How do I calm his nerves?

[Needssome]

Hey everybody! My guy is kinda new to the whole sex thing and just seems really nervous everytime we have sex and basically cums really quickly. The first time we had sex was the first time he'd lasted for more than a minute. Unfortunately, it wasn't much longer than that. I've tried taking the lead and getting on top, performing oral sex on him first (he lasted less than 30 seconds there) and he doesn't seem to be any less nervous. I keep telling him that he's fine, I'm not expecting perfection and that he's doing everything else right. It's just getting frustrating because I want him to stop worrying that he's doing everything wrong and to start enjoying himself and me as well! Does anybody have any suggestions about how I can ease his fears beyond doing him night and day so he forgets he's nervous? Thanks for any help you can give!

 

[P. B. Walker]

Sounds like he's new to the whole being naked and having sex thing. Try having a few "naked days" (days you spent totally naked all day together). That should help him get used to be naked with you. You might also try giving him a long slow sensual massage first. Use some lotion or massage oil. Set the mood. Turn the lights low and put on some good music. Get him to the point where he's very relaxed but aroused. Start with him on his stomach, then after massaging his back, butt, and legs, move to him on his back. While he's on his stomach don't forget to tease his butt and crack and balls. Start slow once he's on his stomach, massaging without touching his cock. Work you way to the point of stroking him off... and then keep stroking him so he keeps he's erection, and mount him then. He should last long enough that second time.

You should also look into doing exercises that will help him prolong his orgasm. I'm sure you can find several on the web and on this forum. Hope that helps.

- PBW

 

[dreamer]

PLAY

Play!! Stop worring about oral sex, intercourse, stroking...whever and just play. It continues to amaze me how people get to the stage of having sex with each other and can still feel uncomfortable with each other. Try spending time alone, just enjoying each other. Get to know each others bodies and have fun!!

TALK TO EACH OTHER.
It ain't rocket science. What would he do if you snuck up on him naked and squirted chocolate on him? Or smacked him on the ass, leading him on a merry chase around the house? Showers and baths together can be great sexually charged fun w/o the pressure of needing to get off. Try washing each others hair, and working down Can you name ALL his ticklish spots?? Which lip is his favourite? (I'm a fan of a nice full lip)

These things may sound insane, but having that KIND of level of comfort with someone will only make sex that much better. As for the speed issus, well if that continues to be a problem there are techniques for treating it as a problem and learning to last longer. Or in addition, learn to take care of your needs together before/after.

Good luck, and enjoy each other.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

An ex (damn I have a lot of them) hadn't been with a woman in two years. This led to a similar problem. Luckily he had great recuperative powers. If your guys comes quickly the first time, can he gain a second erection that will last longer? This a solution both myself and my best friend have used when necessary.

As a guy who is new the whole sex/wow there's a real live naked chick and she wants ME/oh my god I'm naked in front of a girl/etc he's going to have trouble at first...he just needs to get used to the whole thing.

Another solution would be to have "foreplay nights" where both of you get naked but don't have sex....kiss, cuddle, play, tease, learn each other's bodies. Like dreamer said "can you name his ticklish spots?" Talk talk talk talk...it's often as sensual as foreplay.

Get him comfy with nakedness and then if he's still having the problems let us know...there are solutions for that too.

 

[SexySlut2]

Hopefully his premature ejaculation is just due to his inexperience, if this is the case then there are several things you can do to prolong the pleasure for both of you.
There is a 'squeeze technique', during masterbation or a hand job if you are doing it for him, when he feels like he is going to cum, squeeze right below the head, or the base, (which ever works better for him). After the feeling subsides, continue stroking. Do this several times before giving in to the orgasm.
The other one is a 'stop & start technique' simply stop all stimulation until the feeling passed and then continue.
After awhile he should have excellent control over his orgasms,which will give you much more enjoyment!!