How do you forget someone who was in your life, but was a lost relationship a long time ago? One of those cases of cleaning out some stuff, and running across an old picture. Now I can't get her out of my mind, but we are both in different worlds now...
How do you forget?
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College_geek
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I can't really give you any advice, since I've never felt that way with a relationship, but I sort of know how you feel. I used to have a really good friend years ago, but we grew in completely different directions. Now sometimes I'll look at a picture or think about her and the great times we had and I'll wish that it didn't turn out the way it did.
Good luck, hon.
Good luck, hon.
CelticFrog
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You don't forget.
Trust me. It doesn't happen.
But you can change how you remember.
Take her picture out, look at it, and think to yourself that there were a lot of good times.
Remember that you had fun, and that you have gone on with your life as she has gone on with hers.
Then go out and enjoy yourself in that life.
I dunno... I guess I'm just lucky that I have someone better than any of the others I've been with. So remembering them is like looking at a bug that just got squished on the windshield of a brand spanking new truck. It's like, oh well... guess the truck was better than that insect.
Okay... I really need to curb those analogies.
Ang
Trust me. It doesn't happen.
But you can change how you remember.
Take her picture out, look at it, and think to yourself that there were a lot of good times.
Remember that you had fun, and that you have gone on with your life as she has gone on with hers.
Then go out and enjoy yourself in that life.
I dunno... I guess I'm just lucky that I have someone better than any of the others I've been with. So remembering them is like looking at a bug that just got squished on the windshield of a brand spanking new truck. It's like, oh well... guess the truck was better than that insect.
Okay... I really need to curb those analogies.
Ang
Noor
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CelticFrog said:
I kind of liked that squished bug analogy, even if I don't have or want a brand new truck.
I don't know how you forget, I am still working on how you forgive. I guess bug squishing isn't so forgiving but the image has a kind of fun feel to it.
Noor
Circuit said:
You shouldn't forget about her, because she is a part of who you are today.
However, you also shouldn't look at the past with rose-colored glasses. There is a reason she is a 'lost' relationship, and no matter what that reason might be, you have both had a lifetime of experiences since then, so you are not the same two people you were back when you were together. It is easy to idealize her because you don't really know the 'reality' of who she is today.
I don't know how long your 'long time ago' is, but is it possible that the real attraction of this woman is that she reminds you of a happier or more simple time in your life?
BlueSugar
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I have a couple of boxes. to torment myself, everytime spring cleaning I go through it and sigh and mope for a week ... and then put the boxes back.
I try and throw them out ... but ya can't, you'll still have the memory, so why not have a picture to refresh good times every now and then.
I try and throw them out ... but ya can't, you'll still have the memory, so why not have a picture to refresh good times every now and then.
midwestyankee
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Circuit said:
The emotions you are feeling right now will persist for as long as you keep allowing them to take over your consciousness. I like Ang's idea of bringing back some pleasant memories. But then put the picture away and get on with your present life.
It's when such people from our past keep coming back to us without the stimulus of pictures and memorabilia that we know they are truly meaningful.
WildRose40DDD
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Forgetting
If there were things left unsaid, issues unresolved etc, sometimes it helps me to sit down and write it out. I write it as a letter to that person, even though I will never send it. It helps to get the feelings into words and get them out of my head. Don't think I am crazy, but sometimes I will then burn the letter, it is a mental end to the letter and the feelings. It doesn't help me forget, just helps me close the door, and get on with life.
If there were things left unsaid, issues unresolved etc, sometimes it helps me to sit down and write it out. I write it as a letter to that person, even though I will never send it. It helps to get the feelings into words and get them out of my head. Don't think I am crazy, but sometimes I will then burn the letter, it is a mental end to the letter and the feelings. It doesn't help me forget, just helps me close the door, and get on with life.
WildRose...
I do have to say... there were a lot of unresolved issues, feelings, and such. The good, the bad... its one of those things that when I look back, I probably would have done differently. Not to say that my life isn't good as it is... its wonderful.
I can say that I made a big mistake... well, not big, but life has moved on. I am happy with my current life, but there is always that thought in the back of your head that shows its ugly head occasionally. What really sucks is that we have a lot of common friends. I also lost a lot of friends because she made them take sides, but also gained the right ones back.
I do have to say... there were a lot of unresolved issues, feelings, and such. The good, the bad... its one of those things that when I look back, I probably would have done differently. Not to say that my life isn't good as it is... its wonderful.
I can say that I made a big mistake... well, not big, but life has moved on. I am happy with my current life, but there is always that thought in the back of your head that shows its ugly head occasionally. What really sucks is that we have a lot of common friends. I also lost a lot of friends because she made them take sides, but also gained the right ones back.
WildRose40DDD
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Circuit....
I don't know if it will work for you as well as it does for me....but try the letter thing. It lets you get some thoughts, feelings etc out that you wouldn't necessarily say to anyone else. The nice thing is you can say anthing you want because you will never mail it.
I don't know if it will work for you as well as it does for me....but try the letter thing. It lets you get some thoughts, feelings etc out that you wouldn't necessarily say to anyone else. The nice thing is you can say anthing you want because you will never mail it.
Parklife
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I don't understand why one would want to forget....
If it was good times, the memories are something good to look back upon. If they were bad tiems, the memories are something to learn from and act as a warning.
I'm constantly reminded of an ex... usually by my best friend who still has contact with her.. in fact, he sent me some wedding photos a few weeks ago....
that break-up continues to be one of the worst and best things that ever happened in my life.
If it was good times, the memories are something good to look back upon. If they were bad tiems, the memories are something to learn from and act as a warning.
I'm constantly reminded of an ex... usually by my best friend who still has contact with her.. in fact, he sent me some wedding photos a few weeks ago....
that break-up continues to be one of the worst and best things that ever happened in my life.
wishbone96
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I have been wanting to forget a lot of things lately-my failed marriage for one. I was thinking this afternoon driving home
from work how things would have been if I had not met my wife that beautiful June afternoon thirty years ago-what if I had simply passed her by like I do most of the time in my eveyday life-why her? She impacted me the way an asteroid would impact earth-it happened only once in my life and probably never will happen again. She remarried (happily) and moved on-I see her in all of the things we used to do together-I realize only now that she never reallyloved me for who I was but what I was. We spent twenty eight years together and it was bitter sweet. We endured and finally.. she wanted out... pure and simple.. At night in my deepest sleep she comes to me in dreams and I awaken and feel very sad.. I would like to forget ,cross that river.
from work how things would have been if I had not met my wife that beautiful June afternoon thirty years ago-what if I had simply passed her by like I do most of the time in my eveyday life-why her? She impacted me the way an asteroid would impact earth-it happened only once in my life and probably never will happen again. She remarried (happily) and moved on-I see her in all of the things we used to do together-I realize only now that she never reallyloved me for who I was but what I was. We spent twenty eight years together and it was bitter sweet. We endured and finally.. she wanted out... pure and simple.. At night in my deepest sleep she comes to me in dreams and I awaken and feel very sad.. I would like to forget ,cross that river.
DevilBoy79
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BlueSugar said:
whats the point if its from an era in your life that is dead be it good or bad .i know a few people like that who wont get rid of crap and still hang on to it, for example my one friend was involved with a guy Alex from work ,and still has lets say a shirt (just for example/arguements sake) of his and see's him in the store when she shops. and still lets the fact of him in general get to her, its uneeded stress considered she is getting married to a friend of mine from highschool who treats her good, moral of the story trash the junk and get on with your life
Last edited:
CelticFrog
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Another thing I did to remove negative energy from my possession was this:
I invited a few friends over (actually, they kind of invited themselves and brought the idea with them, so I can't take the credit) and we had a bonfire in the middle of the driveway. Of course, at that point, my driveway was 1/4 mile long to the gate and as big as a medium parking lot after the gate. So it was safe.
Anyhow, these two friends of mine brought crappy memorabilia with them, and I brought out a bunch of mine. We lit a fire and burned it. Purify by fire and all that. I burned an old t-shirt from a job that had really screwed me, the pages from a journal I had started to 'document our journey from engagement to wedding' with fiancee #1, and several other things along those lines.
I made a photocopy of several newspaper clippings I had from deaths and a bunch of random stuff that caused me pain. Then I burned those photocopies. I like to keep the originals.
Point is, after we did that, I felt lightened. I could WATCH a lot of held on to emotions floating up with the embers, and we all sat there and cried as we freed those things. Granted, it wasn't totally successful, and for a long time I still thought about him every day, but I kept the journal cover and brought it out every time I needed reminding that he was an ENDED chapter of my life. Not too long ago, I managed to throw away that journal. But to put it in perspective, he and I broke up in 1997. I threw it away in (I think) early May 2003. Was finally able to REALLY close the door on that part of my life.
Just part of my long story.
Ang
I invited a few friends over (actually, they kind of invited themselves and brought the idea with them, so I can't take the credit) and we had a bonfire in the middle of the driveway. Of course, at that point, my driveway was 1/4 mile long to the gate and as big as a medium parking lot after the gate. So it was safe.
Anyhow, these two friends of mine brought crappy memorabilia with them, and I brought out a bunch of mine. We lit a fire and burned it. Purify by fire and all that. I burned an old t-shirt from a job that had really screwed me, the pages from a journal I had started to 'document our journey from engagement to wedding' with fiancee #1, and several other things along those lines.
I made a photocopy of several newspaper clippings I had from deaths and a bunch of random stuff that caused me pain. Then I burned those photocopies. I like to keep the originals.
Point is, after we did that, I felt lightened. I could WATCH a lot of held on to emotions floating up with the embers, and we all sat there and cried as we freed those things. Granted, it wasn't totally successful, and for a long time I still thought about him every day, but I kept the journal cover and brought it out every time I needed reminding that he was an ENDED chapter of my life. Not too long ago, I managed to throw away that journal. But to put it in perspective, he and I broke up in 1997. I threw it away in (I think) early May 2003. Was finally able to REALLY close the door on that part of my life.
Just part of my long story.
Ang
judge not
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You don't forget. You shouldn't, not really.
If you do forget that woman from your past, then you forget the things that led you through that relationship. Every person you love should change you in some way. We hope that change is a positive one, but sometimes it isn't, and that is just how life works. If you forget that person from your past then you are forgetting the things you learned. If learning is the key to making your next relationship better, then remembering is essential.
Just keep in mind the things she taught you, both during the relationship and as she walked away. You learned. Period. Figure out what you learned and hold onto that instead of holding onto a persona that is no longer there.
If you do forget that woman from your past, then you forget the things that led you through that relationship. Every person you love should change you in some way. We hope that change is a positive one, but sometimes it isn't, and that is just how life works. If you forget that person from your past then you are forgetting the things you learned. If learning is the key to making your next relationship better, then remembering is essential.
Just keep in mind the things she taught you, both during the relationship and as she walked away. You learned. Period. Figure out what you learned and hold onto that instead of holding onto a persona that is no longer there.
Bandit58
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*sigh* I'm a hoarder.....I don't like to let go of things that were precious to me. It took me months to delete several text messages from my former lover.....I still have our chats saved, and pics he took of me.....
He taught me so much.....and I'll always love him for that
One day I will delete it all....I haven't looked at it for a few months now. I have a new life now, a much better one
But I'll never forget.......
He taught me so much.....and I'll always love him for that
One day I will delete it all....I haven't looked at it for a few months now. I have a new life now, a much better one
But I'll never forget.......BooksNblooms
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There is no forgetting
One of the best lessons I ever learned about relationships that didn't work out where I was heartbroken and saddened by the loss was this (and please bear with me... I know it's smarmy): It really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
My relationships usualy ended badly. Feelings were bad, etc. Except the last one. I tried to end it on multiple occasions, and he simply would find a way back into my life. It began to become embarrassing to tell people that we're now "on again". Finally, I knew that, for me... he had to stay out of my life and away from me so that I could "detox" from him without his influence around me. He did try to again ooze his way into my life, but I had to shut him down this time. I do so well without him, and so badly when he's here. I accepted less than I would from most people with him; knowing that he lied over and over, but because the damned sex was so good, I kept the relationship going.
I've decided I value integrity over a good fuck. I've deleted all computer reference, thrown away all cards and letters and pictures, etc. I do smile at the past without bitterness, because that would mean that his character infected me negatively. I choose to walk away with the good, and use it to move on toward something of value. Giving myself a year to adjust to this, and after four months, it's still very hard... but I like myself more.
Apparently, I ramble though. LOL
One of the best lessons I ever learned about relationships that didn't work out where I was heartbroken and saddened by the loss was this (and please bear with me... I know it's smarmy): It really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
My relationships usualy ended badly. Feelings were bad, etc. Except the last one. I tried to end it on multiple occasions, and he simply would find a way back into my life. It began to become embarrassing to tell people that we're now "on again". Finally, I knew that, for me... he had to stay out of my life and away from me so that I could "detox" from him without his influence around me. He did try to again ooze his way into my life, but I had to shut him down this time. I do so well without him, and so badly when he's here. I accepted less than I would from most people with him; knowing that he lied over and over, but because the damned sex was so good, I kept the relationship going.
I've decided I value integrity over a good fuck. I've deleted all computer reference, thrown away all cards and letters and pictures, etc. I do smile at the past without bitterness, because that would mean that his character infected me negatively. I choose to walk away with the good, and use it to move on toward something of value. Giving myself a year to adjust to this, and after four months, it's still very hard... but I like myself more.
Apparently, I ramble though. LOL
Limbhugger
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Circuit said:
Why would you want to?
As they say, that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
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