How is a relationship defined?

[Melody_lane]

I was on the phone a bit ago, with a guy who said that we could never have anything but a sexual relationship, because sex is what it was based on to begin with.


Now, fine...you don't want a relationship-I never asked for one anyway. But, am I alone in thinking that is a crock? Or is he right...is a relationship defined by how it is started?

 

[jcgirl]

is a relationship defined by how it is started?

Of course not. The best ones, start out as something entiely different, then what they end up to be.

 

[Melody_lane]

Enlighten me...

Then, how IS a relationship defined?

 

[Naked Hunny]

unfortunately even today the type of relationship you are in is usually defined by the man!! How stupid is that?

 

[jcgirl]

well.....its going to sound hokey

But pictures or feeling, however you wanna put it. When I was little my mother used to tell me that when you held a man's hands it would all come to you. What you did was you held his hand in yours, splayed out his fingers and just looked at them.....see what you could picture them doing.....can you picture a wedding band on the ring finger? Can you picture that hand being gentle while bathing a newborn, could you picture that hand shaking when he tells you he loves you for the first time....I know it sounds hokey, but think about it. You cant define something if its only there for one of you.

 

[CW]

Re: Enlighten me...

Then, how IS a relationship defined?

Perhaps it's best defined by what you two are willing to put into it,,, and by what you two want out've it. I believe that is called compromise,,, a healthy aspect of any realtionship. The notion that a relationship is unilaterally defined by only one person involved is basic hogwash. One person calling the shots, setting the goals and expectations is NOT a relationship that I want to be in,,, that would really reek of 'me Tarzan, you Jane',,, regardless of who is calling the shots.

You also can't deny yourself in a relationship,,, you have goals, expectations and dreams,,, and if those are seriously dented or destroyed, then you are going to be miserable.

As jcgirl said, the best realtionships start off as something entirely different than what they end up as. (I parapharsed) And that would include those that end up falling by the wayside.

[Edited by CW on 12-09-2000 at 12:57 AM]

 

[Dreamer1]

Now, fine...you don't want a relationship-I never asked for one anyway. But, am I alone in thinking that is a crock? Or is he right...is a relationship defined by how it is started?

Melody, it is a crock. No relationship must be defined by how it may have started. If someone truly believes this, then I suspect they go to extraordinary lengths to make it so. If both people in a given relationship have open minds and hearts, then anything can happen.

 

[R Nitelight]

A relationship is anything you can point to and say, "That's a relationship."

 

[Closet Desire]

relationships

I think anytime we decide to interact with another person it is a "relationship" and it's defined by what both are mutually willing to contribute. It can be platonic friendship, friendship with a sexual aspect, a sexual relationshp only, and an intimate relationship which I think is about complete trust and that includes sensuality. It's a good relationship if you're satisfied with what you put in and get out of it. It's a bad relationship if the contributions and expectations don't match.

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

Some people make a base Plan On How the would like to start a relationship ...On careing or just dateing and going slowly....You need to find one who is not afraid of comment or love ...Useally the Base Of a relationship is Friendship..


THE WIFE

 

[Gingersnap]

Hey Mel listen to the Dreamer cause he has a great marriage and many many friends. Relationships the good ones are changing and growing all the time.

 

[Melody_lane]

Gingersnap!

Long time, no see. Missed your posts, sweetie!

As for relationships...well, I really knew that. I was just curious about how people on the board defined their relationships, and if anyone besides me thought what he said was bullshit.

I think this guy...(like a lot of people in general) is concerned too much with how things 'should' be. It's ashame to hold out for expectations of concepts...you miss out on many worth while experiences that way. And it's all about the experience, baby!

It's a scream.

seeya.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

a relationship is defined by....

your goals. As your goals change, so does the relationship. That's how I see it.

Rarely have I ever seen a relationship based on sex turn into something else. That glue only holds folks together for so long. And then what do you talk about?? And, do you really care? If you do, beware.

blue

 

[Grifta]

A relationship is something that occurs between to living beings. People change all the time. We evolve. we learn from our mistakes. We try new and different things, some good, some not so good. No relationship stays the same forever. If it did it would stagnate and die. Relationships and how we deal with each other change all the time. They have to. You don't have the same relationship with your fiance that you do with him/her on your 20 year wedding aniversary. And you don't have the same relationship with the guy/gal that you met online and started chatting with a few days ago. You learn and base how you act or react on what you learn. At least thats the way I've noticed relationships to be.

 

[Melody_lane]

Re: a relationship is defined by....

Rarely have I ever seen a relationship based on sex turn into something else. That glue only holds folks together for so long. And then what do you talk about?? And, do you really care? If you do, beware.

blue

My point is...just because sex is the basis(meaning how the relationship had started), it doesn't have to define the relationship. Sure, if all you ever do is fuck-and it never grows from that, then of course it will not last. However, it is naive to think that it could be nothing more than a fuck, just because that's all that has been done.
It's one thing for a relationship to never go beyond sex because that is what happens, and quite another to assume that it never could because sex was the foundation.

 

[Temptress_1960]

I agree, Melody

Some relationships never get beyond sex, because one or both parties aren't willing to go beyond sex.

That kind of start doesn't limit the possibilities, though. A relationship based on sex can become much more, if both people want it to. Relationships are hard work - the meaningful ones, anyway.

I think it's harder to change a completely platonic friendship into a sexual relationship. There's a fear of losing what you already have, and of being disappointed or disappointing to your friend.

And if a sexual relationship doesn't evolve to a higher level in some way, it will end - which is an evolution in itself.

(and isn't that philosophical for this early in the morning.)


IMO - it sounds like this guy just wants to have sex, and nothing more. Which is OK if it's what you want. If it isn't what you want, it might not be worth your time and energy.

 

[BrainyBeauty]

A relationship is anything you can point to and say, "That's a relationship."

*pointing to chocolate* -------------> http://www.m-ms.com/cai/snickers/images/bottom_02.gif

I am pleased to announce the marriage of BrainyBeauty and her Snickers bar. The relationship will be consummated immediately. The bride will be deep-throating the groom and he will be going down. All the way. They have the best relationship!

PS Melody, the guy is a jerk who just wants sex. At least he admitted that instead of leading you on. However, tact does not appear to be one of his talents.

 

[Melody_lane]

Melody, the guy is a jerk who just wants sex. At least he admitted that instead of leading you on. However, tact does not appear to be one of his talents. [/B]

Odd thing is-he's actually a nice guy. A nice guy that only wants to fuck me, but a decent guy, nonetheless. Of course, he did ruin his chances of continuing to fuck me because of what he said. Men, so silly. I never once thought about a relationship with him...or what would come about in the future with him, until he said that it COULDN'T be more. Nobody tells me what can't be, damnit!

My libido is hurting though...he was a damn good fuck. (sighs)

 

[Chuckus]

Melody, the guy is a jerk who just wants sex. At least he admitted that instead of leading you on. However, tact does not appear to be one of his talents.

My libido is hurting though...he was a damn good fuck. (sighs) [/B]

Sorry you got pooped on....thats no fun.

 

[Melody_lane]

Pooped on? Hey, I'm not that kinky.