How good are my stories?
- Thread starter leanne2k
- Start date
dr_mabeuse
seduce the mind
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2002
- Posts
- 11,528
Okay. Just give us a link.
---dr.M.
---dr.M.
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
the link
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=39413
leanne,
I had read your Stephanie's Lesbain Vacation Ch. 1 when it was on the feedback boards sometime back. I hadn't been able to enjoy it as I am not at all into wrestling and then had felt unqualified to reply. The writing was nice though.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=39413
leanne,
I had read your Stephanie's Lesbain Vacation Ch. 1 when it was on the feedback boards sometime back. I hadn't been able to enjoy it as I am not at all into wrestling and then had felt unqualified to reply. The writing was nice though.
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
PS
Your poll consists of very good, good, bad and very bad. Wouldn't it be nice to include an 'okay' in there?
Your poll consists of very good, good, bad and very bad. Wouldn't it be nice to include an 'okay' in there?
dr_mabeuse
seduce the mind
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2002
- Posts
- 11,528
I read "Seducing and Loving the Boss" and thought it was pretty bland. It's a very simple story of a lesbian secretary who has a crush on her female lawyer boss. They go our to celebrate a court victory, get "smashed" in a bar and decide to go back to the secretary's apartment where they play "Truth or Dare". The boss dares her to do a striptease, which she does, and there follows some oral sex and sex with a banana. We're told that they're now lovers, and the story ends.
This is fine as far as it goes, but it's not terribly erotic. There's no mystery, no tension or conflict, and, aside from telling what the girls wear, no descriptive detail to bring the picture alive and make it arousing. the characters are the usual young, well-built, beautiful women, with no feelings, nothing that gives them any depth or gives the reader any reason to care about them at all.
I say all this not because it's a bad story. It's not bad. It's readable and there's dialog. But it's a long way from being great, or even good. You have the tools to write, now you have to ask yourself how much effort you're willing to put into it. If your answer is "not much", then you can stop reading now.
Aha! You want to hear more? Okay: first of all, ask yourself what about this story is exciting to you? The seduction? The sex? The whole thing? Then you've got to zoom in on those parts and figure out just what about them is exciting. Is it the mental image of what they're doing? Is it their emotions as they're doing it? Is it the game of "truth and Dare"? There must be something, and what your job is as a writer is to go in there and describe that part to us so that we feel your excitement as well.
One of the best ways to do this is with concrete detail. When they meet in the barm is there any tension or desire between them? You don't tell us. Maybe they brush hands, maybe they touch accidentally. Maybe Chelle gets turned on watching Lila dance. Something.
Take the scene where Chelle strips for Lila? What's she thinking? I'd imagine she's feeling a whole bunch of things: excited that she gets to show Lila her body, scared that Lila will reject her, embarrassed about doing this in front of her boss,
giddy at the freedom Lila gives her, maybe desirable and sexy, maybe proud of her body. How does Lila watch her? When does this stop being a silly game they'rer playing and become something serious? When do Lila's eyes get that look? What does Chelle feel when she sees that look?
This is what makes a story interesting and gives it depth. Without this kind of detail it's not a story. It's just a report.
Regards,
---dr.M.
This is fine as far as it goes, but it's not terribly erotic. There's no mystery, no tension or conflict, and, aside from telling what the girls wear, no descriptive detail to bring the picture alive and make it arousing. the characters are the usual young, well-built, beautiful women, with no feelings, nothing that gives them any depth or gives the reader any reason to care about them at all.
I say all this not because it's a bad story. It's not bad. It's readable and there's dialog. But it's a long way from being great, or even good. You have the tools to write, now you have to ask yourself how much effort you're willing to put into it. If your answer is "not much", then you can stop reading now.
Aha! You want to hear more? Okay: first of all, ask yourself what about this story is exciting to you? The seduction? The sex? The whole thing? Then you've got to zoom in on those parts and figure out just what about them is exciting. Is it the mental image of what they're doing? Is it their emotions as they're doing it? Is it the game of "truth and Dare"? There must be something, and what your job is as a writer is to go in there and describe that part to us so that we feel your excitement as well.
One of the best ways to do this is with concrete detail. When they meet in the barm is there any tension or desire between them? You don't tell us. Maybe they brush hands, maybe they touch accidentally. Maybe Chelle gets turned on watching Lila dance. Something.
Take the scene where Chelle strips for Lila? What's she thinking? I'd imagine she's feeling a whole bunch of things: excited that she gets to show Lila her body, scared that Lila will reject her, embarrassed about doing this in front of her boss,
giddy at the freedom Lila gives her, maybe desirable and sexy, maybe proud of her body. How does Lila watch her? When does this stop being a silly game they'rer playing and become something serious? When do Lila's eyes get that look? What does Chelle feel when she sees that look?
This is what makes a story interesting and gives it depth. Without this kind of detail it's not a story. It's just a report.
Regards,
---dr.M.
