How do you comfort an online friend?

[Black_Bird]

You can't touch them... you can't wrap your arms around them and hold them near. They can't hear the inflections in your voice, that comforting sincerity that chases the darkness out of their soul. You can't rain kisses down on their forehead and rock them slowly as they sliently cry. You can't taste the tears, or wipe them away...

All one has is words.

Yes, one can do amazing things with words... but it still isn't as warm as a pair of arms. You can't snuggle or cuddle in that way that reminds us all of mother's womb. What can one do with words?

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Willing and Unsure]

i do whatever i can to comfort an online friend... including the virtual hugs, offering to listen, and anything else i can think of... different people call for different things

 

[JennyOmanHill]

I agree that words are very powerful. Even the simplest ones, when sent to a friend in need, can be the greatest blessing!

Nothing is as good as the warm hug, but I have learned first hand the power of words. Just letting a friend know you are "available" to them means the world to a person who is hurting.

 

[fillmup]

Words are very powerful, which means we should be very careful in how we use them. Words can cause pain and anguish or love and lust. They should not be played with casually. Everyone should put themselves into the position of the listener, how will the words be interpreted?

Someone say's "I love you!" Does that mean as a sibling? A child? I want to spend my life with you? Or I'm just lusting for your body? Interpretation and clarity are very important!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Sometimes there are unspeakable things inside of ourselves. We have to get them out, but we can't say them. I've found that my online friends are the perfect comfort because I can say anything to them. I'm not speaking, I don't have to look them in the eye, I can let the unvarnished truth wend it's way to someone else who neither judges me nor harangues me.

Comfort can be the physical touch, human affection is an undeniable need and force. However, touch doesn't mean connection. Human connection is more rare and infinitely more valuable. You don't need to see each other to connect with each other since words, our very basis of communication, is the foundation that human connection is based on.

 

[Black_Bird]

Comfort can be the physical touch, human affection is an undeniable need and force. However, touch doesn't mean connection. Human connection is more rare and infinitely more valuable. You don't need to see each other to connect with each other since words, our very basis of communication, is the foundation that human connection is based on.

Yes... that is important, isn't it. I wouldn't say that words are our basis for communication, but you are right; Communication is key to connected with another human being.

Thank you... I still wish there was someway to e-mail a hug, though.

 

[Jimi]

Re: e-mailing hugs

Yes... that is important, isn't it. I wouldn't say that words are our basis for communication, but you are right; Communication is key to connected with another human being.

Thank you... I still wish there was someway to e-mail a hug, though.

It can be done... I've given and received... Just say what you feel from your heart - It worked for me - as has been said already, heartfelt, carefully chosen words ARE very powerful...

You are a bright, articulate man - Go for it, Dude!

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Re: e-mailing hugs

It can be done... I've given and received... Just say what you feel from your heart - It worked for me - as has been said already, heartfelt, carefully chosen words ARE very powerful...

You are a bright, articulate man - Go for it, Dude!

Pictures sometimes say it "louder" as well! Try sending photos of various types of "hugs"; it works wonders for me when there are no arms to hold me!

 

[cymbidia]

As some know, my world fell apart in December.
It was all out in public, here, too.

I'm not sure i could have gotten through the really bad part of it in such good shape, relatively speaking, without the "just words on a computer screen" help and love and support and care and tenderness and confort from friends and acquaintences and strangers alike.

They made a *real* difference in my life, those "just words".

No, the words were not a hug, not a shoulder, not another set of eyes crying with me, at least not that i could see or hear or touch in an everyday life manner. But they cried with me, nonetheless. They hugged me and rocked me and held me while i wept and ached and felt as lost as i've ever been.

Those "just words" kept the dark terror of betrayal and lonliness at bay, and offered enough honest support, caring, and understanding that i could simply concentrate on breathing, one breath after another after another, while the pain was so bad i didn't know how i could still be breathing at all.

We offer bits of our souls to each other here.

We offer bits of our ultimate reality.

We offer the simple truth that none of us is alone. Not really. Not while our minds and hearts and thoughts and wishes and care can span the cold emptiness of the slipstream, one person to another, and draw us together.

Yes, words are incredibly powerful. Shared experiences are powerful bridges between people, whether they be of joy and laughter or soul-wrenching pain. Using our powerful words to offer human sharing (my pain knows yours, my happiness recognizes yours) increases the strength of the emotional bonds between us.

We become friends via our words.
Here as much as anywhere.

 

[Guest]

Sometimes, words, are all I need.
Just knowing the person has taken time out of life, to care, to type those words, means so much.
Offer what you can and I'm sure it will be appreciated.

 

[Black_Bird]

Yes, words are incredibly powerful. Shared experiences are powerful bridges between people, whether they be of joy and laughter or soul-wrenching pain. Using our powerful words to offer human sharing (my pain knows yours, my happiness recognizes yours) increases the strength of the emotional bonds between us.

We become friends via our words.
Here as much as anywhere.

Again, I have to smile.

Being there just to listen really is enough to sooth those little pangs in one's chest... or worse.

I don't know why, but more and more I'm contimplating friendship - what it means to be a friend... *Shrugs* Perhaps its just one of those things that I never really thought of before.

Thank you, Cym.

 

[Dhalgren]

In general..I find myself remaining distant online *because* it’s so powerful..

The utter intimacy of someone knowing your soul through your exact words…through our magick TV’s, can indeed be more detailed…more powerful than knowing someone in RL

I agree with KM. In real life we have certain walls we’ve all built up.******* we are more free because it’s less embarrassing to bear your soul if the person listening/reading.. isn’t watching you do it.


On Lit..I have a few very close friends. People whom know my name and intimate details of my life. People who I care very deeply for.

You know who you are..thank you for being in existence for the entire World.


It's not hard to caress a soul with one's words..it's the courage to open up and accept it.

 

[Calamity Jane]

even in my offline life, i'm not one to easily accept a touch offered in comfort. so to me, the words on the screen, sincerely offered are enough. to know that someone cares enough to take a moment from their day and think of me is a comfort. to know that they wanted to put their thoughts in writing, into something concrete and permanent is beyond comfort.

one can do more with words, communicate more effectively through thought, offer sincere and heartfelt sympathy that can be revisited by the person they're offered to. touch can't be revisited, can't be cherished like an old letter worn soft with age and reading.

 

[Cheyenne]

I agree with KM. In real life we have certain walls we’ve all built up.******* we are more free because it’s less embarrassing to bear your soul if the person listening/reading.. isn’t watching you do it.

Yes, this is very true. I had come bad news yesterday and the few people I told, I mostly told online. Even the ones in my RL, they got emails from me. It was easier than saying the words. I told just a couple people by phone, and with one of them, I could only get one sentence out before I was crying.

The words on a screen from people offering comfort do help. They help even more when they come from people I consider friends.

 

[bluespoke]

It is said that actions speak louder than words.

Volume, however, is not always what we are after.

Quietly spoken, or thoughtfully written words of comfort and exhortation are often as appreciated than bear hugs.

On line, we only have the words. Their use then become more important and need to be more carefuly thought out.
...................................................................................

'My task which I am trying to achieve is by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel - it is, before, all to make you see'.
Joseph Conrad

 

[Silverlily]

Words may not have a comforting physical aspect, but words can redirect thoughts. Sometimes, pain can be so overwhelming, you can see nothing but. A note from a friend may be all it takes to help you focus on something else, giving that moment to recollect and recharge.

Other times, it is immensely comforting to know someone else has felt the same way you do, that you're not alone.

 

[Jimi]

A Beautiful truth...

Words may not have a comforting physical aspect, but words can redirect thoughts. Sometimes, pain can be so overwhelming, you can see nothing but. A note from a friend may be all it takes to help you focus on something else, giving that moment to recollect and recharge.

Other times, it is immensely comforting to know someone else has felt the same way you do, that you're not alone.

Lovely words, lovely lady - Both true.

 

[Guest]

*BUMP*

 

[krista_kisses]

you can still listen and say the same things you would in person. AND you can also change the subject, get there mind on something happier!

 

[Mensa]

It's always worth the effort.

Sometimes, words are all we have.

Sometimes, words are all we need.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

The best you can.

Whether that means calling, or caring and doing things.

I hate being far away from people when that happens.

And Muff when you write a book, I better get a copy. Fucking brilliant muff.

 

[cymbidia]

Online, i've been comforted and offered comfort.
I've been held and rocked and people have cried with me and screamed for me. I've offered that to others.

You comfort an online friend in the same way you comfort any friend: you are there for them. You listen. You ache. You offer a sympathetic ear. Sometimes, if its appropriate, you offer advice. You cry with your friend when things are bad and smile with them when things are better. You scold them if they need it and praise them when it's earned. You wear your heart on your sleeve for your friend, online or not, so they don't have to guess that you care about them.

None of us has to have the undeniable comfort a flesh-to-flesh hug can provide in order to offer the emotional equivalent to our online friends, do we? If that wonderful hug isn't a thing we can offer them, then we simply go about offering that comfort and care in another way.

In the end, its all about the quality of emotional links we forge with others, slipstream or everyday life, is it not?

 

[Dhalgren]

In the end, its all about the quality of emotional links we forge with others, slipstream or everyday life, is it not?

Yes...absolutely.

There is something magickal about these here copper wires…I’m absolutely certain of it.

How often have you seen somebody almost everyday and still never have the same connection with them as you do with somebody you’ve only met online?

 

[LukkyKnight]

What can one do with words?

Again, I have to smile.

Being there just to listen really is enough to sooth those little pangs in one's chest... or worse.

I don't know why, but more and more I'm contimplating friendship - what it means to be a friend... *Shrugs* Perhaps its just one of those things that I never really thought of before.

Thank you, Cym.

One reaches out, one says "I noticed, I cared, you matter enough for me to remind you that we have something in common, and that I value you."

One can do the same things one's done up to that point - one can be there, communicating, sharing, and feeling. One can TRY - one can see here in the board and in the responses in this thread that it works.