How do I tell my husband

[NatEnWarm]

that our sex life sucks???
foreplay is like 1 min long, touching each breast once, then fingering me for a moment - way too hard to be pleasurable, might I add - and then penetration, and if I don't orgasm within the next minute or so, it's too late. If sex takes 10 minutes, it's a record. I love my husband, and don't want to hurt his feelings, how do I tell him that it's not working for me?? He seems to be pretty content with things.

 

[izabella]

How about starting with: sweetheart, I want more out of our sex life?

Or write him a dirty story where he's doing all the things you'd like to try.

 

[M's girl]

Husband?

Quote NatEnWarm:
Mostly reading this site for tips on sex and it usually results in me being horny as well. I haven't seen my bf for a couple of weeks, and will see him in two days, and thought I might surprise him...

 

[NatEnWarm]

yeah, bf is now husband - we got married two months ago

 

[NatEnWarm]

Does it matter?

 

[NatEnWarm]

How about starting with: sweetheart, I want more out of our sex life?

Or write him a dirty story where he's doing all the things you'd like to try.

when we used to live in different cities, we talked on IM and email a lot about sex - the things we like and want to do, maybe I can refer back to that. Or send him one of those emails again

 

[tryptamine]

You two are married...you should be able to talk about this face to face.

I mean, if IMing and whatever works then do it, but I think you should be able to discuss this kind of thing in a frank but still sensitive manner.

Maybe start by asking him if there's anything new he wants to try and then bring up your concerns? If he's not fingering you properly then just tell him...unless he's really insecure he won't be offended. You have nothing to lose here as long as you're not too harsh.

One of the things about fingering women is that us men have few points of reference as to what the hell to do...we don't have vaginas, we don't know what it's like. In my experience one of the other best ways to improve particularly this act is just to take his hand and use it to masturbate during forplay. This means you have control, you can make it go for as long as you like and he gets a first hand lesson in exactly what to do. Make it hot for him and with any luck he'll improve and make it better for you.

 

[human_male]

Or write him a dirty story where he's doing all the things you'd like to try.

Way too subtle for your average bloke.

 

[human_male]

I agree you should definately tell him. You can do it one of two ways. When you're not having sex tell him in the above mentioned frank and sensitive manner. But even if he's not over sensitive or insecure he's bound to be somewhat crestfallen to hear that you don't enjoy sex with him, so be prepared for that.

The other thing you could try (and what I think I'd personally prefer) is just take charge of your sex sessions. Tell him what you want him to do, and tell him to keep going until you've had enough. So for example if he goes for the tits and you like that give him lots of feedback and encouragement, but if he stops too quick tell him to keep going. Something like "baby don't stop, just keep doing that, it's lovely." And if he's fingering you ineffectually say "gently baby, and slowly" and when he complies be ready with a "mmmm, just like that, that's it." And I think taking his hand and directing him is a great idea. And if he tries to stop and goes for the penetration say "don't stop, just keep doing that." The idea is for your to direct the course of events but do so in a way that encourages him, rather than admonishes him. Give him lots of feedback when he does something right.

I hope that helps. I'm sorry if it's bad advice, I don't have much experience personally. It's just what I'd like a partner to do if I was ever in your husbands shoes.

 

[Tall_One]

You two are married...you should be able to talk about this face to face.

I mean, if IMing and whatever works then do it, but I think you should be able to discuss this kind of thing in a frank but still sensitive manner.

Maybe start by asking him if there's anything new he wants to try and then bring up your concerns? If he's not fingering you properly then just tell him...unless he's really insecure he won't be offended. You have nothing to lose here as long as you're not too harsh.

One of the things about fingering women is that us men have few points of reference as to what the hell to do...we don't have vaginas, we don't know what it's like. In my experience one of the other best ways to improve particularly this act is just to take his hand and use it to masturbate during forplay. This means you have control, you can make it go for as long as you like and he gets a first hand lesson in exactly what to do. Make it hot for him and with any luck he'll improve and make it better for you.

Suck on his finger when you doing what he said.

 

[Bobby_Davro12]

Power of suggestion.

I think that you should be able to talk him into more exciting sex. You could start with "Wouldn't it be great if?". Me personally I don't think you should tell him that he's just dull because it's a bit of a killer for the old confidence. So try to suggest to him the type of things that you want him to do. You've got time to develop into the crazed sex beasts that you've always wanted. It's just a matter of steady progress.

(Sex beast? Thats a new one I'm going to use that more often.)

Bob

 

[rthnck]

It's all about communication

I had a similar problem and finding a way to communicate what you're looking for is the key. Maybe it's too uncomfortable for a face-to-face so communicate in whatever way is easiest for you. Try to be nonthreatening. You can write a letter, a story, an email, while he's home, you go out and call him and talk to him over the phone, poems, songs. You have to open up some line of communication. In my case, a long detailed email started the ball rolling. She responded and added her reactions and I added to her response. It took some time but we worked it out. Good luck.

 

[BreeCarter]

that our sex life sucks???
foreplay is like 1 min long, touching each breast once, then fingering me for a moment - way too hard to be pleasurable, might I add - and then penetration, and if I don't orgasm within the next minute or so, it's too late. If sex takes 10 minutes, it's a record. I love my husband, and don't want to hurt his feelings, how do I tell him that it's not working for me?? He seems to be pretty content with things.

well, first things first, rather than complaining about it on a worldwide public forum, try just talking to him, and telling him what you want. the majority of sex problems are complaints coming from women or men who won't just balls up and say what they want. neither sex are mind-readers. this frustrates me. and i didn't see you mention what you are willing to do for him either? so if you don't return the favor, i wouldn't be suprised if that's all he does.

 

[Leah57]

that our sex life sucks???
foreplay is like 1 min long, touching each breast once, then fingering me for a moment - way too hard to be pleasurable, might I add - and then penetration, and if I don't orgasm within the next minute or so, it's too late. If sex takes 10 minutes, it's a record. I love my husband, and don't want to hurt his feelings, how do I tell him that it's not working for me?? He seems to be pretty content with things.

Communicate, Communicate, communicate.... can't say it enough, can't do it enough. If you're especially uncomfortable discussing it face-to-face, then IM or EMail is another option (not work EMail, tho! ) My BF and I still do this even after being together for almost 4 years. The best thing about IM or EMail over a conversation is that you can "edit" your response before you "send".... but it also requires you to be very specific and articulate.

Others have given good advice about "directing" his movements or encouraging the actions you want reinforced during the act. This works very well, too, if done in a non-threatening manner. How would you want to be told if the shoe was on the other foot???

Best of luck to you both......

 

[cd1_christine]

Online article....

that our sex life sucks???
foreplay is like 1 min long, touching each breast once, then fingering me for a moment - way too hard to be pleasurable, might I add - and then penetration, and if I don't orgasm within the next minute or so, it's too late. If sex takes 10 minutes, it's a record. I love my husband, and don't want to hurt his feelings, how do I tell him that it's not working for me?? He seems to be pretty content with things.

My wife and I read through this article together:

http://www.clitical.com/sex-tutorials/sex-facts/common-mistakes-in-bed.php

I found it when I was thinking something along the same lines you were, only for me it was that we were doing nothing adventurous, rather than it outright sucked. I enjoyed what we did, it was just the same thing all the time.

I read it myself first, and realized I did a lot of the stuff that was in it for me. Then we went through it together and discussed anything that either of us thought needed it. There's some other good stuff on the site, too, which might help.

CD

 

[SubNebGuy]

Just be as nice as possible, and talk to him about it. explain what 'gets you going' (kissing, playing with your breasts, spanking....whatever floats your boat)

 

[JMohegan]

Of course, verbal communication is always helpful - as others have noted. As an additional suggestion, I offer the following.

Tell him you have a special treat for him, and ask him to sit in a chair in your bedroom.

Stand a few feet in front of him, and undress very slowly.

Still standing in front of him, caress & play with your breasts in the way you enjoy. Take a nice long time, and don't hold back on the audio to go with the visual.... but be sure to keep it genuine.

Then lie back on the bed, in a position that gives him a clear view, and touch yourself until you achieve orgasm. Nice & slow, with plenty of audio.

You will surely have his attention while you do this. Hopefully, he'll adopt some of your techniques as his own. At the very least, he should get the message that you are eager for something different than the usual routine.

 

[kaledonia]

try this......

...go to Mr GGGs thread 'try this and report back', print it out and give it to him. post it. email the link. introduce a toy. text him at work to tell him how you want it. record a message on the answering machine. rent/buy a dvd to watch together. DON'T WHINE. good luck!

 

[swerwerkoning]

Het jy al reg gekom? Letterlik en figuurlik bedoel?

 

[silverwhisper]

holy crap. this thread is from fucking eight years ago!

ed

 

[DewMee]

that our sex life sucks???
foreplay is like 1 min long, touching each breast once, then fingering me for a moment - way too hard to be pleasurable, might I add - and then penetration, and if I don't orgasm within the next minute or so, it's too late. If sex takes 10 minutes, it's a record. I love my husband, and don't want to hurt his feelings, how do I tell him that it's not working for me?? He seems to be pretty content with things.

What did you do? Marry my ex? If you did, the fingering is more than I ever got from him.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

holy crap. this thread is from fucking eight years ago!

ed

STFU Weezer.

 

[Que]

Het jy al reg gekom? Letterlik en figuurlik bedoel?

Qnik ret yer elpuk. Knes deh teklip aukhidlem tid yhid!

 

[Aphro]

I wonder if she told him yet?

 

[Eilan]

Dafuq?