How do you deal with the feelings?

[BISCCOUPLE]

I have had the chance to have oral sex seperate from my wife, and oral/anal with her present. She said that she really got turned on, and that we should try again. I guess my delema is, that I love my wife, i love the female body, but i just can't shake of the desire to be with another man (or more than one man which is a new fantasy of late). How can sex become so consuming?

 

[oscar724]

Almost the same situation for me....

Hi everyone
This is my first post here. I have been reading the forums for several weeks now and this is so much like my own situation I felt compelled to answer.

I have recently come to accept my bi side and that acceptance was helped along by my wonderful wife. She is the first person in my life who accepts all parts of me and enjoys sharing it with me. Although she likes the MMF fantasy and the fact that I am Bi, she does not feel she can follow through with it.

I am eternally grateful to have found such a wonderful, accepting person and have her in my life, but this has now opened a Pandora's Box for me. I feel consumed by the needs that I now allow myself to feel and it is getting harder to deal with them. From my wife's perspective, it is a neat fantasy that we like to play with and then put away when we are done. From my perspective it is an intense desire that I feel compeled to full fill.

If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would certainly love to hear them.

 

[gypsywitch]

As a married person who has fantasies of being with other people, I don't think this really has to do with sexual orientation. To me it has to do more with the level of commitment to your chosen life partner and respecting them as well as yourself, and all the surrounding family members like parents and children.

If sex is so consuming then maybe its best to look at what you're trying to get out of that. That kind of language suggests that just a fantasy of looking at pictures or stories is not enough. Well why not? Why is having the real thing so important?

Are you in an open relationship or not?

Are you willing to end your relationships with your partners just so that you can explore your sexual desires?

And mostly ~ How would you feel if you were dumped so that your partner could go explore their desires without you?

How would you feel if they went and explored those desires in secret and then you find out later about it?

How would you feel if you explored those desires fully and then were left alone without your mate realizing that you have really lost and not won?

Just some thoughts...

 

[Gi_Venus]

I have always been bi-sexual, I had problems with guilt even though I was not in a relationship with my lady when I was with other men. She broke up with me and I started seeing some men. The problem was that we got back together, lots of guilt from that but it all turned out well. I remained faithfull during our time together. Now I am more open with women and men so they know my nature. If I get in another relationship? I will supress my urges unless it is an open relationship because I really donot want to face the guilt again.

 

[datalife]

how do you deal with the feelings

my ex-girl friend would talk about a mmf, but only during sex,and we both would get so turned on by this, she ask me would I do a man in front of her, at that time I really didn't know, so on my birthday she invited a good friend of ours over, I went to change after work and when I was nude in walks mike, with a pair of white thongs on, he told me to set on the bed and when I did he put his package right in my face, at this time cheryl walks in and join in on the fun, it was the best night of my life, so you should be open about your feelings. you never know.

 

[neonflux]

Different situation, yet consumed in the same way...

Hi Bisccouple,

My recent preoccupation with sex / the erotic is not so much due to coming out issues (known I was bi since I was 12, accepted it and found LGBT friends when 16, somehow in Texas in 1975). I was in a monogamous relationship with another woman for almost 15 years, final break-up occured 6 months ago, but we were on/off again for 6 years and the last 7 were almost without sex.

In just been the past month I have reawakened to my sexuality, even though I have always loved sex and never felt any shame or guilt about it. It all feels new again, as new, perhaps as your own discovery of your attractions to men. For the first 3 weeks or so, it was all I thought about - so much so that it is a a miracle that I got anything else done! While I'm still sometimes a little obsessed, particularly after sharing sexual time with another person, I am beginning to be able to put things into perspective - and even concentrate on work again - thank the Goddess! A friend of mine who finds herself in similar circumstances recently confided to me a similar experience.

Which is all to say that, perhaps it's just that you are rediscovering yourself (as I and my friend are), so of course you would think about it a lot. Plus pleasant, hot sex is just a heck of a lot of fun. Since your wife is supportive (what a gift!), I hope that I am not too bold in suggesting that you don't worry about the compulsions at this point? At least not unless you get to the point where you have done no work, household chores, etc. for more than a month or two

Wishing you all the best (and hottest) on this, your new journey!

~ Justine

I have had the chance to have oral sex seperate from my wife, and oral/anal with her present. She said that she really got turned on, and that we should try again. I guess my delema is, that I love my wife, i love the female body, but i just can't shake of the desire to be with another man (or more than one man which is a new fantasy of late). How can sex become so consuming?

 

[BISCCOUPLE]

Thank you

I truley would like to thank everyone for their kindness and ability to share their thoughts with me. I am so glad that I have found a place where people seem to be supportive. I do value your wisdom, and hope to hear more from you all.

 

[neonflux]

Please let us know...

how things go for you, would love to read updates on this thread.

~ Justine

P.S., you're right, I've found this a wonderfully supportive place

I truley would like to thank everyone for their kindness and ability to share their thoughts with me. I am so glad that I have found a place where people seem to be supportive. I do value your wisdom, and hope to hear more from you all.