How do you know??

[Kain]

I'm sure this thread has been done like a squillion times.....but, how do you know wether you are a Dom or a sub? I love pain with my pleasure, but have never explored the BDSM lifstyle. How do you get into it, where do you go to learn. Man I've got more questions than an algebra test.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I'm sure this thread has been done like a squillion times.....but, how do you know wether you are a Dom or a sub? I love pain with my pleasure, but have never explored the BDSM lifstyle. How do you get into it, where do you go to learn. Man I've got more questions than an algebra test.

Hi Kimura,

Welcome to the Board! First off, let me send you to www.castlerealm.com, which is a great all around website for people who are just exploring the BDSM lifestyle. Secondly, we have a wonderful BDSM Library here that is full of information. An especially wonderful thread to check out is Wizard's link thread under the category Links. Last, but not least, hang out here on the Board, and start posting, get to know us, and let us get to know you

Good luck on your journey!

~anelize, "your friendly neighborhood submissive librarian"

 

[Pixie Mischief]

I see you like the S&M of BDSM hehe
you can be masochistic and not be interested in the B&D.
as far as I know anyway.
So you may like a little pain but that dont make you a submissive.

I'm sure this thread has been done like a squillion times.....but, how do you know wether you are a Dom or a sub? I love pain with my pleasure, but have never explored the BDSM lifstyle. How do you get into it, where do you go to learn. Man I've got more questions than an algebra test.

 

[MissTaken]

HI there,
Welcome aboard.

I think anelize and pixie made some good points. Do some reading, figure out what makes your blood boil and proceed with caution!

In any event, labeling what and who you are isn't the most important thing. Knowing what you like and having a partner who likes to go there with you is.

Who cares what ya call it as long as it feels good?

 

[Netzach]

Try whatever you want to try and see which experiences really make you wet/hard/happy/eager whatever.

Maybe you like all of it, depending on the context.

Consider yourself lucky, a lot of people think they know what they want prematurely, I think.

 

[Richard49]

I'm sure this thread has been done like a squillion times.....but, how do you know wether you are a Dom or a sub? I love pain with my pleasure, but have never explored the BDSM lifstyle. How do you get into it, where do you go to learn. Man I've got more questions than an algebra test.

Have you actually experenced pain and found it pleasurable?

If so
then you have explored BDSM
You just may have more to explore

 

[Pixie Mischief]

althought it maybe something "natural" not something you read and sounds interesting.

it just how you are.. not sure if that is making sense.

I am sure bf never read stuff and went OMG You know what that sounds cool!.
He just happens to be that way..happens to enjoy these things.
I know I discovered I enjoy things I didnt think I would.
sometimes you explore things without knowing. but you know what???

such things are labels.
Me and me sweetie never explored things cause there "BDSM" actually.
I think he frowns on such things, but I dont think he realizes that our relationship and sex life tends to lean that way.
Mild but still. Its just the way he is the way we are... He doesnt think anything we do really as kinky. everyone has there own taste. different desires.
Dont rely on labels.. labels tend to be... well narrowing.
if you like it when your partner bites you.. tell them.. do it..
NOT because its "the thing to do" BUT do it because you enjoy it.

Explore yourself.

 

[Netzach]

Wow! What she said!

 

[Pixie Mischief]

uh.. I made sense? LOL

Wow! What she said!

 

[Netzach]

uh.. I made sense? LOL

Like, totally.

Sometimes I think people are really too aware of what they are doing. Just do it, let other people come up with the terminology and screw 'em anyway.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

hmm true.
I know me and my sweetie havent done things because they relate to bdsm or naything.
they just happen to relate. Not intentional.
I'm not fond of labels because it gives people a view one. a narrow view one of something.
and then stereotype it.

Like, totally.

Sometimes I think people are really too aware of what they are doing. Just do it, let other people come up with the terminology and screw 'em anyway.

 

[ownedsubgal]

one can be Dominant or submissive and have no interest in pain for pleasure or any bdsm activity whatsoever, and one can have a very strong/high interest in/desire for bdsm and have not a Dominant or submissive bone in their bodies. being Dom or sub is about your nature...your personality, who you are within. it's not about sex or S&M.

 

[Kain]

Re: Re: How do you know??

Have you actually experenced pain and found it pleasurable?

If so
then you have explored BDSM
You just may have more to explore

Actually my interest was peaked quite innocently. I went to see an all female band/performance art thing, and they were taking men from the audience and whipping them with this giant bull whip. Anyway they yanked me and tied me to this chair and whipped the shit outa me, I walked away with the hardest erection of my life. After that I started reading everything I could on the subject, and experimenting a little with my SO. So far I know I like being able to tie a woman down and have my way with her, and vice versa. I've done some breath play and played with clamps. I still feel that there is alot more I would like to try, but being single puts a damper on that.

 

[Etoile]

One thing that I've sometimes had difficulty understanding is those who switch. I have never felt anything but submissive, and the one time I was allowed to play at being the top, I did a terrible job and felt foolish and out of place. My Daddy has felt the need to switch sometimes (very infrequently) and on one occasion I was there for it...I could tell the feelings were genuine, even though I'm used to strong dominance from my Daddy. I know it's possible to switch, but it seems so foreign to me.

 

[Richard49]

One thing that I've sometimes had difficulty understanding is those who switch. I have never felt anything but submissive, and the one time I was allowed to play at being the top, I did a terrible job and felt foolish and out of place. My Daddy has felt the need to switch sometimes (very infrequently) and on one occasion I was there for it...I could tell the feelings were genuine, even though I'm used to strong dominance from my Daddy. I know it's possible to switch, but it seems so foreign to me.

I am confused with your use of the title Daddy
me thought you were a submissive to a Domme
oh well

Switching has confused me at times also
and I have come to wonder if switching is not
part of top and bottom play rather then D/s
????????/

 

[D's mariposa]

yeah, what pixie said..

I don't get switching either. I just couldn't do it. D made me give another sub a birthday spanking once; it literally made me sick and it wasn't like a serious topping thing, just a birthday spanking.

 

[lark sparrow]

I am confused with your use of the title Daddy
me thought you were a submissive to a Domme
oh well<snip>

Pardon the butting in... it's not unusual to use the term, particularly for those who identify as "butch" (substitute whatever other term is liked - those who prefer not to use feminized titles) - "Daddy" for Top or Dominant and it's counterpoint, "boi" for bottom, submissive or slave.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

well from what I gather switching is when someone likes it both ways.

I do know my boyfriend likes to take and give control.
he wouldnt be happy just one way.

 

[Richard49]

Pardon the butting in... it's not unusual to use the term, particularly for those who identify as "butch" (substitute whatever other term is liked - those who prefer not to use feminized titles) - "Daddy" for Top or Dominant and it's counterpoint, "boi" for bottom, submissive or slave.

Thanks Lark

I did not know this......

I am not beyond educating

Can you teach me to spell and type now
(I had to ask)

 

[Kain]

Is a switch someone who likes to control and be controled? Not sure of the "proper" terminology, so hopefuly I don't step on any toes.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

from the little I know. Yes.

Is a switch someone who likes to control and be controled? Not sure of the "proper" terminology, so hopefuly I don't step on any toes.

 

[Kain]

from the little I know. Yes.

Hmmmm. Well I gues I'm a switch then. I love to paly both roles. Knowing that my safety is in her hands, and the trust that goes with it. I also like to be in control, free to explore, poke and prod at my leisure.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

hm simular to bf maybe not in that way thought.
he says he likes it 50/50.

Hmmmm. Well I gues I'm a switch then. I love to paly both roles. Knowing that my safety is in her hands, and the trust that goes with it. I also like to be in control, free to explore, poke and prod at my leisure.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

apology

I think I may have called you a girl at first.. sorry lol didnt know you where a guy till later on.

 

[Kain]

Re: apology

I think I may have called you a girl at first.. sorry lol didnt know you where a guy till later on.

Don't worry about it, about 90% of the people on here did at first. They try to read my name like an english word which it isn't. It's pronounced kee-merra, it's Japanese.