How do the eyes speak ?

[Shadowsdream]

When I am interviewing a new sub I watch for the changes in the eyes.

I almost never meet anyone I have not spoken to online or by telephone for many months. Spoken to..not Dominated..I do not Dominate subs I do not own..*******...ever.

The first meeting flesh to flesh is always calm for Me but generally nerve wracking for them. * I have no idea why, I really am very sweet!* ~~~grin~~~

I make immediate eye contact and hold it. Watching for the excitement that makes the eyes wild and clear...I watch for the eyes to drop respectfully without thought and to come back to Me soft and content.

If I see both the sharp and the soft eyes My interest increases.

I am interested in how both submissives and Dominants read eyes and what they may be looking for.

 

[Merelan]

I work with a woman who switches. Not that she has told me this, but I know.
When she is dominant, her eyes meet you cooly, her poise is calm and collected. She is in control. Her eyes don't leave your face as you talk, as if they see into you. At times like that I get a bit flustered.

But, when she is submissive, in her "mellow" stage the others call it, her eyes drop as she speaks, she seems more timid. If you see her eyes they even seem lighter in color then when she is dominate.

Wonder if she knows this? She must, she lives the lifestyle. And you all that do know everything.

wink.....

 

[Ebonyfire]

I dunno,

I guess the eyes do not mean quite that much to me. I am more concerned with behaviour over time. Some people do not interview well, so I trust my gut (intuition). If I feel that we have a basis for exploration, then I pursue it.


Ebony

 

[tassie]

when He wears his dark glasses and i cannot see his eyes i get nervous (good nervous, but still nervous!) the eyes say so much. but i take him very seriously when he is like that.

He says my eyes are my best feature, like there is another world happening behind them. He doesnt like me to be blindfolded for that reason. He can see my eyes and I can't see his. it's lovely.

 

[Cirrus]

What drew me to my Dom was his eyes. They were so kind and expressive, puppy dog-ish, but every now and then there a little bit of a "bad boy" glint in them. I was right on.

I, if I'm not blindfolded or facing away from him, can tell what he's thinking during our play just by looking at his eyes. He just gets this intense look softened by a little bit of that heavy lidded, passion clouded expression I'm sure we all know that tells me that he is in control, but I am safe. Even when we're doing it 'nilla style, there's one look that just says "this feels so good and I love you so much" that just makes me melt.

 

[Quint]

Both of "The Looks" that I crave during play are mostly captured in the eyes, but would not be nearly as effective without the rest of the facial expression and body stance. Hunny's Look is very dark, almost malicious--though that's not quite the right word. It's almost like a smirk, but with a little more intensity. It's always accompanied by the "I know you want it just as much as you know it" smirk (yes, there it is), and his body is leaning forward in anticipation. Cat got the cream, perhaps.

The other Look I have yet to see but I picture it very clearly. It's not for the weak of ego, for sure. The first Look promises dark pleasures; this one doesn't know if I'm worth the time. The eyes contain annoyance, tolerance, an edge of disgust; the mouth is tightened, as if in distaste. The body is held upright away from me. This is the one I fear and crave. I feel the most challenged here, the most called-upon to prove myself and suffer more than I would normally. I like it.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I can always tell when Master is ready to play by the look in his eyes. He has the most wonderful dark brown eyes that can go from puppy dog sweet to commanding / controlling. I swear his eyes even twinkle when he's in a playfully silly mood. However, when he's in Master mode, his eyes have a command quality that just tells me he's the Master.

I think sometimes he likes to switch looks on me just to be sure I'm paying attention. We'll be chatting away as hubby and wife, then all of a sudden....BAM! His eyes are telling me "I'm the Master, you WILL do as I say" It really has a tendancy to melt me right to the core and make my knees feel all weak. I love it.

Just my humble opinion.

edited to remove redundancy...its late and I'm spent....hehe

 

[mskittykatt]

i had a very interesting experiance not to long ago with this. i live in a very small town, there is one "dance club."

i decided to go out dancing with a friend one night and ran across a guy who's energy sent shivers down my spine. he didn't see me at first, he was out with two other women. His attention was very much theirs.

one of them seemed to be very intuned with him, the other a bit distracted but she seemed to almost be competing for his attention.

i was sure almost at first glance that he was most definately a Dom, but later in the evening we made eye contact on the dance floor and HE looked down, and away. it actually frustrated me a little - all i did was grin at him...perhaps it was my eyes that told to much? hehehe oh well.

on a side note, my honey's eyes can tell so much more sometimes then any words will be able to and it's a great comfort, especially lately when other forms of expression are limited that i have the love, knowlege and security i see there.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Quint


your reply mirrors so much the way My slave feels...the more intense My look..the angrier, disinterested..disgusted..bored..etc that I appear the more submissive he becomes.

I know he feels relief at My soft eyes but prefers the hardness to take his breath away.

 

[zipperdiva]

Physiology

The old saying is the eyes are the mirror to the soul. I find many people are unable to keep direct eye contact. I think it has a bearing on self confidence, age, experience and mostly the ability to be completely comfortable with our own vulnerability.

When someone speaks or I speak to another person, I expect eye contact. In my opinion, any other stance is rude. Eye contact is one way we communicate our ability and desire to hear another person.

Also, the physiology of eyes easily revels emotions and especially sexual attraction or excitement. Eye dilation is an excellent meter. I believe studying physiology and eye movement is absolutely a fabulous skill to have as a top.

LOL...and my children (leather kids) wonder how Momma always knows....

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Physiology

The old saying is the eyes are the mirror to the soul. I find many people are unable to keep direct eye contact. I think it has a bearing on self confidence, age, experience and mostly the ability to be completely comfortable with our own vulnerability.


Not necessarily. You may have forgotten to consider cultural differences. Where I come from it is considered very rude to give prolonged eye contact. It is often considered aggressive behaviour. When I was younger, it often led to fights.

There are many cultures where eye contact is not approved of.

Ebony

 

[zipperdiva]

eye contact

You have brought up a very good point. I can only speak from my point of view. I was brought up with germanic sentiments and values and I live in the states. It is difficult to cover all cultural norms. We'd have to seat ourselves in a never ending conversation on how to properly hand someone a business cards (example). Here, we simply hand it in any manner we choose. In another culture, a small tray would be necessary. In still another we would need to hold each end using two hands, if we did not attempt this in Japan we'd certainly be thought of as assuming and pompous.

While I have lived in Europe and am reasonably well traveled and mannered (meaning I assume the manners of the country I visit), please assume I am only speaking as an american woman. I shall leave the explanation of manners and tastes in other countries to those who are certainly better versed than I.

 

[cymbidia]

I'm pretty much an eye-contact kinda woman, regardless of the situation.

As sub, though, i often deliberately and consciously seek eye contact with my dominant. In scene, if not hooded or blindfolded or unable to see my dominant's face in some other fashion, i crave the intensity and power of the emotion that passes from him to me, and back, and back to me again. It tries to consume itself, that intensity, but there's always more to feed the ravening hunger. It builds to a crescendo and releases slightly, then builds again, then releases a little, and then builds again. It carries me and drowns me and strokes my need in a primal manner. It's a tsunami and an earthquake and a tornado all in one.

I feel all that as he breathes against my skin and hear it in his words as we interact - but mostly, i see it in his eyes. It's why i do what i do, why i must do what i do for and with him. That wild heated need shining out to me from his eyes, from his brain and heart and soul is my essence, it's me at my most honest and basic. It's my definition, my preferred place in the world.

I react and respond to the expressions i see in his eyes at other times, always. I look for them, i seek them out, and I heed them. When in scene, though, i feed on the intensity of the expressions i can see in his eyes when in scene.

In my normal everyday life, the eyes of those against whom i share moments give me clues, too...
...but it's never as true and real and deep as it is when in scene with a dominant who holds my submission and for whom i care.

I seek my meaning as a submissive in the eyes of my dominant.
I always have.
It is my way.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: eye contact

You have brought up a very good point. I can only speak from my point of view. I was brought up with germanic sentiments and values and I live in the states. It is difficult to cover all cultural norms. We'd have to seat ourselves in a never ending conversation on how to properly hand someone a business cards (example). Here, we simply hand it in any manner we choose. In another culture, a small tray would be necessary. In still another we would need to hold each end using two hands, if we did not attempt this in Japan we'd certainly be thought of as assuming and pompous.

While I have lived in Europe and am reasonably well traveled and mannered (meaning I assume the manners of the country I visit), please assume I am only speaking as an american woman. I shall leave the explanation of manners and tastes in other countries to those who are certainly better versed than I.

I think that is why I mentioned it. I try to be careful before assigning some kind of lack of sincerity on a sub because they do not have a lot of eye contact. I try to find other methods of gauging sincerity other than eye contact. As a person of color, I find all kinds of assumptions are made about me because of the lack of knowledge about my cultural and/or ethnic background.

Ebony

 

[Never]

Re: Re: Physiology

Ebonyfire: [/i]
"Not necessarily. You may have forgotten to consider cultural differences. Where I come from it is considered very rude to give prolonged eye contact. It is often considered aggressive behaviour. When I was younger, it often led to fights.

There are many cultures where eye contact is not approved of.

Ebony" [/B][/QUOTE]

I've had the same experience Ebony. Maddoging was quite prevalent in the schools I attended and almost always lead to violent exchanges. In fact, if another student reported you or a teacher caught you Maddoging you could be removed from class or reprimanded.

Zipperdiva, a person does not have to be from outside the states in order to find that type of behavior uncomfortable. I've heard it labeled hostile from DARE officers, in school assemblies, and in a martial arts class I was in. If you have a pet try looking them in the eye for a prolonged period, I've seen both dogs and cats become nervous.

 

[zipperdiva]

Eye Contact

I see we all have differing opinions on this which is not a bad thing.

Eye contact, and my opinions on it, are simply my own. I like looking into people, not at them. I know some folks get very uncomfortable at times. Many times it is because they are not used to the directness, the intimacy or as one put it having such attention paid to them.

Intimacy and feelings don't frighten me in the least. I believe that's part of why I subscribe to eye contact. I couldn't imagine not making eye contact when engaged in a one on one conversation. I like the depth, I like seeing this person. As to being aggressive, I believe if you look gently (if you will) that will communicate itself. Interestingly enough, when I have spoken to folks about their feelings regarding it we got down to brass tacks. What came out of it was they feared eye contact due to fear and insecurity. They feared someone would see the inside, judge it, not like it and they'd be rejected. I think that is true of some people.

Eye contact is simply my preference- your mileage may naturally vary.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Eye Contact

I see we all have differing opinions on this which is not a bad thing.

Eye contact, and my opinions on it, are simply my own. I like looking into people, not at them. I know some folks get very uncomfortable at times. Many times it is because they are not used to the directness, the intimacy or as one put it having such attention paid to them. Eye contact is simply my preference- your mileage may naturally vary.

Again, my point was that, some people have other reasons other than fear of intimacy, or directness or even attention when it comes to their reaction to prolonged eye contact. As for preferences, I was not attacking or addressing that at all.

Ebony

 

[areacode613]

Shadows dream Knows~!

This is one of the most provocative posts I have seen on lit, and tells me that Shadowsdreeam is indeed the real thing, it is in my humble opinion the eyes always, that I watch, the glazed look , that tells me they are in my trance, nothing else but the eyes's, hats off, few have hit so close as this, some things are beyond words, and when brought to words, magic,....just maGIC, the eyes have it, You are without a doubt, "THE REAL THING" From one to another , mAGIC IS MAGIC. "Peace'

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Master and I had an interesting conversation about this very thing last night. He tells me that he loves the look I get in my eyes when he gives me an order. He tells me that it's a real turn on for him. He couldn't put adequate words to it, but said that he could tell from the look I get that I'm doing what he tells me to please him and that I'm happy to do so.

I assured him that my desire to please isn't just because he's Master....its also because of my love for him.

I hope that makes sense....hard to discribe a look in someones eyes unless you've seen it for yourself.

 

[morninggirl5]

Okay, now with some recent experience, i feel better about sticking my two cents into this thread.

I get uneasy when someone won't meet my eyes. I had a professor that wouldn't look me in the eye and she was my absolute least favorite. I hated to have a conference with her.

When a man won't meet my eyes, i start to wonder what's going on. It makes me uncomfortable not to see the expressions in his eyes.


Ihave very expressive eyes, i've had waiters say they can see my emotions in my eyes. My eyes are the window to my soul, if i'm willing to share that with someone, i want them to share with me as well.

 

[cellis]

Himself constantly tells me he loves to watch my eyes, that they window my every feeling.

He can tell at one glance how I am feeling, what is going on with me.

And I love looking into his eyes, just as he does mine.

There is a connection of the souls between us at times. (I know that is kind of corny, but it is true.)

 

[areacode613]

not corny

Not corny at all cellis, and for me this has been the bigest turn on with bdsm. It brings people together so tightly, pardon the pun. It takes such a level of trust to play at this level, that it deepns our emotions I think. I have found that our lovemaking has become very intense, and looking into each others eyes has become a big part of that, and a turn on for us both, nothing like cumming together deep in anothers gaze. Life can be filled with such intoxicating moments, to bad we have to wade through the other 14 days in between eh!

 

[Mr Blonde]

I am interested in how both submissives and Dominants read eyes and what they may be looking for.

I am more interested in general body language rather than just the eyes, but I can think of a few noticeable things.

• glancing away, then quickly looking back
• shifting gaze into space, almost bracing themselves for what is to come
• open eyes wide and then letting them go back to normal
• exaggerated blinking, as if they are processing some information
• eyes glaze over (without looking away) before returning to clear and focused
• wincing or squinting

What am I looking for? I want to know that I am registering my desired effect on the submissive while also making sure she is still "with" me. It is a subtle indication of what is happening and probably took me a good 5-10 years of actively watching people to become proficient (but not perfect) with reading body language.

 

[Netzach]

They tell me a lot. But usually only after observing a person in general for a while.

I like to know the norms of *their* body language and evaluate things based off those norms, not some paradigm in my head.

M's eyes usually close completely in a scene, beatifically if happy, scrunched and agonized if pushed, but in a good quasi-orgasmic way.

G's get milky-blue and high, the pupils dilated, almost fearful and rarely close.

B drops hers when she gets submissive, in a very girlish, knowing, but shy way.

I never make a sub look away nor look at me. I like to see what his/her body inherently wants to do.

 

[Shadowsdream]

They tell me a lot. But usually only after observing a person in general for a while.

I like to know the norms of *their* body language and evaluate things based off those norms, not some paradigm in my head.

M's eyes usually close completely in a scene, beatifically if happy, scrunched and agonized if pushed, but in a good quasi-orgasmic way.

G's get milky-blue and high, the pupils dilated, almost fearful and rarely close.

B drops hers when she gets submissive, in a very girlish, knowing, but shy way.

I never make a sub look away nor look at me. I like to see what his/her body inherently wants to do.

I think *Body Language* would make a lovely new thread for One can also read where a sub or a Dominant is simply by stance and body position.

There is something in the softness of eyes that attracts Me to a submissive, although it is not always there when it appears at the least expected time I am almost mesmerized with wondering more about them.