How does one 'exude' confidence?

[JerseyBoy]

We all know that confidence in a guy is way up there on the sexometer, but how much of it is self-instilled and how much are you born with?

Tell me there isn't a difference with a guy that takes over a room when he first enters and a guy who is 'trying too hard'

Is it all a matter of just believing in yourself?

Do some of us have stronger self-doubt mechanisms? What is the difference in being confident and trying to be confident? I'll tell you...its being afraid you can't pull it off, thinking you'll look like and idiot...and suddenly *poof* it's gone

Take shy scrawny zitfaced Pete. He joins a gym, fills out and his face clears up. Suddenly he is King shit. The girls flock to him cause he looks good and he knows it. This seems a good example of helping yourself and having the confidence come to you. But his has only to do with looks. I suppose the same could be said about success.

But even an ugly can can exude confidence and get the girls, the job, the success

Even in Lit you can tell the confident ones.

You wonder why life tosses so many pebbles in your way...and it's just a matter of trying to avoid them or just stomping them into dust as you pass.

hmm

 

[Monazwx]

I don't have any answers to your questions, so all I have to suggest is good posture and direct eye contact.
(A nice smile helps too).

 

[hogjack]

One technique

I wear a strap-on dildo almost constantly. It just symbolizes confidence plus I get a lot of space to myself on commuter trains.

 

[honeylick]

love yourself, and others will follow.

 

[P. B. Walker]

love yourself, and others will follow.

I "love" myself nightly. <smirk>

PBW

 

[k¡tty]

love yourself, and others will follow.

I agree with that.



But to love yourself isn't to become a conceded wanker who looks in the mirror all the time and worries if his hair gets mussed.


Walking with your head held up high, the eye contact which Mona already mentioned, act like ya know wtf your doing even if you don't.

I've found that if I pretend that I'm not shy that after awhile it fades and I can talk to just about anyone. It's all about bluffing yourself to a degree.

 

[just a thing]

Well, JerseyBoy, those first three answers weren't much help, were they?

People have been telling me all my life that I have an air of confidence about me, and I'll let you in on my secret:

Whenever I approach a woman, at the back of my mind I am fully aware of my strengths: I'm not movie-star handsome, but I am reasonably good-looking; I'm smart; I'm not hilariously funny, but I am amusing enough to make women smile and laugh; and I have fairly good grasp of how to be romantic.

Understand that these are not things that I just say to myself. Saying these things to yourself without feeling them is absolutely useless. (Kind of like that stupid character AL Franken used to do on Saturday Night Live years ago: Stuart Smalley.) I have been told these things and I have seen proof of them often enough that I feel these things about myself deep down in my bones. God Himself would have trouble convincing me that I don't possess these strengths.

That's the first thing you need for self-confidence: dwell on your strengths - alot! Make them something you think about several times a day - every day. And make it a point to notice any evidence about your strengths in the comments of others.

Once you have developed that mindset, approaching a woman is easy: you know - no, you feel the strengths you are offering any woman you seek out. If she shows an interest in you, she wins. If she doesn't, she has let a good guy slip through her fingers. Either way, you're the winner because you always have all those strengths to offer to anyone you choose.

 

[BlueDaisy]

Wish I could help you, even though I'm not a man *looks inside shirt* yep, still a woman.

I don't have that self-confidence, either. Sure wish I did. I envy the women who have it.

 

[JerseyBoy]

hehe, thanks all...I think I have a pretty good confidence level and was wondering how others took on this whole thing.

I do remember trying too hard, but that was back when I was way too shy

And thanks Mona for being the first to reply...I my whole confidence level dropped when no one answered

and 'just a thing'...thanks for your thought out response though I'm past the whole singles thing...but it can be applied to most any aspect of life

 

[BlueDaisy]

hehe, thanks all...I think I have a pretty good confidence level and was wondering how others took on this whole thing.

I do remember trying too hard, but that was back when I was way too shy

And thanks Mona for being the first to reply...I my whole confidence level dropped when no one answered

and 'just a thing'...thanks for your thought out response though I'm past the whole singles thing...but it can be applied to most any aspect of life

oops. sorry!

 

[perks]

it's perspective.

People can read your body language and aura. There is a difference between someone who can swagger, and thinks that is all there is to it, and a person who is confident, can back it up, and has a bit of kindness and mercy.

Don't people choose how they are? I think that's the difference. I don't let people choose how I am going to be perceived. I tell them how to perceive me, by my actions, by my tone, by the way I react under different circumstances.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

how much of it is self-instilled and how much are you born with?

I don't think you're born with any confidence at all. I think part of it has to do with how you're raised, how much your parents encourage you and celebrate your gifts, how much they encourage you when you falter.

Some of us can find our own confidence, like zitfaced Pete did in your example. But just because he looks good and knows it doesn't mean he's confident. Confidence is an image, much as is success. Just because someone has a zillion dollars and can do anything in the world they want with it doesn't mean that THEY feel successful... they might feel terribly lacking in many areas, and no one would know, from looking at their life from the outside.

Confidence is the least expensive aphrodisiac, but the most difficult to obtain.

Like I said, confidence as a child may come from parents, teachers, siblings, etc. But in the end, you must sustain whatever kickstart your confidence has been given. It all comes from within. Some people are self-confident because of their appearance, some because of their brains. Some are confident because they are stellar athletes, and some... some just have this mysterious self-assuredness... and you can't figure out why.

It all comes from within, from what you know and love of yourself.

 

[just a thing]

Well, JerseyBoy, those first three answers weren't much help, were they?

People have been telling me all my life that I have an air of confidence about me, and I'll let you in on my secret:

Whenever I approach a woman, at the back of my mind I am fully aware of my strengths: I'm not movie-star handsome, but I am reasonably good-looking; I'm smart; I'm not hilariously funny, but I am amusing enough to make women smile and laugh; and I have fairly good grasp of how to be romantic.

Understand that these are not things that I just say to myself. Saying these things to yourself without feeling them is absolutely useless. (Kind of like that stupid character AL Franken used to do on Saturday Night Live years ago: Stuart Smalley.) I have been told these things and I have seen proof of them often enough that I feel these things about myself deep down in my bones. God Himself would have trouble convincing me that I don't possess these strengths.

That's the first thing you need for self-confidence: dwell on your strengths - alot! Make them something you think about several times a day - every day. And make it a point to notice any evidence about your strengths in the comments of others.

Once you have developed that mindset, approaching a woman is easy: you know - no, you feel the strengths you are offering any woman you seek out. If she shows an interest in you, she wins. If she doesn't, she has let a good guy slip through her fingers. Either way, you're the winner because you always have all those strengths to offer to anyone you choose.

 

[TheDR4KE]

In Zen Buddhism (and many other spiritual traditions) there is a distinction between personality and ego. Meditation, among other practises, can help you learn how to allow your personality, aka your Truth, to shine through more.

People exuding a confident ego are very different from people exuding a confident personality.

Quack

the D

 

[JerseyBoy]

People exuding a confident ego are very different from people exuding a confident personality.

hmmm...interesting

so is this a case of spot-the-fake?

 

[JerseyBoy]

it's perspective.

People can read your body language and aura. There is a difference between someone who can swagger, and thinks that is all there is to it, and a person who is confident, can back it up, and has a bit of kindness and mercy.

Don't people choose how they are? I think that's the difference. I don't let people choose how I am going to be perceived. I tell them how to perceive me, by my actions, by my tone, by the way I react under different circumstances.

Can you tell how I'm perceiving you right now?

But you are right...I'm still one of those who arent sure how others perceive me when i shouldnt bother

 

[JerseyBoy]

Well, JerseyBoy, those first three answers weren't much help, were they?

I think this is the record length of time between double posts