How do I feel "it" again.....

[prettiprinces76]

My husband has recently walked away from our marriage and, while I am struggling, I've found some excellent friends online that are helping me maintain my sexuality and quite frankly my sanity. My question is, how do I cope with the lack of actual physical intimacy. Masturbating is great and I maintain a farily regular schedule, but I miss being touched, kissed, fondled...etc... How do I handle that part?

 

[GracefullyYours]

My husband has recently walked away from our marriage and, while I am struggling, I've found some excellent friends online that are helping me maintain my sexuality and quite frankly my sanity. My question is, how do I cope with the lack of actual physical intimacy. Masturbating is great and I maintain a farily regular schedule, but I miss being touched, kissed, fondled...etc... How do I handle that part?

Well. Is there a particular reason why you're not dating? Are you still thinking of reconciling with your husband? Even if you're not ready for a relationship emotionally, if you're craving physical intimacy, I'm almost positive you can find a "friend with benefits" type situation that will help you with that. In fact....I predict mass quantities of PMs in response to your plea

 

[prettiprinces76]

Even though the soon to be ex-husband cheated on me, I can't cheat on him, at least not in the actual physical sense. I take my marriage vows seriously and, while there is no hope of reconciliation, I really do miss being touched. I blame the wine tonight.....Usually I can manage and make do wtih masturbation and my online friends, but tonight I'm missing the actual physical- engagement portion of sex.....

 

[nakdsub]

Getting divorced legally in most states...

only takes 6 months. Divorcing your spouse emotionally usually takes a whole lot longer. I know a couple of divorced couples who maintained sexual relations even after the divorce. Of course, if you ex is still with the woman he cheated with, that's probably not possible...then again, think of the revenge factor.

Certainly, if he cheated on you, and their is no hope for reconciliation, I would say go for it. If you think it would help, call your ex and tell him since it doesn't look like he's coming back home, you're going to pursue other relationships. Let him know up front. That way maybe it won't seem like you're sneaking around behind his back.

Just ideas. You, of course, know your situation a lot better than us.

By the way, you're not in the Chicago land area, are you?

 

[amofiga]

Even though the soon to be ex-husband cheated on me, I can't cheat on him, at least not in the actual physical sense. I take my marriage vows seriously and, while there is no hope of reconciliation, I really do miss being touched. I blame the wine tonight.....Usually I can manage and make do wtih masturbation and my online friends, but tonight I'm missing the actual physical- engagement portion of sex.....

If you are legally separated and have filed for divorce, how can you think that you would be cheating on him to go out with someone? Marriage is a state of mind and mutual commitment, not paper. If it's over, it's over. You should feel no guilt.

 

[chipcarver]

I commend you for honoring your vows. However your marriage is over, he has left and taken up with another. It is only our laws that are holding you back from enjoying your life again. Waiting on a piece of paper saying you are "officially" divorced can only hurt you more emotionally. Go out and find a man (or women) who can fulfill those needs that haven't been met lately. Sitting at home frustrated never helped anyone.

Good luck and get laid!

 

[SweetErika]

Even though the soon to be ex-husband cheated on me, I can't cheat on him, at least not in the actual physical sense. I take my marriage vows seriously and, while there is no hope of reconciliation, I really do miss being touched. I blame the wine tonight.....Usually I can manage and make do wtih masturbation and my online friends, but tonight I'm missing the actual physical- engagement portion of sex.....

You said your husband "recently" walked away from your marriage. Is it possible you're not emotionally ready to have sexual relationships with other people yet because everything is still so fresh and raw? Or is it really the "cheating" idea that bothers you?

I have to agree with those who have said if your husband has left your marriage, there's no chance of reconciliation and divorce is imminent, common sense says that you're morally free to be involved with other people. However, if you're not comfortable having a sexual relationship with someone else at this point, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - you should only date or have sex when you're fully ready to do so because rushing into it could take a huge toll on you emotionally.

Maybe you can find a happy medium that feels right to you while you're waiting for your divorce to be finalized and your heart to heal, though. For instance, perhaps you could find a friend to share physical intimacy with without having sex, or going to whatever places don't feel right to you. Sex might not be a good choice for you until you've healed more, but maybe hugging, kissing, cuddling and even something like mutual/shared masturbation would suit your physical and emotional needs. It totally depends on your specific definition of "cheating" and obviously you'd need to make your intentions crystal clear up-front and ensure your partner in physical touch would respect your boundaries (if you are open to women, they might be a better choice for this kind of thing than men), but maybe it'd be a good compromise for you.

 

[prettiprinces76]

It is still very raw and, while I know that and am coping, it still slaps me in the face from time to time. I know if my head that he is gone and since he is cheating, good riddance, but I also know that I'm still married. I can't give him the ammunition he could use to ruin me, but I also can't give him the satisfaction of having a way to prove he was "right" to walk away. And I'm just not the type of person to cheat. A marriage may just be a state of mind or emotion, but it's still something I take seriously. I may feel differently 6 months into this......


The idea of having someone to meet the intimacy needs, even if it's not the physical ones, is a good idea. It's been a long time since anyone but my kids or my friends have hugged me or even just held my hand. I read somewhere that a spouse cheating is not the cause of a marriage breaking up but rather just a symptom. It's really stuck with me that I need to deal with my issues so I don't make the same mistakes when I do go out to find someone.

It's been helpful to get other perspectives from people posting on this. I appreciate the input!!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Marriage is a commitment NOT an appliance you replace occasionally.

Beware of this: Jumping into sex for sex will corrode your spirit in time.

 

[NomadLady]

Being walked out on is never easy. Happened to me over 10 years ago so I know what you are going through. Any one night stands or friends with benefits realtionships are not going to fill the emotional hole in your life. They might help with the temporary loneliness but in the end when they leave your bed...the pain will return.

Take the time you need to heal, then look for a real relationship.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Being walked out on is never easy. Happened to me over 10 years ago so I know what you are going through. Any one night stands or friends with benefits realtionships are not going to fill the emotional hole in your life. They might help with the temporary loneliness but in the end when they leave your bed...the pain will return.

Take the time you need to heal, then look for a real relationship.

Well said babe, good to see you back, even if it's just for a quick visit.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Touch Matters

Touch matters. Take the time and schedule a spa visit for a nice massage.