, I never heard from her again, she never returned one call, or wrote me back. Does that make her a bitch? NOPE! It just means that we BOTH fucked up.

Casual sex without feelings is always going to be up to the individual, and no matter the amount of preaching ANYONE does, to stop it, it will always be around. People need to stop complaining about the bad things that happen IF they have it.

R

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Well it sucks.

'Friends' with benefits' wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.. the sex is too awesome.. the 'just being friends' is not.

You know what to do bout it dont you....

 

[luv2tvl69]

I know what you mean. I went with my friend manhunting....just for sex sake (as I havent had any in way too long).

Hooked up with a guy, it was sex, ok, but felt soo yuck about myself afterwards. I just couldnt wait till he finished and we could be done so I could leave. I know that must make me sound horrible, but I really wanted to just get some physical release with real live flesh. Actually my mind was on WC the whole time--the one person that has my heart. I guess I will forever be a "nice girl" and need feelings to "make love" to someone. I guess "fucking" just isnt for me.

I dont hold it against anyone who can have casual sex....I'm actually envious because my body definitely could use some, but when my heart detaches I just feel too detached, mechanical. I need the romance, the intimacy, the desires. I may give it 1 more shot....just to be absolutely certain it just wasnt a "mood" thing. But I think its just how I am.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

lickerish not all guys are like that

I know I for one aint, my body is serging with feelings and emotions. and try as I might i cannot shut them off