How do I take this to the next level?

[RandyVicar]

I'm interested in feedback on the following story, which I recently published in Fetish:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-coldest-night-of-the-year-ch-02

It's a Chapter 2, but it stands on its own. It's a femdom/cuckolding story, so I know it's for a limited audience, but I'm interested in your thoughts on the writing style and narrative structure, particularly as it applies here on Lit.

Writing for Lit has been kind of a humbling experience. I spent a lot of effort crafting this. It scored a decent 4.15, with zero favorites. I think I'm still writing past the readers somehow and I'd like to get better at this.

The story reflects a lot of learning from the first chapter, including a bunch of useful feedback from the folks in AH in this thread:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1214595

After following the feedback, doing an edit, and requesting a sweep, my first story moved up from 2.5 to 3.8. My second story (not in this genre) did better, at 4.25. I'm interested in what I could do to get readers to say, "Yeah, that's the best story I've read all week. Favorite!" -- without, you know, pandering.

I'd also love to hear what I did right, so I can do more of that.

 

[Learin]

The cuckold is clichéd. Snotty, teary, reluctant wimpy.

Really?

I haven't gone through your story except for the first few paragraphs. Perhaps I'm too quick to judge about this, so apologies beforehand. You said you want to make readers go crazy over your story. My advice would be to try writing something unique. The same old stuff written by every other author is a big bore. For me, at least.

The cuck doesn't have to be wimpy. Or the wife doesn't have to be a bitch about it. There's a fundamental difference between cuckold/wimp and cuckqueen(?)/bitch. They're used very liberally on this website with no respect for its meaning, so I had to say it.

Anyway, sorry to be a proverbial bitch. I can't go on without inserting my own visions for this piece. Still, a little bit different would've been nice to make your story stand out from the crowd.


Lee

 

[jsmiam]

The cuckold is clichÃÃâ€*’©d. Snotty, teary, reluctant wimpy.

Really?

I haven't gone through your story except for the first few paragraphs. Perhaps I'm too quick to judge about this, so apologies beforehand. You said you want to make readers go crazy over your story. My advice would be to try writing something unique. The same old stuff written by every other author is a big bore. For me, at least.

The cuck doesn't have to be wimpy. Or the wife doesn't have to be a bitch about it. There's a fundamental difference between cuckold/wimp and cuckqueen(?)/bitch. They're used very liberally on this website with no respect for its meaning, so I had to say it.

Anyway, sorry to be a proverbial bitch. I can't go on without inserting my own visions for this piece. Still, a little bit different would've been nice to make your story stand out from the crowd.


Lee

And, she said all those things to you while we all watched! Does that make you a cuckwriter? She cuckre(a)dressed you.. Ba-dom-bom..

Sorry, bad puns and jokes are my specialty... No offense intended.

Actually, without even reading, the category alone can be a downfall. It's not exactly a fetish, so fetish people might be annoyed into knocking you on their ratings. And the loving wives category is a tough crowd, hard to please too. So beyond the content, you also need to find ways to pick the perfect category, title, and perhaps authors note to help target who reads.. Attract those wanting it, deter those who don't. Not an exact science, not possible with complete effectiveness, but worth trying anyway.

 

[RandyVicar]

Learin:

I have some thoughts on the characters, but I'm going to hold off expressing my opinions for a while, because I don't want to interfere with the feedback process.

jsmiam:

Yeah, there's no good home for this story.

There's no question in my mind that this is basically a D/s story that belongs in BDSM. I put my first chapter in BDSM and got hit pretty hard because, at least on Lit, the whip hand has to be male. I didn't post to LW, because I'm not *that* much of a masochist. So, I went with Fetish and added a warning to the top of the story. Whatever. There are high-scoring stories in this genre in all three categories. Besides, I don't want to blame the audience.