How do you get second dates?

[Daddies_boy2002]

I'm not very experienced with girls (I'm 19), I've mostly been with men. But the little I've dated girls the same thing keeps happening. We go out once and she decides she doesn't want to see me again. She seems to have had a good time. The couple of times its gotten on bed, again she seems to have enjoyed it but she doesn't want to see me again.

I can't see what I'm doing wrong. I'd chalk it up to bad luck, but if it keeps happening at some point I have to ask if its something I'm doing, or something wrong with me.

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

at that age - if you're getting on a bed on the first date - you are way out of line.
no wonder they're avoiding you.
gals want happy times - learning about guys, and boy/girl interactions.
I'm talking movies, fun lite dinners at clean taco places etc.
places where other kids hang out etc.
if you need advice, try like online with teen sites - learn what they like from there.

 

[gunhilltrain]

You might want to watch some of Aaron Clarey's videos about dating - he's in his forties now. In this one, he describes some of his own experiences and conclusions. Particularly interesting are his comments on women flaking out at about the point you are at now. This one is rather long, but he has other, shorter ones that you might find helpful.

 

[ericalauren]

Good luck!

 

[Wickettoby1]

I'm not very experienced with girls (I'm 19), I've mostly been with men. But the little I've dated girls the same thing keeps happening. We go out once and she decides she doesn't want to see me again. She seems to have had a good time. The couple of times its gotten on bed, again she seems to have enjoyed it but she doesn't want to see me again.

I can't see what I'm doing wrong. I'd chalk it up to bad luck, but if it keeps happening at some point I have to ask if its something I'm doing, or something wrong with me.

Have you considered that maybe you dont like women in an intimate/relationship way and the women can sense it? Gay or straight men are quite different then women.

 

[curioustxn]

I'm not very experienced with girls (I'm 19), I've mostly been with men. But the little I've dated girls the same thing keeps happening. We go out once and she decides she doesn't want to see me again. She seems to have had a good time. The couple of times its gotten on bed, again she seems to have enjoyed it but she doesn't want to see me again.

I can't see what I'm doing wrong. I'd chalk it up to bad luck, but if it keeps happening at some point I have to ask if its something I'm doing, or something wrong with me.

Maybe you need to make better choices in women.......

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Hesitating to step in here, but OK. OP, please don’t respond to these questions; they are for your private consideration only.

Some assumptions first, the big one being that you’re being completely honest in what you’ve said here.

OK, you’ve asked women out and they’ve accepted. That suggests you are not dog-ugly or hideously dressed, that you shower and such, that your manner is nice, etc.. So far, so good.

From what you’ve said, you’re bi. That’s fine, but if you have only been with men, especially at your age you may not fully appreciate the essential differences between men and women, especially WRT sex. It’s a bit trite to say that women focus on romance above sex and men the other way around, but it’s not entirely wrong, either. Another not-entirely-wrong generalized over-simplification - most women want to be respected and treasured before they enjoy sex; men just want to get off. (Not that wanting to get it off is wrong, but a man’s way of seeing things is often quite different from a woman’s. Don’t assume that you and she have a common goal.)

Another assumption - on those dates, whatever you two did together, you pleased your ladies to the extent that at least some of them went to bed with you. That reinforces my impression that you’re not a total jerk. It speaks well of you. And first date sex is, yeah, unusual. You must’ve been doing something right.

All of that suggests your problem might lie either in bed or with what happened afterward.

So, to questions…

How did you treat her afterwards? Loving, gentle, friendly, caring? Or, ‘that was nice, now you want to watch TV?’ Did you send her flowers the next day? Heck, did you even call her the next day? Such things matter to most women, far more than to most men. To turn her into a tiger, you need to treat her like a princess.

In bed, did you do everything to make it the best experience she’d ever had? Did you put her first? Did you take your time? Did you pay more attention to her pleasure than to yours, listen to what she was telling you not only with her voice but also her actions? (I won’t go into the alternatives, ‘cause ick.)

Only you and your dates can answer all that, but it might - might - offer an insight.

In any case, let’s even say you blew it totally. It’s not the end of the world. Good lovers are not born; they learn and develop. Right now, at 19, this might seem like a catastrophe, but it’s not entirely unprecedented. Try doing some research (not on porn sites!) into what pleases women, on what impresses them. Above all, keep trying. There’s a princess out there looking for a prince.