how do you make a loud poem?

[AChild]

I don't have any writer friends. I have lots of friends who go up on stage and sing and dance. Mostly hip-hop but I have friends in other genres. Sometimes when we get drunk they urge me to switch passions. They never comment on my work when I read it but often come to get my opinion. The other day I was at a show. Cozy venue six tables with an upstairs. The upstairs looked more like a living room. The music was louder than the voices. I could only hear the hooks or the chorus but I didn't need every word because the energy was so high. I get jealous of the effect that music has on people. I love the written word so much and pledge to be a student of it for the rest of my life. I just don't know how to make it loud. How to make it jerk and move like a organic roller coaster.

Not that their is anything wrong with the subtle way my poems come out but I just want to explore a different style. I don't think I am explaining this right. If you don't know what I mean ask me to clarify, maybe the answers will come out.

Also, I have written poetry for a good ten years. A drop in the pond. At the beginning I turned my nose at traditional verse. Now I would like to study it. Are there any books on poetic structure you feel could help me out or simply poets I could read that are very lyric.

Thanks to all who help in advance. The best way to know something better is to teach someone, so please teach me.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

You might check this out.

 

[Angeline]

I've been thinking about your question.

Dora's suggestion is excellent. Anything that can get you reading and thinking about how you manipulate words when you write, which ones you choose, how it sounds when you read your poems aloud--all these will move you forward, I believe.

The problem in answering though is that I would guess if you ask ten poets what "loud" means, you'll get ten different answers. Loud can mean commanding, so I could say read Whitman and Ginsberg because they have thundering poetic voices. To me. But some poets "command" with quieter voices. You also said "lyrical." To me, Yeats is the poet with the most lyrical voice, but again it's a matter of opinion.

You're already writing every day (I know cause I see you in the 30/30 thread), and I assume you're doing a lot of reading, too. You probably have a good idea of who you really like and who you try to emulate (or just admire) when you write. If I want to do something different and new, I start by reading poets whose styles I think are very different than mine. And of course the only way to find out who those are is to keep reading and exploring. I also think that trying out traditional poetic forms (if you normally write free verse) is a good way to try something different. The forms may force you into doing something differently than you usually do when you write. Not everyone agrees with me on that, I know, but I'm a big believer in trying anything to see what works for me.

There's a book about writing poetry by the late poet Ted Berrigan, called On the Level Everyday that I have found really inspirational. Hope this helps get you thinking.

 

[sassynyc]

making loud poetry

the girth of your words is about two things. content and tonal inflection. sometimes what you say can be so intense, that it needs little else to back it up. there are also times when the inflection of your voice can make people sit up and take notice, whether or not what you say is actually impactful.

if you're familiar with any old school hip-hop, here's a prime example. Gregg Nice (from rap duo Nice n' Smooth) always had your ear when he jumped on the mic. His flow was more free style than anything else, and most of the time one verse had nothing to do with the next. there was never anything deep about anything he said, and you'd be lucky if it even made sense. but here's the thing. he was charismatic. he rhymed with fervor. ask any fan. even though you knew it was all fluff, you couldn't wait to hear the next line. he always engaged his audience.

on the contrary, Rakim (legendary mc) was more understated in his delivery. he didn't dance, he didn't get loud. he had a song called "move the crowd". when he touched the mic, that's what everyone did...they moved. couldn't help it. not because he was animated. his words just had that kind of weight. he had the kind of lyrics that became impressions in your memory, partly content, and his very large prsence. he always came across like what he had to say was important....and then he backed it up.

however,you can depend on tonal inflection for spoken word only. do you want to perform what you write? if so, develop a sense of rhythm that carries your words. it might not seem like it, but the sense of rhythm you feel when writing isn't necessarily the same as when your words are spoken aloud. if your words are only to be read, then that's written word at it's purest, and you've got nothing but the words to carry themselves. the length of your writing isn't necessarily important. what you say is most important. you can be concise if you like. as long as your point is clear and powerful.

that brings you to phrasing. the way your ideas are worded mean everything. you can make the most mundane things sound special if you practice creative word play. that can be just as impactful as the overall idea of your poem. play around with analogies and metaphors, etc. things that will make your language colorful.

remember that your words don't have to be complicated to be remarkable.
simplicity works also. here's an example from my favorite poet, Langston Hughes (i'd recommend him if you're looking for poets to study)

Suicide's Note
The calm,
Cool face of the river
Asked me for a kiss


simple, right? but the reality of these words are quite heavy. play around with your thoughts. don't dwell on any poet so much that you morph into that style. but take the qualities you favor most and work with your own style. make your personality come off the page. that's how you become louder than the music.

 

[Eluard]

I don't have any writer friends. I have lots of friends who go up on stage and sing and dance. Mostly hip-hop but I have friends in other genres. Sometimes when we get drunk they urge me to switch passions. They never comment on my work when I read it but often come to get my opinion. The other day I was at a show. Cozy venue six tables with an upstairs. The upstairs looked more like a living room. The music was louder than the voices. I could only hear the hooks or the chorus but I didn't need every word because the energy was so high. I get jealous of the effect that music has on people. I love the written word so much and pledge to be a student of it for the rest of my life. I just don't know how to make it loud. How to make it jerk and move like a organic roller coaster.

Not that their is anything wrong with the subtle way my poems come out but I just want to explore a different style. I don't think I am explaining this right. If you don't know what I mean ask me to clarify, maybe the answers will come out.

Also, I have written poetry for a good ten years. A drop in the pond. At the beginning I turned my nose at traditional verse. Now I would like to study it. Are there any books on poetic structure you feel could help me out or simply poets I could read that are very lyric.

Thanks to all who help in advance. The best way to know something better is to teach someone, so please teach me.

When I have looked at what you write I am most reminded of Frank O'Hara. Check out his collected poems. You may find them inspiring.

But the poet who really originated the shouting/performance style poem was *whisper it* Mayakovsky. He is really the origin of the idea of performing poetry to large groups of workers in the USSR. He read them in factories.

But your style at present — which I very much like — is subtle, not loud and declamatory. I would think your friends would be a bit in awe of you. If you could find a way of putting music to it you would probably be hailed a genius in the hip-hop universe.

 

[AChild]

Thank you guys for the book recommendations. Pandora it is so weird that you mention that book because I have another book by Mary Oliver I was ready while I got the inspiration to ask for help. Angeline I think that you are absolutely correct about what you said. I haven't read enough poetry. But I am going to fix that. SassyNYC thanks for the music recommendations. Eluard thank you for the complement.

 

[BooMerengue]

Hi AChild.

I was moseying along and saw this thread. My take on loud poetry is a bit different than some. DustyStar wr
ote a poem here once (and has since lost it!!!) that was loud! When I asked her about it she directed me to this guy.
And he is LOUD!!

http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER2/Lindsay/lindsay.html#themoons

His name is Vachel Lindsay and his most famous poem is considered racist, but if you want an example of loud, here is just the beginning to

The Congo

A Study of the Negro Race



I. Their Basic Savagery

Fat black bucks in a wine-barrel room,
Barrel-house kings, with feet unstable,
[A deep rolling bass.]
Sagged and reeled and pounded on the table,
Pounded on the table,
Beat an empty barrel with the handle of a broom,
Hard as they were able,
Boom, boom, BOOM,
With a silk umbrella and the handle of a broom,
Boomlay, boomlay, boomlay, BOOM.
THEN I had religion, THEN I had a vision.
I could not turn from their revel in derision.
[More deliberate. Solemnly chanted.]
THEN I SAW THE CONGO, CREEPING THROUGH THE BLACK,
CUTTING THROUGH THE FOREST WITH A GOLDEN TRACK.
Then along that riverbank
A thousand miles
Tattooed cannibals danced in files;
Then I heard the boom of the blood-lust song
[A rapidly piling climax of speed and racket.]
And a thigh-bone beating on a tin-pan gong.
And "BLOOD" screamed the whistles and the fifes of the warriors,
"BLOOD" screamed the skull-faced, lean witch-doctors,
"Whirl ye the deadly voo-doo rattle,
Harry the uplands,
Steal all the cattle,
Rattle-rattle, rattle-rattle,
Bing.
Boomlay, boomlay, boomlay, BOOM,"
[With a philosophic pause.]
A roaring, epic, rag-time tune
From the mouth of the Congo
To the Mountains of the Moon.
Death is an Elephant,
[Shrilly and with a heavily accented metre.]
Torch-eyed and horrible,
Foam-flanked and terrible.
BOOM, steal the pygmies,
BOOM, kill the Arabs,
BOOM, kill the white men,
HOO, HOO, HOO.
[Like the wind in the chimney.]
Listen to the yell of Leopold's ghost
Burning in Hell for his hand-maimed host.
Hear how the demons chuckle and yell
Cutting his hands off, down in Hell.
Listen to the creepy proclamation,
Blown through the lairs of the forest-nation,
Blown past the white-ants' hill of clay,
Blown past the marsh where the butterflies play: --
"Be careful what you do,
[All the o sounds very golden. Heavy accents very heavy.
Light accents very light. Last line whispered.]
Or Mumbo-Jumbo, God of the Congo,
And all of the other
Gods of the Congo,
Mumbo-Jumbo will hoo-doo you,
Mumbo-Jumbo will hoo-doo you,
Mumbo-Jumbo will hoo-doo you."


Please understand. His politics are not mine, but I have tried so many times to write something in this style for My Boys and have yet to come even close!

He also wrote this (and a lot more like it) for children and I love it.

IV. The Moon's the North Wind's Cooky

(What the Little Girl Said)

The Moon's the North Wind's cooky.
He bites it, day by day,
Until there's but a rim of scraps
That crumble all away.

The South Wind is a baker.
He kneads clouds in his den,
And bakes a crisp new moon that . . . greedy
North . . . Wind . . . eats . . . again!


I'm not sure if he is what you consider loud, but read out loud and follow directions and your breath will get a bit shorter and your heartbeat a little louder! lol

That's what it's all about, right?

Hope this helps. If you succeed I want to see, ok? Good luck!

 

[normal jean]

Only a Test?

8 A.M. Apache skies

They woke us with thunder, rattling
panes, stomping frozen ground,
rotors became spears
and their horses were many.
Comfort was in cotton
over eyes, ears astounded.

STOM-ping thunder, STOM-ping thunder

Arrows twisting into sound
alive and piercing lucid dreams
not of war and noise.

Stom-PING thunder stom-PING thunder

No one remains unwounded,
and anyone can become unwound-
UN-wound, UN-wound, UN-wound

tomm-tomm-tomm-tomm
bomb
bomb
bomb

~~~~

This poem was written to be read aloud, with an emphasis on the italicized words. When it appeared on PAW, the italics were lost. It was written in response to being awakened early to the sound of a dozen plus armed helicopters doing maneuvers in our area. Let me tell you, it was an awful sound. awful. I couldn't imagine being the one that they were after...


good luck with your writing

NJ

 

[BooMerengue]

Only a Test?

8 A.M. Apache skies

They woke us with thunder, rattling
panes, stomping frozen ground,
rotors became spears
and their horses were many.
Comfort was in cotton
over eyes, ears astounded.

STOM-ping thunder, STOM-ping thunder

Arrows twisting into sound
alive and piercing lucid dreams
not of war and noise.

Stom-PING thunder stom-PING thunder

No one remains unwounded,
and anyone can become unwound-
UN-wound, UN-wound, UN-wound

tomm-tomm-tomm-tomm
bomb
bomb
bomb

~~~~

This poem was written to be read aloud, with an emphasis on the italicized words. When it appeared on PAW, the italics were lost. It was written in response to being awakened early to the sound of a dozen plus armed helicopters doing maneuvers in our area. Let me tell you, it was an awful sound. awful. I couldn't imagine being the one that they were after...


good luck with your writing

NJ

A whole lot better than anything I've ever done. But I'll try again. Tomorrow, Scarlett.

kisses