How do you get over self doubt?

[KeithD]

If you can look at something you wrote 6 months ago and not ask "Who was the idiot that wrote this?" you haven't progressed as a writer.

Sorry, I don't agree with this sweeping generalization. Writers who plug away at it find their sweet spot eventually. Not everyone is "developing" into something else or "better" every six months. I don't look back at the stories I have posted here from nearly a decade and a half ago and think that in the least. I'll bet a lot of other writers here can say the same. The writing life didn't start for a lot of us the day we discovered Literotica. And I'm sure there are a lot of us that don't lack self-confidence that what we wrote six months ago was up to our current standards.

 

[rutger5]

I've never been good at anything. At least according to my Mother. My sister though, she was perfect at everything.

Anyway, is it possible to ever get confident in your ability to write?
I recently deleted all my stories here because I felt they weren't good enough for anyone to bother to read them. I've had a couple emails asking why I deleted them and if I plan on posting them again somewhere, especially my series No Such Thing As Time, and when I get those emails I feel guilty for deleting them and think well maybe when I finish the last few chapters I'll post the whole thing, and then I think I can't do that because I'll still think it's so poorly written, such a stupid storyline, just not worth reading.

So is it possible to be able to change your mindset when you're in your 50s and your whole life you've been told nothing you ever is worthy?

CWM, if all being discussed is writing then it is common for most to have at least a seed of doubt. Even authors acclaimed as great writers of literature have detractors. What one has to do is realize perfection is for the cemetery, write your story and move on. Some people will like it and others won't.

But your question is much deeper than that and it touches on things I've seen you mention before. It sucks when a child is conditioned by a parent in a negative way and it stays with them well beyond when they grow up. Some of your doubts may be nature as well as nurture, I can't speak to that. But people have an intrinsic worth and dignity. Some squander that by bad actions. Nothing I've ever seen written by you makes me think you have. From what you've revealed of yourself you seem to be a good person, though with self esteem issues. Do your best to keep your chin up and move forward, with writing and life. You have value as a person. Sorry for going all therapy talk, really not my thing. Also don't normally say stuff like this on the internet but if you were near me in person I'd give you a hug and I'm not a hugger, so I'll send you a virtual one and say try to keep your spirits up.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I rarely have self-doubt when it comes to writing. Stop giving a fuck and write your shit. I know I have some garbage on here and I don't give a fuck. Man up and get an ounce of arrogance, lie to yourself a little bit, shit. If people like what you've written, why are you worried about it, and don't say it's lack of a red h. I have my low points and my life is shitty, but I at least try to fake it time to time and have a lil pride in what I consider things I like and invest time and effort in to.

 

[ChloeTzang]

CWM, if all being discussed is writing then it is common for most to have at least a seed of doubt. Even authors acclaimed as great writers of literature have detractors. What one has to do is realize perfection is for the cemetery, write your story and move on. Some people will like it and others won't.

But your question is much deeper than that and it touches on things I've seen you mention before. It sucks when a child is conditioned by a parent in a negative way and it stays with them well beyond when they grow up. Some of your doubts may be nature as well as nurture, I can't speak to that. But people have an intrinsic worth and dignity. Some squander that by bad actions. Nothing I've ever seen written by you makes me think you have. From what you've revealed of yourself you seem to be a good person, though with self esteem issues. Do your best to keep your chin up and move forward, with writing and life. You have value as a person. Sorry for going all therapy talk, really not my thing. Also don't normally say stuff like this on the internet but if you were near me in person I'd give you a hug and I'm not a hugger, so I'll send you a virtual one and say try to keep your spirits up.

I agree with all of that, it’s not something I’m great at expressing in that I guess my whole upbringing was “you can do it” or “you’re going to get your ass kicked until you get there, wussy.” Amateur Therapy Hour. I think the important thing here, CWM, is that you understand where your issues come from but you need to address them head on. I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thinking, and there’s so many ways to take that and address those self doubts and self image. There’s a heap of stuff on YouTube that’s really good, I’d say go look, go search the internet, ask around. It’s all about changing yourself in a positive way. And a huge hug to go with all of that.

 

[LexxRuthless]

Oh, no! You're killing me, sweetheart!

I had just begun to read your work. I thought it was very good. Now I have to join with everyone else here in pleading for you to make it available again.

I don't want to give you bad advice on overcoming self doubt. Short of a very talented (and probably prohibitively expensive) therapist, most of us will always be plagued by insecurity. Do you know what they call people who have no insecurities?

Psychopaths.

The rest of us just try our best with whatever we've got. The readers here at Literotica tend to be appreciative of those efforts. When they are, it's rewarding. But that isn't why we write and post stories here, really. Can you recall what motivated you to write and submit here in the first place? Has that changed?

From a purely selfish perspective, I really hope you let us read your stories again. You're better than you give yourself credit for being.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read my whining post and replying.

I haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet since I work every day, but hopefully I'll have time Wednesday when I'm off.

 

[NoJo]

Some of the posters in this thread, including the OP, seem to think self-doubt is a BAD thing.

It isn't. If you don't have self-doubt, you're in danger of being an arrogant psychopathic asshole.


Many 'creative' people, including myself, often suffer from feeling "I'm not good enough" - which is not self-doubt, but low self-esteem.

The way to get over it, is to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

 

[Bramblethorn]

Some of the posters in this thread, including the OP, seem to think self-doubt is a BAD thing.

It isn't. If you don't have self-doubt, you're in danger of being an arrogant psychopathic asshole.


Many 'creative' people, including myself, often suffer from feeling "I'm not good enough" - which is not self-doubt, but low self-esteem.

The way to get over it, is to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

A modicum of self-doubt is healthy, but some writers have way too much.

 

[Heartsongs]

When I was younger someone gave me really good advice... to never never never, ever ever ever, give up, no matter how dire the circumstance. Miracles, magic, blessings, however you want to look at it... happen! If you always move forward even in difficult circumstances your mind will eventually make it a habit rather than a task.

I had an English teacher in high school once tell me I was a terrible writer. if she could read my stories now

 

[CiaoSteve]

Interesting thread. If I read back over the couple of years that I have been trying to write then what jumps out more is the finishing rather than the storylines. I guess I spend more time now to review my writings. Underneath though it is still the same me trying to make something exciting.

 

[galaxygoddess]

When I was a kid, If my relatives found me writing stuff, they would yank the papers out of my hands, shred it and tell me I was worthless, writing was worthless and I'd never be anything more than a house wife. My "job" was to have babies and make my future husband happy. My mom would tell them it was "just a phase", but she would argue that I was worth more than that and one day they'd see.

Well, I don't know where I've gotten at the moment, hah, it's been a long and complicated road, but all of that negativity ate at me.

The funny thing is, when I'm writing, I love myself. It's the only time I do. When I'm done, the self doubt starts to wiggle in. Sometimes, when the writing is not flowing out, I hate myself, because I know when the writing is flowing I love myself. It's a loop and a cycle.

Right now, I'm writing a weird story, and I'm stuck on "no one is going to like this but me" and I hate it. I HATE IT. Like it's stupid and childish and why am I writing this garbage? But I'm still writing on it. I have a story in my head and I won't stop until I've got it out.

Hooooowever, somewhere in all this love and hate, I find myself enjoying what I do. I want to be a writer, I want to publish books, I want people to throw money at me. Ok the last part is just a fantasy at this point. When I write "For the Whored" I have no self doubt. When I write "Lilah"... ugh. I can't finish the last stupid chapter. I don't want to screw up what I think is a cool story, I'm eaten with self doubt. I have a full length 400 (maybe it's 300) page novel, and I can't freaking END IT. How am I going to sell a manuscript if I can't finish it? Who will read my silly story?

Self doubt can be such a pain.


I think what I'm trying to say in all of my rambling, is that you do and you don't. You shove past it and you write anyway.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Some of the posters in this thread, including the OP, seem to think self-doubt is a BAD thing.

It isn't. If you don't have self-doubt, you're in danger of being an arrogant psychopathic asshole.


Many 'creative' people, including myself, often suffer from feeling "I'm not good enough" - which is not self-doubt, but low self-esteem.

The way to get over it, is to "feel the fear and do it anyway".

It's not a complete band thing, unless it's crippling. Say fuck it and do it anyway is what I said.

 

[NoJo]

Writing a story is not like lifting free-weights, or distance running. When you're at the gym, strong self-belief is important to ignore your muscles screaming at you "I can't do this".

Writing a story is more like trying to keep a marriage going - you need patience, tenacity and self-love.

 

[Hypoxia]

I have no doubt that I am unworthy. Everyone else is wrong.

 

[Touch_type]

I've never been good at anything. At least according to my Mother. My sister though, she was perfect at everything.

Anyway, is it possible to ever get confident in your ability to write?
I recently deleted all my stories here because I felt they weren't good enough for anyone to bother to read them. I've had a couple emails asking why I deleted them and if I plan on posting them again somewhere, especially my series No Such Thing As Time, and when I get those emails I feel guilty for deleting them and think well maybe when I finish the last few chapters I'll post the whole thing, and then I think I can't do that because I'll still think it's so poorly written, such a stupid storyline, just not worth reading.

So is it possible to be able to change your mindset when you're in your 50s and your whole life you've been told nothing you ever is worthy?

One thing you might try is re-reading your own first submissions with a critical eye. I’d be amazed if you don’t come away thinking about how much you’ve improved since you started. I did that with one of mine recently and was frankly embarrassed at how cliche-ridden it was.

Conversely, I do go back to my less popular submissions now and then, or sometimes after a particularly spiteful comment, and think ‘no, that’s not bad’. We’re all casting pearls before swine here. Part of that’s learning to take the oinks.

I looked you up to see whether you’d reposted and noticed you’ve got eighty-plus followers. That’s a fan club if ever I saw one. I’ve just started reading someone whose writing impresses me more than anyone I’ve read here - makes me envious as hell - and he’s got five following him.

Worthiness is the domain of the Nobel Prize Committee. I just try to be the best I can.

 

[MsLead]

If you live long enough...self doubt melts away...
Little by little you get more convinced that you are seeing things correctly and get comfortable with who you are...

 

[Sentai]

I'm experiencing self doubt over publishing my first story. It seems I'm not alone in doubting my abilities. Thank you for the thread. Knowing I'm not alone is comforting.
I have an over achieving, 'perfect' sister who confessed to me as an adult that she was jealous of me because I was so open and friendly people were naturally drawn to me.

 

[YoungFarmGirl]

I'm experiencing self doubt over publishing my first story. It seems I'm not alone in doubting my abilities. Thank you for the thread. Knowing I'm not alone is comforting.
I have an over achieving, 'perfect' sister who confessed to me as an adult that she was jealous of me because I was so open and friendly people were naturally drawn to me.

I also have a great deal of doubt over the first "story" I have ever written. One day I might be brave enough to post it....not sure when though.

 

[Rainblow]

I also have a great deal of doubt over the first "story" I have ever written. One day I might be brave enough to post it....not sure when though.

Go for it! I bet it's good!

 

[JPGmvny]

I also have a great deal of doubt over the first "story" I have ever written. One day I might be brave enough to post it....not sure when though.

I had a story set to drop this past midnight (it did). Last night I thought of pulling it but a re-read convinced me to let it go.

I've gotten a lot of positive response and some negative and most of the negative have been (a) well meant and (b) valid in some or all respects.

I've seen very well-written stories get bombed and some authors have left Lit because of it, which is very sad. When I see such a story, I contact the writer to show support. This really is an authors' community. So post it. Be aware that some categories can be brutal; I understand Loving Wives is like a small bridge crossing a stream inhabited by a troll gang. I've been fine in the ones where I've posted.

 

[Sentai]

I also have a great deal of doubt over the first "story" I have ever written. One day I might be brave enough to post it....not sure when though.

Glad to know I'm not alone.
It seems like there are many harsh critics amongst the readers.
I thought I might try an editor just to gauge what the initial reaction might be and maybe get an overall feel for how my writing skills measure up.

 

[JPGmvny]

Glad to know I'm not alone.
It seems like there are many harsh critics amongst the readers.
I thought I might try an editor just to gauge what the initial reaction might be and maybe get an overall feel for how my writing skills measure up.

I'll be happy to take a look, as long as it's in my zone-of-interest. PM me.

 

[KeithD]

If you live long enough...self doubt melts away...
Little by little you get more convinced that you are seeing things correctly and get comfortable with who you are...

Or you see yourself as having your own niche and being content there.

If you go twenty years riddled with self-doubt on the writing, I say this is unnecessary stress and you might try knitting or golf.

And (on a previous post by someone else) as far as assurances that if you look back on your first story posted to Literotica that you will be appalled, I'll note that Literotica isn't necessarily the first stop on the writing wheel for a lot of us.

 

[8letters]

Anyway, is it possible to ever get confident in your ability to write?

You don't have to be confident in your writing ability. All that matters is that you enjoy writing and publishing your stories here. Lit readers paid you absolutely nothing for your story. You don't owe them a "good" story. It's not your job to provide them a "good" story. Write what you want. Enjoy whatever success you have.

Keep writing, and I think some of the self-doubt will go away. I've got enough stories under my belt that I have a pretty good idea of how a story will do when it's published. And if one story underperforms my expectation, I've got enough history to shake it off and move on.

 

[Sentai]

I'll be happy to take a look, as long as it's in my zone-of-interest. PM me.

Thank you! I hope I'm not too forward in taking advantage of your offer and that it falls within your category preferences. There are a few areas I do have some concerns with. It's been a long time since I've written anything but text messages.