shysexkitten
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.....
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how do i overtake him just for a little bit?
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Netzach
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Not being able to give up control easily doesn't mean someone can't or doesn't want to, either.
I'd just be really keyed in, pay close attention to behaviors that are controlling the situation, are trying to manipulate your behavior.
Rather than getting meaner or more punitive, I back off. "Are you sure this is really what you need? Maybe you need to think about this for a few minutes while tied down to the bed, if you are *really* willing to obey me."
If it's not meant to be, it's not.
If he's just acting out, he may not even realize he is, he may feel contrite when you point it out.
I'd just be really keyed in, pay close attention to behaviors that are controlling the situation, are trying to manipulate your behavior.
Rather than getting meaner or more punitive, I back off. "Are you sure this is really what you need? Maybe you need to think about this for a few minutes while tied down to the bed, if you are *really* willing to obey me."
If it's not meant to be, it's not.
If he's just acting out, he may not even realize he is, he may feel contrite when you point it out.
Etoile
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My uneducated opinion is that it's wise for both partners to try switching at least once. This allows each to gain a better appreciation for what their partner goes through during normal play. Being a top requires a fair bit of thinking, and I found it enlightening to try it out myself to see what it's like.
shysexkitten
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i agree that it is great for both partners to try eachothers roles out but i still cant convince my partner to switch with me. what happens is that hes like ok you can have control so i take it and i dont do anything to harsh but then he totally is like i cant take this and takes over the reigns. ahh the troubles 
catalina_francisco
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shysexkitten said:i agree that it is great for both partners to try eachothers roles out but i still cant convince my partner to switch with me. what happens is that hes like ok you can have control so i take it and i dont do anything to harsh but then he totally is like i cant take this and takes over the reigns. ahh the troubles
And perhaps that is where the whole answer lies......to be in control means just that, being in control. If he is not co-operating, it is not necessarily just a question of him choosing not to, but may be more so that control is not debated and given but is an expression of a dominant. To ask to be allowed to dominate is not really dominating but more going through the paces to get a pseudo feel for it. The reality is IMO, and not meant in an offensive way, either you dominate or be dominated....if you are unable to dominate another, it may be a problem with just that combination of two people where another would fall at your feet easily, or it may be as much as you want to dominate to prove a point, it is enough reason or provocation to make it so.
Catalina
shysexkitten
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omg thanks~
thank you so much catalina_francisco your thoughts make complete sense to me and i thank you very much for your insight and thoughts. I do agree with you completly and now somethings seem a lot clearer. If anyone else has any insight please continue to respond
thank you so much catalina_francisco your thoughts make complete sense to me and i thank you very much for your insight and thoughts. I do agree with you completly and now somethings seem a lot clearer. If anyone else has any insight please continue to respond
da grunt
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A Story for an Answer
His day had been rough, traffic, office, meetings, phones, problems, no goddamn lunch, more fucking meetings, late hours to finish project, and more fucking terrible traffic.
He knows his jaws are clenched and his knuckles white. His one comfort keeps his sanity. 'Damn, but I am one lucky son of a bitch!', and he thinks about his girl. He knows that she will trust him, when no one else will, she will. Not only will she take some pain from the weight of his world, but he can confide in her his deepest secrets. He had not known joy until she had trusted him enough to confide in him her deepest secrets. Simply thinking of this devoted creature made his cock stir in his pants, and as he sat in traffic he rubbed his cock. His pants gained a washed out cum-spot where drops of pre-semenal fluid became stained. 'Oh god', he thought, 'am I going to work that lovely bitch tonight'. His face wore a grin and anticipation helped, but traffic still sucked.
And you at home, what of you? Yes, you're devoted. You will do anything for Him. You've already demonstrated, countless times. Never was He cruel to you, never a bruise, never a booboo, but god, the excrutiating pain He can give you. You're just so nervous about your favor. How will you pay for your favor.
You have showered and wear simply your collar, with the chain attached. the good bitch, awaiting Master. You have put your makeup on, just the way the Master likes it. You contemplate as you kneel, as Master is stuck in traffic, on the hard wood floor. Your knees are spead and you sit upon your feet. Your pussy is spread, as is your ass, inviting. Your shoulders are back and your breasts up. Your hands are together and your elbows behind your back. Your face is down. Your posture is perfect. You will accect His decision, but you are determined to ask. You are brave and couragous but you must ask ....
His day had been rough, traffic, office, meetings, phones, problems, no goddamn lunch, more fucking meetings, late hours to finish project, and more fucking terrible traffic.
He knows his jaws are clenched and his knuckles white. His one comfort keeps his sanity. 'Damn, but I am one lucky son of a bitch!', and he thinks about his girl. He knows that she will trust him, when no one else will, she will. Not only will she take some pain from the weight of his world, but he can confide in her his deepest secrets. He had not known joy until she had trusted him enough to confide in him her deepest secrets. Simply thinking of this devoted creature made his cock stir in his pants, and as he sat in traffic he rubbed his cock. His pants gained a washed out cum-spot where drops of pre-semenal fluid became stained. 'Oh god', he thought, 'am I going to work that lovely bitch tonight'. His face wore a grin and anticipation helped, but traffic still sucked.
And you at home, what of you? Yes, you're devoted. You will do anything for Him. You've already demonstrated, countless times. Never was He cruel to you, never a bruise, never a booboo, but god, the excrutiating pain He can give you. You're just so nervous about your favor. How will you pay for your favor.
You have showered and wear simply your collar, with the chain attached. the good bitch, awaiting Master. You have put your makeup on, just the way the Master likes it. You contemplate as you kneel, as Master is stuck in traffic, on the hard wood floor. Your knees are spead and you sit upon your feet. Your pussy is spread, as is your ass, inviting. Your shoulders are back and your breasts up. Your hands are together and your elbows behind your back. Your face is down. Your posture is perfect. You will accect His decision, but you are determined to ask. You are brave and couragous but you must ask ....
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da grunt
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More of grunt's story
The floor becomes harder as you wait. Although the room temperature is reasonable, you begin to sweat. Loose hair becomes plastered to your head, sweat falls from your forhead and drips down your nose. Sweat begins to bead on your breasts and you question your resolve. You knees and hips begin to feel like spasm'ing when you hear His car. Your pain is nothing compared to the relief. You wait and hear his key in the door. You dare not look up now.
***
'What the hell', he thinks as he immediately notices. She continues to look down as demurely as she possiblty can. He hangs his jacket and pulls loose the knot on his tie as he looks at her. He makes a slow circle around her, noting every detail.
"All right, goddamnit bitch, what the hell have you done - shit! Spit it out now, NOW"
***
'Master, I'm sorry, I've changed my mind, nothing wrong, I await my Master's attention"
***
"I don't allow you to change your mind, don't piss me off, out with it, what did you wreck?"
***
'I wrecked nothing, Master, I had wanted to ask a favor. Please allow me to change my mind.
***
"NO - now!"
***
Sir, I beseech you, no ...
The floor becomes harder as you wait. Although the room temperature is reasonable, you begin to sweat. Loose hair becomes plastered to your head, sweat falls from your forhead and drips down your nose. Sweat begins to bead on your breasts and you question your resolve. You knees and hips begin to feel like spasm'ing when you hear His car. Your pain is nothing compared to the relief. You wait and hear his key in the door. You dare not look up now.
***
'What the hell', he thinks as he immediately notices. She continues to look down as demurely as she possiblty can. He hangs his jacket and pulls loose the knot on his tie as he looks at her. He makes a slow circle around her, noting every detail.
"All right, goddamnit bitch, what the hell have you done - shit! Spit it out now, NOW"
***
'Master, I'm sorry, I've changed my mind, nothing wrong, I await my Master's attention"
***
"I don't allow you to change your mind, don't piss me off, out with it, what did you wreck?"
***
'I wrecked nothing, Master, I had wanted to ask a favor. Please allow me to change my mind.
***
"NO - now!"
***
Sir, I beseech you, no ...
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da grunt
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The rambling continues
He pulls back his hand to cuff her, but she doesn't flinch but he knows she's terrified. He moves his hand to her hair and runs his fingers through it and feels the texture, he pets and scratches like with his favorite dog. And then he grabs the back of her head and forced her face to his, "TELL ME NOW, GODDAMNIT, I WILL KNOW THE TRUTH!", he says this in his deadly quiet voice, more a growl than language.
'Master, please,' and cuff her he does, "nnNOW!" he growls again.
*****
'It was a fantasy I have, Master, nothing more'
***
"Tell me!"
***
He pulls back his hand to cuff her, but she doesn't flinch but he knows she's terrified. He moves his hand to her hair and runs his fingers through it and feels the texture, he pets and scratches like with his favorite dog. And then he grabs the back of her head and forced her face to his, "TELL ME NOW, GODDAMNIT, I WILL KNOW THE TRUTH!", he says this in his deadly quiet voice, more a growl than language.
'Master, please,' and cuff her he does, "nnNOW!" he growls again.
*****
'It was a fantasy I have, Master, nothing more'
***
"Tell me!"
***
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shysexkitten
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fantasy at heart
my fantasy......oh my in all honesty my fantasy is to have everything decided for me. To be totally helpless and in someone elses hands. I dont wanna make any decisions. I want to be totally controlled. thats my personal fantasy in all honesty.
my other fantasy is to be in control but not too much control i guess i am a sub at heart
my fantasy......oh my in all honesty my fantasy is to have everything decided for me. To be totally helpless and in someone elses hands. I dont wanna make any decisions. I want to be totally controlled. thats my personal fantasy in all honesty.
my other fantasy is to be in control but not too much control i guess i am a sub at heart
da grunt
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Re: fantasy at heart
If you don't have what it takes to finish, thats cool, but I had a story planned, so anybody else wanna take over her initial object? If not, I'll drop it.
Jeez, I thought you said at the start of this thread, "He always has to be in charge or on top. I just want to break him one time and show him what ive got but i cant seem to do it. Have any suggestions? anything would help! Thanks!"
If you don't have what it takes to finish, thats cool, but I had a story planned, so anybody else wanna take over her initial object? If not, I'll drop it.
shysexkitten
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you asked what my fantasy was not what i wanted to do.
I want to be able to know that he trust me and i want to be able to take him and totally control him tie him down i want him to be mine so he knows how i feel when he controls me
I want him to feel my pain
I want to be able to know that he trust me and i want to be able to take him and totally control him tie him down i want him to be mine so he knows how i feel when he controls me
I want him to feel my pain
shysexkitten
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sorry bout the confussin da grunt my fault!
shysexkitten
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da grunt i want to hear your outcome of the story
shysexkitten
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i am just not good at the story thing
da grunt
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instructions
... kitten, if you can't state your desire, I can't either, baby. This has got to be an interactive thing, and the group should all benefit. I can guess your desire, but you must state it in order for me to continue.
Your face is down. You hesitate, then you speak your desire ...
... kitten, if you can't state your desire, I can't either, baby. This has got to be an interactive thing, and the group should all benefit. I can guess your desire, but you must state it in order for me to continue.
shysexkitten
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i just want him to know what i go through when he has me tied down i want him to know what goes through my head when hes spanking me and talking down to me. i want him to know what it feels like to be hes bitch and slave at any minute that he wants me to be at his will. He needs to know in order to appreciate me
shysexkitten
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please would someone put my desire into prose
catalina_francisco
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shysexkitten said:
OK, let's say as you say, you are a submissive at heart, and from what you indicate, your partner is not, but is a dominant at heart. How do you think physically tying him down and giving him pain as he gives you will allow him to first experience the same experience as you, and secondly, appreciate you for it?
Each person experiences everything uniquely from their own perspective based on the whole sum of experiences that make them who they are in their lives, which makes it near on impossible to experience the same way you do. Added to this you are submissive, and he dominant; naturally the experience is going to have very few, if any similarities for him or you. His will befrom a dominant being put in the position of submissive, of which he has no real connection to, while yours is of a submissive put in a position of dominant, of which you may or may not (from what you express) have some connection. For comparison, you can be an actor and play the part of a murderer, and though you may portray that character well, you never are (hopefully) that character, so can never share their experience from the same perspective no matter how much research you do on the psyche and characteristics of the role. So how can you feel he will feel what you feel?
Even in relation to the physical pain, we all experience pain in different ways as is obvious from reading various posts on various threads on this forum alone. No two experiences are the same....some have high pain threshold, some low, some in between. Some people take a statement addressed to them as talking down to them, while another may not think twice about the same statement, or may even wear the statement as a badge of honour...is about uniqueness of being individual.
Given all this, how will it lead to him appreciating you? Do you feel you are not appreciated already? If not, perhaps you are in the wrong place with this person, or maybe you are not as submissive as you believe and have more desire to be dominant. Some of your statements hint at a need to break the shell of submission and emerge as the dominant, IMHO only perhaps, and likely others, including yourself, may disagree, but that is what I hear in statements you have made which hint at deep frustration at your position, and/or his understanding of you. Maybe he already appreciates you for who you are and the role you are in....not all dominants express themselves well, or even, like some vanilla men and women, even think to say how they feel about you, or feel it is weak to do so.
Perhaps open discussion with him would be more productive than switching roles for a session. I do not buy into the argument you have to switch to appreciate the other's role and position, mostly for the reasons I have mentioned above; you are who you are and no amount of assuming the mechanics of another's role will make you experience what they do, nor deliver as they do......it is impossible beyond the tokenistic surface responses, often designed to appear the way you feel is expected, if you are in truth submissive or dominant respectively.
As for the similar argument you need to submit to know how to dominate, same applies...and why not the mirrored thought you have to dominate to be able to submit? IMO only perhaps, but my opinion all the same, switches aside, a submissive is submissive, a dominant is dominant, and though they can appreeciate the other's position and experience, they can never 100% share that same experience from the other's reality.
Catalina
