How Does One Pick A Place To Find A Date On The Internet?

[FGB]

They all seem kind of gimmicky to me...

I'm Male separated, getting Divorced and fifty eight or close to it.

 

[gagginforit]

Not dating sites that's for sure. Try a general activities site and meet people through that, like meetup.com.

 

[SweetErika]

When will your divorce be final? I'd suggest waiting at least until then. Maybe one of the reasons your marriages fail is because you've rebounded too quickly in the past. With all due respect, with that many divorces, the common denominator is you, my friend. Some serious growth likely needs to happen on your part, including figuring out why your relationships truly have failed and why you keep choosing incompatible partners. Inventory the hell out of yourself and fix what you need to before you seek a new partner. A good therapist can help you inventory and problem-solve quicker. Otherwise, I fear you'll meet your ideal match and not know it, or have the relationship go the same way as your previous ones. Or, perhaps worse, you could end up in the same place 10 more years down the line.


When you're honestly ready to get back into dating, most of the people who are in your age range that I know use Match and/or eHarmony. However, eharmony rejects people for a variety of reasons, like these. I mention it because your divorces may be an issue, and there's no point in wasting your time trying to sign up if you know you won't get in ahead of time.

I also think there's immense value in joining groups, sports, classes, etc., that will allow you to have fun, learn and expand your social network all at the same time. I'd suggest using that as a primary vehicle to meet people, and bringing in the online dating component to improve your chances. When you are actually ready to do so, that is.

 

[Emerson40]

They all seem kind of gimmicky to me...

I'm Male separated, getting Divorced and fifty eight or close to it.

I think for the most part, dating websites are a bit gimmicky. There will always be exceptions to this, but I think they are rare.

The suggestions about joining or participating in other social groups activities is a great one. MeetUpdotCom is a great one - you can search by region, activity, age, etc. My wife recently saw a posting for a MeetUp Group of "Sexually Adventurous and Open Couples" looking for participants to go zip-lining, hiking, skiing, etc, and out for dinner and to events and festivals. All non-sexual activities, but activities where the other members of your group are like-minded individuals / couples. (no, we did not join or attend).

Even the dreaded FacieBook can provide groups of like-minded / shared interest people that organize gatherings and meet ups in and around where you live.

Outside of the traditional social websites you can find some other options. We have attended a couple interactive dinner theatre evenings (Tony & Tina's Wedding being the most recent) with some single friends. A fun, relaxed atmosphere had them mingling and chatting up other singles. No marriages yet, but some connections and friendships were made.

We also have a close friend who met a gentleman at a Le Dîner en Blanc event we attended. Not a super-serious thing, but they have had several dates and enjoy each other's company.

I'll not add anything to what SweetErika has posted above except to say that dating right after coming out of a relationship can have some issues. Make sure, for your sake and for the sake of the person you are dating, you are in the best possible headspace. Just getting out with some friends socially, or busying yourself with sports, new hobbies, clubs, or even a small trip away can help with feelings of being alone and not having that partner around. Who knows, you may even meet someone this way, just by getting out there and having some "me" time to sort your thoughts out.

Good luck!

When you're honestly ready to get back into dating, most of the people who are in your age range that I know use Match and/or eHarmony. However, eharmony rejects people for a variety of reasons, like these.

As a humorous aside - several years ago someone posted their eHarmony rejection notice:

http://31.media.tumblr.com/qUDQY5OU0hhvqylsu33iV2jBo1_400.jpg

 

[FGB]

When will your divorce be final?

As I don't plan to file until after the first of the year because of taxes and settling propeerty ownership and such, I'm guessing April or May.
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I'd suggest waiting at least until then.

Wait for what?

This is not a hastily conceived act. If I wasn't so stubborn I would have and should have ten years ago.
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Maybe one of the reasons your marriages fail is because you've rebounded too quickly in the past.
Well now, I was single seven years last time...Hell, I might not live seven more years!

With all due respect, with that many divorces, the common denominator is you, my friend.
I am well aware that I am drawn to females who are emotionally unavailable and are screwed up and addicted to people, places and things. This one was well into recovery when we started dating.

She quite and many of her old behaviors reappeared. And the one thing that is deal breaker. I will not live with an achilioc or someone who will abuse a person when they are down and ill. I received a look into my future with her and I'd rather die alone.
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Some serious growth likely needs to happen on your part, including figuring out why your relationships truly have failed and why you keep choosing incompatible partners. Inventory the hell out of yourself and fix what you need to before you seek a new partner. A good therapist can help you inventory and problem-solve quicker. Otherwise, I fear you'll meet your ideal match and not know it, or have the relationship go the same way as your previous ones. Or, perhaps worse, you could end up in the same place 10 more years down the line.

Woman, in my time I've helped start an AA group, a Emotion Anonymous Group but the one I'm really proud of a ACOA group. It only lasted from 1988-1995 but we helped ourselves a many other people. Not to mention the days in a mental ward and hour upon hour of individual therapy learning to deal people and relationships and day to day problems. The last consoler I went to said, as other have in the past that I have remarkable insight about my own self, I understood my problems and already knew the answers and that when I was ready I would do something about them.

And I am.
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hen you're honestly ready to get back into dating, most of the people who are in your age range that I know use Match and/or eHarmony. However, eharmony rejects people for a variety of reasons, like these. I mention it because your divorces may be an issue, and there's no point in wasting your time trying to sign up if you know you won't get in ahead of time.

I also think there's immense value in joining groups, sports, classes, etc., that will allow you to have fun, learn and expand your social network all at the same time. I'd suggest using that as a primary vehicle to meet people, and bringing in the online dating component to improve your chances. When you are actually ready to do so, that is.

hanks, I'll give them the once over and the groups and stuff I already knew to do.

I am ready to date,In my whole life I have only had handful of “one dates”

First wife. Married almost four years.
Ran off with a guy she worked with...didn't have a clue!
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Second wife,
A year and a half. We lived together for six months before marriage.
Chronic marrying woman. I was her fifth husband, she married the father of her children twice.

She asked for a divorce one day, said the marriage wasn't developing like she thought it should.

She has never remarried.

Third wife.
OMG!
I married one woman...took home five rolled into one!
I stuck it out one whole year with the multi-personalited insane person,which was six months longer than both medical and physiological professionals recommended. I paid the price too...even developed ulcers.

Fourth Wife.

Covered that already. I think I have handled this situation with all the grace and fairness that a man could. Certainly far better than most.
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I'm moving on.

What the future holds I know not but I'm going there.

 

[Que]

Tip:

Correct answer to so "how long have you been divorced?"

"Oh, we split a couple of years I guess." Whether or not that is accurate.

Anything under a year and they're not going to touch you with a ten foot pole.

Also you're a guy so it was obviously your fault and if she did something you drove her to it.

So think up some nice bland positive things to say about her because it will help a lot.

Actually think that the tone you set here is probably in the right ballpark.

 

[FGB]

Tip:

Correct answer to so "how long have you been divorced?"

"Oh, we split a couple of years I guess." Whether or not that is accurate.

Anything under a year and they're not going to touch you with a ten foot pole.

Also you're a guy so it was obviously your fault and if she did something you drove her to it.

So think up some nice bland positive things to say about her because it will help a lot.

Actually think that the tone you set here is probably in the right ballpark.

I remember my first divorce... it was the third date with this nice and nice looking blonde...anyway we ended up having sex, and as I was laying on my back trying to catch my breath she turns to me and said...OK. I give up. Why did your wife leave you? I've watched your every move since as we started dating and I can't figure it out.

I thought it might have been the sex but no that's not the problem, so what is it?.

How do you answer that question? I really diddn't know.

My answer...There is a difference between Love and Sex.
If she ever really did love me she fell out of it and didn't bother to mention or cue me in on that tidbit until the day before she ran off with this other guy.

Nothing like a trip through the Twilight Zone to shake you up!

 

[Loverskitten]

They all seem kind of gimmicky to me...

I'm Male separated, getting Divorced and fifty eight or close to it.

"Woman, in my time I've helped start an AA group, a Emotion Anonymous Group but...."

Here's a tip, make sure you address women as "woman" or "hey lady" especially when you can clearly see our names on the screen. We love that.

 

[Que]

I remember my first divorce... it was the third date with this nice and nice looking blonde...anyway we ended up having sex, and as I was laying on my back trying to catch my breath she turns to me and said...OK. I give up. Why did your wife leave you? I've watched your every move since as we started dating and I can't figure it out.

I thought it might have been the sex but no that's not the problem, so what is it?.

How do you answer that question? I really didn't know.

My answer...There is a difference between Love and Sex.
If she ever really did love me she fell out of it and didn't bother to mention or cue me in on that tidbit until the day before she ran off with this other guy.

Nothing like a trip through the Twilight Zone to shake you up!

Women (and men) want what they don't already have.

Dollars to donuts she ran off with what she saw as a "bad boy". Once you are domesticated and compliant you no longer have that edge that they thought they were looking for.

Read Athol Kaye and watch the lightbulbs go off.

"Hey lady(s)" closer to my age bracket tend to ask the kind of questions that you're nice blonde did. There are no right answers for those questions nothing that satisfies them because somehow or another you are defective. In my experience men don't naturally assume that women who are divorced or defective. Perhaps we should- I don't know.

I was in a college area saurday night. Ran into an attractive seemingly young girl kind of sobbing to herself sat down next to her, see if I can help or perhaps engage in predatory practices.

She's 31 years old looks a lot younger has two kids and is dating a 25 year old.

She says, " I get it I'm not one of these 22 year olds in miniskirts", gesturing at two girls walking by as we spoke. "Im 31! Ive got two kids, i'm divorced, I'm damaged goods, I get it."

Giving her leg a good fondle, I point out to her that she could always buy a mini skirt.. earned me a laugh.

She went on to speak of her love for this is 25 year old who apparently has a drunken temper and a jealous streak. Explain that his previous girlfriends and cheated on him and he's paranoid that she will and her take on that is "where would I go I'm lucky to have him."

Being a hopeless romantic that I am I encourage her to pick up the phone that she was ignoring and talk to him. Unfortunately they were working it out as I walked away.

Girls young enough that they don't really have to worry about what the future might entail, tend to not bother me with unanswerable questions.


Like How do you go from the best year of your marriage to suddenly divorced in a matter of the year?

To answer your original question about online dating I'm not too sure... I tried a couple of sites way too early got 0 responses and gave it up.

If you're just looking for simple companionship I've heard good things about plenty of fish. Or ok cupid.

The match you with your ideal partner ones, tend to really annoy the crap out of me. I mean sure no problem with jotting down wish lists about your ideal partner and perhaps puffing your own attributes.

But most of the profiles I read of women they were aiming way way out of their league.

I suppose the men's profiles look much the same to them.

 

[FGB]

"Woman, in my time I've helped start an AA group, a Emotion Anonymous Group but...."

Here's a tip, make sure you address women as "woman" or "hey lady" especially when you can clearly see our names on the screen. We love that.

I only use that term when I'm slightly miffed, outraged or they are about to do something stupid and get hurt.

 

[LadyVer]

Interesting thread. Developing friendships is better than zeroing in on a dating partner. Maybe getting into activities that one is interested in. Screw the dating and looking for a potential sex partner. If a good friendship develops, sex may follow.

Hey Erica, good to see you!