My husband and I have a great relationship, sexually and otherwise, but I'm a little nervous to ask him to tie me up during sex. I'm not quite sure how he would react to it. I like feeling submissive, and having him in control during sex and forplay, but we've never tried this. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
How do I tell my hubby?
- Thread starter Sami78
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likes2fisther
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All tied up
You might ask him if he would like to tie you up and USE you. Let him know you will do whatever he wants, that you will be his slave fot the night.
You might ask him if he would like to tie you up and USE you. Let him know you will do whatever he wants, that you will be his slave fot the night.
lark sparrow
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The direct approach is a good one, but depending on the relationship you could plant seeds and go slow. Has he ever held your hands down during sex? This is a start, and you don't even have to initiate verbally, but take his hand, clasped in yours raising them over your head - showing him nonverbally that you enjoy... slowly working into the sensations you crave. 
Subtle is best, I think ...
Thanks for the link TxBelle, I'll check it out!!
I think being subtle is best, but not too subtle, because afterall he is a man and men don't always catch the subtle hints. LOL.
He sometimes "bosses" me and tells me what to do and how to do stuff ... that really turns me on. He will sometimes tell me exactly how to suck his cock, not that I need the instruction
but I think he likes being in control as much as I like him to control me. I think this is a good start.
Yes, he has held my wrists while we make love and I love it. He lets go when I tell him I need him to let go. Communication is definitely not a problem there, but I still don't know how he'd take to me requesting to be tied up. Probably okay, but I don't want either of us to feel awkward. Know what I mean?
Should I start with scarves and stuff? He's into rock climbing and has teased me about using his climbing gear (ropes and stuff, or putting me in his harness and hanging me up in it) ... I think, tho, I want to start a little gentler than rough ropes and stuff.
Sometimes he spanks me too, but not often and only when I BEG him to. LOL. One of my favorite things is to have my nipple pinched and bitten, but I have to be in the right mood for it. I don't want to get into any real hardcore bondage, yet, but I do like some of the more "gentle" sides of it.
Thanks for the link TxBelle, I'll check it out!!
I think being subtle is best, but not too subtle, because afterall he is a man and men don't always catch the subtle hints. LOL.
He sometimes "bosses" me and tells me what to do and how to do stuff ... that really turns me on. He will sometimes tell me exactly how to suck his cock, not that I need the instruction
but I think he likes being in control as much as I like him to control me. I think this is a good start.Yes, he has held my wrists while we make love and I love it. He lets go when I tell him I need him to let go. Communication is definitely not a problem there, but I still don't know how he'd take to me requesting to be tied up. Probably okay, but I don't want either of us to feel awkward. Know what I mean?
Should I start with scarves and stuff? He's into rock climbing and has teased me about using his climbing gear (ropes and stuff, or putting me in his harness and hanging me up in it) ... I think, tho, I want to start a little gentler than rough ropes and stuff.
Sometimes he spanks me too, but not often and only when I BEG him to. LOL. One of my favorite things is to have my nipple pinched and bitten, but I have to be in the right mood for it. I don't want to get into any real hardcore bondage, yet, but I do like some of the more "gentle" sides of it.
lark sparrow
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LOL I only get spanked when I beg too, and we're completely out .
Sounds as though there has been flirting around the topic already - trust your instincts, and when the mood feels right. It might be more comfortable to say you'd like to play around with loose bondage for a kick, rather than getting into the whole Master/slave attitude.
You can buy softer rope at any store you can buy most household goods. Scarves give the impression of soft and gentle but sometimes those knots can be hard to get out lol. Keep scissors handy. You can of course also start with the impression of bondage, introducing rope or scarves slowly and loosely - something you can actually get out of easily, rather than literally being completely and tightly tied, immobile and knotted up.
There's probably some really good advice and discussion in the BDSM Talk Library thread regarding bondage at the top of the thread list, if you haven't checked there yet.
. Sounds as though there has been flirting around the topic already - trust your instincts, and when the mood feels right. It might be more comfortable to say you'd like to play around with loose bondage for a kick, rather than getting into the whole Master/slave attitude.
You can buy softer rope at any store you can buy most household goods. Scarves give the impression of soft and gentle but sometimes those knots can be hard to get out lol. Keep scissors handy. You can of course also start with the impression of bondage, introducing rope or scarves slowly and loosely - something you can actually get out of easily, rather than literally being completely and tightly tied, immobile and knotted up.
There's probably some really good advice and discussion in the BDSM Talk Library thread regarding bondage at the top of the thread list, if you haven't checked there yet.
PaulX35
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Sami,
I don't know if you two do a lot of "fucktalk" but whispering things in his ear while making love is often a good way to subtly guide him into what you'd find thrilling. Later on you tell him how much youloved what he did, and maybe it will trigger him to take initiative next time. Then comes maybe the moment to bring up your feelings. So I'd take a slow approach, offering him the taste first rather than confronting him with things that may make a sensitive male ego think he's not doing the right thing
Just my 2 male cents,
Paul
I don't know if you two do a lot of "fucktalk" but whispering things in his ear while making love is often a good way to subtly guide him into what you'd find thrilling. Later on you tell him how much youloved what he did, and maybe it will trigger him to take initiative next time. Then comes maybe the moment to bring up your feelings. So I'd take a slow approach, offering him the taste first rather than confronting him with things that may make a sensitive male ego think he's not doing the right thing
Just my 2 male cents,
Paul
Sex & Diamonds
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One of the ways I got my husband to open up about sex was by asking him about his fantasies. I told him that I wanted to fulfill one of his....and that sparked a few things.
Good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
This might work...
It's almost Christmas, so...
Buy two of the classiest silk scarves you can find. Scarves in his favorite color would be great. Then find a really nice black satin box with a big black bow. Present the scarves to him as a "very personal and loving" present from...you guessed it!...Mrs. Claus.
When he asks what they are for, walk up to him with the utmost seduction in your step and look directly into his eyes. Pull out the scarves one by one, and wrap them around your wrists. Tie one scarf around each wrist. Then take the ends of them and trail them over his neck. Still looking directly into his eyes, ask him in your sultriest voice, "What do you think they are for?"...Give him that come-hither grin and start taking off your clothes while you walk down the hallway to the bedroom.
It works.
S.
It's almost Christmas, so...
Buy two of the classiest silk scarves you can find. Scarves in his favorite color would be great. Then find a really nice black satin box with a big black bow. Present the scarves to him as a "very personal and loving" present from...you guessed it!...Mrs. Claus.
When he asks what they are for, walk up to him with the utmost seduction in your step and look directly into his eyes. Pull out the scarves one by one, and wrap them around your wrists. Tie one scarf around each wrist. Then take the ends of them and trail them over his neck. Still looking directly into his eyes, ask him in your sultriest voice, "What do you think they are for?"...Give him that come-hither grin and start taking off your clothes while you walk down the hallway to the bedroom.
It works.
S.
WOW
You all have a lot of great ideas!! Thank you so much. I think I will start out with scarves because I have them around the house already.
Do you think it would be a good idea to maybe present myself to him. Maybe get decked out in some sexy lingerie and tie the scarves around my wrists and lay on the bed waiting for him one night? That way they are there if he wants to use them, and if he doesn't then no harm done.
We do some "fuck talk" and he loves it (so do I) so that might be a great way to introduce a new idea into his head.
Thanks
You all have a lot of great ideas!! Thank you so much. I think I will start out with scarves because I have them around the house already.
Do you think it would be a good idea to maybe present myself to him. Maybe get decked out in some sexy lingerie and tie the scarves around my wrists and lay on the bed waiting for him one night? That way they are there if he wants to use them, and if he doesn't then no harm done.
We do some "fuck talk" and he loves it (so do I) so that might be a great way to introduce a new idea into his head.
Thanks
Ebonyfire
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Re: WOW
Sounds like you have a handle on it! Let us know what happens!
Eb
Sami78 said:You all have a lot of great ideas!! Thank you so much. I think I will start out with scarves because I have them around the house already.
Do you think it would be a good idea to maybe present myself to him. Maybe get decked out in some sexy lingerie and tie the scarves around my wrists and lay on the bed waiting for him one night? That way they are there if he wants to use them, and if he doesn't then no harm done.
We do some "fuck talk" and he loves it (so do I) so that might be a great way to introduce a new idea into his head.
Thanks
Sounds like you have a handle on it! Let us know what happens!
Eb
lark sparrow
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Re: WOW
This sounds like an erotic, non-threatening invitation to explore light bondage, Sami. Obvious enough if he wishes to participate, and simply pretty props that stimulate some of your own fantasies, if he doesn't. Best wishes.
Sami78 said:
This sounds like an erotic, non-threatening invitation to explore light bondage, Sami. Obvious enough if he wishes to participate, and simply pretty props that stimulate some of your own fantasies, if he doesn't. Best wishes.
I have one more quick question, if that's okay ... Assuming my husband will go along with this, say at some point in time I want to be untied, should I just say so? I know you're supposed to have "safe words" and whatnot, but if it's a surprise for him, then we won't have much time to talk about safe words. Know what I mean?
Also, after we achieve this step in our sex life then what is another 'gentle' method of BDSM/bondage that can be introduced?
One more, sorry. Are nipple clamps/jewlery worth buying? I love having my nipples pinched, bitten, twirled and want to try something more ...
Thanks You are all great help!!
Also, after we achieve this step in our sex life then what is another 'gentle' method of BDSM/bondage that can be introduced?
One more, sorry. Are nipple clamps/jewlery worth buying? I love having my nipples pinched, bitten, twirled and want to try something more ...
Thanks
You are all great help!!
lark sparrow
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Sami78 said:I have one more quick question, if that's okay ... Assuming my husband will go along with this, say at some point in time I want to be untied, should I just say so? I know you're supposed to have "safe words" and whatnot, but if it's a surprise for him, then we won't have much time to talk about safe words. Know what I mean?
Also, after we achieve this step in our sex life then what is another 'gentle' method of BDSM/bondage that can be introduced?
One more, sorry. Are nipple clamps/jewlery worth buying? I love having my nipples pinched, bitten, twirled and want to try something more ...
Thanks
If you already have good, verbal communication, know eachother well, and you are not getting into dangerous or forced play scenes (as in "no!no! stop" - as part of the fantasy) then you might find that regular English will work... "That's too tight", "I'm ready to be untied", "yes, I like that", etc. may work just fine for light, experimental bondage. If you are going to be gagged or somehow cannot express yourself verbally then you need some sort of physical signal for stop.
If your husband does like the idea of exploring bondage, you could simply agree upon a word that will end your play, and he knows you seriously want to stop or slow down - that's essentially what a safeword is - not too hard, doesn't take too long or ruin the mood, and protects both of you! This will also allow him to explore this with you, if he wants to, confident that he is not going to hurt or scare you.
Check out NemoAlia's Library thread - for bondage, safewords, nipple play/clamps... and anything else that you are intrigued with as well. There's some really good reading/knowledge there and will give you both general and specific overviews to your interests.
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