How do you comment on this?

[oggbashan]

This quote is from a story, not on Literotica, and is a statement about a woman he is following around in a supermarket. He doesn't know her, has never spoken to her, and all he says he has noticed so far is her tits. Then he writes:

"I can recognize the signs of a willing woman, and you show them all."

How do you comment on an author who writes/thinks like this?

I'm lost for words.

Og

 

[matriarch]

This quote is from a story, not on Literotica, and is a statement about a woman he is following around in a supermarket. He doesn't know her, has never spoken to her, and all he says he has noticed so far is her tits. Then he writes:

"I can recognize the signs of a willing woman, and you show them all."

How do you comment on an author who writes/thinks like this?

I'm lost for words.

Og

I'm not only lost for words, I'm slightly frightened by the fact that there are men out there who DO think that women are willing, even without having spoken a word, and without even noticing him.

The man in question (character and/or author), need some therapy. Or locking away. Quickly.

 

[Guest]

This quote is from a story, not on Literotica, and is a statement about a woman he is following around in a supermarket. He doesn't know her, has never spoken to her, and all he says he has noticed so far is her tits. Then he writes:

"I can recognize the signs of a willing woman, and you show them all."

How do you comment on an author who writes/thinks like this?

I'm lost for words.

Og

I'll go with the therapy idea.

I'll put in a vote for stupid, too, if the writer in question really thinks that is a smooth pick-up line.

I'll also go with the idea that this is a pure fantasy and, unless told well, will be utterly boring, full of holes, and otherwise not much worth reading (I am picky like that). Lots of stories start off with giant leap assumptions in league with that statement. In the realm of fantasy, everything goes the right way.

I'd also suggest sending the writer to read the list of porn cliches.

 

[rgraham666]

I'm reviving one of my favourite lines.

Someone's polluting the gene pool and I'm fresh out of chlorine.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

This quote is from a story, not on Literotica, and is a statement about a woman he is following around in a supermarket. He doesn't know her, has never spoken to her, and all he says he has noticed so far is her tits. Then he writes:

"I can recognize the signs of a willing woman, and you show them all."

How do you comment on an author who writes/thinks like this?

I'm lost for words.

Og

Damn!!! Where did you get my story????? No. Seriously. I do lines like this all the time in my first drafts. Then fix them in the rewrite.

Tha problem is lack of detail. The read is left asking, "What signs? What's he talking about?" Personally, I would rewrite this line as:

"Watching her swaying hips as she walks and the sly glances over her shoulder in my direction, I recognize the signs of a willing woman."

Something like that.

But I agree with Matriarch the way the line is written this sounds like a bloody stalker/rapist/pervert rather than anything else.

 

[cantdog]

Well, it's an amateur site, largely. We all need to learn. This one does give a marked bad impression, to be sure. If I felt called upon to make a comment, as for instance as a volunteer editor, I would begin by pointing out the creepy impression the passage engenders, as its now written, and go from there.

That's how I'd do it, and I'd sign my name to it, to invite further detailed discussion.

 

[Carnevil9]

Why comment at all? If you don't like it, walk away. Life is too short to drink cheap wines, or to bitch about them.......Carney

 

[oggbashan]

The story is NOT here.

It is posted in a Yahoo group by someone who is not the author.

Here is an earlier passage:

"Our eyes meet, but yours are there first…a split second before mine, because my attention is diverted to your busty, natural breasts. In that moment you perceive that I am looking...not just looking...but admiring, and it makes you happy. A delicate smile graces your lips. The thought that your breasts are being gazed at and appreciated causes your nipples to become slightly, but perceivably more erect. When my eyes raise up to connect with your glance, there is a moment frozen in time where the communication is understood by both. The unspoken words "I find you extremely attractive and desirable" pass between us in that moment."

The writing is in acceptable English with a couple of typos that anyone could make. The content? That worries me.

Og

 

[AppleBiter]

<snip>"The thought that your breasts are being gazed at and appreciated causes your nipples to become slightly, but perceivably more erect."</snip>

Uh, yeah . . . or, maybe there was a draft.

The content? That worries me.

Og

Likewise.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

The story is NOT here.

It is posted in a Yahoo group by someone who is not the author.

Here is an earlier passage:

"Our eyes meet, but yours are there first…a split second before mine, because my attention is diverted to your busty, natural breasts. In that moment you perceive that I am looking...not just looking...but admiring, and it makes you happy. A delicate smile graces your lips. The thought that your breasts are being gazed at and appreciated causes your nipples to become slightly, but perceivably more erect. When my eyes raise up to connect with your glance, there is a moment frozen in time where the communication is understood by both. The unspoken words "I find you extremely attractive and desirable" pass between us in that moment."

The writing is in acceptable English with a couple of typos that anyone could make. The content? That worries me.

Og

Comment: Sir,
I am unable to comment on this passage since I received it smeared with what appears to be burger grease. Did you write this at work, by chance?

Respectfully...

 

[3113]

"you perceive that I am looking...not just looking...but admiring, and it makes you happy. A delicate smile graces your lips. The thought that your breasts are being gazed at and appreciated causes your nipples to become slightly, but perceivably more erect."

Yep. No greater joy for a woman than to have her breasts ogled (no pun intended there, og!). 'Cause, heaven knows, us busty women can NEVER get a guy to look at our tits! Men are too interested in our minds. We can flash cleavage, bounce and jiggle and get narry a glance.

Yep. Having my breasts noticed is so damn special that my nipples get hard at just the thought of it. What a one-of-a-kind guy. He noticed she had big breasts

(Oh, and my vote comment-wise...is to go for not-so-subtle scarcasm. Be brutal. This story deserves no mercy)

 

[cantdog]

Jenny, if you like Jamieson's try Power's Gold Reserve.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Jenny, if you like Jamieson's try Power's Gold Reserve.

I've had it many times. But it seems to be unavailable at the local liquor store. Those people are cretins!

Edit: Currently, I'm saving a brand new bottle of Tullamore Dew (somewhat more brutal) in anticipation of another gem from dear Og.

 

[cantdog]

A friend just returned from Ireland, so I have some right at the moment. But you have hit the nail on the head. They wouldn't even order the stuff for me, even though I offered to accept a case.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

A friend just returned from Ireland, so I have some right at the moment. But you have hit the nail on the head. They wouldn't even order the stuff for me, even though I offered to accept a case.

Edit: Please, Og... another one of your fabulous gems. I really need a drink.


Unfortunately, I seem to live in "Annie Greensprings" country. Decent Irish Whiskey is almost unknown. I am eyed suspiciously when I walk to the check-out with a bottle. I suspect I've been reported to the "Liquor Police".

 

[cantdog]

Tell me, on a related note, can you find the bourbon known at Henry McKenna in Oregon? I learned to love it, here, then it vanished from the State liquor list, and became unobtainable. I could get it in Vermont for a while, then it vanished there. Same in New Hampshire. They still exist, McKenna. I order them online, now. But what the hell happens? This is not high-end bourbon, either. I've seen the "bottled in bond" McKenna, and it is not as good as their everyday brand. It's ice. The McKenna suddenly rises to an amazing level if it is first swirled in ice.

I hope you haven't lost all track of what the question was?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Tell me, on a related note, can you find the bourbon known at Henry McKenna in Oregon? I learned to love it, here, then it vanished from the State liquor list, and became unobtainable. I could get it in Vermont for a while, then it vanished there. Same in New Hampshire. They still exist, McKenna. I order them online, now. But what the hell happens? This is not high-end bourbon, either. I've seen the "bottled in bond" McKenna, and it is not as good as their everyday brand. It's ice. The McKenna suddenly rises to an amazing level if it is first swirled in ice.

I hope you haven't lost all track of what the question was?

Hmmmm... I've not seen it in a long time. But then I live in a backwards area of Oregon.

 

[cantdog]

Just curious. Powers, my friend was told (the 12, now) is not intended for export, but surely a bourbon maker can't be concerned never to ship it out of Kentucky.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Just curious. Powers, my friend was told (the 12, now) is not intended for export, but surely a bourbon maker can't be concerned never to ship it out of Kentucky.

It's a different situation here. All the liquor stores are run by the State (Oregon Liquor Control Commission). The system is built around cental purchasing and guaranteed delivery. The purchasing process is driven by demand. Even my prescious Jamesons is sometimes not available

Continuing with Og's thread... I like guys staring at my boobs. I love the feeling of knowing they can't have them

 

[scheherazade_79]

Here's to the hope that one day (sooner rather than later) this guy decides to try it on with a woman who has a black belt in every martial art there is, and procedes to kick his face in. It doesn't sound like there are too many brain cells to kill off, anyway.

 

[cantdog]

Or he's just a poor writer. Or an immature person, maybe even 15 years old, who knows? Don't hang the dude for bad fiction.

Oh, that lit story, it was a big red flag! But no one saw the clear warning! And now, the man has no front teeth! A modern tragedy!

---
And yeah, it was the State centralized ordering thing that shut me out. They wouldn't even allow a special order, because that one was off the State list...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

This quote is from a story, not on Literotica, and is a statement about a woman he is following around in a supermarket. He doesn't know her, has never spoken to her, and all he says he has noticed so far is her tits. Then he writes:

"I can recognize the signs of a willing woman, and you show them all."

How do you comment on an author who writes/thinks like this?

I'm lost for words.

Og

Maybe I'm missing something. It wouldn't be the first time. This is a story, which I assume means it's a piece of fiction. Most of us have developed similar characters, that is to say, ones who are full of shit. To me, that remark sounds very much like the typical stalker mentality.

Apologies to all if I'm off-base here.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[kendo1]

Nice tits, Jenny.

Ken

 

[Guest]

Well, it's an amateur site, largely. We all need to learn. This one does give a marked bad impression, to be sure. If I felt called upon to make a comment, as for instance as a volunteer editor, I would begin by pointing out the creepy impression the passage engenders, as its now written, and go from there.

That's how I'd do it, and I'd sign my name to it, to invite further detailed discussion.

i'd put that in a humor story since this is so passe. i'd bet you could pull it off.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Nice tits, Jenny.

Ken

Hiya Kendo