How do you stop...

[justaguyinbama]

How do you stop missing someone? How do you stop thinking of the one person you want to be with? How do you turn off your feelings? .... I met a wonderful woman online. She is the sweetest most precious woman I've ever met. We talked almost every day for 7 months then were finally able to meet and spend a weekend together. That weekend was probably the greatest weekend of my life. Thats when I realized how deep my feelings for her were. ... That was almost 3 months ago. I found out shortly after that weekend that she didn't feel the same. She said she didn't feel a connection with me, no 'spark'. Said she just wanted to be friends. I know I should just let go of hope of being with her but I don't know how.

 

[EJFan]

time.

i'm sure you'll get a lot of in depth information and maybe that's what you're looking for... but when you get down to it it's just time bro. i've been there and i'm sure lots of others have as well. it sucks but you get over it as time passes.

sorry this happened. no one likes to go through it. good luck to you.

 

[bisexplicit]

You cry. You eat ice cream. You bitch. You watch movies. You go out with friends. You write them love letters that you tear up. You claim that you'll never find anyone else as good as them. You listen to your friends tell you that you were too good for them, anyway. You cry. You go work out.

And then finally, you slowly find yourself stop thinking about it. Its gradual, but it happens. And then you find someone else that you start liking...

But, it sucks for now. My regrets.

Best of luck.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree with EJ...you have to grieve and give it time.

Your foundation is in a strong friendship, right? Perhaps you can transition back to that. I know it's a hard move to make, but if it's a choice between having her in your life as a friend and not having here there in any capacity, which is better?

Often I find it helpful to look at and be thankful for what I have instead of missing what I don't or can't change. I don't know if that will work for you, but it might be worth a try.

 

[sexy_dancer]

Ditto

I agree with EJ...you have to grieve and give it time.

Your foundation is in a strong friendship, right? Perhaps you can transition back to that. I know it's a hard move to make, but if it's a choice between having her in your life as a friend and not having here there in any capacity, which is better?

Often I find it helpful to look at and be thankful for what I have instead of missing what I don't or can't change. I don't know if that will work for you, but it might be worth a try.

This is great advice. I guess I'm kinda an expert in this area because my husband tried for 8 years to date me and I never would take him seriously. Finally I grew to know him even better and love him and now we're married and really happy. So don't worry. There is hope. Just have faith in your friendship and understand that it can evolve into something more. Maybe it will and maybe it won't but if you love her it's worth a shot.

 

[cmarlowe01]

Just move on and have sex with other women. The more sex you have with other women the less you will miss her. Of find a hobby, just not drinking.

 

[bisexplicit]

Just move on and have sex with other women. The more sex you have with other women the less you will miss her. Of find a hobby, just not drinking.

I'm sorry, but while that may work for you, I feel like that is horrible advice.

 

[chris9]

Adding to the ice-cream, try chocolate.
I know you feel like you can never be happy again... But, time is your best friend!
Try not to think of her. Best to do is keeping your head busy. For me, reading books works best. If I go out with friends, do a major cleaning in the house, work out, whatever, it just doesn't take my head off of my sadness. But reading (watching movies works to, only they are over far sooner than most books) just takes me away from my grieve, from my whole present being.
This will only help for some time though, maybe just to dull the acute ache, but the dull feeling will stay for a while...

 

[phoenix1224]

Time, a lot of booze, and a few one-night stands.

Just kidding... (sort of).

 

[phoenix1224]

I'm sorry, but while that may work for you, I feel like that is horrible advice.

Horrible advice for a WOMAN... Yes.

But for a MAN? No.

Us men deal with our emotions much differently than you ladies do.

So... While crying, bitching to your friend's, and eating ice cream may be a great way for a woman to get over a man, that's not really going to work for a man.

The typical way a man gets over a woman (besides just giving it time) is to either go out with the guys and get drunk OR go out and get laid.

 

[bisexplicit]

Horrible advice for a WOMAN... Yes.

But for a MAN? No.

Us men deal with our emotions much differently than you ladies do.

So... While crying, bitching to your friend's, and eating ice cream may be a great way for a woman to get over a man, that's not really going to work for a man.

The typical way a man gets over a woman (besides just giving it time) is to either go out with the guys and get drunk OR go out and get laid.

And so what, sex has no emotional attachment for you? Or for the girl you sleep with? I feel like that would just create more heart ache.

 

[TBKahuna123]

The typical way a man gets over a woman (besides just giving it time) is to either go out with the guys and get drunk OR go out and get laid.

This works great if you're a guy that got screwed over by a bitch you now hate. However, if you are sensitive enough to miss the person, if you are missing the companionship, then goign out and having a fling is NOT going to help. Either it makes you feel degraded in the morning or worse, you fall for the fling. It's called rebound and no good comes of that.

The best advice I can give is stay busy. All you can do is get through it and let yourself heal. It takes a while, but the busier you are the more occupied your mind is, the less you dwell on it. Another thought might be to write a story for Lit based on the experience. It might be therapuetic.

 

[justaguyinbama]

time.

i'm sure you'll get a lot of in depth information and maybe that's what you're looking for... but when you get down to it it's just time bro. i've been there and i'm sure lots of others have as well. it sucks but you get over it as time passes.

sorry this happened. no one likes to go through it. good luck to you.

Thank you, I guess time is one thing I do have.

 

[justaguyinbama]

You cry. You eat ice cream. You bitch. You watch movies. You go out with friends. You write them love letters that you tear up. You claim that you'll never find anyone else as good as them. You listen to your friends tell you that you were too good for them, anyway. You cry. You go work out.

And then finally, you slowly find yourself stop thinking about it. Its gradual, but it happens. And then you find someone else that you start liking...

But, it sucks for now. My regrets.

Best of luck.

Thank you, sounds like you've been down this road

 

[justaguyinbama]

I agree with EJ...you have to grieve and give it time.

Your foundation is in a strong friendship, right? Perhaps you can transition back to that. I know it's a hard move to make, but if it's a choice between having her in your life as a friend and not having here there in any capacity, which is better?

Often I find it helpful to look at and be thankful for what I have instead of missing what I don't or can't change. I don't know if that will work for you, but it might be worth a try.

Yes, keeping the friendship is very important to me. But it isn't were it once was. It was so much better before we met that weekend. She just seems a lot more distant now. I think its because she is afraid of hurting me. I know this is hard on her too. She's feel bad about it. I don't want her to feel bad. Its not her fault. She can't make herself feel something that she doesn't.

 

[justaguyinbama]

This is great advice. I guess I'm kinda an expert in this area because my husband tried for 8 years to date me and I never would take him seriously. Finally I grew to know him even better and love him and now we're married and really happy. So don't worry. There is hope. Just have faith in your friendship and understand that it can evolve into something more. Maybe it will and maybe it won't but if you love her it's worth a shot.

Thank you. I do still have hope that things will change. I can't let go of that hope.

 

[justaguyinbama]

Just move on and have sex with other women. The more sex you have with other women the less you will miss her. Of find a hobby, just not drinking.

Thanks, but I don't think this is for me. There is only one woman that I can even imagine being with right now. I don't want to have sex with other women. And I don't drink anyway.

 

[Gekken]

And so what, sex has no emotional attachment for you? Or for the girl you sleep with? I feel like that would just create more heart ache.

absolutely not! we create the same kinship/desire connections that women do, however, as men, we deal with the dissolution of those emotional bonds differently. for instance: we tend not to dwell on the emotional. we tend to find succor very easily by replacing you, quickly. (not YOU, babe. but you know...)

 

[Seduce]

absolutely not! we create the same kinship/desire connections that women do, however, as men, we deal with the dissolution of those emotional bonds differently. for instance: we tend not to dwell on the emotional. we tend to find succor very easily by replacing you, quickly. (not YOU, babe. but you know...)

I agree with Big Cock.
Actually some of us females feel the same way.

 

[justaguyinbama]

Adding to the ice-cream, try chocolate.
I know you feel like you can never be happy again... But, time is your best friend!
Try not to think of her. Best to do is keeping your head busy. For me, reading books works best. If I go out with friends, do a major cleaning in the house, work out, whatever, it just doesn't take my head off of my sadness. But reading (watching movies works to, only they are over far sooner than most books) just takes me away from my grieve, from my whole present being.
This will only help for some time though, maybe just to dull the acute ache, but the dull feeling will stay for a while...

It doesn't matter what I do nothing takes my mind off her. I stay busy at work but my mind is always on her. If I watch tv there will be something that reminds me of her. And every song on the radio I can relate to in some way or another. When I sleep I dream of her and it is so nice but then I awake to the reality of not being with her.

 

[Gekken]

I agree with Big Cock.
Actually some of us females feel the same way.

love ya babe!

 

[justaguyinbama]

This works great if you're a guy that got screwed over by a bitch you now hate. However, if you are sensitive enough to miss the person, if you are missing the companionship, then goign out and having a fling is NOT going to help. Either it makes you feel degraded in the morning or worse, you fall for the fling. It's called rebound and no good comes of that.

The best advice I can give is stay busy. All you can do is get through it and let yourself heal. It takes a while, but the busier you are the more occupied your mind is, the less you dwell on it. Another thought might be to write a story for Lit based on the experience. It might be therapuetic.

Thanks, but I don't think my experience would make a good Lit story.

 

[justaguyinbama]

Thanks everybody, I wasn't expecting this much response. I appriciate it.

 

[Seduce]

love ya babe!

Ditto
But I told you that already

It doesn't matter what I do nothing takes my mind off her. I stay busy at work but my mind is always on her. If I watch tv there will be something that reminds me of her. And every song on the radio I can relate to in some way or another. When I sleep I dream of her and it is so nice but then I awake to the reality of not being with her.

Eventually that will all pass.
In a year you will wonder what did you ever see in her.
But now it is time to be patient and suffer.You cannot change the way things are.
Hopefully every pain goes away, yours will too.

 

[four]

Just move on and have sex with other women. The more sex you have with other women the less you will miss her. Of find a hobby, just not drinking.

this is not true, ive tried it. It gets your mind off it for a little bit, but in the end the only thing that will help those type of wounds heal is distance and time.