How do I spend the night?

[Needssome]

I am a restless sleeper by nature. Even when I sleep alone I have problems falling asleep and STAYING asleep. According to my mother even as a baby the slightest thing would wake me back up. Nowadays some nights are worse than others. Sometimes the tiniest bit of light keeps me awake and I end up having to cover up anything that gives off the faintest glow. Other times I just cannot sleep an entire night in one spot. I have been known to sleep in 3-4 different locations (bed, couch, floor, and when I had one even my walk-in closet! The closet was pitch black and dead silent...it was wonderful).

I've tried using ear plugs and I just find them annoying. Any sort of blindfold-type thing to cover my eyes is out of the question. I'd be so worried that I'd sleep-in because I didn't notice it was light out that I'd just wake up more often.

Alright, now that the history is out of the way, the real question. See my boyfriend spends the night sometimes and I always feel guilty because we start in the same bed together but I always end up sleeping elsewhere. Either he starts snoring, or I can't get comfortable, or just the sound of his breathing gets to me. I WANT to be with him the whole night. I feel like I'm rejecting him when I leave but at 3am when I haven't slept a wink and I have to get to class in the morning I just can't take it. Does anybody have any advice on how I can make it through the entire night? I usually leave in the middle of the night and return in the morning, but it's just not the same. I love feeling him next to me, I just can't seem very well if he is!

 

[quickfoot]

To me it seems that you should start incorporating noises into your normal sleep pattern so that you get used to them. Try sleeping with a fan on, it will generate some room noise then graduate to maybe the tv on very quietly. Before you can learn to sleep with someone else you will need to address the sleep problem itself.

You might also talk to your doctor or go to your library or go to google.com and do some research on sleep disorders.

Also if your BF snoores get him some breath right strips, they go over your nose and improve airway during the night.

They have some good sleeping medicine but I'd try to avoid it, you might become dependant even if it isn't addictive and most of the time a sleeping medication becomes less effective over time.

Eliminate the stress of sleeping, get a good alarm clock or even 2 and set them to different times (like 15 minutes apart so you can't sleep in), sleeping is about letting your body and mind relax and if you can't relax you aren't going to have a good nights sleep with or without anyone.

Meditation might also be helpful to clear the mind before going to sleep, somtimes I can't get my mind to shut off and it keeps me awake, relaxtion techniques are good also.

When you do have him over try you might try to fall asleep first.

It sounds like it will take some time and I'm sure you will get some other advice but don't give up.

Make sure you communitate with him and explain what is going on as well, that way he still feels wanted :-D

 

[Meat Whistler]

Melatonin might also help you, as it's natural and helps you relax and helps you sleep.

 

[lilnymph28]

I have a similar problem, to a much smaller degree. I don't fall asleep easily very often, and I wake up a number of times throughout the night. I've always been that way, but its gotten worse the past few months. I'll wake up, and stay awake for a while. I've tried all the little hints that people give... turning the clock around so you can't see the time helped for a while. I mentioned it to my doctor, and she actually prescribed me some sleeping pills. It's gotten better, but I still don't sleep a full night through. I also sleep with a fan on. It provides great background noise, covering up everything else.

 

[Needssome]

Hey thanks everybody for the great ideas! I've tried sleeping with a fan on, unfortunately it makes noise (white or otherwise) and keeps me awake if end up waking up in the middle of night. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just weird when it comes to sleep. Stress makes things worse at times but irregardless of whether I'm calm or stressed I still have problems sleeping through the night. I've given up on doctors - everytime I go into see one s/he can't find anything wrong or his/her suggestions don't help. I've researched sleep disorders on my own so often that I've given up on finding a reason. Just seems to be in my nature (or at least my genes), my grandmother is the same way. She and my grandfather ended up having separate bedrooms (with visitation rights) once all their kids had moved out because she just couldn't handle sharing a bed any longer.

And for all of you concerned about the bf, he's fine. After 2 years of putting up with this he's used to it. I just feel bad because he always apologizes about what he may have done to get me to leave. He knows that it's not all his fault, but I think he'd like me there all the same. I want to be with him the entire night, it's just not realistic if he doesn't want me to be a sleep-deprived b*&%$ in the morning.

 

[Falkieri]

You might have to attempt to get used to it. People tend to have conditioned responses and, while changing that conditioning is VERY difficult, it can be done. It will mean alot of sleepless nights, however, and that may not be practical for you. However, instead of getting up and moving when something keeps you awake, just stay there, make yourself not think about it. Further, don't stress over whether or not you sleep. When you find yourself getting worried because you're still awake, try to make yourself calm down, and convince yourself that you don't care one way or the other.

If there are any noises that tend to have a relaxing effect on you, then perhaps you can find a noisemaker that produces them. Patterned, repetitive noises such as rain can have an hypnotic effect that may help you sleep if you can manage to focus on the sound, without your mind thinking about the fact that there is not dead silence around you.

 

[Medaille]

I find a really hot shower helps, like where you can feel your body getting overly warm. Also some scents encourage sleeping, maybe lavender or something, I can't remember. Also decaffienated hot tea is very relaxing and they make some teas like chamomile that also aid in sleeping.

 

[sheath]

I find a really hot shower helps, like where you can feel your body getting overly warm. Also some scents encourage sleeping, maybe lavender or something, I can't remember. Also decaffienated hot tea is very relaxing and they make some teas like chamomile that also aid in sleeping.

Yes, it is lavender...I use it religiously. I spray it on the sheets, the pillows, my gowns...I wear the body splash on my body and even use lavender shampoo, especially when it has been a really stressful time and I know I will need the extra sleep boost.

S.

 

[SexyChele]

Gosh, you sound just like my mother! I really feel for her sometimes, as she never seems to be able to get a good night's sleep. (Not to mention traveling with her is a bit of a pain because I have to make certain there is no light from windows or doors, and if it's suspected we get a lot of street noise I have to ask for a change of rooms!) Seeing what she has gone through her whole life makes me feel lucky I am the total opposite. Well, that has its problems as well, but enough of that!

I know you stated you've seen doctors before, but let me ask you this. Have you seen a doctor that specializes in sleep disorders? They are more willing to find actual causes and fixes than merely medicating. You might want to ask your GP if s/he can refer you to a sleep disorder physician. They may suggest a sleep study to determine what your sleeping habits are like. Sleep studies are loads of fun: they wire you up, put you in a comfy bed, then shut off the light while they actually watch you while you sleep. Difficult at first? Yeah, but they learn alot about what you do when you sleep - and not just physically. They learn how your brain and nervous system are reacting to sleep patterns, if you ever achieve REM sleep, how many times your sleep is disturbed though you may not realize it. I've two done (diagnosed with sleep apnea which is why I am such a deep, heavy sleeper), and I found the information gathered to be fascinating. Not to mention a doctor who specializes in this can give you a course of treatment and/or tips to help you sleep more soundly.

Good luck!

 

[thegreenfairy]

I'm an insomniac as well... I strongly agree that you should NOT take sleeping pills, there is a psychological addiction if not a physical one - I was on them for a year and half, and weaning myself off was extremely difficult. Melatonin is just as bad - "natural" does not mean that its good for you or non-addictive (weed and shrooms are natural too, remember).

Some things that really can help are self-hypnosis and meditation techniques. These are not cure-alls and require real effort to learn. If you think you have the time and energy to put into learning these techniques (from a qualified doctor), it might be helpful. Good luck!

 

[hnglkeahrse2002]

Fellow insomniacs, unite!

A few things to consider:
--Playing a TV or radio in the background may not disrupt anyone else's sleep now, but as you age and your hearing diminishes you'll need to crank up the volume to achieve the effect. In your ears the louder volume will not seem intrusive, but to anyone else staying in the house it'll be ear-splitting. Not good, especially if the visitor has the occasional night where sleep is a rare commodity (sorry, mom ... like she's going to read this post, right?).

--You state, "I've come to the conclusion that I'm just weird when it comes to sleep." I held a similar belief for years, until a lunchtime discussion with a co-worker who had a similar affliction. She had several colorful names for nights she could not sleep and had developed a patter, almost a standup routine. That was her key: humor. She had a file of items that would cause her to laugh: comic strips, funny essays, a jumble of stuff collected through the years. She would leaf through, disarm the stress and relax. She also would have answered your statement this way: Don't tell yourself you're going to have a problem sleeping, because it becomes self-fulfilling. The more you focus on the nights you sleep well, even marginally well, the less frustration you'll feel over the nights you do not.

Hope these thoughts help. Sweet dreams.

 

[BlueDaisy]

I agree with...who suggested a sleep study and has sleep apnea? I have apnea, also. If you have it, you need to find out because it can lead to nasty problems down the road, like heart problems.

 

[JoseIsWild]

I have sleep apnea as well. I am taking Ambien which is excellent. This is an Rx drug so you need to see a doctor to get it. Otherwise, you can try Benadryl. I've used this and it works pretty good too.

 

[millieteases]

Put me in the sleep apnea category too. Get yourself checked out at a sleep disorder center. From childhood it always took me a long time to get to sleep and I always woke up a lot during the night.

Finally my spouse got tired of my snoring and made me ask my doctor who in turn referred me to a sleep center.

They talked about sleep apnea, a doctor looked at me and commented on my still existent, enormous tonsils, and booked me for a test.

I was waking up 20 to 30 times an hour, even if I wasn't aware of it. That's not sleeping.

I now have a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure machine. (CPAP). I now sleep mostly through the night - I only wake up once or twice a night - not constantly.

It's a bit of nuisance, but my whole life is better. I can get up in the morning and I'm not tired. I thought that was normal. I was wrong.

So suck it up, go to the doctor, and with a little luck you'll be sleeping like you should.

 

[Needssome]

Okay too many responses to respond to each person. So thanks for all your good ideas. I think I'll try heading back to the doctor's again once this semester's over with and I have time to actually get anything serious done. I'll have to go to my family doctor...I'm in Canada - I can't see a sleep specialist. Hopefully the next doctor I see in Health Services will be better than the last.

And just to be more specific - I don't have too much trouble falling asleep usually but when I can't I have my own little rituals. I'll listen to soothing music (Jim Brickman works best), or watch tv (Star Trek TNG or Voyager is usually pretty good) or just try a different place to sleep. Usually some combination of that works pretty well. When I wake up in the middle of the night I can usually fall straight back to sleep unless there are things that keep me up (e.g. the music or tv I fell asleep listening to). It's just the constant waking and falling back asleep that's annoying. I've gotten used to it but when the bf's over he makes little noises and movements that keep me up.

So I've come up with a solution: he's not allowed to breathe (that includes snoring) or move at all when he sleeps. That should do the trick. Now how to convince him......hmmmmmmm.......

 

[Falkieri]

So I've come up with a solution: he's not allowed to breathe (that includes snoring) or move at all when he sleeps. That should do the trick. Now how to convince him......hmmmmmmm.......

Duct tape, lots of duct tape...