How do you write from an opposite gender perspective?

[AchtungNight]

There’s another thread on here about men vs women who write and gender bias. I want to discuss another topic- how do you, as a writer, approach your characters of the opposite gender?

I’m a man, however I have achieved some success with writing female characters. Lesbian stories, female seduces male, various perspectives. How do I do this? Well, in my case, I don’t describe things with which I’m not familiar. I don’t dwell on the feel of his cock penetrating her pussy, for example. I just say he’s penetrating her or she’s giving him a blowjob and leave it at that. I concentrate more on describing emotions, universal impulses, and images. These things are easier to push across for me. Readers can usually do their own visualizations, I hope.

I’ve done male perspective also, but I find myself using the same style more often than not. I don’t have experience with nonbinary characters’ perspective.

Please feel free to add to this thread if you like.

 

[Bamagan]

Not a serious answer, and not endorsing the espoused quote, just taking an opportunity to share a relevant gif from a movie I love.
Other Character: How do you write women so well?

Please carry on with serious discussion.

 

[MillieDynamite]

To paraphrase Melvin Udal ... Millie how do you write men so well? I think of a woman, and I take away reason and accountability and make it about their little head.

 

[SimonDoom]

I write many stories from the perspective of female characters because, personally, I think women are more interesting main/POV characters in erotica than men. I use my imagination to describe what it is like for a woman in an erotic situation. I don't hold back. I don't limit myself to personal experience. I'm sure there are some readers who don't like the results, but in general I've gotten a good reception. Never underestimate the ability of the imagination to get the job done.

 

[Euphony]

We aren't all THAT different. There's a universality in the human experience.

Also, within our gender categorization we are VERY different. (writing genders as a bloc causes its own set of issues)

Write people. Write motivations. *IF* you have gender themes you want to explore, research those themes. Know that you can be representative while being imperfect and it's near impossible to be as authentic as lived experience.

Most desiring representation reward earnest if faulty, but clearly researched effort.

 

[madelinemasoch]

how do you, as a writer, approach your characters of the opposite gender?

I find my male characters are actually a lot more light-hearted than the females. Maybe casual is the better word. It's like they don't see all the way through the fog of the sexuality of it all. My women are a lot more openly dark. Except I suppose in the case of Finn from CC, who's dealing with his own sexuality after it's forced into the forefront of his mind by the dommes.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

They're like women, with penises and a helping of pressure to be 'men', whatever that means in their environments. I know a bunch of them, live with one even, so stealing various quirks makes writing them fairly straightforward.

I think. No-one's ever mentioned my guys being unrealistic, including kind beta readers who gave a lot of feedback in some cases. They're individual people, possibly with odd dialects where I've made mistakes, but I've known men similar to most of them.

 

[ElectricBlue]

For men, I mostly write variations of myself, either young self, self now, or self in between, with a high input of fantasy. I'm lazy, why write other than who I know?

The women in my stories interest me far more - that's why I write them - and they're either women I know or have known, women I'd like to know, or women who steam up from my psyche and say, "Here I am. You've taken your time getting to write about me, so get on with it!"

 

[AG31]

There’s another thread on here about men vs women who write and gender bias. I want to discuss another topic- how do you, as a writer, approach your characters of the opposite gender?

I’m a man, however I have achieved some success with writing female characters. Lesbian stories, female seduces male, various perspectives. How do I do this? Well, in my case, I don’t describe things with which I’m not familiar. I don’t dwell on the feel of his cock penetrating her pussy, for example. I just say he’s penetrating her or she’s giving him a blowjob and leave it at that. I concentrate more on describing emotions, universal impulses, and images. These things are easier to push across for me. Readers can usually do their own visualizations, I hope.

I’ve done male perspective also, but I find myself using the same style more often than not. I don’t have experience with nonbinary characters’ perspective.

Please feel free to add to this thread if you like.

This question is especially interesting to me. With one exception I've always written from the male POV, although I'm female. I started writing erotica in Dec '20/Jan '21, in the throes of what I now understand was a "hormonal storm," probably testosterone. See details, if you're interested in the Afterword to Twelve Maxbridge Street. I'd always had S&M fantasies, but they suddenly switched to the male POV. Very vivid fantasies that I was inspired to put to "paper." I didn't expend any effort at figuring out the male POV. It just came to me. More fantasies of this sort appeared in my mind, but of decreasing complexity. I'm almost 80, and so I don't have many fantasies at all anymore. But I remain focussed on male surrender. My stories are very explicit. As far as I've been told, they reflect the male experience very well.

Go figure.

 

[lovecraft68]

"How can you write a convincing male character?"

"Exaggerate his dick size, have him whine all the time and blame women for all his problems, and avoid noting his hair is thinning and his waist is thickening."

Extra points if lies about how many women he's had sex with.

 

[MelissaBaby]

There's no trick to it, I suppose. Mostly it's a matter of relying on my...ahem...extensive experience around men, and/or pestering my husband.

 

[Bazzle]

I write what us men will think a women will think, then actually try and reason it and end up rewriting it. Ultimately its now bitchy or lost the character can feel. For all the bravado of high heels and a mini skirt, the idea of cotton pyjamas and cup of tea is actually desired?

 

[AchtungNight]

If we want to expand

I write what us men will think a women will think, then actually try and reason it and end up rewriting it. Ultimately it’s now bitchy or lost the character can feel. For all the bravado of high heels and a mini skirt, the idea of cotton pyjamas and cup of tea is actually desired?

Actually more desirable in some cases. I have rarely met a woman comfortable in heels or a miniskirt. Kind of like corsets or foot binding. I myself an not comfortable in Speedos or similar outfits for men.

For me, comfy practical clothing is more desirable on my characters. I like them to be at ease with one another. There is also such a thing as trying too hard to entice.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Women get dolled up for the people they are either with or to attract someone. I don't mind heels for a few hours. But after that, it's a real pain. Short dresses and skirts aren't an issue if it's warm. In cold weather, it's a big issue. Street walkers, even in winter, wear spiked heels, revealing tops, short skirts, and wear their coats open to show the goods. How woman acts and dress is relative to what they are doing or want to do.

 

[lovecraft68]

Women get dolled up for the people they are either with or to attract someone. I don't mind heels for a few hours. But after that, it's a real pain. Short dresses and skirts aren't an issue if it's warm. In cold weather, it's a big issue. Street walkers, even in winter, wear spiked heels, revealing tops, short skirts, and wear their coats open to show the goods. How woman acts and dress is relative to what they are doing or want to do.

There's still street walkers? They haven't heard of the internet and escort sites?

 

[MillieDynamite]

I don't know, and they were there when I lived on the streets back between 2002 and early 2004. I should know. I was one of them. Most of the streetwalkers can't afford computers.

There's still street walkers? They haven't heard of the internet and escort sites?

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't know, and they were there when I lived on the streets back between 2002 and early 2004. I should know. I was one of them. Most of the streetwalkers can't afford computers.

18+ years ago, you can sign up on your phone and just about everyone has one.

There's sites like Skip the Games that have a disclaimer on every page under where the girl puts their add that states the 'provider' is only charging for time and companionship, anything else that happens is between two consensual adults so LE can't place an add there.

Some of those girls are legit, some are the desperate type who are doing it to be able to pay for that nights room, so its the same situation as the walkers, but the game is more modernized.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I miss the old days, NOT!

18+ years ago, you can sign up on your phone and just about everyone has one.

There's sites like Skip the Games that have a disclaimer on every page under where the girl puts their add that states the 'provider' is only charging for time and companionship, anything else that happens is between two consensual adults so LE can't place an add there.

Some of those girls are legit, some are the desperate type who are doing it to be able to pay for that nights room, so its the same situation as the walkers, but the game is more modernized.

 

[lovecraft68]

I miss the old days, NOT!

I was homeless for a month back in the mid eighties. Fortunately I had a barely running car that I could sleep in.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I slept in the back of a closed (and empty as shit) Pawn Shop. The owner moved to greener pastures with less of the undesirable element around. Made the locals have to walk further to pawn the shit they stole from their Johns, but it had a nice gas stove that was still working in January, February, and Mach of 2003. Home Sweet Home, it had four walls, a tiny gas heater, a sleeping bag, and running water. At least until the cops ran me off from the place.

EDIT: Note biographical information for entertainment purposes. Do not ask me to elaborate. The reality of it all would shatter the entertainment.

 

[AchtungNight]

Anyone who has lived in the streets has my sympathy. I did it on a dare in college for one night and that was rough enough. Regarding call girls, I’ve known a few but never any who have lived on the street. All but one I’ve known were working voluntarily out of a brothel, far as I knew. The exception was pimped out by her abusive husband and fled that bastard with their son as soon as she was able to do so. Both mother and child are in better positions today, life wise.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Surprisingly, a lot of whores have been pimped out by husbands and boyfriends.

Anyone who has lived in the streets has my sympathy. I did it on a dare in college for one night and that was rough enough. Regarding call girls, I’ve known a few but never any who have lived on the street. All but one I’ve known were working voluntarily out of a brothel, far as I knew. The exception was pimped out by her abusive husband and fled that bastard with their son as soon as she was able to do so. Both mother and child are in better positions today, life wise.

 

[AchtungNight]

Surprisingly, a lot of whores have been pimped out by husbands and boyfriends.

She doesn’t do anything sexual for money these days, far as I know. Not saying anything further about her out of respect.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I understand that. I don't do anything like that for money and haven't since I was 14ish.

She doesn’t do anything sexual for money these days, far as I know. Not saying anything further about her out of respect.

 

[YDB95]

I just think of the women I've known (not necessarily just the ones I've been intimate with, but especially those) and accept that I'm not going to get everything right. Hey, it is fiction!