How do you overcome lust?

[Gods_Favorite]

I'm a married man, been married for 3 years. Lately my minds been wandering, thinking about fucking other women, I just feel this lust to want to explore other women, My wife was my first and only person I've had sex with, while shes been with other people, we have a happy marriage with a child, like every other guy I look at women, lately I have been picturing myself fucking pretty much every decent women I see in my head. Last night I went to do this company dinner and flirted and chatted with this 18 year old girl all night, (I'm 22)she was so innocent and hot, I just felt like pulling up her skirt and going down on her right there,I was hard the whole night. I even gave her a ride home, it took EVERYTHING I had to not ask to come in with her. While fucking my wife that night I told her what happened, then she told me to pretend she was the girl and started to suck my cock, I pictured the girl at the party and exploded in her mouth in mere minutes. I know theres married people on this board who are in similar situations, what do you do to overcome lust?

 

[The_old_man]

About the same as you did, with the same results usualy. Ocasionaly I get pushed down and sat on, either or both ends.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

Its not easy, I have been really questioning monagamy lately.

 

[LadyAndrivete]

While I probably am the least likely person to really grasp the difficulties in your situation, I can sort of relate. I have never been married, but I can comprehend the boundries of wanting to keep within the bonds of monogamy.

In my experience whenever my mind has begun to wander, I have always been very open about it with my SO. There are ALWAYS things you can do to spice up your sex life. Honestly I think what she and you did after you told her about what had happened is VERY healthy. Not only does it further the communication you have with your wife, but it also informs her that you are honest and loyal... and even though tempted at times to get variety, you are faithful.

I really have to admire your willpower. Most men I know in that same situation would've taken that girl under the table, in the closet, on the car, in the garage, and worked their way to her bedroom as fast as humanly possible.

My only suggestions are to keep doing what you're doing. Let your wife know when you have these urges. Be sure and ask her if she has any alternate desires as well. I don't know your wife of course, but most women when placed in a situation such as that get worried that she isn't pleasing her partner. If your wife is prone to get insecure over this recent development, then I suggest taking some drastic measures to rekindle the fire that has kept you two in the bedroom over the years. Roleplaying, fantasies, and surprises are always a great way to get things going again.

Hell if you're wife is up to it have her make herself up and play dress up with some schoolgirl skirts and such! There are limitless bounds to getting your mind off of other women and back on your wife. It is a bit of a disadvantage that you haven't, in past had the variety of other partners... but that can change with a bit of imagination and a willing wife.

Hope at least "some" of this has helped. More than likely I'm just telling you things you already know, but just speaking my mind.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

While I probably am the least likely person to really grasp the difficulties in your situation, I can sort of relate. I have never been married, but I can comprehend the boundries of wanting to keep within the bonds of monogamy.

In my experience whenever my mind has begun to wander, I have always been very open about it with my SO. There are ALWAYS things you can do to spice up your sex life. Honestly I think what she and you did after you told her about what had happened is VERY healthy. Not only does it further the communication you have with your wife, but it also informs her that you are honest and loyal... and even though tempted at times to get variety, you are faithful.

I really have to admire your willpower. Most men I know in that same situation would've taken that girl under the table, in the closet, on the car, in the garage, and worked their way to her bedroom as fast as humanly possible.

My only suggestions are to keep doing what you're doing. Let your wife know when you have these urges. Be sure and ask her if she has any alternate desires as well. I don't know your wife of course, but most women when placed in a situation such as that get worried that she isn't pleasing her partner. If your wife is prone to get insecure over this recent development, then I suggest taking some drastic measures to rekindle the fire that has kept you two in the bedroom over the years. Roleplaying, fantasies, and surprises are always a great way to get things going again.

Hell if you're wife is up to it have her make herself up and play dress up with some schoolgirl skirts and such! There are limitless bounds to getting your mind off of other women and back on your wife. It is a bit of a disadvantage that you haven't, in past had the variety of other partners... but that can change with a bit of imagination and a willing wife.

Hope at least "some" of this has helped. More than likely I'm just telling you things you already know, but just speaking my mind.

Thanks for your reply, I have asked my wife many times if shes fantasized about other men but shes always said no, one of my biggest fantasies is to share her with another guy and she knows this. Its probably because of her "good girl" up bringing, when I first met her she didn't even know how to give head. Most of my friends who are married fuck other women on the regular, its hard for me to be the odd one out sometimes.

 

[wicked woman]

I think it's natural when you married so young if your wife was your first. Why some people suggest sowing a few oats...to sound old fashioned.

Sorry no words of wisdom here...just that it seems normal to me.

oh one piece of advice...feelings aren't good or bad...they're just feelings...but we are responsible when we act on them

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I'm not married, but I've been with my honey for 3 years now... and I face lust every time I go to work. There's this man there that just.. oh my fucking god, he makes me wet.. his smell, his smooth charm, .. he's just sexy. I can't help imagining playing with him. And I know that he's interested in me.

However... I love my man. And while I don't believe that sleeping with other people is necessarily wrong (while my honey still has my heart), my sweetie DOES believe in monogamy, and I respect his views and wishes concerning it. This makes me keep it in my pants.

*shrug* My honey knows who I'm attracted to.. he knows that I'm polyamorous, but that I'm respecting his beliefs about monogamy and fidelity... And so he trusts me and I have an active fantasy life, and remain faithful to my love.

 

[Astrum]

The longest relationship I ever had was about 3 years and by the end I was lusting over other girls too. I just couldn't control it. I mean I never did anything but I came close a few times. I guess my sex life became mundane and I wanted something that I didn't already have.

Anyway, as far as getting over it I have a few suggestions. First, as others have posted, try and spice up your sex life. There is so much you can do with it that will have you hard at work thinking about your wife all the time . Also, remember how much you love her. Cheating on her would definetely screw things up and you don't want that.

She should definietely play dress up though... That will get you extra-hard .

 

[English Lady]

My husband and I are both highly sexed individuals and have sex daily if not more some days but sometimes we're not horny (or awake) at the same time to satisfy those strong urges.

Our way to, well at least partially, satisfy those urges is to use cyber sex and phone sex. We have discussed it and we discuss our online lives regularly. It often leads to hot, horny orgasmic sex because we have both built up to it. I hardly ever orgasm right then and there from cyber but it does the trick to keep me going as it were.

I think hubby and I both like the chase..flirting, getting dirtier and finally kissing and more....anyhow that works for us. I have only ever had sex with my hubby whereas he'd had alot of experience before me.

i guess its a case of communication between you and your wife and then ocming to some agreement on how you can fulfill or curb your lust *S*

 

[DirtyJJ]

Lust

I experienced the very same thing last year, when I became very attracted to a man at work. I lusted for him endlessly and began to also question monogamy - as in, "if I have such strong desires for this other man, how can it be that wrong to act on it?" I never acted on it, and still lust for him to this day - he knows it too and feels the same. Since we are both married we haven't carried anything out. I don't think it's wrong to have those feelings, but the hard part is overcoming the temptation to actually do something. If you love your wife and want to be faithful to her, then stick to your guns. Don't worry that "all your friends are doing it".... actually, that's pretty sad. You are a better man for being the odd man out in that case.

Now, the reaction that your wife had when you told her about this other girl was fantastic. She sounds secure and open-minded, which should go a long way in making your relationship strong. My husband is like that too - I can tell him about anyone else I fantasize about and he likes hearing about it rather than getting pissed. I know that you might be thinking that no matter what you do to spice up your sex life with your wife, that it will never be like being with that new 18-year old. But you have a choice, and may have to make the hard choice of accepting your lusty feelings but not acting on them. There were times that my feelings were so strong that I literally had to think about other things to cool myself down so to speak. If your feelings are bothering you, you may want to try and redirect your thoughts and focus on something else. If you can deal with them, then often those feelings of lust you have for someone else just help to intensify things when you are with your wife.

I wish you luck and can really identify with you. I guess the bottom line is that as much as I want to be with this other man, I can go to sleep easily at night knowing that I am faithful to my husband. Once you do something, you can never go back and change it.
JJ

 

[Metal_Monkey]

I commend you self-control. You're the stronger man because you're willing to stick to your wedding vows. The other douches who have their little honeys on the side can screw themselves into holes if they want to, but your wife sounds like a fantastic lady - and she's got the right idea.

You might want to try to transform your lusting for other ladies into a bedtime game you and your wife play together. For example, go out to a bar and flirt with a woman you find sexy. Your wife will be near by taking mental notes. When you leave the bar (alone) your wife can pretend to be the other woman, and you can pick up where you left off. Or, you and your wife can split up in the mall and people-watch. When you meet up again, describe the sexy lady you saw wandering around in the food court, and she'll tell you about the stud she saw in the sharper image store. Pretend to be those people when you have sex.

It's role-playing (like the other posters suggested) but it's with "real" people. It might be just the thing you need to keep yourself in check and strengthen your marriage in the process.

Plus, the more involved both of you are, the more fun it gets. Buy wigs and costumes, odd shoes, different perfume. Anything to shake it up, and make the encounter more "real."

Good luck.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

Our way to, well at least partially, satisfy those urges is to use cyber sex and phone sex. We have discussed it and we discuss our online lives regularly. It often leads to hot, horny orgasmic sex because we have both built up to it. I hardly ever orgasm right then and there from cyber but it does the trick to keep me going as it were.

Do you mean phone sex and cybering with other people? thats something I thought of as well....

 

[Gods_Favorite]

Thanks for all the replies, I like to hear how other people handle similar situations that I've been through.

 

[James G 5]

OMG, 22, married 3 years, and one partner?

People may not like me saying this, but that's not natural or particularly healthy and unfortunately the thoughts you're having are only going to get worse

My feelings on monogamy being generally the wrong path for most folks aside, your case is a poster child for my argument on not allowing marriage before age 25...

And FYI, I've been where you are
I stayed till I was 28, and never strayed
I came close a few times but didn't because I loved her and because I am a man of my word, but it made me miserable

Oh yeah, and she (who like your wife had had other partners) cheated, repeatedly

 

[English Lady]

Gods_Favourite Yes I mean with other people. Though I do have cyber with my husband occassionally too *chuckles*


We discussed it and agreed what we wanted. It works well for us and we will always drop the computer for some real time together but it does add spice, it does make us horny and I think it probably contributes to the amount of sex we do have.


James G 5 -I can see your point. I am 25 and married to the only man I have ever fucked. Yup we both get horny, think about other people but we are both secure enough to let each other play around online and have even discussed about being with other people in real life.

Its all about communication and understand your lusts and each partner accepting those lusts I think.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

OMG, 22, married 3 years, and one partner?

People may not like me saying this, but that's not natural or particularly healthy and unfortunately the thoughts you're having are only going to get worse

My feelings on monogamy being generally the wrong path for most folks aside, your case is a poster child for my argument on not allowing marriage before age 25...

And FYI, I've been where you are
I stayed till I was 28, and never strayed
I came close a few times but didn't because I loved her and because I am a man of my word, but it made me miserable

Oh yeah, and she (who like your wife had had other partners) cheated, repeatedly

James, without any offence intended, I don't think you are in any position to make any judgement. Yes, you've been in a similar situation, but from what you've told me, your sexual life hasn't been overly... ordinary.... and I'm not meaning that in a good way.

Not all people who have similar experiences end up the same way.

 

[thrity]

it's natural

i have been married for about 8 years.
i found i couldn't help fantasizing about being with the sexy women wherever i met on the street. you know, the boobs, the butts...

i believe sex is sex, family is family.

 

[H0wl]

Nothing wrong with fantasizing so long as you bring it back to your wife.

 

[James G 5]

James, without any offence intended, I don't think you are in any position to make any judgement. Yes, you've been in a similar situation, but from what you've told me, your sexual life hasn't been overly... ordinary.... and I'm not meaning that in a good way.

Not all people who have similar experiences end up the same way.

Nope, not real ordinary
and no, everyone hasn't had the same experiences
but in general a scenario like the thread started described is a recipe for misery

 

[James G 5]

James, without any offence intended, I don't think you are in any position to make any judgement. Yes, you've been in a similar situation, but from what you've told me, your sexual life hasn't been overly... ordinary.... and I'm not meaning that in a good way.

Not all people who have similar experiences end up the same way.

Actually, up till the end of my first relationship that I speak of, it was pretty ordinary
I dated 4 women, fooled around a little, but stayed a virgin till I was 20 and got with my evil ex, who was the one I described in that post, who had been with a few others
In that respect it was pretty typical
Right up to and including me being tempted to stray but staying & her cheating often
That's a pattern I've seen with way too many of my friends, male and female
I didn't get seriously kinky till we broke up

 

[The Gimp]

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[Aaron Dazer]

I’ve been faithful threw many many years. I've seen all kinds of relationships break down due to Infidelity. and tell you one of my greatest prides comes from the fact I’ve never strayed. i've seen people give in to temptation which everyone considers. Know this you'll never forgive yourself even if you wife does. Being 18 when you get married isn’t abnormal. Neither is waiting till you get married to do it. It’s something special many people don’t see as such, early in life. For the people I’ve found in my life Monogamy is a very satisfying way of life. If you soil your Oats so to speak you’ll forever feel empty. You’ve got something a lot of people later in their life wish they never lost. A Soild exclusive realtionship. Are you feeling some how inadequate do to the fact you’ve missed out on exploring? There is nothing you can’t do with you wife you can do with others. And someone who knows you better then someone who doesn’t. Focus you desires at home. Remember the commitment isn’t just for you partner but for yourself as well. Be part of the stronger unique group that holds on to the Value of marriage.

I’m more thankful for the experiences passed then people I know who took the experiences they could. The greatness and beauty of you wife is increased with every passed opportunity of encounters with another. Mine is the most beautiful women in the world. Not just in appearance but in heart and soul. All my passed opportunities are additions to the beauty of the relationship and I know any opportunity I took would be a subtraction. People who given in to lust may feel physically satisfied but will fore ever lust for more. They will never know the completeness of a whole committed relationship.

Monogamy is a higher state of being not a restriction. The only ones who challenge it are those too week to accomplish it.

Aaron 15 years of every desire fulfilled.

 

[Lust Engine]

Having a huge fantasy sometimes adds to the charm of a relationship. Acting one out to the disdain of one of the members is a no-no then.

Respect first, love second has always been a strong ideal in my mind.

 

[BTK51]

Been There, Done That, but didn't Buy the Tee Shirt

My wife and I were both married at 21 and just celebrated our 32nd anniversary. I have been where your are and can speak from the position of having been seriously tested but remained 100% faithful. I have always looked and always “lusted in my heart” (to quote Jimmy Carter) but when the time came, I backed off. There have been a few times that I was outright propositioned even though the girl involved knew that I was happily married. They were all very sexy too. Those were obviously the toughest. I declined because I KNEW that it would damage what I had and what I was trying to build, and also knew that it wouldn’t be worth it. I gave my word and promised fidelity in all areas. I truly felt better afterwards.

My wife made it clear that she knew I would look and lust but didn’t want to know about it, which I think was a shame. She is still extremely hesitant to share her fantasies and does so only on rare occasions. She doesn’t enjoy me sharing my fantasies of another woman so I keep it in my head. That’s the way she’s wired. I want our relationship to be as rewarding to her as it is to me, so I have to respect that. It’s worked out just fine. I do think that you are ahead of the game because you can share your “lusts” with your wife.

I agree wholeheartedly with Aaron. I know that I would not have the relationship that I have today if I accepted those proposals even though I would have enjoyed them at the time. I believe that she has also been 100% faithful and speaking from 32 years down the road, that adds so much more to what we have. That completeness is an intangible that can’t be understood unless you have lived it. Once you give in to the lust, that is something that you’ll never have.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Re: Been There, Done That, but didn't Buy the Tee Shirt

My wife and I were both married at 21 and just celebrated our 32nd anniversary. I have been where your are and can speak from the position of having been seriously tested but remained 100% faithful. I have always looked and always “lusted in my heart” (to quote Jimmy Carter) but when the time came, I backed off. There have been a few times that I was outright propositioned even though the girl involved knew that I was happily married. They were all very sexy too. Those were obviously the toughest. I declined because I KNEW that it would damage what I had and what I was trying to build, and also knew that it wouldn’t be worth it. I gave my word and promised fidelity in all areas. I truly felt better afterwards.

My wife made it clear that she knew I would look and lust but didn’t want to know about it, which I think was a shame. She is still extremely hesitant to share her fantasies and does so only on rare occasions. She doesn’t enjoy me sharing my fantasies of another woman so I keep it in my head. That’s the way she’s wired. I want our relationship to be as rewarding to her as it is to me, so I have to respect that. It’s worked out just fine. I do think that you are ahead of the game because you can share your “lusts” with your wife.

I agree wholeheartedly with Aaron. I know that I would not have the relationship that I have today if I accepted those proposals even though I would have enjoyed them at the time. I believe that she has also been 100% faithful and speaking from 32 years down the road, that adds so much more to what we have. That completeness is an intangible that can’t be understood unless you have lived it. Once you give in to the lust, that is something that you’ll never have.

Wonderful!

I would like to add that "Giving into the Lust." can be done with wife as well. Thought committed you don't have to suppress lust, just channel it. Form a physical perspective guiltless lust fulfillment is rather awesome. Virtuous and righteous Guiltlessness is better then lack of conscience Guiltlessness.

Virtuous, Righteous, God supported Pure Physical Pleasure. With the option for procreation. Body, Mind, and Soul: Lust, Desire and Spiritual fulfilled.

Argue that.