How do you keep your ass clean if you don't have a bidet?

[FlamingoBlue]

Aside from a shower or cleansing yourself with a bidet after every bowel movement, how do you keep your ass clean. Toilet paper alone and/Tucks pads just don't do it for me so I use something called Balneol. The problem is that the manufacturer, Solvay Pharmacueticals has shut down production.

So, you clean freaks out there, what do I do, now. Serious replies, only!!!
(Ya, right, like I got a prayer. Then, again, it never hurts to ask).

blue

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Okay, I think I'm going to join the "Why the FUCK do you want to know so much about us, FlamingoBlue Association." How do I wipe my ass? I print out useless threads and use the paper.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Shit I just fell out of my chair laughing Dixon. The visions going through my head are much to be desired right now. As for the clean ass thing use a face cloth and soap it is cheaper.

 

[Jade]

WTF!?

Flamingo...? Is that really you?

Well, I don't actually practice this (and you can think I am gross all you want but)... I am a yoga chick, and well, some really "hard core" yoga fanatics do the whole bathtub enema thing every so often, so I would imagine their asses are pretty clean....wouldn't you?

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Ever hear of hemmeroids?

Well, as you age, you get 'em. Many years ago, I was advised to use (ready for this?) an asswipe cream called Balneol. It is now as rare as hen's teeth. I Really don't not care about your individual hygiene, DCL, as much as I care about keeping those little fuckers from bleeding.

Unbelievable what gets noticed at this site. It seems that its okay to talk about beating the shit out of each other, incest and screwing chickens but here I ask a legitimate question and holy hell breaks loose.

Well, I am comforted by the knowledge that Lasher would understand. I betcha that he is careful how he wipes his ass.

Just wait, guys, until the 'roids catch up to you!!!

blue

[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 08-13-2000 at 12:31 PM]

 

[Cheyenne]

Okay, now you're scaring me. No one told me "'roids" came with getting older. I think I don't want to get old anymore.

And I'd help you if I could, but toilet paper and a daily shower work just fine for me.

 

[Naked Hunny]

Ok i admit it damnit i had roids, as cheyenne put it so delicately , while i was pregnant i just used an over the counter generic 1.99 tube of roid creme with no problems




"shaking head"
i cant believe i just answered this

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Just wait, guys, until the 'roids catch up to you!!!

If C-3PO and R2-D2 want to wipe my ass that's fine, though I'm pretty sure I can outrun them.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

ROFLMAO

 

[FlamingoBlue]

DCL, those are 'droids....

I'm talking about 'roids. You would know the difference if you had 'em.

blue

 

[Guest]

Heeeeeee Hawwwwwwwwww

Seeing as how you are one GIANT ass, Blue, I can see why you posted a question about keeping your ass clean. ~sigh~ Try filling the bathtub with your wife's Summer's Eve. Or better yet, bathe once in a while.

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm/angryfire.gif

[Edited by Tiggs on 08-13-2000 at 10:53 PM]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

LOL -- Listen FB, you said nothing about butt berries and how to deal with them (which is a fair, real medical question) in your first post, so a post that seemed to say only, "Gee, tell me how you clean your ass" was fair game, particularly coming from someone who posts four or five noncholant personal questions a day, so don't blame me for not knowing when you're in serious pain and when you're just being you're usual overly-curious self. You're kind of like the boy who cried hemmaroids, you know?

So, to seriously answer you, I have no idea. What does your doctor say?

 

[Guest]

OMG!

Yeay! DCL has finally made me smile.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Wow!!!

I ask a simple question and all hell breaks loose. Next time I'll ask my
"friends". I don't appreciate the name calling but I guess that's the best that some of you can do. Sticks and stones, etc., etc.

blue

P.S. You needn't bother respnding further to this post. I already have my answer.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Glad to hear you've solved your problem. And all Hell hasn't broken loose, don't exaggerate. I see now that you had a real dilemma, and people should always be able to ask advice here without judgement. But you have re-read your first post -- it wasn't innocent, it was silly. Are you really surprised at the reaction you get when you ask "How do your wipe your butt after shitting?" Anyway, I'm happy to hear that you've found some comfort.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

DCL, I have re-read it...

And I still feel it was a serious request for information. How much clearer could I have been?

Tell you what. You know my problem. How would you have asked the question? E mail me. Let's let this thread die out, gracefully, if possible.

I appreciate the fact that you were actually concerned. That's more than I can say for some others. Just wait until they get older. These questions won't seem so "silly" then.


blue

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

"I have a serious medical problem with hemmaroids. Can anyone suggest a clean, painless way to keep the area clean?"

You'd still get a few razzes, probably, but so what? At least we'd know you were asking a medical question, and not just way too interested in poo-poo.

I would have let it go after my second post, but I felt bad that you weren't getting an honest response to what you thought was an honest question, and I wanted to say so. But you're kidding yourself if you think that first post was a clear medical query. I mean, come on -- you DON'T ask a lot of innocuous personal questions every day? How were we to know the difference?

As I said, I'm only dragging this out so I can let you know I think you're a good guy and I do hope you get the help you need.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Muchas Gracias, DCL!!!

Guess I did ask for a little razzing.
I was just trying to get folks to read the thread. Figured once they read it that they would see that I wasn't kidding.

blue

 

[Wizard]

ROFLMAO...there reading FB there reading and your a good sport.

 

[Skitten]

DCL you are just too cool ROFLMAO

 

[Siren]

hey dont you get roids from being a tight ass?

 

[Rosebud]

Damn DCL you can jump on me..no i mean jump my ass...no wait...i mean ream me...no I...oh forget it...LOL

 

[Guest]

LoL@Rosebud!!!

 

[Samuari]

I'll help, Rosebud. Pick me, Pick Me!