How do you let her down easy?

[MADDOG]

My young cousen has this friend, and she has developed a bit of a crush on me. She's 15, and I must admit that given a few more years, I'd be very interested. She is really beautiful. I've met her once and we got along very well, but with her being 15 and me being 20, it just isn't going to happen - not for a few years anyway.

But this leaves me with a bit of a dilemma. I'm not sure just how much she likes me, but if it is a crush, how do I let her know that although I think she is beautiful and a really great girl, it just isn't going to happen? The less I hurt her the better.

Any suggestions?

MADDOG

 

[Xander]

Sorry Maddog, I can't give you the universal recipe on how to not hurt her.
For the simple reason I don't know.
Go with your gut feeling is the best advise I can give you.

 

[Sammyjo]

I was gonna say, "Talk to Xander, he can help you". But apparently, he's chosen to forget the horse girl...

What you do is, you move out of your place, and into your office, that way she won't see you anymore. Then, move to the US, where there are plenty of women who want you. See how it's a win-win situation? Out of sight, out of mind...ummm...hopefully.

 

[Deborah]

Tell her the truth, MADDOG. Tell her you're gay.

 

[Xander]

I was gonna say, "Talk to Xander, he can help you". But apparently, he's chosen to forget the horse girl...

LOL and here I had selectively forgotten about Horse Chick....Damnit Sammmy.

What you do is, you move out of your place, and into your office, that way she won't see you anymore. Then, move to the US, where there are plenty of women who want you. See how it's a win-win situation? Out of sight, out of mind...ummm...hopefully.

 

[Juliangel]

Maddog not that there is anything wrong with you but she may forget about you by next week.

Teenage girls are fickle, you only hold their intrest as long as you are paying attention to them.

Someone else will come along and spin her head soon enough.

 

[Merelan]

Then again...
My baby brother had a terrific crush on my best friend all his life, well, from the time he was 5 till he got into high school. We are 5 years alder then him. We ignored it mostly. It did go away. Now he's gay.
Go figure.
I tease her and tell her it is all her doing!!!
No really. Years, after the fact. We have talked to him about it. He said we did the best thing by ignoring it. Now she is flattered because the only two woman he ever fantasisized to was her, and Farrah Fawcett. Remember, this was back in the early Charlie's Angels days.

 

[MADDOG]

Maddog not that there is anything wrong with you but she may forget about you by next week.

Teenage girls are fickle, you only hold their intrest as long as you are paying attention to them.

Someone else will come along and spin her head soon enough.

If only it were that simple. I met this girl about 2 months ago. On the day, there was a little harmless flirting. I was definately attracted to her, and while I didn't lead her on intentionally, she may have gotten the wrong idea from that.

But since then, my cousen has been acting as a go between, and kind of stuffed things up. Before I realised what was going on, she asked me what I though of the girl, and I answered honestly "She's great. I like her a lot". Then she asked if I thought she was pretty and I told you that I thought she was. It didn't click until later that day that she was asking on the girls behalf (Stupid me, but I'm seriously dopey when it comes to girls. I have no idea when they are interested, and I can't be bothered looking for the signs. Whatever happens, happens). So NOW, this girl has my Email address and has added me to her contacts on MSN just last night, which is OK with me for friendship, because I do like the girl, but I know this isn't just going to go away.

I should also say that I am irresistable to women. That's a big part of the problem I think.

I really do need help. I guess the truth - Not that I'm Gay thanks Deborah, LMAO! - but that I'm too old for her right now is the best way to go. Unless there is a better way? Thanks for all the help so far.

MADDOG

 

[Merelan]

You are treading on very thin ice. You are going to have to be a bit"rude" maybe. But in your sweet nice way. Emailing and instant messenger with an underage girl can really lead to trouble. Even if what you say is innoccent. Please, please be careful.

 

[Guest]

Irresistable to women?

Hey dude, check out my personal. You are just the kind of bitch I am looking for.

 

[Guest]

Well if you do feel it is a serious thing and not just a fleeting attraction or something, then make sure you treat it that way. I mean to us it just seems like a teenager's crush on an older guy, but to her it isn't. It's important to her, and that's what matters. Treat her not like a teenager but like an equal. If she feels that there is a chance of a relationship with you, despite the age difference, then obviously she feels she's mature enough to be on your level. So it's important you treat her on that level. But it's also important that you make your reasons for why it's not gonna work very, very clear. Any ambiguity is going to haunt you later, when she still might feel the same way despite what you've said. You should tell her exactly what you find attractive and great about her, while still remaining firm about why it wouldn't work. I guess that sums what everyone's been saying, speak softly but stand your ground. Be gentle but firm. And best of luck to ya.

 

[Easy Boy]

Tell her the truth, absolutely

You like her, you think she's pretty, and she's too young for you. She should be able to hear that OK. And stop flirting!

When I was 19, I had a 15-yo girl come on to me. It was tempting, and scary, and inappropritate. I turned her down, and she was OK with that.

 

[pandora]

MADDOG, what the others are saying to you is good advice. Take her to the side, tell her you know she has a crush on you, but because of her age, stress that, you wouldn't feel right about a relationship with her.

Now, as I'm a parent of a boy that age, let me tell you that I would not be happy with a female if she were to take my son up on an offer of a relationship. The first thing I would be thinking is "what does this 20 year old want with him?" You could really get yourself into serious trouble if you let this get any further. All teenage girls have crushes, and although you're irresistable to females, being honest with her will only make her stronger.

 

[Skibum]

MadDog, you mentioned that she has your e-mail and IM, so don't make the mistake of trying to brush her off electronicly if you want to avoid hurting her. It would be a good idea to say what needs to be said in person, and preferably in a semi-public setting. Not where you can be overheard, but where you can be seen . That makes it safer for both of you.

 

[Phoenix]

The Problem Solver

OK fine you really want to get rid of this girl say "you have herpes and gential warts", it scared away Asya's sister.

And if she is really that pretty well shagg her anyways. Hell that is what I would do. Yes I know I am a dog but hell I just wanna bury my bone. Honestly I was in the same situation with my friends cousin. I will admit OK I screwed her but she came on to me I was 18 and she was 15

 

[shadowsong]

Hmmm...

First off, I applaud your morals. 8) I kow way too many people that would just tumble the chick into bed with no thoughts for her...

Basically, everyone else seems to have it right. Let her know that you like her as a friend, but because of the age difference, anything more is out of the question. Personally, I'd play up the legal aspects of that... I don't know where you're from, but there's probably some sort of Statutory Rape law that applies to underage girls. Unless you're in Tenesee or somewhere, it usually starts at 16 for the age of consent. Most places, it's 18 if one of the partners is over 18...

Basically, let her know that if she's willing to wait until she's legal, then you're set. But don't promise anything silly, and MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THIS. Odds are, she won't listen, but you'll have the high ground there... 8) If she's worth your time, she'll remember that. If not, then she's probably not the kind of person you're looking for...

 

[Phoenix]

Wait a tic that Law only goes into to effect if someone catches you. So no screwin on the park bench and two you can date someone and not have sex with them. After all just cuz two people go to a movie that does not mean they are going back to his place to play tag the twat. Na mean

 

[teresafannin]

There really isn't any way to let her down easy, but please be honest with her. I have a 15 year old niece & she has had several crushes on older guys. Each time the guy was honest with her, her feelings were hurt, but she survived & is now dating a boy her own age. Email & IM can be very dangerous, even innocent flirting can be misconstrued by parents. Sit down with her, explain the situation & move on. It will be better for everyone.

 

[Ambrosious]

I was in that same situation when I was 30. I tried to let her down easy. She didn't get the message. I had to crush her like an Italian grape in a wine press. She got the message and left me alone after that.

Hurt her man, hurt her bad. It's the only thing that worked for me.

 

[forgetunome]

There isn't an easy way....

Honesty...if you try to do it easy it will only endear you more in her eyes!! You'll have her undying devotion for longer!

If you're honest yes...she'll get hurt but...it's how we all learn to start telling the difference between infatuation and love. She's at that age where she thinks all of those warm & oozy feelings are love. She'll get over it! And will eventually learn that you did the right thing and respect you for it...even if she never says anything.

JMHO!