How do I Orgasm?

[satindesire]

I would also like to add that you are certainly not alone, Christine. Young women are often very difficult to bring to orgasm, even while masturbating. As you age, it will become easier.

I have been sexually active since I was 16, and I did not have my first orgasm (even during masturbating!) until I was 20. My partners and I had literally tried everything, then my boyfriend at the time asked me if I had ever thought about buying a vibrator.

I was pretty inexperienced at the time with sex toys, and I was thinking a vibrator would be one of those ten inch long shiny black, gigantic cock things that made a sound like a food processor. I was horrified! I said absolutely not, there's no way I'd ever get one. He reassured me that sex toys had come a long way since the eighties and showed me a few websites.

We went to a local sex store and purchased a cute little bullet vibrator especially made for clitoral stimulation and I had my very first real orgasm that night! I criiiiied with relief. I thought for so many years before that there was something wrong with me!

As I've gotten older, it's become much easier to bring myself to orgasm, while either with a partner or alone. Before, it would take up to half an hour of constantly stimulation before I could reach orgasm, now I can come in between one to ten minutes!

So take heart...as you get older, as you become more used to having orgasms, and more comfortable with being sexual, your orgasms will come to you easier.

 

[Moleculor]

Studies have shown that the female brain has to shut down in order to orgasm.

If you're thinking about it when you reach the climax, you won't actually achieve it.

Try 'losing yourself' in a fantasy and don't focus on the orgasm. (S'why you probably came so quickly from sleep. You were surprised so you didn't have time to think about it.)

 

[Julie_in_the_north]

Lots of very good advice here - especially from Sweet Erika, and Moleculor, below.

I would also recommend that you masturbate - regularly put aside some quality time for it. And when you do, your focus should very much be on your clitoris. Clitoral orgasms are the purest and simplest, and your masturbation can be simple, too. Learn to enjoy your clitoris, and the sensations it can give you - try just parting your labia slightly, and stroke or rub your clitoris - slowly, quickly, firmly, softly: vary it up till you find what feels best for you. Don't think about anything else, and certainly put aside all thoughts of orgasm. Just savour what you're experiencing from your clitoris. Focus on the pleasure. Go slowly. Linger. No hurry. But if all goes well, then, before you know it, you'll be coming.

Hopefully, you'll begin to enjoy masturbating for its own sake, and become more relaxed and confident about orgasm - retaining that confidence when you have sex.

It's certainly true that the more you try to orgasm, the less your chances of having one. It's one of things that easiest to do when you're not thinking about it. Easier said than done, but good luck.

To that end, as others have also said, erotica might be a great idea for you. Personally, I really enjoy the orgasms I have with erotic stories; I tend to masturbate with them for a long time before allowing myself to come, very satisfyingly. Stories will help you take your mind of your climax - and just lose yourself in a lovely, sexy, fictional world.

As for vibrators, I've never really been into them - and am a little sceptical that this is the best way for you to stimulate your clitoris. I sometimes masturbate with a strap-on dildo, but only to penetrate myself when I want fullness in my vagina (which will be a distraction for you at the moment) - but still use fingers on my clitoris. I recommend that for now you stick to that.

Best of luck and hope it goes really well.

 

[Roxie1986]

You need to be relaxed and turned on.. Maybe let him go down and give you oral stimulation first and switch it up between him fingering your pussy and licking your clit and/ or using a vibrator on your clit...

Also, i find if you have some porn on that you like its easier to fantasise.. We ladies need mind stimulation too, than just going at it.. I find that if i relax.. whether im with a partner or on my own if i prop myself up on a pillow looking at girl on girl porn, i fantasise and slowly start to play.. Ill start off by slowly rubbing my clit and pussy with a little tingling lube.. and then ill rub my clit and around it in circles.. then ill slowly put one finger in my pussy, then two.. till i feel my orgasm building and then ill put my dildo in my pussy and keep rubbing my clit.. or ill put my vibrator on my clit till i cum..

It really depends on what turns you on..

Happy playing, and, hope this helps..

 

[achingyearning]

You need to be relaxed and turned on.. Maybe let him go down and give you oral stimulation first and switch it up between him fingering your pussy and licking your clit and/ or using a vibrator on your clit...

Also, i find if you have some porn on that you like its easier to fantasise.. We ladies need mind stimulation too, than just going at it.. I find that if i relax.. whether im with a partner or on my own if i prop myself up on a pillow looking at girl on girl porn, i fantasise and slowly start to play.. Ill start off by slowly rubbing my clit and pussy with a little tingling lube.. and then ill rub my clit and around it in circles.. then ill slowly put one finger in my pussy, then two.. till i feel my orgasm building and then ill put my dildo in my pussy and keep rubbing my clit.. or ill put my vibrator on my clit till i cum..

It really depends on what turns you on..

Happy playing, and, hope this helps..

Of course, as a guy, I can't improve on the physiology discussions by the wise women above, but here's some things I have discovered in my life-long journey to be the best possible and most attentive lover I can be...

What is true is that different women are built differently, plain and simple, and I've seen that what works for one doesn't at all work for another... the very first time I ever had vaginal intercourse, the girl had a series of orgasms and I thought, wow this is pretty easy lol... the thing with her though is that she had a fairly large clit and her hips and pubic area were such that in the missionary position, her clitoral hood pulled back by itself and when I thrust into he, her exposed clit allowed her to come again and again

With my current lover, it is very much different... she is a petite woman and it took a long time to find a position where she could cum from my cock in her vagina... for her, I lay on my back and she mounts me, we are near the edge of the bed and I put a small stool next to the bed that is just the right height so she can put one foot on it and ride me while leaning just a certain way so that her clit is exposed and she can rub against me and cum... believe me, it took a lot of experimenting to figure this out....

However, for her, her g-spot becomes incredibly sensitive and during a normal session she has 2-5 clitoral orgasms plus 10 or so internal "orgasms" that launch from her g-spot

Bottom line: find what works, everything you do to figure it out should be fun and pleasurable... and most of all, what is best for you is just that... there is no "standard" or "normal" that should get in your way

We are all sexual beings and the path to enlightenment should be wonderful

 

[pokey1977]

Another guy weighing in (if I may be so bold).

My first GF had never had an orgasm (or even masturbated) until I came along. I am not saying this to brag, because it took a good long while to figure out what made it work for her. Once we figured it out, it came (unintended pun - I am leaving it) much easier - we were both more comfortable!

So, like others have said, I think most of this is in your mind - you are thinking too hard!

It would be foolish to try to tell you how to masturbate yourself (especially in light of all the great female advice given so far). However, I would suggest to your boyfriend to take it slow and easy. Don't let him near your clit with anything until he has spent some time on your other erogenous zones. Hopefully, the anticipation will start building in you both so that when he finally does stimulate clitoris, it will be an explosion instead of just a tingle. Make sure once he does start that he doesn't just lick it to death and eases off and on. Bursts of fast and slow. Soon, he will know what works and what doesn't.

Good luck!