how do you know,,,,?

[sinnamongyrl]

when its time to walk away?my marriage has had a lot of ups and downs.And lately I just dont think i "feel it" anymore,I have taken a lot of crap and I am wondering if I am just feeling a bit of resentment.I dont think its fair for me to stay married if I am no longer "in love"....So please help me out here,,,those that have been through this,,,,,,is there a way that you just know its over?...I dont feel that spark anymore,,,but maybe that is just being married?I would hate to think so,,,,,,,i cant talk about this with my friends cuz most of my friends are OUR friends and I dont want a fight unless i know I want to do this.Well i have talked about it with one and he said he was very surpised I am still here,every time i think of leaving,,,i feel a bit better..this is NOT agood sign is it?I hope I dont sound like a mean nasty bitch because i am not,,,just have trouble verbalizing all of this,,,,,,,thanks,,,,,,

 

[pleasteasme]

when its time to walk away?my marriage has had a lot of ups and downs.And lately I just dont think i "feel it" anymore,I have taken a lot of crap and I am wondering if I am just feeling a bit of resentment.I dont think its fair for me to stay married if I am no longer "in love"....So please help me out here,,,those that have been through this,,,,,,is there a way that you just know its over?...I dont feel that spark anymore,,,but maybe that is just being married?I would hate to think so,,,,,,,i cant talk about this with my friends cuz most of my friends are OUR friends and I dont want a fight unless i know I want to do this.Well i have talked about it with one and he said he was very surpised I am still here,every time i think of leaving,,,i feel a bit better..this is NOT agood sign is it?I hope I dont sound like a mean nasty bitch because i am not,,,just have trouble verbalizing all of this,,,,,,,thanks,,,,,,

sinnamongyrl....I'm sorry to hear of your problems....however, I have no advice and something like this, well you will probably get a better response if you post it in the "How To" forum.

Good luck

 

[sinnamongyrl]

sinnamongyrl....I'm sorry to hear of your problems....however, I have no advice and something like this, well you will probably get a better response if you post it in the "How To" forum.

Good luck

thanks,,,,,i never know where to put anything on the boards..LOL.....maybe i should just drop it,I hate psoting negative stuff anyway,,,,,,thanks for the idea,,,,,

 

[cymbline]

I hope you don't just drop it. This is the way you feel and you can't just drop them. For they will come back and find you.

pleasteasme is right. You should post on the "how to" thread.

 

[Guest]

when its time to walk away?my marriage has had a lot of ups and downs.And lately I just dont think i "feel it" anymore,I have taken a lot of crap and I am wondering if I am just feeling a bit of resentment.I dont think its fair for me to stay married if I am no longer "in love"....So please help me out here,,,those that have been through this,,,,,,is there a way that you just know its over?...I dont feel that spark anymore,,,but maybe that is just being married?I would hate to think so,,,,,,,i cant talk about this with my friends cuz most of my friends are OUR friends and I dont want a fight unless i know I want to do this.Well i have talked about it with one and he said he was very surpised I am still here,every time i think of leaving,,,i feel a bit better..this is NOT agood sign is it?I hope I dont sound like a mean nasty bitch because i am not,,,just have trouble verbalizing all of this,,,,,,,thanks,,,,,,

Been there, done that!!!

When the resentment outweighs the fun it is time to go. Life is far far too short to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. I left my ex when our daughter was only three and a half years old and I have never regretted the decision. My mum died when she was just 46 and as I am at risk from the same the heart complaint that she suffered from I try to live for today. The first year was very lonely but then I fell for my lovely hubby and we have now been together for over 11 years. All is not perfect but the fun has always outweighed any anger or resentment and I know we shall be together forever.

Only YOU know when/if the break is the right thing and that is the most important thing to remember.

YOUR life, YOUR one shot at it, YOUR decision. Do not let anyone else tell you what to do, just be true to yourself. What ever decision you make someone will disagree with you but stuff them, it is about looiking after number one!!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide and remember there will always be other people on Lit who have been there and will be happy too share their experiences.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

thanks,,,,,,,i know....i agree,,,,,,sighhhhhh

 

[Michi_Knickers]

awwww, good luck with everything! sorry to hear you are unhappy babe

 

[INeedLove]

I am sorry to hear you are so unhappy. I can't remember you mentioning kids in any of your posts. They change the dynamic of this sort of decision.

Have you tried counseling? Does your hubbie know you are unhappy? If not, I encourage you to have a long talk with him. Love changes over time. Its like the ocean, sometimes it's high and warm feeling but others cold and distant. Maybe you are on a low? You do need to talk to a live someone!

As the others have said, ultimately it is up to you. You must follow your gut and weigh it all out. Divorce is really rough. I think there are a lot of us on Lit who have dealt with it. Feel free to lean on us. Best wishes!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[vibes]

i think bluefoxlady is right, sinn ... life is too short to blow it on wrong decisions ... and ... you know already if it's time to move on or if it isn't

i think it is worth struggling for a relationship up to a certain extent as things never come easy so it's fair to work on them to keep the relationship going ... but when the line is crossed then it's time to move on ... and only you know where that line is

all the best

 

[sinnamongyrl]

no,,we dont have kids.So at least i dont have to worry about that part of it,AND YES,,,,i have tried and tried talking and its not working....So either he does not believe me or he doesnt care enough to do anything about it.I did ask if he wanted a divorce,,,,,and he said NO,,,then i said well,,,you just may get one.Him"yeah,,,right',,,,,need i say anymore?I mean with that kind of attitude,,,I am not going to mention it again.....I guess when that time comes I know how to find a lawyer for the papers,I am not interested in anything he has (as far as splitting up property,etc)so it should NOT be a huge problem.ANyway,,thanks sooo much for listening to me .I hate being whiney BUT sometimes you have to talk.....so THANK YOU,,I will keep you posted,

 

[snakebyte]

Good luck on your decision. We wish you the best.

 

[Missingmeds]

no,,we dont have kids.So at least i dont have to worry about that part of it,AND YES,,,,i have tried and tried talking and its not working....So either he does not believe me or he doesnt care enough to do anything about it.I did ask if he wanted a divorce,,,,,and he said NO,,,then i said well,,,you just may get one.Him"yeah,,,right',,,,,need i say anymore?I mean with that kind of attitude,,,I am not going to mention it again.....I guess when that time comes I know how to find a lawyer for the papers,I am not interested in anything he has (as far as splitting up property,etc)so it should NOT be a huge problem.ANyway,,thanks sooo much for listening to me .I hate being whiney BUT sometimes you have to talk.....so THANK YOU,,I will keep you posted,

Sweets, first of all, I totally agree with what bluefoxlady said, having been there and done that myself.

Second, you take half of everything. Don't just walk away and leave everything for him. Split everything equally and down the middle. Take that lesson from someone that learned it the hard way.

Third, if he isn't willing to communicate then it is over and it is time to get a lawyer. If you don't want to talk on the boards about it, my pm box is always open.

 

[omahaman2]

something to help you smile

I been through this myself. I think the best advice given was communication.
He might not understand,us men arent always the brightest bulbs in the world!

Sorry,if it happens!
Something to make you smile!

Guardian Angel on the Job

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, and a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

 

[sinnamongyrl]

Sweets, first of all, I totally agree with what bluefoxlady said, having been there and done that myself.

Second, you take half of everything. Don't just walk away and leave everything for him. Split everything equally and down the middle. Take that lesson from someone that learned it the hard way.

Third, if he isn't willing to communicate then it is over and it is time to get a lawyer. If you don't want to talk on the boards about it, my pm box is always open.

at this point I also feel that even IF he did do a complete turn around,,,,would that even do it for me?I think there has just been too much shit to even save it anymore....and as far as taking half,,,,we dont have a lot reealy and all i want is what is MINE(my cd's.books.art,etc) .UGH,,,,this sucks sooo much,THANK you all for being such good listeners,,,,,,,(HUGS)

 

[gypziedoll]

at this point I also feel that even IF he did do a complete turn around,,,,would that even do it for me?I think there has just been too much shit to even save it anymore....and as far as taking half,,,,we dont have a lot reealy and all i want is what is MINE(my cd's.books.art,etc) .UGH,,,,this sucks sooo much,THANK you all for being such good listeners,,,,,,,(HUGS)

I am going thru the exact same thing, sweetie, and he is doing the 100% turn around, and i still feel like it is not there.....so i wish you all the luck in figuring this one out....*hugs* from one who is walking in your shoes.....

 

[gypziedoll]

at this point I also feel that even IF he did do a complete turn around,,,,would that even do it for me?I think there has just been too much shit to even save it anymore....and as far as taking half,,,,we dont have a lot reealy and all i want is what is MINE(my cd's.books.art,etc) .UGH,,,,this sucks sooo much,THANK you all for being such good listeners,,,,,,,(HUGS)

the hard part for me is i have an 11 yr old.....makes the decision so much harder....

 

[southerntierguy]

You probably have friends to do this with, but if you ever want to exchange PMs, I'd love to.

 

[gypziedoll]

That is tough, first time I made this choice, my daughter was 12. I stayed at the time, and I think it was the right thing, but the intervening 3 years weren't good for her mother and I. We're making the move regarding separation/divorce/move on with our lives, and at this point I think my daughter's ready for that.

I'm not saying this is the right thing for anyone else.

You probably have friends to do this with, but if you ever want to exchange PMs, I'd love to.

thank you, i just may do that...i have stayed as long as i have because of my daughter....had it not been for her, i could have walked away years ago....right now, i think she may be ready for the transition, but i want to be sure./....

 

[justmark]

please feel free to Pm me sweetheart.I am a good listener.Whoever hurt you is not worth it.I have gone though a divorce.I had to leave.It was a sexless,empty marriage and I had to grow a pair and leave.Whatever you do,good luck.

 

[gypziedoll]

please feel free to Pm me sweetheart.I am a good listener.Whoever hurt you is not worth it.I have gone though a divorce.I had to leave.It was a sexless,empty marriage and I had to grow a pair and leave.Whatever you do,good luck.

thank you Mark, i'll keep that in mind.....

 

[justmark]

thank you Mark, i'll keep that in mind.....

that comment was intended for Sinn.But sure,I iwill try and help you too.She just seemed confused.I wanted her to know not every man in her life would hurt her.That some would love her and treat her right.But then again,that does go for every woman/man out there.A bad marriage is not the end of the road for life.

 

[gypziedoll]

that comment was intended for Sinn.But sure,I iwill try and help you too.She just seemed confused.I wanted her to know not every man in her life would hurt her.That some would love her and treat her right.But then again,that does go for every woman/man out there.A bad marriage is not the end of the road for life.

sorry for the misunderstanding......you are right it isn't the end of the road....but it sure as hell feels like it sometimes....

 

[sinnamongyrl]

It is not the end of the road for me.I feel better and better every day about leaving.i know how strong I am and how tired I am of being treated this way.

 

[Imi]

I'd say you have a serious problem if you've brought up counseling, your hubby scoffed it off, as he scoffed off that you would divorce him. That's an unacceptable level of disrespect for both you and the relationship. Being degraded like that is not good for anyone.

My hubby and I went through a rough time several years ago. I was deadset against counseling until I asked for some advice from a friend who had been divorced. She said that we needed counseling and I told her why I was against it. I had several of the same qualms that you do, Sinn. But her logic for it was dead on. If you get into counseling and it doesn't work out, you can leave with a clear conscious that you did everything you could to save the marriage. If the counseling works, then you've won too, having a better relationship.

As it turned out, hubby and I are still married. Happily, more than ever. And truthfully, HE'S a happier person too. He's not as uptight, not as dour, he likes himself better. And he likes ME better, as me, not as the way his bad mood intimidated me into being.

So it strikes me that you need to give your hubby an ultimatum. Divorce/separation papers in one hand, counseling appointment in the other. It's his choice. And if he gives you attitude about it, remind him that you approached him in a positive, non-confrontational way and he blew you off. You're serious and he needs to take you as such.

If he does choose counseling, remember that you get to take your anger with you. You've been hurt, you don't have to stop being hurt. It's his job to heal it. Your job is to be honest and to allow him to try to take healing steps. Just don't punish him for being human, he may have his own healing to do.

Let us know how it goes. Miracles do happen. Give them the room to take place.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

everyone has suggested counseling,,,IF I wanted this to work,,I would try that,,BUT its just not gonna help....Problems were too big,,too much,,,and went on for too long,,,,I fell out of love(I may have never loved him to begin with....),,,,its over,,its wayyy over,,,I am moving on...thanks everybody.....I am not sad...just feel like I wasted a lot of my time on nothing,,,,,bTW,,,sorry IF i sound ,ike I am being snappy...i am not,,,posting somethimes fucks with the intent of your message.......not being bitchy,,,,just saying,,,he sucks...he fucked up,,he lost me,,,,,