How do you say...
- Thread starter Zamdrist
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CarolineOh
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Zamdrist said:I licked her pussy eagerly.
Try this, I thought it was clever. It came to me in a moment.
Not unlike a thirsty tomcat at a bowl of milk, he licked at her pussy using all of his tongue.
Other thoughts? Ideas? Comments?
I think it trips over the tomcat/pussy thing.
alltherage
orgasmic inDucktion
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She licked my pussy as if it were a large dripping icecream cone on a hot summer day.
Savage Kitten
Image IS Everything
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I licked her pussy eagerly.
Ya need to pull out your handy dandy thesaurus and find replacements for the words licked and eagerly. Try to see if you can't find words that aren't used all that often.
Not unlike a thirsty tomcat at a bowl of milk, he licked at her pussy using all of his tongue.
Metaphors are tricky. You want to catch the reader's attention while not being too obvious about it. You also don't want to be cliche'. Using a phrase that has been used a trillion times before just makes your picture stale.
quote:
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Originally posted by CarolineOh
I think it trips over the tomcat/pussy thing.
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I think instead of "trips" she should have said "stumbles down a cliff of jagged edged boulders". over-kill? maybe.... haha
That sentence is a bit long and attempts to create an impossible visual. Well. I mean... it's not really impossible.. it just makes no sense... haha
I could go on and on.. but for some reason I feel as if I am babbling.... stop me before I hurt myself... k?? hahaha
Sk~
Ya need to pull out your handy dandy thesaurus and find replacements for the words licked and eagerly. Try to see if you can't find words that aren't used all that often.
Not unlike a thirsty tomcat at a bowl of milk, he licked at her pussy using all of his tongue.
Metaphors are tricky. You want to catch the reader's attention while not being too obvious about it. You also don't want to be cliche'. Using a phrase that has been used a trillion times before just makes your picture stale.
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by CarolineOh
I think it trips over the tomcat/pussy thing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think instead of "trips" she should have said "stumbles down a cliff of jagged edged boulders". over-kill? maybe.... haha
That sentence is a bit long and attempts to create an impossible visual. Well. I mean... it's not really impossible.. it just makes no sense... haha
I could go on and on.. but for some reason I feel as if I am babbling.... stop me before I hurt myself... k?? hahaha
Sk~
Re: Re: How do you say...
Thank for the pointers. The first point I put there to contrast with the more explicit one, the second.
But...it was that bad? Cliche? I've never heard it before, not that that means anything. It does give a very blunt visual.
Savage Kitten said:
Thank for the pointers. The first point I put there to contrast with the more explicit one, the second.
But...it was that bad? Cliche? I've never heard it before, not that that means anything. It does give a very blunt visual.
Savage Kitten
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Re: Re: Re: How do you say...
cliche' (klee-shay) a hackneyed phrase or idea.
hackneyed (hak-need) having loss its original impact through long overuse.
a couple examples of cliche's are: A. like a moth to a flame B. like a fish out of water
Abt your sentence... is there any other way a cat can drink milk other than by using all of his tongue? When a person licks/eats a pussy is it possible for them to use only the corner of their tongue? I know you can use the tip of your tongue (sometimes this creates even better sensations than using the whole tongue) but "all of his tongue" seems to imply something that i am not grasping.... like he is using parts of his tongue that he doesn't normally use....
I hope you don't mind my critique. I'm not saying it's bad... just trying to show ya a couple of things : )
Zamdrist said:
cliche' (klee-shay) a hackneyed phrase or idea.
hackneyed (hak-need) having loss its original impact through long overuse.
a couple examples of cliche's are: A. like a moth to a flame B. like a fish out of water
Abt your sentence... is there any other way a cat can drink milk other than by using all of his tongue? When a person licks/eats a pussy is it possible for them to use only the corner of their tongue? I know you can use the tip of your tongue (sometimes this creates even better sensations than using the whole tongue) but "all of his tongue" seems to imply something that i am not grasping.... like he is using parts of his tongue that he doesn't normally use....
I hope you don't mind my critique. I'm not saying it's bad... just trying to show ya a couple of things : )
MissTaken said:
From Chastel of Crete
Tears of delight rolled down Chastel’s cheeks. Alethea’s thrusting and then her mouth pleasuring her was intense. Her head rolled from side to side and she moaned like a dockside courtesan. She was convinced now, that the goddess herself guided Alethea’s actions. Chastel moved her hips upward with each of her lover’s finger thrusts and moaned outloud when her tongue would chance across her clit.
Savage Kitten
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more?
She dug her claws into the tender flesh of his bronzed back, marking a path to his broad shoulders.
MissTaken said:
She dug her claws into the tender flesh of his bronzed back, marking a path to his broad shoulders.
Re: Re: Re: Re: How do you say...
With all due respect and good intentions, I know the word cliche and it's meaning. I was refrring to my statement, like a tomcat...I had never head it before, therefore I didn't see it as cliche.
I appreciate the feedback! I mean by using his 'whole tongue' he was lapping it up, tongue extended fully, licking.
Savage Kitten said:
With all due respect and good intentions, I know the word cliche and it's meaning. I was refrring to my statement, like a tomcat...I had never head it before, therefore I didn't see it as cliche.
I appreciate the feedback! I mean by using his 'whole tongue' he was lapping it up, tongue extended fully, licking.
Savage Kitten
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pfffffffffffft no thanx necessary! I was hoping either you or Zam or somebody else would write another line and we'd sort of get a round-robin going 
Savage Kitten
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MissTaken said:
... as he drilled his tongue into her greedy pussy. His face ground into her liquid folds, her grip on his head pulled him closer. Her voice rose with the waves of her impending orgasm.
talk abt cheese
worked for me.... work for you?? hehe 
MissTaken
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I must be tired, because here is my free thoughts based on these posts
The cat takes the mouse
The mouse takes the cheese
And the cheese stands alone.
But yes, works for me.
Her movements were lithe and determined as a caged feline seeking ultimate release. Wave upon wave of orgasm assaulted her mind and body until she lay spent and purring.
Ewwwwwwww that get's the Big Cheese award!
The cat takes the mouse
The mouse takes the cheese
And the cheese stands alone.
But yes, works for me.
Her movements were lithe and determined as a caged feline seeking ultimate release. Wave upon wave of orgasm assaulted her mind and body until she lay spent and purring.
Ewwwwwwww that get's the Big Cheese award!
More?
Steven’s knees buckled, he grabbed a hold of the desk. Janelle reacted and somehow kept his cock near her mouth. Steven jerked in a sudden movement. His orgasm pumped out of him.
Steven came, hosing Janelle’s face over with his hot cum. It splattered across her lips. She greedily opened her mouth wide so that the stringy shots would land down her throat. It was a mess, her face splattered with the white jizz.
Steven’s knees buckled, he grabbed a hold of the desk. Janelle reacted and somehow kept his cock near her mouth. Steven jerked in a sudden movement. His orgasm pumped out of him.
Steven came, hosing Janelle’s face over with his hot cum. It splattered across her lips. She greedily opened her mouth wide so that the stringy shots would land down her throat. It was a mess, her face splattered with the white jizz.
CarolineOh
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Re: Re: Re: How do you say...
I mean, using the metaphor of a tomcat in the same sentence that you call her vagina a pussy seems clunky, it made me wonder if I was missing a pun.
Zamdrist said:
Trips? You mean conflicts, Freudian Slip?
I mean, using the metaphor of a tomcat in the same sentence that you call her vagina a pussy seems clunky, it made me wonder if I was missing a pun.
Flowery? Too much?
Only a handful of times had the two young women been so intimate and bold. This wasn't the first time Alethea pleasured Chastel in this way, but each time she did Chastel tried to burn the image, the site of it, in her mind's eye. Here was her playmate, her friend and lover bowed down between her thighs, licking and tasting her most private and sensitive spot. It was nearly enough to send Chastel quivering in waves of illicit pleasure.
Only a handful of times had the two young women been so intimate and bold. This wasn't the first time Alethea pleasured Chastel in this way, but each time she did Chastel tried to burn the image, the site of it, in her mind's eye. Here was her playmate, her friend and lover bowed down between her thighs, licking and tasting her most private and sensitive spot. It was nearly enough to send Chastel quivering in waves of illicit pleasure.
Hamletmaschine
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How about. . .
He rooted around in her pussy like a hog nosing for truffles.
It's got that whole 'earthy' thing going for it, don't you think?
He rooted around in her pussy like a hog nosing for truffles.
It's got that whole 'earthy' thing going for it, don't you think?
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