How do you learn to trust...

[S.Daedalus]

How do you learn to trust someone over the Internet?

Whether it be friend or lover....

I've always been paranoid and skeptic, but I’m meeting some good people here. Don't want to fuck up the opportunity!


Thanx for any advice that could be shed...

 

[Kitte]

You go slow...get to know one another with PMs and emails and IMs then the phone... Send snail mail... then you meet...and hope and pray.

Watch out for people who will only give cell or pager numbers.

You can never be 100% sure about anyone in RL or online... you just be as careful as you can...

 

[lovetoread]

Follow your instincts.

If something tells you that they could be too good to be true, it usually means its all an act.

But I say there are good people out there in cyberland, dont dismiss them too easily.

Talk alot. Thats my advice.

 

[SilverVeil]

Time.

It takes time for people to be proven. And even then, sometimes you can make mistakes. Just be sure you learn from them and do not fall into the same trap again.

 

[freshrope_69]

How to trust...

Follow your instincts.

If something tells you that they could be too good to be true, it usually means its all an act.

But I say there are good people out there in cyberland, dont dismiss them too easily.

Talk alot. Thats my advice.

I totally agree....but start with being honest with and about yourself first....this way you don't believe a lie you told yourself and won't tell to anyone else...

from your friendly neighborhood clitlicker ...freshrope_69

 

[S.Daedalus]

Time.

It takes time for people to be proven. And even then, sometimes you can make mistakes. Just be sure you learn from them and do not fall into the same trap again.

I will agree...most certainly. Now, if only EVERYONE agreed to that

Thank you all for your posts, I think I've learnt a bit about all this. But, I'm always up for anyone elses help and suggestions.

- Stephen

 

[Freya]

As far as trusting people for the day-to-day stuff of your life, I find those who seem to have no hidden agenda are the ones I trust most. But as for trusting someone with my heart, it would take an awfully special person to make that happen - and it would only be after a significant amount of time talking both online and on the phone - and then would definitely have to include a meeting in person at some point.

I think some very good advice has been given already - but basically take a LOT of time, and really listen to your gut.

 

[MissTaken]

~look for inconsistencies, whether it concerns a tale they have shared, things they post versus things they tell you in private or simply, "Hey. I am leaving now." and they continue to post.

~Pay attention to the cues and innuendo on the board concerning that person's character. If the same derrogatory things are posted about someone over and again, there is likely to be truth in the matter.

~Read old posts as well as new ones. Yes, we do change how we post to soem degree, but you can find out some good info there.

I dont' necessarily believe that "taking it slow" means you can't or shouldn't meet. If they are local, why not? You could meet them in a grocery store or local social do without knowing anything about them.

But even so, let your friendships grow at their own pace. Some move along rather quickly, others don't.

 

[Different Guy]

Time is majorly important. You take it slow and if you continue for a long time enjoying each other's company then y'know, you can see it's worthwhile rather than jumping in. Also you get to know a lot more about them.

Another thing is never lie. You two could create the greatest relationship based on what you've said and in reality when you meet you're not that person, both of you will be heartbroken.

I don't seen anything wrong with meeting people online. It's just an easier way to say hello to someone and get to know them. People taking time to write someone an email shows dedication and devotion to that person, then the gradual exchange of numbers, or whatever and pictures, snail mail gifts etc.

 

[bhambabygirl]

Above and beyond all, follow your gut. I have met several people from the internet, and most have been wonderful experiences. Always meet first in a public place. My current significant other and I met online. He intially emailed me and intorduced himself...then we began to talk through instant messages then on the phone, then he drove to the town where I lived. I figured if i could talk to him for 10-12 hours a day for over a week and still have a good feeling, that it would be ok to meet. I set up a buddy checkin system, and gave a friend a general itinerary of the days plans, plus he gave the okay for me to give her his cell phone number. I was staying with my parents at the time, and he even gave my mom the make, model, and license plate number from his car so she would feel better. . A week after we met, I moved from my hometown in Tennessee to his here in Alabama, got my own apartment, and began a new life, with him in it. Almost a year later we are still together and still happy (each day being a mile marker for both of us...)

My last 2 exes, plus a few "just for funsies" I met online, and I wouldnt change anything. You'll always come across one or two out there who arent what they present themselves to be. Over all, for every one person i met that lied, i met 2-3 that didnt.

Just remember to be honest with the other person and pay attention. Liars will always give themselves away. If you are attentive, you will be fine. Pics are also a good thing...if they can send more than one, that is better to confirm the pic is really them...if they only have one...let that be a signal to be alert....have fin and good luck!

 

[DevilBoy79]

How do you learn to trust someone over the Internet?

Whether it be friend or lover....

I've always been paranoid and skeptic, but I’m meeting some good people here. Don't want to fuck up the opportunity!


Thanx for any advice that could be shed...

i been through this, i was skeptical because of all the crazy people out there, i talked to Innocent for a while and then it too like 5 months of phone conversation till i got the balls to meet the pretty lady in person and i am glad i did, it was the best choice i have ever taken, and i love her to death

 

[S.Daedalus]

Thanx everyone for all your replies.

There most certainly seems to be a pattern here that I will stick too.

Time, Time, Time....

And be truthful.

Well, I can rest assure that I am always truthful and never lie, so that ones easy! Time on the other hand is a harder one for me.

I'll tell you all now, that I’m more asking this question out of friendships. I'm not looking for relationships here...if it happens then I’m a happy man, but I did not come here looking for one and that remains the same to this day. But...friends on the other hand...I've met so many good people and I’m, by nature, a shy guy and never give out info...but for some reason the connections I’ve made here seem to be opening me up a lot quicker then I ever expected. And I just want to try and make sure that these friendships and connections are 'safe' sorta speaking.

Either way...thank you all for your responses...much appreciated!

-Stephen Daedalus

 

[bhambabygirl]

One of my best friends in the world I met on here. He and I have never met face to face and I plan on keeping it that way. We have talked by phone a time or two, but usually online.

I can tell him any and everything. This is because he lives about 4-5 hours from here, so we dont have the same non-internet friend base (i.e. people we are friends with outside of the internet.), and I never have to look him in the eyes, unless we are on cam chatting. Because I know he wont judge me, it is easier to open up. I think a lot of web friendships are like that.

Even with my fiance and I, when we are having problems, if we talk face to face or on the phone, its harder to admit when I have been wrong. I know thats sad, but its true. Even if we are in the same house, if we need to argue, we can go in different rooms, log online and web cam, and argue there. Its easier for us both to express ourselves (especially me) and there is no yelling and screaming, so the kids arent exposed to the anger.

I say all this to tell you that for some reason, talking on here makes it a little easier for everyone to open up. Its very easy to be very close to someone online, and yet no matter how intimate they become, they cant invade your personal "safety space" because they arent in the same physical vicinity you are. If they upset you, you can always close the window and ignore them - a luxury you dont have elsewhere....

OK, Im done rambling now....
BBG