how does a nice guy become a master dom?

[Evil_Geoff]

I am a sadist. Make no mistake about that.

But I spent my entire childhood (and most of my young adult years) having "You never hit a woman!" drilled into my head. Hell I was cop, for pity's sake, and would happily take a spouse abuser to jail in a heart beat.

And the fantasies that rolled through my brain were some seriously fucked up shit. We're talking about skinning people alive kind of fucked up fantasies.

So yeah, I totally understand where the "I can't, I just CAN'T do that to my WIFE!" feelings come into play. But you know what? You know the difference between the fantasy and the reality. So does she.

You know the difference between non-consensual abuse and consensual rough sex. So does she. You aren't "hitting a woman." You are having fun, kinky sex with your wife. If she's down with that, rock on! If she works in a job or y'all have kids, just make sure any marks you leave (including cuttings or needle holes) can be easily covered by appropriate clothing. Wearing a turtleneck in 100 degree heat is going to draw attention if it's done toooooo often.

Google is your friend. Use the search term BDSM, {insert_your_town, state, province, whatever_here}. If you get nothing (some towns don't have a web-searchable kink group. Yet.), insert the closest large city. You'll find several, no doubt.

And if Google by itself isn't enough, here are some websites that are dedicated to finding kinky groups:
SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html
Caryl's BDSM Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com
LordSaber's BDSM Groups List - http://www.hawkeegn.com/bdsm/smgroups.html
The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to groups AND events around the country.
SirPaul's page of SE Links - http://phoenixdragon.dreamknight87.com/va.htm - This is a limited resource with groups for VA, NC, SC, TN & KY

These are primarily for groups in the US. There are additional searches one can do on http://www.FetLife.com but you can't get then with a general web search.

Good luck,

 

[Stella_Omega]

if your girl was and wanted you to cut her, would it be easy? i know its different. and i'm not trying to be an ass i promise. its hard to over ride my thoughts. but i'm learning better ways to think about it. so this is all a positive.

I might be able to. I've played with blood before, it doesn't scare me.

But tops (doms) are allowed to have limits just like bottoms (subs) do. if it's past your limits, you get to say so.

If she's asking you to cut her, and you want to do that for her, give yourself time to get used to the idea. Bloodplay, as that stuff is called, is something people sort of evolve into doing. I'm not really sure what to tell you as a substitute-- maybe clothespins-- maybe what's called a "zipper" might approximate the sensation of skin ripping. It will certainly stir those endorphins up like whoah.

You can try inserting needles under her skin, maybe Evil Geoff knows of an educational site that talks about that-- or maybe you can find local classes because damn-- Doms surely love to strut their stuff.

 

[Nightierub]

I've explored BDSM with my wife, she's a switch and I am dom in our bedroom, but she wants it 24/7 which for me is hard to maintain but I found a male dom mentor who happens to be in my band! He gives me "homework" to keep things going and he encourages me as well. Funny I have always been into it, I read the Gor series when I was a teen lol!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

my wife and i have been exploring subs and masters for a while now. the main issue i come across is getting over the voice in my head that tells me to STOP! choking, gagging, slapping, whipping, among the many other kinky acts that i failed to mention are all in the cards to be played in the bedroom. push come to shove, my mind wont let me do probably 90% of the thoughts that i have in my head. how can one become a true master in the bedroom when fear of hurting sets in? my wife and i even have a safe word. yet my mind screams that i am going to hurt her. my wife. my soul mate. my everything. anyone have any tips how override my programing in my mind? we are both at a loss for rewiring my mind.

You speak English your own way, you drive your own way. You gotta find what works for you. Its imperative to be congruent or you come across as an imposter.

 

[Nightierub]

I had to lean that also, had to be "my style" and natural otherwise it turns into cheesy roleplaying and not natural dominance. It takes work and also be very attentive to her responses and everything. It takes time.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I had to lean that also, had to be "my style" and natural otherwise it turns into cheesy roleplaying and not natural dominance. It takes work and also be very attentive to her responses and everything. It takes time.

Like Mister Miyagi sez, NO GOT BLACK BELT, GOT J.C. PENNY BELT, $4.95.