How do i win her heart back?

[ritz2therubble]

Hi my name is Jeff, i have a little big problem im hoping everyone could give me advise on.

My girlfriend (will call her Cat) and I have been going out for 11 months now, but recently ( past 2 weeks) we have been fighting and i have been feeling jealous, depressed, and just chock full of feelings i never had until she left for college (she is an hour away). Finally last night she came out and told me she wasnt in love with me anymore, she said it is a feeling she has felt for over a month now. She tells me how she was in love with me for about 7 of those months but lately hasnt felt like what we had before is still there.

She also speaks of wanting to see other people to figure out if she does in fact love me. I do everything for this girl, i spend a lot of money on her, and i give her almost all of my free time, though not much of my free time now that she is in college. I do love her, i love her so much ive been sick for the past week and just stressed beyond belief. I want to win her back.

My girlfriend and I have never had a great amount in common (or so she says), but i make for it by being a great guy to be with, im funny, i like to do new things with her ive never done before. I disagree with her saying we dont have much in common. The one thing we do have in common that i think made her fall in love with me originally is that we think exactly the same on a subliminal level and share the same ideals in life.

Before she went to college she always wanted me by her side, the sex has always been amazing (though she is reluctant to try new things) but now her being away she doesnt really want me around. I feel like im the one calling and making arrangements to hang out. Ive got a pretty good feeling i need to make her miss me and just kinda not call her and not do these things.

Lastly she is talking about this guy John, she tells me how great he is, how much fun he is, and how much they have in common. The other night she got really drunk and she stayed at his house. She even says she slept on a bed. I didnt push for specifics like did he sleep in the same bed with you or did you have your friends around, or did he make a move on you. It is clear that he is making a move on her. I trust her more than any other person though and i know that if something did happen between them she would tell me, if something did she would ruin what i feel for her im pretty sure, at least at this time where were having so many problems and im just an emotional wreck. She expressed that she doesnt have any sexual or emotional feelings for him but that he is a "cool" guy, last night we were watching a movie and she HAD to get up and tell him after the wreck she knows i am about something he was right about occuring in the movie.

In short i love her to death, i want to win her back. We broke up last night for about an hour because she told me that she wants to see if she will miss me, but it absolutely crushes me that she would want to break up after so long and when there is nothing wrong between us that is detrimental to a relationship. I had a conversation with a friend earlier and i told him that this is what I am afraid will happen. Ive treated her better than any other guy before. her dad is a basterd and has struck her before, she has been cheated on, artifically cared for, lied to, and generally had assholes for boyfriends. Again not to sound cocky, ive never been like that to her, its just not who I am and its not how any guy should conduct himself.

She wants the college life, deep down she loves me (thats what she tells me), but this is new, she wants to experience new things. So we break up and she hooks up with a few guys, maybe even bangs one. Then it wont be new, a month from now she will be doing the same thing she has... drinking and hookin up with guys. But like i said deep down she loves me so now she wants me back. She tells me how she wants to see me again and blah blah blah. I dont think i could take her back, at that point it would hurt her more than it will me because she will know it was her fault and i dont want it to come to that.....

 

[WriterDom]

The best thing you can do is to walk away and let her live her own life. It's going to eat you alive if you don't and any attempts to win her back is just going to push her away from you.

 

[Neo030]

I totally agree with Writer Dom. This WILL eat you alive, it's really really hard, i know as i have personally gone through something like this.
The Best thing you can do for her and more importantly for yourself is to let go, and perhaps experiance some things of your own.

Best Wishes

 

[SimpleGifts]

Keep in mind all the possibilities that you have in front of you. Right now, she is your world, but there really are so many things waiting for you...and sometimes you have to leave a few things behind that are meaningful in order to get to those new experiences that will help you.

The most important point is, there is no way to win her back. She has to choose to come back on her own. She knows you're a great guy. She knows what you have to offer. For whatever reason, she has decided that she needs something different from what you offer--not necessarily better, but different. And it is her right to decide that, no matter how ill-advised you think her decision may be.

I'm sorry. Take it from yet another who has been there and done that...letting go of someone whom you love deeply is one of the most difficult things to do. But it can be the greatest gesture of love to recognize that perhaps you are not the best one for her right now, and let her find her own way. You will come out on the other side stronger and more sure of yourself for doing the right thing...and that will make you a better person for whomever is waiting for you on the other side, whether that turns out to be her or someone else.

As I said to someone who was, and is, very dear to me...love can be like a fairy tale. And like any fairy tale, you really can live happily ever after. You just have to remember that you may end up living happily ever after with other people.

Bon courage.

SG

 

[SweetErika]

I'm sorry you're hurting, Jeff.

It sounds like it's time for you to face the reality that there IS something wrong with this relationship: she doesn't want to continue in the same capacity she has in the past.

Every one of the actions you've listed screams 'I WANT TO BREAK UP' to me. She's tried telling you in words, and now she's trying to make you get it with actions like calling John during your time together and telling you all about him. I'd bet that on some level, she's trying to hurt you enough for you to get the message that she wants to explore herself and her options; if you continue to not get it and pursue her, her behavior will escalate until you're finally so hurt that you're forced to accept it. Think about what you would do if a girl kept pursuing you after you told her you wanted to break up. All you could do is try to make her see the light, right?

You may be the best partner ever, but women who seek out assholes are addicts; as such, they have to "hit bottom" after they've been hurt enough, and then consciously choose to seek out a different type of partner. I'm a recovering asshole addict, and even though I've not been involved with one for close to a decade, I still struggle with attraction to them and the feeling that my very nice husband isn't right for me on some level, even though we've been together happily for many years.

In short, give her the space she's seeking. It's what she wants and needs right now, and if you truly love her, you'll honor that, even if it's the hardest thing you've ever done. Take the opportunity to learn about yourself and explore your options - there are likely many people who are as good as, or even a better matches than this girl is out there waiting to discover you. That 'one soulmate/perfect person' idea is utter crap that people buy into to comfort themselves.

This may just be the natural end of your relationship, or it could simply be the break you both need to figure out that you're meant for each other longer-term. If you force it (which is what you're doing now), you'll likely ruin your chances of ever having something good together, so let it go and evolve into whatever it will naturally.

The pain you're feeling now will pass in time if you commit to living in the present and looking toward the future. Give yourself that gift, and you'll be fine.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Dump her, let her go back to being a cock socket for any quasi-Alpha male with a nice car, then pick her up on the rebound. Or, better yet, dump her, find a new girl and forget about her altogether.

 

[photo_chick]

Dump her, let her go back to being a cock socket

You're a fucking asshole.

A girl who is young enough to just be entering college wants to not be tied down to one relationship and is interested in exploring dating other men. She's been mature enough to tell this guy in a nice way that she wants to date other people and she doesn't think she loves him. Yet you call her what? A "cock-socket"? Yup. Prime, grade-a fuckhead asshole.

Jeff - to answer your question, it appears that you're both very young. Believe me that many more women will come into your life and even though it feels right now like this is the only girl for you, she isn't. Maybe she will date other people and will come back to you. Maybe not. But don't put your life on hold for her. Mourn the loss of a relationship you cherished, let it end on good terms, and move on with your life.

 

[fire_breeze]

It's going to sound harsh, but you can't win her back.
As everyone above me said, let her go, end on good terms, mourn what you had and then move on. WriterDom said it best:

The best thing you can do is to walk away and let her live her own life. It's going to eat you alive if you don't and any attempts to win her back is just going to push her away from you.

Such is college life...

 

[Homburg]

You may be the best partner ever, but women who seek out assholes are addicts; as such, they have to "hit bottom" after they've been hurt enough, and then consciously choose to seek out a different type of partner. I'm a recovering asshole addict, and even though I've not been involved with one for close to a decade, I still struggle with attraction to them and the feeling that my very nice husband isn't right for me on some level, even though we've been together happily for many years.

Erika is spot on here. "w" had this problem. While I am a grade-a alpha-male asshole at times, I treated her like gold (and still do). She said numerous times that I was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and then others times she would say "You're too good to me" and she meant it.

Knowing her past, I would think she'd hit bottom, a couple of times. But it won't sink in until she's ready for it to sink in.

Jeff, bro, you're young. There will be plenty more. Let her go, as she is going to go anyway, and at least you can part on good terms. Who knows, maybe she'll grow up and realise her errors, eh?

 

[KokopelliRises]

With the exception of a few details I could have been that girl. The one thing is that I chose to leave my high school boyfriend when I went off to college and it has made a world of difference to me. It left me free to pursue a more free lifestyle and to discover my true self. I would not begrudge your girlfriend this if you really care about her. Sometimes caring also means letting go.

As they say: If you love someone, set them free. If they don't return it was never meant to be. If they do, love them forever.

 

[Dragonet]

Well, she pretty much summed up what I was going to say, but I wanted to put in my thoughts anyhow.

I've been in that situation dude. Almost exactly. In fact, reading it brought up some hardcore feelings I haven't had in awhile. The moral of the story is, as quoted above... If you let someone go and they come back... they're all yours. For instance the relationship I spoke of, I actually just hung out with my "high school love" last night. We have a great friendship, and I enjoy the time I spend with her, although... a year and a half ago it would have been just too painful.

I know it hurts like hell, trust me man, I know. But what while we were separated for a year (i told her off and we didn't speak at all) I realized that by trying and trying to get her back and jumping through hoops and this and that, believe me i tried every trick in the book; I was only hurting myself, and her even more.

After rambling about my past.. haha - Simply put bro, my high school love came back to me after almost 2 years. I know how you feel, but take it from someone who has been in the EXACT same position, LET HER GO. You're probably too good of a guy and rare (us good guys are, ya know.) to let some other wonderful girl miss you because you're too upset of this one. Everything happens for a reason, and even though it may not be evident now, trust me. A year or two from now, you may look at the whole situation differently.

Wow. That turned out alot longer than I had anticipated. Sorry for the long winds - GOOD LUCK MY MAN!

-Drag-

 

[Dragonet]

Well Said

As they say: If you love someone, set them free. If they don't return it was never meant to be. If they do, love them forever.

Well, she pretty much summed up what I was going to say, but I wanted to put in my thoughts anyhow.

I've been in that situation dude. Almost exactly. In fact, reading it brought up some hardcore feelings I haven't had in awhile. The moral of the story is, as quoted above... If you let someone go and they come back... they're all yours. For instance the relationship I spoke of, I actually just hung out with my "high school love" last night. We have a great friendship, and I enjoy the time I spend with her, although... a year and a half ago it would have been just too painful.

I know it hurts like hell, trust me man, I know. But what while we were separated for a year (i told her off and we didn't speak at all) I realized that by trying and trying to get her back and jumping through hoops and this and that, believe me i tried every trick in the book; I was only hurting myself, and her even more.

After rambling about my past.. haha - Simply put bro, my high school love came back to me after almost 2 years. I know how you feel, but take it from someone who has been in the EXACT same position, LET HER GO. You're probably too good of a guy and rare (us good guys are, ya know.) to let some other wonderful girl miss you because you're too upset of this one. Everything happens for a reason, and even though it may not be evident now, trust me. A year or two from now, you may look at the whole situation differently.

Wow. That turned out alot longer than I had anticipated. Sorry for the long winds - GOOD LUCK MY MAN!

-Drag-

 

[Mansa Musa]

You're a fucking asshole.

A girl who is young enough to just be entering college wants to not be tied down to one relationship and is interested in exploring dating other men. She's been mature enough to tell this guy in a nice way that she wants to date other people and she doesn't think she loves him. Yet you call her what? A "cock-socket"? Yup. Prime, grade-a fuckhead asshole.

Jeff - to answer your question, it appears that you're both very young. Believe me that many more women will come into your life and even though it feels right now like this is the only girl for you, she isn't. Maybe she will date other people and will come back to you. Maybe not. But don't put your life on hold for her. Mourn the loss of a relationship you cherished, let it end on good terms, and move on with your life.

She went to the other guy´s house, got drunk and slept over. If she cared even a whit about her boyfriend´s feelings, as a grown adult woman she should have broken up with him ASAP. There shouldn´t have been some sort of bullshit "I wanna see other guys so that I´ll know if I´m in love with you but I´ll come back to you if it doesn´t work out." proposal. As far as I can figure out by the information given, she´s been using him as a placeholder boyfriend. She doesn´t see him as a human being, just as a quota-filler for the part of her brain that says "You should have a boyfriend." I used harsh language as a spur for the OP, to get out of that situation. Unless they´re involved in some type of "open relationship", there´s no reason for either member of a couple to place themselves in a position of potential infidelity.

 

[SouthernDom]

I'm sorry you're hurting, Jeff.

It sounds like it's time for you to face the reality that there IS something wrong with this relationship: she doesn't want to continue in the same capacity she has in the past.

Every one of the actions you've listed screams 'I WANT TO BREAK UP' to me. She's tried telling you in words, and now she's trying to make you get it with actions like calling John during your time together and telling you all about him. I'd bet that on some level, she's trying to hurt you enough for you to get the message that she wants to explore herself and her options; if you continue to not get it and pursue her, her behavior will escalate until you're finally so hurt that you're forced to accept it. Think about what you would do if a girl kept pursuing you after you told her you wanted to break up. All you could do is try to make her see the light, right?

You may be the best partner ever, but women who seek out assholes are addicts; as such, they have to "hit bottom" after they've been hurt enough, and then consciously choose to seek out a different type of partner. I'm a recovering asshole addict, and even though I've not been involved with one for close to a decade, I still struggle with attraction to them and the feeling that my very nice husband isn't right for me on some level, even though we've been together happily for many years.

In short, give her the space she's seeking. It's what she wants and needs right now, and if you truly love her, you'll honor that, even if it's the hardest thing you've ever done. Take the opportunity to learn about yourself and explore your options - there are likely many people who are as good as, or even a better matches than this girl is out there waiting to discover you. That 'one soulmate/perfect person' idea is utter crap that people buy into to comfort themselves.

This may just be the natural end of your relationship, or it could simply be the break you both need to figure out that you're meant for each other longer-term. If you force it (which is what you're doing now), you'll likely ruin your chances of ever having something good together, so let it go and evolve into whatever it will naturally.

The pain you're feeling now will pass in time if you commit to living in the present and looking toward the future. Give yourself that gift, and you'll be fine.

SweetErika has nailed it...........great advice!

 

[ritz2therubble]

What i dont understand is we have been having an amazing time, she was more addicted to me than her. she begged... BEGGED me every day to be with her. Then she goes to college and she doesnt want to be in the same room as me. To give a bit more insight on why i want to go out with her still is because we had this LONG talk and i basically came to the conclusion i was neglecting her because she wanted me all the time, i mean how can you really need someone in your life if your connected at the hip? You dont need something if its always there, she was working everyday and all i did was put her to bed and give her back massages (she has a broken back or i wouldnt have done it all the time) We never talked about the stuff we used too and i was to be honest... boring myself just as much as i was her. I felt bad to say no when she wanted to hang out over the summer, now i wish i had. But anyway im heeding most of your guys advise, its what ive partially come to the conclusion of and what other friends have said to me. Were still going out at the moment, but were on dating terms.... Im not going to ask her to hang out unless she asks me, and im not gonna call her either. She needs her space, as much as it hurts.. ima try and give it to her..... And if she still wants to break up after that, well she is throwing away a lot of good things and obviously doesnt want to try and get back what we had....

Jeff

 

[Mansa Musa]

What i dont understand is we have been having an amazing time, she was more addicted to me than her. she begged... BEGGED me every day to be with her. Then she goes to college and she doesnt want to be in the same room as me. To give a bit more insight on why i want to go out with her still is because we had this LONG talk and i basically came to the conclusion i was neglecting her because she wanted me all the time, i mean how can you really need someone in your life if your connected at the hip? You dont need something if its always there, she was working everyday and all i did was put her to bed and give her back massages (she has a broken back or i wouldnt have done it all the time) We never talked about the stuff we used too and i was to be honest... boring myself just as much as i was her. I felt bad to say no when she wanted to hang out over the summer, now i wish i had. But anyway im heeding most of your guys advise, its what ive partially come to the conclusion of and what other friends have said to me. Were still going out at the moment, but were on dating terms.... Im not going to ask her to hang out unless she asks me, and im not gonna call her either. She needs her space, as much as it hurts.. ima try and give it to her..... And if she still wants to break up after that, well she is throwing away a lot of good things and obviously doesnt want to try and get back what we had....

Jeff

Good idea. I, and a few of my friends, learned the hard way to let some women go their own way. It´s hard, leaving behind a women who loves the Wu-tang Clan and old episodes of NewsRadio, but there are over 3,000,000,000 women inthe world. you can find a woman who´s compatible with you, without worrying about whether she´s going to get pumped and dumped by the local man-whore because she´s

"lonely and neded someone to make her feel like she´s wanted".

 

[SubNebGuy]

move on. she has, and she's not looking back.

she's away at college, becoming her own person, and figuring out what she wants in a mate.

plus it sounds like you two weren't that incredibly serious/not the best match to begin with. 11 months isn't that long for a 'real' relationship...high school either really.

suck it up, have a good cry, then start looking for a new love.

despite what you see in the movie, you cannot make someone love you, or win them back.

 

[subwannabe]

It's over and you are not going to "win her back". As hard as it may be it is time to move on. There is more than one fish in the ocean.

 

[miguels]

Hi my name is Jeff, i have a little big problem im hoping everyone could give me advise on.

My girlfriend (will call her Cat) and I have been going out for 11 months now, but recently ( past 2 weeks) we have been fighting and i have been feeling jealous, depressed, and just chock full of feelings i never had until she left for college (she is an hour away). Finally last night she came out and told me she wasnt in love with me anymore, she said it is a feeling she has felt for over a month now. She tells me how she was in love with me for about 7 of those months but lately hasnt felt like what we had before is still there.

She also speaks of wanting to see other people to figure out if she does in fact love me. I do everything for this girl, i spend a lot of money on her, and i give her almost all of my free time, though not much of my free time now that she is in college. I do love her, i love her so much ive been sick for the past week and just stressed beyond belief. I want to win her back.

Thats the problem you give her anything she wants YOU ARE BORING.

My girlfriend and I have never had a great amount in common (or so she says), but i make for it by being a great guy to be with, im funny, i like to do new things with her ive never done before. I disagree with her saying we dont have much in common. The one thing we do have in common that i think made her fall in love with me originally is that we think exactly the same on a subliminal level and share the same ideals in life.

Before she went to college she always wanted me by her side, the sex has always been amazing (though she is reluctant to try new things) but now her being away she doesnt really want me around. I feel like im the one calling and making arrangements to hang out. Ive got a pretty good feeling i need to make her miss me and just kinda not call her and not do these things.

Lastly she is talking about this guy John, she tells me how great he is, how much fun he is, and how much they have in common. The other night she got really drunk and she stayed at his house. She even says she slept on a bed. I didnt push for specifics like did he sleep in the same bed with you or did you have your friends around, or did he make a move on you. It is clear that he is making a move on her. I trust her more than any other person though and i know that if something did happen between them she would tell me, if something did she would ruin what i feel for her im pretty sure, at least at this time where were having so many problems and im just an emotional wreck. She expressed that she doesnt have any sexual or emotional feelings for him but that he is a "cool" guy, last night we were watching a movie and she HAD to get up and tell him after the wreck she knows i am about something he was right about occuring in the movie.

I know this going to sound rough but you need to face the music and open your mind.........shes already fucked him, no she wouldn't tell you that! that would break your heart. You are like a lot of other guys so attached to just one girl that once you she leaves u start to withdraw. if your still young get out and start meeting new girls, spin plates, do what YOU want, you should be concentrating more on school then her don't make her #1 for priorites. shit i could go on with this.

In short i love her to death, i want to win her back. We broke up last night for about an hour because she told me that she wants to see if she will miss me, but it absolutely crushes me that she would want to break up after so long and when there is nothing wrong between us that is detrimental to a relationship. I had a conversation with a friend earlier and i told him that this is what I am afraid will happen. Ive treated her better than any other guy before. her dad is a basterd and has struck her before, she has been cheated on, artifically cared for, lied to, and generally had assholes for boyfriends. Again not to sound cocky, ive never been like that to her, its just not who I am and its not how any guy should conduct himself.

She wants the college life, deep down she loves me (thats what she tells me), but this is new, she wants to experience new things. So we break up and she hooks up with a few guys, maybe even bangs one. Then it wont be new, a month from now she will be doing the same thing she has... drinking and hookin up with guys. But like i said deep down she loves me so now she wants me back. She tells me how she wants to see me again and blah blah blah. I dont think i could take her back, at that point it would hurt her more than it will me because she will know it was her fault and i dont want it to come to that.....

I agree dont' take her back fuck her and find yourself a new girl that won't fucking play head games with you. Move on to the next chapter of your life. but i want to ask you a very important question..........WHAT IF i told YOU I could OPEN your mind up to a whole........new........world would you take it? because its so obvious your mind is fully open yet when it comes to women.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Here's what works.

Tape this on your refrigerator: A WOMAN IS A PIECE OF ASS. Thats all they are. Dress em up and decorate them however you want, but the bottom-line is theyre tail.

Anytime a woman leaves its an opportunity to get a new piece of ass. On average it will take you 2 weeks to get a new relationship; but most of the time it takes a few days.

Women leave me all the time. I tolerate NO female bullshit. And I see more of them after they leave than I did before they left. I cant get rid of them.

So thank the devil for your good fortune, get some new pussy, and the other one will become a nuisance.

When you sit around and mope it confirms that you were a loser. When you get some new ass, they start doubting themselves.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

MIGUELS

All of them play headgames. Females thrive on the tension and drama. Things get a lot better when you learn to accept the reality that 'adult-female' is an oxymoron. Get your adult companionship from guys. Get your pussy from the girls.

 

[MNGuy]

She's off in college, the distance, physically and emotionally, is going to prevent you from winning her back. You can try, but the harder you try, the more pathetic you look, and actually help push her way. Sorry, but it is as good as over.

 

[ritz2therubble]

so yea i havent spoken to her in over a week now. i decided i didnt want to talk to her until she wanted to talk to me. She isnt seeing the kid John, she knows what he wants..... my friend tells me she knows he is a douche bag. But to get to the point.. and this is without giving any if at all knowledge to what is going on.. Were not talking because of what you guys said, she saw what i was doing as trying to "win" her back and "buy her heart" shit like that. i told her my intentions were pure and until she sees that i didnt want to talk to her. because i do not want pity from anyone and i have never tried to "win" anyone in that sense. I know the title says 'How do i win her heart back?' but i wanted to merely help her see what she was losing by doin this to me. Again back to the point, she is playin with my head now. When i go onto AIM she out of no where logs on. She has done a few things, she puts my name at the bottom of her profile. she leaves quotes from me on her webpage. and she just switched beds with her roommate and the one thing she made sure to put back on her bed was a ribbon that she said would remind her of me before she went to sleep. Im ignoring it all. Its all i can do, i wont talk to her until she talks to me.

oh and she has feinted twice, was in the hospital the first time and had to get stitches on her head. She was looking up some weird animal called a sugar glider? and bam went out cold, hit her head on a bed. second time she fell on her tv and scratched up her back....

 

[Winemaster]

This story reminds me...

I wanted to add that reading this post reminded me of the saying..."if you love someone, let them go....if they come back, they feel the same about you, if they don't, they are showing thier true feelings.....

 

[Mansa Musa]

so yea i havent spoken to her in over a week now. i decided i didnt want to talk to her until she wanted to talk to me. She isnt seeing the kid John, she knows what he wants..... my friend tells me she knows he is a douche bag. But to get to the point.. and this is without giving any if at all knowledge to what is going on.. Were not talking because of what you guys said, she saw what i was doing as trying to "win" her back and "buy her heart" shit like that. i told her my intentions were pure and until she sees that i didnt want to talk to her. because i do not want pity from anyone and i have never tried to "win" anyone in that sense. I know the title says 'How do i win her heart back?' but i wanted to merely help her see what she was losing by doin this to me. Again back to the point, she is playin with my head now. When i go onto AIM she out of no where logs on. She has done a few things, she puts my name at the bottom of her profile. she leaves quotes from me on her webpage. and she just switched beds with her roommate and the one thing she made sure to put back on her bed was a ribbon that she said would remind her of me before she went to sleep. Im ignoring it all. Its all i can do, i wont talk to her until she talks to me.

oh and she has feinted twice, was in the hospital the first time and had to get stitches on her head. She was looking up some weird animal called a sugar glider? and bam went out cold, hit her head on a bed. second time she fell on her tv and scratched up her back....

Those weren´t fainting spells. Those scratches were caused by her new "boyfriend" AKA, the guy who´s fucking her in her dorm room. Don´t worry about it. If it´s meant to be, she´ll come running back, then she´ll cheat on you until you wise up.